A Cup of Cold Water

A Little Child Will Lead Them

2012-01-30T06:58:00.000-08:00

"Mom, at the last minute I put dollars in the bag." Julia softly and carefully shared her act of bold love from the back seat. "You did?" "Yup. I put a 10, a 5, and a 1...that's, let's see, 16 dollars." So it was her all along.

Our director issued a lost change challenge to help with the cost of our dear friend's adoption. Our whole Classical Conversations community brought in loose change to contribute. At the end of the day we were counting it, and folks were commenting on the dollars in our bag. I wasn't paying much attention to much and had no idea where the dollars came from, but knew it wasn't me. I brought change. It was a competition so we were all laughing that someone broke the rules. Our community raised a whopping $339.00 to bring little Zoe Amaris home and I certainly think that's nothing to sneeze at. That was, predominately change! Then the dollars.

I wasn't sure what to say. I felt like she had been so kind and selfless. It's not like she gets money everyday, we're certainly not handing it out! "What made you want to put dollars in at the last minute, Jules?" She was gazing out the window and almost whispered, "Well, I put some change in, and it wasn't that much and something just didn't feel right." In my minds eye I can see her reaching into her little wallet, her little savings to participate in a cause that she believes in. Bringing a little one home. Where did she get that sort of generosity? I didn't even feel like I could be proud...because I didn't do anything. I felt humbled that I get to be a part of her life. Honestly, I felt like I had to give her money back or repay her or something. But, wouldn't that totally undo the work that God began? Doesn't He say that all the believers came together and gave all that they had so that no one was without. She commented that when we meet Zoe for the first time she'll know that she played a part in bringing her home. Imagine that day. When that entire family is united for the first time and all of the people that will rally around so full of love because we've been talking about her, calling her by name...loving her before we even laid eyes on her. And Julia just wanted to be a part of that. How about you?

This weekend we were part of a Trot to Adopt fundraiser and I totally dropped the ball and neglected to get sponsors and while I was standing in this crowd of excited families I thought, "I robbed folks." There are bigger things going on around us. Bigger than my piles of laundry and my little broken and dirty world. There are families to be put together...children to be brought home. Chairs to be filled and beds to be "tucked in." So, for those of you who would like to contribute to the Wilkerson's, please head over via the link below and chip in. Maybe all you have is change...it adds up. Maybe you have some dollars...those add up too. They have been on this journey for a long time and have asked a lot of people. So, I'm asking you. Maybe you would rather give to someone that you know, so that you can,like Julia see the little one and share in their life knowing that you played a small part. I just want to encourage you to share. Jesus will certainly make up the difference.

This is the the link, I was told that the donation part will be up for a week.

This is a link to Audrey's blog with a sweet little video with the big brothers hoping to bring their sister home...SOON!
Have a great day!!!

He loves me.

2012-01-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

I remember when I realized that he loved me better than I loved him and when I finally found rest in that fact. I knew that he would love me like Jesus loved the Church. Selfless and beautiful even though my heart was wounded and incomplete. My heart was still tangled with another love. A young love that was strong and real. He loved me knowing that he wasn't my first love. He loved me knowing that the ghosts in this town sometimes bump into my life, catching me off guard and throwing me off kilter. Then there was the breakthrough. The confession that set me free and changed my view of marriage. I shared that I had been, for 5 years, silently mourning the loss of my best friend. The relationship that God called me to lay down and never pick up again broke my heart. He listened to me cry and pulled me even closer. How bold is his love? How is that possible? Since that time we have welcomed more babies and more adventures and still he loves me better. He is kinder and gentler and more generous when he scoops ice cream. He is tender when I am bruised and firm when I am doubtful. He laughs with me and trusts me. So, today when the dog rolled in poop...AGAIN, I thought, "I'll let Mike deal with that when he comes home." It caught me. Really? He's been gone all day, I'm going to dinner with friends and I'm going to leave him with the 4 kids and a poopy dog? After all he has done to love me well? So, I will bathe the dog and something else...everyday he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and for the most part he makes that himself. He doesn't love packing his own lunch. Neither do I. Couldn't I do that, though? Couldn't that small act of kindness show the man of my life that I'm thinking of him. When he comes home and finds his sandwich made and ready, would that bless his heart? More importantly, would that lead to greater acts of kindness that would preserve my marriage and our love for one another? I bet it could. I bet it will. So, along with other random resolutions I will make one in particular. I will pack his lunch. I will not let go first when he stops me in the kitchen to hug me and tell me that he loves me. I will not believe that anything is more important that the institution of marriage. I will receive his sweet and unconditional love. Have you seen marriages crumble around you? I have. Have you seen the enemy's attach on the Church in this area? We are hardly different than the rest of the world. How about you? Any small acts of kindness that will communicate how thankful you are for the man God gave you? The world is watching us. Waiting to see a difference. Let's give it something to talk about!

Merry, Merry Christmas

2011-12-19T16:56:00.000-08:00

So, we decided to do something a little different this year and send post cards with the link to the blog for our Christmas letter. We are having small problems getting out of town and the postcards don't have stamps yet, but here is the letter. So, you may get a postcard...who knows...but Merry Christmas from our house to yours!

Are all these yours?” She asked me with a strong accent in the parking lot of the grocery store. I looked around to find out where the question came from, smiled widely and replied, “Yes, they sure are!” “Ohh!” She squealed with delight, “You are so lucky!” I brimmed with joy and replied, “I sure am!”

Here in the Bible belt it’s sort of frowned upon to say that you are lucky. We all believe that every good thing that happens is a “blessing” from God. We aren’t in Vegas hoping for the best, we’re on earth, and receiving every good thing from an incredibly gracious God. May I, however, be honest here? I feel really stinkin’ lucky! I know that all that I have comes from God. I know that rain or shine He is giving me all things. I am aware of Him in my everyday and I am so very thankful, but the way I feel is simply, “Lucky.” You know the feeling when you put on those jeans from last year and you find a 10 dollar bill? Or that you buttoned those jeans from last year? You know that feeling? That’s how I feel.

When the angel appeared to Mary and gave her the biggest news ever, she waits a few months and then she visits her cousin Elizabeth and she bursts into song, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me-holy is His name.” Luke 1:46-49. She’s elated…thrilled…full…does she feel lucky? I won’t suppose to know, I just think the way she responded is powerful, challenging and I wish I could respond to everything with such astonishment.

I’ve not won the lottery, we haven’t struck black gold…Texas Tea, we’re barely coming out of this year ahead of when we started, but dang…I’m lucky…here are a few things, people rather, that make me feel lucky.

Mike. He’s teaching P.E. and walks through the door everyday glad to be here. I might be in my pj’s, dishes in the sink, but we’re happy and he’s glad to be back with the Team he loves. He loves to build things and chop things and grow things and I love watching how God made him to think and create. I’m one lucky woman!

Anson. That boy. He was 9 this year and his new favorite subject is Latin. He was wired to learn and I try as best I can to stoke his educational fires, and then when I can do no more…we’ll play a game…one that I can win!!! He’ll read practically anything, loves adventures in the woods and is a pretty good big brother.

Julia. Oh, Julia. She’s seven. Today she changed sweaters because the one she had on was too fancy. She has opinions about practically everything and without her two front teeth she’ll melt even the hardest heart. She is catching up on Anson academically and I can throw most any book at her and she’ll gladly read it. Recently she has really been enjoying the American Girl books. She and “Ell Bell” will disappear for hours playing with their dolls. She’s a treasure of a daughter.

Ella. Good grief is she ever nuts! She is 5 years old now! Our Sunday afternoon eatery is a little Mexican restaurant and we always eat outside. She loves to dance in the reflection of the doors completely unaware of the show she’s giving those dining inside! She’s a hoot! Her curls fall carelessly around her face giving her one of the most beautiful frames a face could have. She makes up her own words and I have just about given up on her ever speaking proper English. She “taked” a shower, “Maked” her bed and sometimes, she told my dad, “Sometimes her feet just be dirty!” I wish I could say someone else was teaching her…but it’s me!!! Oh mercy!!!

Our newest addition is Sweet Caroline. She made her way into our hearts way before she made her way into the world. She arrived on June 17th around 1:30. She was one of our bigger babies at 9 pounds 10 ounces and she has us all twitterpated and feeling rather lucky. She can barely see anything because there is almost always someone in her face. I hear, “May I pick her up? May I hold her? It was my turn!” Several times each day and for that I am grateful and usually only mildly annoyed. She laughs, drools and screams…you know, the normal baby stuff. She’s super!

Me? Well, it’s business as usual I suppose. I continue to learn more and more each year and I’m thankful for that. I won’t say that my days are easy as pie and that every day is dreamy. I choose joy a good bit, and when I don’t, I have 4 people reminding me that I should. We read a lot, sing a lot, eat lunch with Grandma, just sort of roll easy. I enjoy a good book, long walks on the beach and dinner served on fine china. I will, however, settle for the book, a quick trip to the beach and dinner on chinette!
I know some years are harder than others. I know that people are sick, and leave us for their heavenly home. I know money is short and months are long. I know that, and I get that, but I hope that there are some things that make you think, “Dang, I’m lucky.” Then, like Mary I pray that we will all burst into a song that glorifies the Lord.

One lucky duck,
Ali

One Big Disappointment?

2011-12-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

"A baby? You sent a baby? We've been oppressed for hundreds of years and we are now under the rule of the cruelest yet and you send us a king with a diaper?" Can you imagine? They were waiting on someone to come and obliterate their enemies. Someone that would show up and show off. Put the Romans in their place and show them that the Jewish people were not to be messed with...they had a King. But, alas, a baby. He couldn't make decrees, order armies, or conquer the enemy. Just a big disappointment. Then you look closer.

"It's not just any baby. It's mine. It's my only Son. Not only that, it's Me. I left my throne, put on your filthy diseased flesh and laid myself in a dirty feed trough. Just to know you better. Just to know you and to rescue you from that filthy diseased flesh and pull you out of your dirty feed trough of a life."

Just not the plan of people was it? We have the wonderful gift of the entire picture. We have, in black and white, the Old and New Testament. The big picture bound in bonded leather sitting on our tables. What did they have? Enemies, big ones. Hopes of a King coming in with bulging biceps and wielding a powerful sword crushing everyone but His own. Instead...a baby.

I love the plan. John says that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word WAS God and that it, the Word, came a dwelt among Men...in the darkness. The light came into the darkness...pierced it like a sword. There He was in order to feel the wind, and the sting of the murderous threats, to throw tables and calm seas. To walk the dirt, experience hunger and fatigue and He even wept. Then it came time for Him to lay that bruised body down, spread those calloused hands wide and breathe this wretched air once more. Then, oh blessed rest of the story! He defeats the death that has been threatening since that devastating day in the garden when man chose himself. He beats it down, chases it to hell and leaves it in the dank and dark depths to never haunt His people again. He handled the enemy all right. Once and for all He took care of the enemy. Thank you Jesus!

A baby. I have a baby now and she has to eat and sleep and be changed and carried and one day she'll hear the wonderful story of the baby that now is our bread, our rest, the One who changes us and carries us. The One who sits at the right hand of our Father and pleads for us with those scarred hands. He knows our journey. He knows how it smells here. He knows how it feels. He knows joy and sorrow and He knows how tight this flesh can feel sometimes. All because He came as a baby. A King. The Promise. The Savior. Our Redeemer and Comforter. Our Emmanuel...God with us.

I love His plan.

For those of you interested...

2011-10-26T13:01:00.001-07:00

So, a little bit of background on me...I am NOSEY!!! I love to read the blogs of folks I don't know and look at their pictures and enjoy their stories. I have even read the posts that give a random glimpse into a day in their life. So, I thought I would share a little snapshot for you.

When people find out we homeschool (I don't keep it a secret, just when it leaks out) they almost always say, "Oh, I could never do that!" Now, you might think after spending time with my children academically that all we do is school...however, get my kids in another setting and you'll hear the practical jokes, the songs, dances and desserts that we enjoy all day long. So, for those of you that don't have a minute, go read something inspirational...come back to this some other time, but for those of you waiting on the laundry to dry or something like that...this will kill a few minutes. So, welcome to a day in the life of Team Wessner.

I rouse around 6:00. Mike hits the snooze several times, so it's not until 6:53 that I actually get up. I usually have to sit up and then lay down again before I get started. Some of you may remember that we eat our big dinner meal in the morning so I had to get up to get our taco salad started. My Caroline slept through the night and I was grateful, but ready to feed her...know what I mean? So, I wander into the kitchen, discovering that my crap fairies have disappeared and everything that was out when I went to bed is still out. Oh, well...such is the life. So, start breakfast...greet Miss Ella, she's always the first one up. She snuggled up to read some books. Got everything out and on the table, Mike woke the other 2 kids up and then Miss Caroline popped her little head up...she must of heard I was about to sit down to eat my breakfast. So, I grabbed her up and fed her whilst the rest of my family ate. Fortunately for me, I am the little old lady that lives in a shoe with my many children and I could still be with them because our living room and dining room are really the same room. We listened to Proverbs on the Listener's Bible and then Mike headed off to work.

So, now it's just me. In my jambos (that's what we call pajamas...but it means hello in an African language. So, when folks see me in my jambos I'm like, "Hello!") I just wanted to point out that I wasn't up and dressed with makeup and shoes by 7:00. Sometimes I am, but my super powers wane. Caroline was happy now with a full belly, so I decided I should eat. It was delicious. I love waking up to a yummy meal. Although I know some of you think it would be super gross. It's super not! So she chilled in her saucer and played with Ella while I ate. Anson and Julia are, at this point, hoping I don't notice them curled up with some of their new library books. They are the luckiest kids! My belly was now full and I felt as though I could start the day. So, I remembered that my sweet little baby hadn't been bathed in an unmentionable amount of time, so I decided to give her a bath. The bathroom is messy...dang it! I scrubbed her up and got her in some clean britches and she was ready to go back to bed. Oh to be 4 months old!!!

Once Caroline was back in bed Ella thought it would be fun to take a bath. The only problem was that the hot water was tired of coming out, so it sent the cold water and Ella was so not digging it. I finally got her calmed down and explained she would simply have to wait. It's 8:30 and I had turned on GMA while I was getting Caroline dressed and Anson wandered into my room (where the TV and Caroline are stored) and wanted to see the Extreme Makeover thing. He got under my covers and looked so cozy that once I left the room I left him there with the bedside table light on and his book. The TV was off.

Now was the perfect time to snuggle up with my Ella to read some of our new library books. We went to the library yesterday and maxed out my card (you can have 50 books) and now we are gobbling up our new treasures! We read 3 books while Julia read her new Molly book (American Girl) and then Ella decided that the tub was probably ready.

So, she jumped in the tub and I thought that now would be a great time to work with my older kids on their Bible studies. We use the Kay Arthur and Janna Arndt Inductive Bible Studies for Kids. They require some work, but we've been studying the Bible with them for 4 years. Anson is studying Joseph, Isaac and someone else...it's Genesis and Julia just started with Esther. Anson works on his own and I am teaching Julia. Today when we were finished we googled some of the stones and marble that is mentioned in chapter 1 of Esther to find out how lavish King Ahasuerus' banquet really was. It WAS!!! So, we finished up with those (I set the timer for 25 minutes because sometimes they can take much longer...we don't try to get a full lesson finished, we just work until our time is up.) Let me interject something here...I have to fight my flesh to make this a priority. It is hard to say, "We are doing this first." I have to fight the desire to get the "real" stuff done and then do Bible. The Bible is the "real" stuff and if we don't have the mind of Christ, none of the other stuff will make sense. He holds all things together. So, the timer beeped...Ella is out of the tub and now Julia wants to get in.

I just realized that this might be my window for bathing and told Julia to go easy on the hot water because I was going to scub a dub dub right quick. I wrote Anson's list on the white board (the small board that is stored in between my computer armoire and small chest freezer...awesome, I know) It read, "Thank you notes:3, Copywork: History, Geography: trace new states and practice drawing the US freehand Math: 15's and there was one more thing...what was it? Oh, Math worksheets. We are working on mastering the basics. Anson is mastering multiplication and Julia is mastering addition. A simple thing that will reap huge rewards! So, I hopped in my luke warm shower thinking of my cousin in Cameroon and trying not to complain. Oh, Caroline was stirring, this had to be quick. So, Julia is in her tub, Anson is at the table and Ella is cleaning her room. I got dressed and it was time for Caroline to eat again. I would like to mention that my breakfast dishes were still on teh counter and the laundry was not yet sorted on the kitchen floor...I'm so efficient that my kitchen doubles as my laundry room. I know, right?

So, I let the baby yell at me while I was drying my hair and then brought her out to feed her. Anson was working steadily on his thank you notes and Julia was soaking. I reminded Julia she did have some work to do. Anson doesn't have to do Language when he's writing thank you notes. It's a rule I have for not making myself crazy. I want thank you notes done right, so I make time. While I was feeding Caroline I called out Anson's spelling words (Sequential Spelling and we usually do it out loud). I reminded Julia again that she should get out of the tub. It's about
10:45. Let me think. Finished feeding Caroline and went to check out Ella's room. Not quite sure what she did other than move some piles, but she wasn't asked to do it and she was thrilled...so I put on my happy face. What's next?

I think I started the laundry at this point and checked Anson's math. Still haven't touched the dishes. Got Julia going on her list and realized that she has a crummy attitude. She says that everything is taking too long...I remind her of her bath. She and I work on her First Language Lessons while Ella and Caroline played. Now it's approaching lunch time and Anson has Latin at 1:30, I better get a move on. Caroline is ready to go back to bed at 12:00 so I know we aren't going to leave early to meet friends at the park. I give Kelli a call to let her know I'll pick Jackson up and drop my older girls off with her at the new park. Julia is left to finish her language while I start lunch. We have assorted sandwiches, some pineapples with brown sugar and crackers. I am somewhat of a short order cook at lunch time. I think everyone should enjoy lunch especially because I don't enjoy making it. So, I make a special effort to make it delicious. I toast em' broil em' and put them on the waffle iron (it's like a panini). So, all of our school work is shoved to the center of the table while we eat. I eat standing up today (this is uncommon) because my sandwich was still being waffle makered and I was finally working on the breakfast dishes. I sat down for a minute while Julia was finishing her copy work and had to discuss her heart...again. She misjudged how much room she would need for her work and would need to do it over in order for it to be done correctly. Sorry. You need to repent of your attitude and choose joy.

Move the laundry over and load the dishwasher. Let the kids know we have to leave before too long. Anson walked the dog and I did the girls hair. The laundry is simply sitting in baskets in my "laundry room" and I look forward to folding it tonight while I watch Modern Family. We got everything put away, well, mostly, as I look around I still see a copywork book and some Latin not to mention wooden beads and our new Slugs and Bugs CD. So, we head out the door. We pick up our neighbor (how crazy that our neighbor goes to Latin too?) Today we didn't take the other Latin student, but his sister for her Math tutoring. She's super sweet.

Dropped by the park to pick up Jackson and unload my girls and then dropped the 3 off where they needed to be. Now, back to the park. It's a nice new park, so there are many friends there. It's still upper eighties here, so it was a nice day to be there. I got Caroline fed...again...and then got to catch up with an old friend that I haven't seen a while. It was a real treat. Kelli left to get the folks at Latin/Math and now they are back and playing. I really needed to get home...but it was NICE! We finally left around 3:30 and I stopped for a Coke (a guilty pleasure). So, got home, changed little Miss Caroline, laid her down and the other kids could read quietly since it was too late for them to actually sleep. Julia is so sweet she read many books to Ella and Anson finished two of his. I don't think either one of them was Where the Red Fern Grows which is what he is to be finishing. Oh, the laundry...I moved it and I'm sad that I didn't wash diapers today because it was a great day to hang the diapers. But, the whole hot water thing threw that idea. It will be sunny again...I'm certain of it.

So, I sat here and spent an hour typing my day. The kids are now outside playing in our awesome swing and whatever else they can come up with in our backyard. I did send Ella to her room for yelling at her sister while typing this...just told Julia not to hog the jumprope while going to the bathroom. Do you really need a jumprope in the bathroom or are you simply trying to keep it from your sister? No, Ella, no popsicles. I missed the times that I checked my e-mail, snacked on something yummy or sat watching the kids. We didn't look up the Dred Scott Decision, Compromise of 1850 or the Fugitive Slave Act to learn more about our history sentence. Julia didn't get to her geography or spelling and Ella didn't get her reading lesson. Not today. I can do it all...on different days! So, it's 5:00 and Mike should be home soon. He stopped by the PeachMac store for an IPad for work. Hmmm and should be home soon. Maybe we'll go ride bikes, or play outside and then we'll finish off the day with Daddy reading the next chapter in Little Britches and the kids coloring their giant Halloween coloring book. Once they are in bed I'll pack lunches for tomorrow for our field trip to see Cinderella put on by Storyland theatre. I might get the laundry folded, but probably not put away. Oh, and I did vacuum the bathroom floor, but it was wet, so I just used a towel and "mopped" it instead.

So, what do you think? It's totally possible for anyone to do what I do. You just have to know yourself, know your kids and be willing to enjoy your days rather than enjoy checking off a list of things to get done. Some folks do a lot more than me. Some do a lot less. I did stop asking, though, cause I'm just gonna do what I can do. I plan on home-educating until the kids leave, so I need to pace myself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Thanks for reading...now, go enjoy something!!!

Born Again.and again.and again.and again.

2011-10-18T18:55:00.001-07:00

No, I only asked Jesus into my heart once, I know I don't need to be born many times! This is the last day of birthday season for us. Well, there is one more birthday in November, but as far as the kids go...today was the last day. Today Ella turned five. She got to get her ears pierced and was a little nervous that she might not be five tomorrow. She is too funny. This morning we didn't have to pack lunches for co-op, so we had some time. I found the DVD from her first birthday and also a disc Mike made of pictures of her birth. I looked at myself in those pictures and as unselfishly as possible I thought, "That day was about me, too." I was born again. With each child something new births in me. I am not the same. The minute they show me that little person I become someone new. I have to change to accomodate the new role. I have to bend to my new responsibilities. I become a little more who God made me to be. For example:

Anson: I became a scheduler. I LOVE to fly by the seat of my pants, but I became the nap nazi with my little man. I wanted to be sure that he slept and ate and "waked" when he was supposed to...and he did! My joy was intensified with every new day. He was happy and compliant and smart! Not to mention a good lookin' boy. I became a Mom with Anson. I began learning about small pieces and taking temperatures and getting up from a dead sleep to make sure that all was well. I watched Three's Company in the middle of the night and mourned when John Ritter died because he had become a friend to me during those late night feedings. I became convinced that I could not balance working outside of our home and became convinced that I was made to be a wife and a mother. I was in love.

Julia: I became a task master. I always had to be just a little bit ahead of those two. I needed to have lunch ready before they were and get them to nap before we all fell to pieces. I became more feminine than I realized. I figured out how to make bows and I made them...a lot of them! She got sick with a nasty bone infection and I became an advocate for my children. I realized that no one is going to speak up for them but me. I became a little crazy. My anger emerged and I realized I scream. I became the woman that I had judged for so long. Anson didn't prepare me for tantrums. I became normal.

Ella: I became rather busy. I learned how to cram many people into my lap to read books and realized that bed-time was for everyone. I realized that I need Jesus to control my temper and that little girls with curly hair are nuts!!! I became a Mom that had to start thinking for others and spreading my time a little bit. I had to start deciding what was the best way to spend my time because I didn't have very much of it anymore. I became submerged in my world of Mom. Parks and playdates and libraries oh my! I loved it...and struggled at the same time. I began wishing for the "easy" days that I was sure were before me. I longed to sleep until my body woke me up and struggled sharing myself. I learned that Jesus is the only way and that when my children see me ask for forgiveness they begin to understand that Jesus is for everyone. I became a discipler.

Caroline: I became thankful. I welcome the mess and the night feedings, the tantrums (we don't have those yet which is why I can say bring it on...my memory fails me a bit). I became aware of how fleeting this life really is and that I do have time to watch my baby smile and talk and even wash diapers. I have time right now. This is the only time I have and I want to wring it out and relish every dirty, stinking, wonderful minute of this 24/7 job. I think that I am becoming a mother. Slowly. One person at a time. God is shaping and molding me more and more into a Mom. Yup. I'm just plain thankful.

With each child I feel as though my emotions are intensified a bit more. My joy, my anger, my fear, my contentment. Good or bad I feel more intensely. I love them and hate sin which threatens them on a daily basis. It's bizarre how they have changed me. Or maybe they haven't changed me. Perhaps they have developed me. They have been used by God to mold me more and more into who I was really already. The person that I was molded to be. With His help and for His glory I pray that I fully become Alison Wessner. I hope these kids like what they have helped create!!! :)

Note: The pictures are NOT in order. From top to bottom they are Caroline, Ella, Julia and then Anson. I didn't have a picture of Anson with me in the hospital. They were on another site that dropped them in a dark hole somewhere in the cyber world. Hmmmm

Her Last Two Dollars.

2011-09-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

"Mom, how do you spell 'dear'?" She was spread out on the floor in front of me with her pencil and paper in hand. I was feeding the baby and really didn't want to dictate and talk about which side the stick goes on or why the eraser doesn't work.
"Ella, honey, if you want to write a letter bring me a piece of paper and I'll write it and you can copy it." So, I wrote the letter one handedly. It was sweet. We had a surprise guest this last weekend and she had given him some of her special rocks and he accidentally forgot them. She wanted to send them to him.

The special guest was my dad, Pop. He flew down to celebrate Julia's birthday and we were thrilled to have his company. Especially Ella. She loves him. So she gave him some of her favorite rocks.

She was folding up her letter, retrieving the envelope, just getting her little letter all ready and then she asked where her wallet was. I never know where their things are and I didn't ask what she needed it for when suddenly she was back at my side with the letter in hand. "Write, you each get a dollar." Her curls are crazy lovely falling around her face and I swear her eyes know how to smile. She was enclosing 2 dollars. One for Pop, and one for GramPam. I really could have cried. She's saving for an American Girl Doll (I hope she still digs them when she's 18 because that's how long it will take her) but her last two dollars were lovingly slipped into an envelope with a bunch of rocks.

I saw it. Right then I saw it. I've understood the principle, but I don't think I've seen it as purely as I did just then. My father doesn't need her dollar. I mean, he's the guy that actually puts dollar bills into tip jars at restaurants that don't serve. Pam doesn't need the dollar either. They have what they need and Ella's dollar isn't going to enable them to do more or see more or have more. They are capable of meeting their own needs. They will, however, be humbled at her love offering. That's really what it was...a love offering. It was a, "Hey, I have this and it's the most important thing to me...so I'm giving it to you because I love you more."

The verse that flipped in my mind what, "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands." Acts 17:24. The Lord doesn't need my money. He doesn't need my stuff. Another verse that just came to mind while sitting here was from Isaiah, " I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, 10 for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. 11 I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine. 12 If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it." It's a love offering. It's me as a little girl looking around and saying, "What do I love? That's what I'll give."

I struggle to give over what we have set aside to give. I battle with committing to "pledges" and things of that nature. Ella didn't think twice. It never crossed her mind that she'd be set back a bit. Her face said it all. She was glad to give it, thrilled to give.

Whew, that girl continues to teach me a ton.

Lord, make me a beautiful giver. One who doesn't count the cost, but only the joy there is in giving.

Hard, but good?

2011-09-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

It was almost a joke how we would respond to questions in college. There were many of us that made some pretty tough choices after coming to know the Lord. Tough. We responded that things were, "Hard, but good." Funny...how is that, really? I think it's still true. If you were to ask me how things are lately that may be how I answer you, "Hard, but good."

I've been walking with Jesus since January 16, 1997. I've never wandered too far from Him although there have been times when we're more like church friends than best friends. We just get cozy. We moved into this house over 6 years ago to get out of debt. We have remained debt free (except for our house) ever since. We have also grown as a family ever since. Our house is a great size...for another family. I finally admitted that we are too big for our home and have come to terms with that. I was finally able to put words to my battle. It was the battle of abundance. I couldn't reconcile my abundance when I knew that there were many who had so much less. I knew people were raising larger families in smaller spaces and some women on the other side of the world were walking away from their dying babies because there was no water...and we dump water out of our swimming pool every couple of days because it's "dirty." My response was to feel guilty for what we had. I have found that route only brings condemnation. I realized the real way to reconcile abundance is through gratitude. I must give thanks or it is all wasted. I must praise the Giver of my gifts or it is all for nought. So, we are selling our house. So, we are cleaning out our house...and schooling and having our regular life swirling around us. Soccer, playdates, lunch, naps, books...boxes, boxes, boxes. Hard, but good. Hard in that I have trusted in our smaller mortgage to keep us above water. I haven't trusted the One who walks on water. I have believed that our needs would be met because we were living within our means, not because God gave us our means to live within. I'm nervous. I'm thrilled. If this house sells it will be because He sold it. I'm looking for Him again and you know what...I'm finding Him. We sell our selves short when we settle in to our status quo. We provide for ourselves and suddenly He becomes a super friend that got us out of that eternal bind we were in. When we sit back and settle in we stop looking for the Divine encounters that He plans for us on a daily basis. How every plan that is changed and every day that is rearranged is done because He is sovereign. Hard...but good.

How is homeschooling? "Hard, but good." Do you know what an "antecedent" is? Do you even know if I spelled it correctly? I sure don't. I'm hoping we'll need this information. (Let me just interrupt here and say that I am babysitting my sister's bulldog and she is scaring the crap out of me because it's 1:30 in the morning and she is snoring like a grown man...CREEPY) Ella is sort of wandering around bored (yeah, I said it) and I'm still adjusting to having two real schoolers. Did I mention boxes? It's good because when I freak out because my super smart son doesn't know how to load the dishwasher, I can ask him for forgiveness and he smiles at me and grants it. It's hard because somedays I would rather just do what I want to do and that includes, but is not limited to...laying in bed and staring out my window, watching daytime T.V., wandering around Target and reading a book while eating a meal someplace. I don't like coffee, but Starbucks looks like one of the coolest places ever. Probably not with kids, though. I am having to lay down my life for these kids. Wait, no...I GET to lay down my life for these kids. They are messy and a little lazy...they leave panties on the floor and jelly on the counter. They don't move fast enough and they are starting to smell like they need a shower in the mornin' and the evenin'. Hard, but good.

How is my walk with Jesus? Hard, but good. I struggle to see clearly. I struggle to walk in the Spirit and not in my flesh. It is really hard for me to believe, on some days, that He is able. Good...I know that His promises are true and that He CANNOT leave me or forsake me. I know that even though Ruby is scaring the fool out of me, my Savior, the One who watches over Israel, will neither slumber nor sleep. He knows that I am scared about moving, and wildly excited about a bigger kitchen. He knows my needs and will NOT give me what is going to hurt me. I suppose the real answer should be that I am hard...I am difficult. I don't listen carefully and make suggestions to the God of the Universe. Yes, I am tough...but He, Oh man, He is good.

Yes, the pics don't go with the post...just showing off a bit of the good! She's 2 1/2 months old now!!!

It's all broken!!!

2011-08-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

It started with hearing little feet pattering around prematurely. If the sun isn't up, why are they? I always get ready for dealing with a cranky person when that happens, well, 2 cranky people including myself! Then I tried to turn the stinkin' light on in the living room and the chain was over extended, and wouldn't turn the light on. The floor was littered with the stuff of life and folks weren't fired up about chili for breakfast. "Durn it Mike! Would you please fix that chain? I shouldn't have to pull a kitchen chair in here everytime I want to turn the light on! It's making me crazy." His response irritates me further, "Ali, it's not broken. It just doesn't work properly." Hmmm. Really? It just doesn't work properly? "Yeah, Mike, another word for that is...BROKEN!!!" He continues to argue (which is rather unlike him) that the light isn't broken, it simply malfunctions from time to time. "Call it what you want, Babe, it's broken to me and it's making me nuts."

It was then time to sit down to breakfast (y'all know we eat "dinner" food in the morning which is why it was chili) and read the Bible and pray for our kids and show them what it's like to put Jesus first and I just wanted to go back to bed. I bowed to pray, mostly because I wanted to get on with the torture of making people eat that which they do not, and said, "Lord, I say I'm frustrated, but what I really am is broken. Please help us, heal us...fix us I pray that we wouldn't make up excuses masking what is really wrong. Please. Amen."

We make excuses for practically everything. If my kids are cranky they are "tired" if they are snatchy they are "struggling with sharing" if they are lippy they are "trying to communicate" when really all of us are broken. Now, nothing is ever a perfect analogy...on our own we are a broken mess. I do have Christ's righteousness rather than my sin when it comes down to it, but in this world, in this life, before glory...I malfunction from time to time. I get angry and say things like, "What is wrong with your English that when I say, 'Get into the van' you 3 stand around chatting on the porch?" I say it loud and ugly and then look around to see if any of my neighbors heard me. I choose to check e-mail rather than read a book to the children begging for my attention. I get frustrated when lights malfunction and when children are "tired" and when my husband is late. We can call it whatever fancy word we can think of. We can make up excuses until we are blue in the face, but this world got a crack in it when the father of lies whispered seductively into the ears of our first parents, that "God didn't really say that."

He's working though. All of creation knows that it's coming. The reckoning. The day when it's all set right for good and forever and there are no more malfunctions. No more "Will you forgive me?" No more guilty consciences and shame. We have the hope now. We hope for that day. We have peace from God for sure. I know that I have been justified by grace through faith and that I will stand before a Holy God and not be consumed because of the work that Jesus did in His life and on that cross. I do, however, live in a world that is broken. I'm going to call it what it is and then look to my Savior to help me get from here to there with joy!

P.S.
The picture is somewhat unrelated, we wanted our family in PA to see Anson and Mike at the game. But, these are the best broken boys I've got!!!

A Cup Running Over

2011-08-15T17:38:00.000-07:00

I thought about it this Sunday. We were waiting quietly after the first two verses of "The Old Rugged Cross" for the body and blood to be administered to us all. We had come to the table, bellied up for a reminder that God made a promise. Made and kept a promise. We never run out.

I grew up in a family of 5 kids. My step-dad worked insane hours at jobs that he was more than qualified for to be sure that we ate. Mom came home after all the other teachers and sometimes still had a heavy load of work to do. We ate dinner together. We had delicious meals. We "called" seconds. Do y'all know what that means? That means while you are still eating the food you've been given, you study what is left and you "call" it. It sounds like, "I call last biscuit! I call last drumstick!" We wanted to be sure that if there were extras, we got them. We would split the favorites from time to time, look out for each other, but we ate up to be sure! We never went hungry, please don't misunderstand, we just fought for leftovers!

As I sat in the very last pew this Sunday I smiled almost thinking that that's probably the only meal that I don't fret over running out. When I serve people at home I always make too much. I want people to be full when they leave. I usually have a big meal and dessert...just to be sure. When I go someplace to eat I am always nervous that there won't be enough, maybe we'll be hungry. Mostly this reveals an unhealthy love of big portions!!! However, this post is about The Table. The Table that has one requirement, that you realize how desperately you need to dine. The Table that says, "You've got nothing and I've got it all...and I'm giving it to you." The Table that beckons the worthless sinner to run, not walk, to the seat next to the Master and says, "Eat and drink, I've made a way." That Table is one that you don't have to "call" seconds. There is always enough.

Are you hungry? I mean, hungry. I'm beginning to get my appetite back, I'd been sort of lazy for a while. Picking off the bones, or living off of leftovers. Why? There is a table spread before me. A table of abundant grace and mercy. A table that offers what this world cannot...life, and the everlasting type. Oh, man...I'm bout' starved thinking about it.

P.S.I put the picture up to prove none of us went hungry...and to show everyone this family that God continues to feed.
This picture was taken in December of 2008...it's hard to get recent pics as we aren't all together all that often. We are always thankful for His Grace when it happens!

Why Songs Matter

2011-08-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

I'm beat. I think I'm having a delayed reaction to having a baby. Her first 6 weeks of life my husband was home and we had family in town and we were getting meals and I was practically on vacation everyday! So, now I'm not. The laundry and the meals...they are all still very alive and well. So, I'm sleepy. That's just an update.

The other night we got together with some other super Moms from our Classical Conversations Community. It was a getting to know you shin-dig, so I decided to get to know the real "you" we should answer 2 questions. They were, 1.)What song do you have to sing out loud no matter where you are or who you are with? 2.)What movie are you super excited to see with your kids...when they are old enough? My answers were, "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the man to walk 1000 miles..." The movie? The Goonies. There were many songs and movies that we shared that brought some serious laughter. It was fun. Do you realize how many songs are stuck in your head? Ice-Ice Baby...you hear the music don't you...ALRIGHT STOP...collaborate and listen...or Blame it on the...you guessed it, the RAIN!

Growing up my family sang a birthday "medley." It starts with Happy Birthday, then Happy Birthday, Happy, Happy Birthday...this is your day but we have all the fun, then a big finish with Roll out the Barrel. My grandpa's doing. Everyone who has parties with us now sort of waits for it, some are like, "Can we eat yet? Blow out the candles already!" My kids sing it. We never told them, "This is how we do it." They were simply present when we sang it and it's their normal. My grandpa established a normal for our family that continues eventhough he is no longer singing with us. (He was super awesome at a party!!!)

I would like to challenge you all with a little something. God's Word. Now, I'm no professional, but we've started doing some stuff that actually works. We have been choosing Psalms and putting them to our own tunes and committing them to memory. So far we have the following chapters memorized 23, 24, 121, 65, 67, 84, and we are just about finished with 34. I'm not tooting our horn (although I'm proud of us for continuing this practice) I just want us to all be aware that what goes in, stays in. Another example, "Girl you know it's true!!!" We could play this all day long. We are all humming something all day. You know the, "I've got this song stuck in my head." How about, "I've got this Psalm stuck in my head." It will matter for generations to come. I want a new normal for my family tree, I think most of us do! Do you have any tricks for memorizing scripture? Please share!!!

So let us know...

2011-08-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

The grass doesn't bend under my barefeet, it breaks completely. It's dusty and dry and hot as blue blazes. I walked out to get some paint from the van, "I don't know what this heat will do to it if it sits in there all day." I told Anson as I walked into the electric blanket of Georgia heat. Something you hear around here when it rains is, "Man, we sure needed it." We so welcome rain around here. We seem to think it cools the air, but I think it simply cools the asphalt for a spell. Either way, we welcome the rain.

How is your soul? Dry, dusty? Does it bend or does it break when pressure is applied? We have been (finally) diligent in reading the word with our children and I'll tell you what, my soul is softening. My heart is beginning to yearn for Him again. My desires are for His desires to be fulfilled in me. I am smelling the rain (oh how I love that smell) in the distance and know that I desperately need some rain to fall on my parched soul. Lord, Jesus, indeed rain on me!

When in Africa we worshipped in this little chapel on our property. We didn't have any fancy equipment. We has some guitars and some college students lifting their voices in earnest prayer and petition to their One and Only. One of my favorite songs that we sang in that little chapel, and in our little combies (those were our vans) was a song that came from Hosea 6:3, the song paraphrases the verse:
So let us know
echo: So let us know
So let us press on to know the Lord
So let us know
echo: So let us know
So let us press on to know the Lord
His going forth is as certain as the dawn and He will come to us like the rain
Like the spring rain watering the earth
Let us press on to know the Lord.

Mike and I started teaching the kids that song over the weekend and I can't tell you how my heart rejoices at the opportunity to press on with my 4 little sinnin' blessings by my side. Refining me, challenging me, loving me and urging me to press on to know the Lord.

So, if your soul is parched, dry, cracked and looking brown and dead...take heart...He will come like the rains. Press on.

One Week Later!

2011-06-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Hello There!
My dear sweet husband posted the baby information and wasn't sure if I used names of our children on this blog. So, here is a little bit more information on...
Caroline Marie Wessner I sent this out in an e-mail as well, so some of you may have it...but this is for those of you that I don't have your e-mail or for those of you blog surfing just curious about some random family that just had their 4th baby...

Greetings!

One week after our little peanut has arrived and I am able to sit in this uncomfortable chair long enough to write a skinny report on how she got here...EARLY!!! For those of you who just need the facts:

Caroline Marie Wessner was born on Friday, June 17 at 1:32 via c-section. She weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces and looks very much like her big brother Anson! We cannot believe she's here...

For those who want some details:

I am a large pregnant lady and many people don't think I'll make it to the seventh month. I have, however, never gone into labor...until Caroline. I was nervous about going into labor because my doctor was on vacation in Charleston and I didn't know if I would know what labor felt like. I'd be the crazy lady showing up delivering in the parking lot because I didn't know that I was in labor...and I've already had 3 kids!!! For those of you who don't know...all 3 kids (4 now) have been c-sections. So, my sister told me that I would certainly be able to tell the difference between real contractions and braxtion hicks. Here is the difference...you want to hit someone when you are having a real contraction. So, I was up for 2 nights wanting to pound my sleeping husband's face in and then I realized that perhaps I should call my Dr. So, I was tired and grumpy and scared last Friday and I called him on his vacation, apologized for bothering him, and asked what I should do. He sent me to his office where I was monitored and checked for "progress." For the first time EVER I had progress!!! I was 80 % effaced and 1 cm dilated. After the Dr. told me I said, "Really??? I've never done any of that before!!!" She said that we should go ahead and have a baby because there was no way I would make it until Monday. Monday was the day of my scheduled c-section. So I said, "Well, can you hand me my purse, I should call my husband." Well, for those of you who know us, you know we only have 1 phone...and I had it. So, Mike was heading downtown to get the kids to camp at our church so I left a message on my own answering machine!!! How nuts is that, "Hey Babe, it's me. The Dr. said we should go ahead and have the baby. Our Dr. is on his way home to deliver Caroline. Go ahead and pack the clothes I laid on the bed and just get here before Coach. (Coach is what we call my OB)" So, then Mike gets this message and calls me back. Thankfully my Mom was able to pick my kids up from downtown and Mike's parents were here by 10:45. It was so much fun seeing how all things had been planned and prepared. As I sat in the Dr. office I thought of Psalm 139..."all my days were ordained for me before one of them came to be...how precious to me are your thoughts O God, how vast is the sum of them." We planned a day and the Lord had a day already. There was almost a relief knowing that it was "time" and we were not pushing things. I was thankful to say the least. So, Mike showed up and the kids and our parents and we glowed with excitement to meet our newest gift.

So, we got the medical part out of the way (I really detest the epidural!!! I love how I feel, but I don't love the idea of a needle in my spine!!!) and I was wheeled back to have my baby. It was one of the harder deliveries I have had. I had some nausea which has never happened and felt a bit more pressure than in the past. However...to hear her cry and see her face...wow!!!

She looks like Anson. She's super cute and cuddly and now that she has milk (it took 2 or 3 days this time so she was slightly hungry) to drink she hits that milk coma and can be passed around from one doting sibling to another. The kids are smitten to say the least! Ella says, "When is my sister going to wake up?" They kiss her and check on her and constantly ask if they are the next one to hold her. I hog her, to be honest. You just never know when you are holding your last baby. I have also enjoyed just laying low. I am so thankful for all of you that have called and left messages and have signed up for meals. We were going ninety to nothing the last 3 weeks and even if I hadn't have had a baby via surgery I think I would have attempted to disappear! Whew! So, we'll be returning to the land of the living soon...until then I wanted to tell you all sort of what happened, why she was early and why I have disappeared a bit...I'm just falling in love all over again. With my baby...with my husband...with the God of Heaven and Earth that would not withhold this sweet treasure from our family. I can't wait for you all to see her...to get to know her...and for all of us to know the story God has for her.

So, thanks for reading this...for caring about us...and Caroline...Sweet Caroline.

Love,

Ali on behalf of the whole Team Wessner!

New Team Member!

2011-06-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

We welcomed our newest member of Team Wessner today!

21.5" long and 9 lbs. 10 oz.!

Here are a few of the first pictures to enjoy.

Persistent like Ella

2011-03-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

"Mom, I want to show you the dress that I want to wear today, and I know you're gonna say 'No.'"

This is how our dialogue goes on most Sunday mornings. Now, I am sure that many of you have all the clothes picked out with socks and shoes and belts located on Saturday night...I think that is so smart...but I can only think about it. So, Sunday morning we are choosing and finding and all that good stuff. So, Ella has this BEAUTIFUL dress that came from someones trunk (who loves that??? ME!!!) It's a gorgeous white Strasburg dress with pearl beading. I could never buy it. It has short sleeves, though, so I have had to keep saying "no." Today, however, the forecast was sunny and 80. I followed Ella into her room and said, "Today is the perfect day to wear that dress. I just need to iron it." Needless to say, she was thrilled. She looked like a picture and I am so very thankful for the generosity of our church family. We have some of the most LOVELY dresses hanging in our closet and with 3 girls (did you know I was having another girl???) I'm so very grateful. So, in church I was thinking about the whole scenario and thought, "I wish I were more like Ella."

Every Sunday for the past several months she has asked to wear that dress. Every Sunday for the past several months I have said, "no." I stop asking the Lord. When He says, "No" one time, I quit. The only reason why I wouldn't allow Ella to wear the dress was because the season wasn't right. How do I know what season it is in the Kingdom of God? Is it time to rescue my brother from the pain of the fall? Is it time to send my family overseas? Is it time to sell our house? I can keep asking. He may keep saying, "No." But won't that be a sweet day with my heavenly Father when He smiles at me and says, "Today is the perfect day for that dress, my love. I'm so glad you asked."

How about you? Do you keep asking? If I weren't so painfully tired with a good bit of reading yet to do for my Perspectives Class tomorrow night I would find the passage regarding the man that kept on knocking on his neighbors door. Do you remember that one? God, help me to knock until my knuckles bleed. Amen.

This is Ella...Ella, Ella, Ella

2011-02-12T13:05:00.000-08:00

"And then what are we going to do? Will we skip naps today? How many days is that? Will you be there? Will we have dessert? What is dessert? What is dinner? Do I have to eat it? How much? What does that mean? I don't know what you are talking about!" On and on it goes. I'm not quite sure why, but Ella gets anxious when she doesn't have all of the information. It drives me nuts. I find myself saying, all the time, "Ella, honey, you are just going to have to trust me." I actually find it offensive that she won't simply walk in faith. Just enjoy the day. You are 4 years old and life is good.

Today was a beautiful day here. We don't live in the Arctic, so we don't love cold weather. Our winter has been colder than usual, and this warmth is so good for us. It's one thing if you sign up to live in a cold place...but I didn't. I sweat..I don't love cold. Today everyone got outside, even Sonny. Mike was working with our neighbor to split a large tree stump and the kids roamed around and played on our neighbor's play set and trampoline. Man it was nice! As Ella was getting off the trampoline she started, "Are we going to skip naps? I can't be still and close my eyes. Can I just read a book? What if I can't close my eyes." It was such a lovely day. Why would she even concern herself with nap when we hadn't even eaten lunch yet! I just looked at her. "Ella, you are going to have to trust me." Please.

I know that there are mothers that are better than me. They have it more together and can pull of washing, drying, folding and putting laundry away on the same day. Sometimes, not as often as in the past, but I forget to brush my teeth. I'm also not ashamed to say that today, in my neighbor's yard, my sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirt were also my pajamas last night! I don't have it all together, but you know one thing I do...I think for my children. I think for them and I plan for them and I love them immensely. I do not look for a snake pit to dump them in. I feel like my record of care should speak for itself (besides the fact that Ella wasn't eating enough around 9-10 mos...we rectified that as soon as we realized it!). I feel like they should be able to simply check my record and believe that all will be well. That my care may be crazy at times, but they are never, ever, in danger. Ever. I adore them.

I have been really paralyzed lately. I feel like the Lord has been stirring things inside of us and we don't know what to do with them. I want to know the answers and I want to know them 5 minutes ago. I want to know if we should move or stay or sell all and live in a hut in Sub-Saharan Africa (remember I don't do cold!). I find myself worried and not believing...just like Ella. If I were to challenge God's record I would not find a blemish. Each and every time I have heard, listened, and obeyed His voice, I have never ended up in a pit of snakes. I have never been painfully disappointed or injured in any way. Never. Why would he start now? Is He a man that He should lie or a son of man that He should change His mind? Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill? Um...no. Why would He start now? Why can't I just enjoy this beautiful day? He is a good God...an excellent Father. I really want to relax. I know that by His spirit and because of His Son, I can...and I will. No more questions. For now...

That dog will run!

2011-01-11T12:46:00.000-08:00

He will take off. He's fast and he's stubborn. When we adopted him, we were told that he was part Lab and some other stuff. As he grows we believe that he might be part Greyhound. He's been extremely helpful during this pregnancy as Mike and I take turns making sure he gets his walks in. Mike takes the morning shift (I had that one first and this little heartbeat conquered my ability to get up at 6:20) and I take the evening shift (with my neighbor which I so enjoy!).

We've been working on training him, and anyone who knows us, dog-training isn't one of our greatest abilities. We're working on it, though. So, a few weeks ago, I thought, "I wonder what he'll do if I turn him loose." So, we got to a good stopping point close to our house so I could see him, and I had him sit, and then I took off his leash, gave him a pat and said, "Release!" He took off!!! Straight for our house. He ran a bit and then stopped to see where I was, then ran a bit and stopped to see again. I was surprisingly proud of my four-legged pal!

That's why we do what we do. If my dog is in fact a Greyhound, he was made to run. He needs to run, but he needs to know how to run safely and where home is. My children are like that. They will run, I know it. I feel them pulling on the leashes every now and then. (I don't really have them on leashes, I mean rubbing up against the boundaries.) I cannot, however, turn them loose until they have received proper training. I have to be sure that they listen to not only my voice, but the voice of their ultimate Master. He is the One who made them and knows what they are capable of. Not only what they are capable of, but what they were made to do. I do believe that all of us were made to run.

I'm sure there will be no greater joy than to watch my children run away from me at full speed ahead...home to where the Father has called them. It is to this end that I labor.

So, as we all set out on this New Year, let's fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith and run this race with perseverance. Parents, married, or single, we were created to do something...bring Him glory. Run, run like the wind, just be sure that you are running home.

Happy New Year.

Crooked Wreath

2010-12-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

Too many blogs spoil my fun. We all have opinions and most of them are so good, and some of them are great, and some of them rub me the wrong way. Some of them make me feel better and some make me feel worse. However, nothing makes me feel worse, or better, than my crooked Advent Wreath.

Like so many other parents, I want our holidays to be meaningful and spent with purpose on the who and what of Christmas. We have an Advent wreath, a super book, a Jesse Tree and good intentions. There is something different, however, about this season. I am coming out of my first trimester. I have no sweet tooth (baking doesn't sound yummy), I'm pretty tired (I was napping like an infant for a few days...10 and 2!) I've also read too much of the opinions of others and not enough of the opinion of my Father. These turn into some joy stealing combinations. So, to my advent wreath. It's in the middle of the table. That's really hard for me because our table really is the hub of our home. It's breakfast, lunch, dinner (OK, we have eaten out a good bit, but normally it's all three meals) coloring, games, school, it's everything. Having something on it makes me nuts! However, there is really no better place for our wreath. So, it gets pushed around and sometimes demoted to a chair and then placed back into the center of the table where it belongs...reminding us all of what we are anticipating.

That's how I feel like I've been this Season. Jesus is the center, but He gets pushed around a bit. He's in the mix, but not quite center all the time, sometimes He is completely demoted, sometimes He's shining brightly. It's condemning a little bit. How can I say I love Him and would lay down everything, when spending time in His word is such a discipline? My heart is a liar. Then I am reminded by my crooked Advent wreath, that is exactly the point. I so need Jesus. More than ever it feels like. I'm so crooked and so broken without Him. I know pride is a struggle...as disgusting as it is, if I can pull it together then I feel good about the fact that I'm on God's team...like He's lucky to have me. It's times like these when my cracks and corners are exposed that I can barely look at His face without wanting to run the opposite direction out of complete embarrassment. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Does anyone else stink at being good?

Tonight I asked Mike if the kids have enjoyed our time off. He said that it's been good, but in my heart I know that I got robbed. I took my eyes off the prize. I lost the point...the house was too messy...I didn't stop. They may have enjoyed things, but I have struggled. So, I have a list...and it can wait. This is the first Christmas in a LONG time that my ENTIRE family (that's my siblings and my parents) will be together...I want my wreath straight.

So, to those homemakers out there that keep stinkin' it up like I do...there's a Savior for that. Those Moms who have a hard time accepting their kids' best effort when there is still crap in the corners of their room...there is a Savior for that. For those of us Crooked Advent Folks, that just want to know Jesus and struggle with our flesh...there is a Savior for that. O, Love that will not let me go! Are you so thankful that it is He holds us and not the opposite? Bind my wandering heart to thee!

I hope that as you look around at all the crooked in your house, in your life, in this world...you will look with me into the face of the Savior who came to set it all straight. Not because we were good enough...but because He loved us so.

Merry Christmas to all...and to all...a straight wreath in a crooked world!

A Gift of Love

2010-11-30T11:05:00.000-08:00

So, tis' the season to contend with Santa. This is not a Santa bashing post...there is no reason to bash him, just a neat conversation that I had with my kids this morning regarding the ole' guy. We do not pretend Santa. I don't think that I ever really believed in him because Christmas' were different growing up because of divorce. I still really enjoyed Christmas and so I guess I didn't feel like I was robbing my kids of anything. I was not a Christian growing up, so now Christmas is really much different.

So, we've been preparing what we will say when folks ask us, although usually we just smile kindly and scoot on our way. We haven't come up with much yet, but there is still time I suppose. So, this morning the kids were finishing up decorating our Jesse Tree and they were so very excited about it. (I'll tell you about that in a minute). As they were unwrapping each little clay piece that I handcrafted last year they would squeal, "Oh, I'm the lucky one I got the ______!" I was washing dishes (Kelli, can you give me a sleeve of cups for Christmas? I DETEST washing cups!!!)and I thought I'd ask what they thought about Santa, just out of curiosity. "Guys, are you sad that we don't pretend in Santa?" In unison the kids said, "No." I found that a little intriguing so I asked, "Why not? Don't you think it would be fun?" Their answers were still worldly, which is fine, they said, "Well, we still get presents they just come from you and Dad." So, I wonder if Santa would be hurt to know that it's not him they want, but his goods!!! Then Anson said this, "I would rather have a gift of love." Hm? Shall I wrap some love under the tree this year? I asked what he meant. "Well, a gift from Santa is just because you were good, not because he loves you. A gift from your parents is a gift of love." Even typing that I stop and consider a "gift of love." That sure is what God meant isn't it? A gift from our Heavenly Father to show us that we aren't good at all and nothing we could possibly try to do would save us, so He sent a Gift of Love. That totally beats anything elves could fashion doesn't it?

It makes me even more excited to give to my children now because I see how they receive it, and hopefully this Christmas we will all have open eyes and softened hearts to receive the gift of Love that is Emmanuel.

In light of the beginning of Advent I will share two (maybe 3) things that we do that really make our season sweet. The first is a book that I bought last year called The Jesse Tree by Geraldine McCaughrean. It is a story in a story and we have really enjoyed the beautiful illustrations and the heart change that occurs in the grumpy ole' man. I will say that no scripture is referenced, so if you want to read the story from the Bible, you'll have to find it. For some that may be a downer, I still enjoy it. You can find tons of stuff if you google "Jesse Tree." I think there is a movement among Christian households to reclaim this holiday for Christ and we are looking for ways to make it meaningful to our children. A Jesse Tree is one of those things. For our tree, I made ornaments (I am NOT crafty, but these turned out precious...I'll take pics when Mike is home to do all the work!) out of sculpee clay. I made them a few at a time last year and just kept them wrapped up, and this year since they are all finished we hung them on a small Christmas tree. They really look super. As we read each story, we'll find the ornament. The goal of Jesse Trees (long ago) was to have a visual of the story for the illiterate people. So, it's a fun way for your kids to retell the story using the ornaments as visual cues of what happened next. There are paper ornaments you can cut out and color or just make up your own symbols! The point is that your family can recall the story.

Another super resource is available for free (plus the cost of ink) from www.aholyexperience.com I may use this one as well because I enjoy the author's writing style. She includes illustrations at the end of the book. Total the book is 80 pages, but only 57 of that is the Jesse Tree devotional. So, you may want to check that out.

Then one more book that we enjoy each year, that you may or may not love is by Arnold Ytreeide. We are reading the third book this year (you don't have to read them in order) and they are exciting books full of adventure (some robbers and thieves) but always lands us in a stable staring at the Promise. I wouldn't say that you are going to get a ton of spiritual nourishment, but they are fun to read. Our kids always ask for "one more" even though you are to read only one bit per day.

So, those are a few things we do to make our season bright. What do you do? Whatever you do I pray that your hearts are tender, soft, and excited about the celebration to come. The greatest Gift of Love ever!!!

P.S.
I would like to thank Kelli for making this post possible! She has all my kids so I could rest a bit. This little heartbeat is wearin' me out!!!

A Heartbeat.

2010-11-05T18:03:00.000-07:00

“Hey Mrs. Wessner, we got your numbers here and where they should double every 48-72 hours, yours actually dropped a little bit.” Hm. I thought this might happen. Not because it ever has, but because I know it can. I am resolved to follow Jesus Christ with no question, so I bravely ask, “So, what should I do?” She responds that I will be “fit-in” first thing in the morning to be sure that this sweet blessing is “viable.” I told Mike that I was afraid of that and he nods…unmoved. Getting to this point did not come easily for either of us. I have known that someone has been missing, and Mike was slower to believe me. We suffered (rather I suffered) 3 years of self-inflicted infertility. This summer God changed Mike’s heart, and now we were headed to the Dr. for the fourth time to check on our newest treasure.

I had the e-mail written in my head. “Dear Friends, blah blah blah…we were early and we miscarried. God has been faithful and we are sad, but not without hope. We love you….” I just need to be prepared for the worst. So, this morning I awoke early (although I stayed in bed) and finally got moving and took the dog out for our (mostly regular) walk. As I walked up the street in the quiet of the new day I just whispered, “Lord, I just want to know that Your hand is in this.” He very sweetly whispered to me in the solitude of our time, “Ali, My hand is in everything.” “Yes, Sir, thank you. I love that about you!” With great peace I got breakfast ready and got myself ready for the appointment that no mother, with children or not, wants to attend. I just wanted to send a substitute to bear the brunt of the news. Mike left for work so that he could get the morning off to come with me.

Mike got back, Mom arrived, and we headed out the door. A little bit of Andrew Peterson kept me focused and mindful that if I never hold another Wessner baby warm and cozy, God has done incredible things in my family, in my heart and in the heart of my husband. He will be praised no matter what. Of that I am determined. We signed in and had been sitting for less than 5 minutes when I was ushered to the back. I have seen the sonographer many times before, always with great joy. I went ahead and told her that we know that there may not be great news so she didn’t need to pretend. She has apparently endured heartbreak herself and commented about timing and us never being in control…all good things. The impersonal ultrasound began and within a few seconds she says, with confidence, “There’s a little peanut right there with a heartbeat. Look at it flashing.” What! I wasn’t prepared for that. I was shocked, Mike was not. I was thrilled….we were both thrilled. A heartbeat, I even heard it. That never gets old. This is the fourth time a person has taken up residence in my womb and it doesn’t grow old to me. Each time is a treat. Each time a wonder and miracle. This one seems more so than other times. A heartbeat.

“So, the numbers and the random spotting…does a heartbeat trump everything?”

“Yes, a heartbeat trumps everything.”

Indeed it does. I was thinking about this as I was munching in the kitchen trying to decide what I wanted to eat and thought of the Greatest Heartbeat. The steady rising and setting of the sun beating out the Father’s great love in steady rhythms. No matter what is going on, a heartbeat trumps everything. I look around, the seasons finally changing, the trees raising their sparse limbs to their Creator, and one teeny tiny heartbeat trumping all doubt.

Thank you, Jesus for Your heartbeat that trumps anything.

I do miss it.

2010-10-01T19:47:00.001-07:00

I didn't think that I would. I thought that I would never get out of that phase in my life. Two little ones and a swollen belly. I remember serving lunch on the porch to my "babies" and listening to their little voices until I thought my ears might bleed! Remembering how snuggly and safe it all felt. They are certainly not grown, and Mike and I pray that the Lord would see it fit to give us more, but it's shocking. It's birthday season around here and they will be 4, 6, and 8. Julia already is 6, her birthday was Monday. Anson is next on the 15th and then 3 days later it's Ella. I don't wish it faster. I realize that all too soon things will stay cleaner, longer. I will no longer scream, "Shut the DOOR!" or "Please stop talking and GO TO SLEEP!" I was just blogsurfing and looked longingly at two little people fingerpainting at the coffee table and then sharing a lunch and licking beaters on the kitchen floor. I have those pictures, those sweet, sweet memories tucked away in my heart. All of those people were right, it does fly by. I do miss it. We don't fingerpaint as much, poor Ella is getting shafted and where we still read an awful lot, we don't all really fit on the chair without someone insisting that someone else hit the floor. We eat lunch together at the table and discuss silly thoughts, or lofty thoughts, or we are quiet (not too much of that, though!) For those of you reading this with little ones, go smooch them (quietly and carefully so you don't wake them!) Please hear me when I say that it is sweet. It is so stinkin' hard, but man is it fast. I don't mean to sound as though we just dropped Anson off at Harvard (HA) I'm just saying that I could, if I let myself, cry. They are such precious people. With all of their sin and gunk, they are awesome. I am humbled and amazed, and I hope wherever you are, sweet reader, that you feel the same about those God has entrusted to you.

In other news:
My house is on a diet. I wrote a plan today that is entitled 31 Days to a House that Fits! I have a plan and I'm excited! The house is not the problem. Has God not given us everything that we need for life and godliness? He has, and my house is a gift. So, we are going to lose some weight, slim on down, and look sexy in our house! Everyday this month, except for Sunday's I have a "task" to work through. A little spot to clean out, clean up...REDEEM! Some stuff will end up at a yard sale, some might end up at a trunk sale at my homeschool community, and some of it will end up at Goodwill...it will not, however, end up back in my house. So, if you know me, please ask me, if you don't know me...ask me anyway. There were 3 things I listed that I needed to make this successful. They are: discipline (Heaven help me!), help, and accountability! So, please ask and if you see me peddling my belongings out of the back of my van, come have a look. We all know that one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Or one woman's problem is another woman's solution...I don't know! Alrighty, I've got to get the trash outside before my children find it in the morning, and then get the cleaned out stuff hidden, so that doesn't get found either. You know they don't play with it for 2 years until you put it in a pile!!! Have a super weekend!

Ocean...totally!

2010-09-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

This week we took to the sea. Shortly anyway. I grew up spending my summers at the Jersey Shore with my Dad and Pam and love to have my toes in the sand! The past few years the beach hasn't been the same with kids, but there is something about it that never disappoints. We had a break from Classical Conversations this week, and I said, "WHY NOT?" So, we headed down to Jekyll Island on Monday night after Julia's soccer game. I was so excited for this wonderful surprise we had for our children. Do you know that they didn't ask where we were going until we had been on the road for at least 1 1/2 hours! It's a good thing no one was on fire, no one would have noticed!!! Mike wanted to wait until we got there to tell them, and although it's really hard for me to keep a surprise, I did it! Our kids love surprises, except Ella (I don't think she trusts us...seriously) and they were looking forward to an adventure. So, we spent the night and got up the next day to enjoy a beautiful day on the beach before heading home. So, here's what I've got.

Why do kids prefer the pool? It drives me crazy!!! Here we are at this AMAZING playground that the Lord has set up for us and you want to jump around in a man made bath tub??? Thankfully they only asked once, and it was the smallest of the short ones asking, but it made me think. I choose the pool. It's safe. I can see my toes, I know that nothing else is living in there and there are no waves stronger than I am. Now, I don't really choose the pool, but the pool is like living by sight. It's the safety of what we know...what we can see. We are also in control. We add chemicals to keep it clean, ask people to shower before entering. Then there is the ocean. The big, wide-open and dangerous ocean. It's massive and unmeasureable. It is merciless in it's fury and unpredictable. It's wonderful! I love how the salt tastes (I know most people probably don't) and how it feels on my skin when the day is done and the sun has gone to warm elsewhere. I love how it sounds and how it is full of life that we can and cannot see. I love to play in the waves, and feel the sand on my toes and in my hair. It's living by faith to me. I enjoy it because I cannot control it. I enjoy it because it reminds me of how big and awesome my Creator is. It reminds me of Romans that tells me that neither depth nor height nor anything else in all creation can separate me from the love of God that is in Christ. It reminds me that God provides for the ocean life. He has created them to live there, and has provided everything they need. Why wouldn't He do far more for me?

Growing up my Step-Mom would have to tell me take a shower some days because I just loved to let the ocean linger. I still do. I love to be lost in it, roll around in it, soaking it up. I pray that God would do that in my heart. That I would choose to live by faith. To enjoy all that He has made and not choose the pool...the status quo...the safe route, but instead allow myself to be swept away by the wide-open life that God provides through Christ. Oh that it would take my breath away and be my choice. Let it be so.

Ali's First Georgia Tech Game

2010-09-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

THE TECH TOWER

PRE GAME SHOW BY THE BAND

GT's 1st TOUCHDOWN (Anson requested that I get a shot of "our" first touchdown)

2 Happy fans at the end of the game. (If you click on this one you can see the final score)

GT's bookstore was one of Ali's favorite stops! It is HUGE.

First Things...

2010-08-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

"Children grow up I've learned to my sorrow, so quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby, cause babies don't keep."

How true that is. We've had some "big" events around here. Not huge, but silent markers of a life that is full and alive...and fleeting. The first was last weekend when Julia was ready to take the plunge and get her ears pierced. I was shocked by the look of sheer determination that she wore on her face while she climbed on that chair and got her birthstones punched through her little ears. I think I was sad. I love her ears, and I felt like they were sweet little baby ears. Then I wondered if I was allowing her to grow up too fast. Wondering if there was some spiritual conviction I should have regarding the right age and appropriateness of having ears pierced. I decided that no, I do not have any convictions, they are sweet and we love them, and she is adorable and growing faster than I like and more beautiful that I could imagine and I am full to overflowing with love for my Julia...and her ears. So, here she is...

The other first for Ms. Jules is soccer. One of her sweet friends from church was playing and her father was coaching and the invited her to join them. When I first asked her she said that she wasn't interested, then I told her that Susanna was playing...then she couldn't wait. We are extremely thankful for friendships that the Lord gives our children now that we can nurture over time. Hopefully some wise friends that they can walk with...encouraging and spurring on toward love and good deeds...and having fun. So, Mike is the assistant coach and today was their first game and she did a super job! I'm not just saying that either! She ran hard in the correct direction and she wasn't afraid of the ball. I have bad memories of getting my glasses bashed in while kicking the ball into the wrong goal. Thankfully that generational curse has not fallen on my children. I'm serious about how thankful I am for that...for real! I made a special game day bow for her, and even though you can not see it, I love it...I love that it mattered to her. She matters so much to me.

The last and craziest of all is our 3 "first" as we got a dog...again. For those of you who know us well know that we have struggled in the past. This time is SO different. We rescued a sweet guy last weekend and he has been such a wonderful addition to our family. I suspect this is what it is supposed to feel like to have a dog. He was pretty much crate trained and potty trained and just really thankful. With the risk of sounding nuts, I really think our dog knows he was spared. He and his litter were on their way to be euthenized when they ended up at a Pet Adoption Resource Center (PARC). It's like he knows what could have happened and he's just thankful. We are too. His name is Sonny and he is about 7-8 months old and is a lab-mix, maybe with hound of some sort. I will say that I had just e-mailed a friend and told her that he was so great and wasn't chewing anything and blah blah and then last night we were all sitting around the table and heard this noise and dismissed it and then it started up again and it was the dog GNAWING on the legs of the table! So, there are a few things I've thought about spiritually since having him, but for now, I'll just keep it simple. We got a dog...and it's pretty great.

So, that's some news from here. Just life stuff...but isn't Christ in it all? Thankfully, He sure is. For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory and honor forever and ever. Amen!!!

My School Room

2010-08-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do, sort of, is look at other people's school rooms. I am not sure why that is so much fun to me, maybe because they all look so very different, but I got to thinking about my school room. Maybe I should post this on my other blog, but I hardly ever post over there, so I'm posting here instead. So, I thought that I would post a picture of my school room. What do ya think? I'll post more pictures later, but thought this would be a great start. Here's is why.

We are all homeschooling. The greatest lessons come from this place, for all of us. Some of us may spend a bit more time in our "school room" but we all have one. Don't believe me? Take a minute, walk out the door that you walk through when you are bringing in your groceries, then walk to where you get your mail. If you haven't gotten your mail yet, go ahead and grab it, then as you turn around close your eyes and then open them. That's it! That's your school room. As you walk back into the door you just exited get ready to walk into the most important place in the life of your family. Your home. Does your home have a smell? Not necessarily a bad smell, but do you know I can still smell things and say, "That smells like Oak Leaf Ct, or this smells like the Beach House." What do you hear in your home? I still love remembering walking into my home from college when everyone was home. It just feels good. Your kids love that place. Don't believe me? Tell them that you are selling it. They'll flip...or start talking of what they'll do with all the added space! The conversations that take place in the school room that is close to the oven and the fridge are big time. Some of the best conversations happen around that table, whether it's game playing, eating or pencils and papers. It's big.

I could go on. I just wanted people to know that you might not be a "home schooler," per se, but you also have a school room. It will look different from mine, but you are still the primary teacher. You are still the one that is in charge. Those children are still yours. We are all teaching our children. We are all loving them and hoping that they will grow to be passionate with a purpose and willing to invest in those things that are unseen and eternal. We all have a school room...everyone is teaching something, and everyone is learning something, from the school room in front of the mailbox through the door where the groceries come. What's your school room look like? What are you learning?

Yertle the Turtle

2010-08-07T17:43:00.001-07:00

I do love Dr. Seuss. I haven't read him enough lately, but last night Ella was pretending to be a vet, and when I asked her what her name was she said, "Dr. Seuss." Pretty clever that little spunky thing! The other day we were, however, reading Yertle the Turtle and this line caught me. First let me say that Yertle is a very grumpy turtle that wants to be ruler over everything that he can see. In order to be a bigger ruler, he stacks more and more turtles on top of one poor Mack, and apparantly forgets why he is so tall. Listen,
"You hush up your mouth!" howled the mighty King Yertle.
"You've no right to talk to the world's highest turtle.
I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There's nothing, no NOTHING, that's higher than me!"

As I read that I thought, "Yertle, you fool, you are only high because you are standing on their backs! They put you in that position and listen to how you speak to them!" I won't tell you how it ends, in case you want to find out for yourself, but here's the thing, anything that I am, or will be, is because I am standing on someone's back. I think of the great cloud of witnesses that have gone on before us, those Amy Carmichael's and the George Mueller's. The Livingstone's and Ten Boom's. Those courageous souls who were willingly and joyfully obedient and have paved the way for many believers to do some pretty super things for the glory of God. We stand on their shoulders. We stand on the shoulders of the One who took our cross on His shoulders and lugged it bruised and beaten all the way to Calvary. The relationship that I have with my Father, I have because of Him. May I never forget that and speak as harshly as ole' Yertle did, who eventually was King of the Mud. Hmmm. I've been there a time or two.

So, whose shoulders are you standing on? And who will stand on yours?

All Night All Day...

2010-07-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

My childhood is sometimes spotty. One thing that I do remember well is singing the song, "All night all day, angels watching over me my Lord." Do you know it? It's a sweet song, comforting, especially since it came right before the prayer, "If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take!" WHAT??? I love the idea of being watched...by nice celestial beings...not stalkers! You know what I like even better? Now that I know Jesus I have learned that He is watching me. I almost cried (really I probably did cry) the other day when I saw what that looked like.

I have girls. I love doing nails and hair. Not to make them perfect, I just find it fun. Right now my nails are blue. I must give a shout out to Jo because every time I look at my toes I think of you! You would totally dig the color. It's blue in some light and purple in another...anyway...I finally had a taker on dance class. I really think Julia would be good at dance, so I asked her if she'd like to do a dance camp to check it out. She's rather reserved and she declined my offer. Her sister, however, thought that was SUPER exciting and wouldn't let me rest until she knew she was enrolled in Tinkerbell camp. It was this week from 10:00-11:15. I didn't love having to be somewhere everyday at the same time, but what can I say? I'm a team player. The recital was on Friday. It was PRECIOUS! I'm very thankful that my Mom, 2 sisters, 1 brother-in-law, husband, nephew, and other 2 children could make it to watch her spin and hop and jump.

Y'all, it was no swan lake. She was a bit nervous and didn't really do the stuff like her teacher said, but I thought it was AWESOME...why? Because SHE is awesome. She is mine! I had the camera on her the entire time. Just sitting there, doing nothing. I didn't want the other kids in the frame because she was the one I was there to watch. She was the one I came to cheer for. She was mine! Everything she did was adorable because she was trying (sort of). Her little bun and tu-tu...her face! Sweet!

Then the Lord whispered to my heart. "Ali, I watch you like that. You are mine. You don't do it right but it brings me joy to see you." I must be honest, I've been riddled with fear. I've been out of the Word and avoiding prayer (WHY do I do that???) and I've just been downright afraid of what the future could hold for us. I'm scared that I might make decisions that would make God unhappy, because maybe they wouldn't be spiritual enough. Example: "Would God be mad if we moved into a house that had a little bit more room?" Um. No. Or "Will God be mad if we want to live closer to Mom and Mike's work?" Um, probably not. Paralyzed I tell you! Frightened that my PERFORMANCE will determine His love for me. Y'all, Ella is not an incredible ballerina, but my heart was full to overflowing watching her! That really is how the Lord of heaven and earth looks at me. He rejoices over me...and you...with singing. He never sleeps, He never slumbers...He will let no harm come to me. He has loved me with an everlasting love and has every hair on my head numbered. Because of the perfect performance of Jesus Christ...I'm in! I belong to the One true living God whose being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness and truth are infinite, eternal and unchangeable! Praise the Lord.

I don't twirl when I'm supposed to. I certainly can't fly through the stars like a graceful fairy should. Yet there is still a treasure for me. Just like those little girls got to dig through the treasure chest for their treasure, I have One as well.

Every day I have an opportunity to dig in the treasure He has for me everyday in His word. Everyday I get to marvel at the creation that reveals His glory. Every night when I lie down to sleep, God watches over me. It's true! He is my treasure, and you know what the crazy thing is? Because of Christ, I am His.

Dance, ladies, dance! You might not be the best ballerina, but you are His.

9 Foot Sunflowers and 1 in faith

2010-07-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

"I got 9 foot sunflowers out there." Mike was on the phone with his Mom. I'm thankful for the pleasure in the conversation. There was a brief pause, "No, I didn't do anything. I just put em' in the ground."

My heart stopped a little bit in the realization of that statement. "I didn't do anything, I just put them in the ground."

"What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe---as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters in anything, but only God who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded acording to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building." 1 Corinthians 3: 5-9

I heard it preached on Sunday and it was as though rain was literally falling on my parched and thirsty soul. My legalism can certainly get the best of me and I can cheapen grace with the best of them. When I see fruit in my life I think, "God is SO VERY LUCKY to have me on His team. I am probably the MVP or at least the Most Improved!" Then when there is no fruit and my temper is quick and my mouth is foul (from the darkness of my heart) I wonder if I'm even saved. "How could a dirty wretch like me even believe for one second that Jesus would have anything to do with me?"

Then I hear things like, "I just put em' in the ground." and in seasons where my faith is the size of a smaller than usualy mustard seed, I am relieved. Really? Could that really be true that any fruit on the vine of my life, or those around me is there because God is the One? What a relief. Then there are the days when I think, "Well, if He's going to be the One responsible for fruit...why am I slaving away like this?" Here's the thing, I do need to tend the garden. Mike didn't just throw the seeds in the ground and hope for the best. He sort of did that, but he also made his own soil "cocktail" and watered every day sometimes twice a day. He inspected the garden for bugs and checked for fruit daily. He did not however, produce the fruit. Hmmm.

There are so many things about God that I know without a shadow of a doubt are true. My life, however, says otherwise. I am so very thankful that my ability to believe the truth doesn't change the fact that the Truth is the Truth. And the Truth is that it is God who makes all things grow. We can pull the weeds that would choke out the fruit. We can tend the soil and water the roots, but when it all comes down and those 9 foot sunflowers just keep growing. All we can do is be amazed...just like everyone else.

A Cup of Ramble

2010-06-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I was just sort of unsettled and wanted to look around at what everyone else's school rooms looked like. That's a super bad idea for me because I do not have a school room. I do not have a dining room, bonus room, laundry room...blah.blah.blah. I will say, that I love where we are. We are about central to everything and our little house has taught us a great deal. However, sometimes I just get the wants. I saw one picture where the family had a basement as their school room (I'd say most basements are bigger than our home!) and they had massive bookshelves and tables and chairs and supplies OH MY! I was frustrated, and then I saw these cute "nature shelves." They were simply CD towers that must have been wood and were painted green (a nice soothing green)and the children were able to store their treasures there. You know what treasures I'm talking about don't you? Sticks, rocks, shells, bits of string...stuff that belongs outside! There is one stick currently on a table by my door, and another piece of interesting wood on the porch, after I asked someone to get it out of my room. My kids would love that. So, I glanced around my house wondering where this could go and thought, "Yeah, right. One more thing." Then I considered the porch. AHA! We could build some little tables and the children can sort and do whatever they want with their treasures. I felt like a winner, and was reminded that God has always and will always have a spare corner for what we need. All that to say, when I was telling my Mom about it I said, "You know how my kids always have their pockets crammed with heaven." Wow. What else would I want them to cram their pockets with? If you aren't cramming your pockets full of heaven, do you know what you are cramming them full of? Hmmm. This world. This perishable, fallen world.

I consider my own pockets. The nooks and crannies of my home and my heart. What am I cramming them full of? I read an article recently that stated American homes are getting bigger, but our families are getting smaller. We are, essentially, replacing people with stuff. I wish I could remember the article because the author said that parents are essentially parenting stuff. That was hard to hear. Hard to consider. Am I cramming my house full of heaven or earth?

On those same lines we were reading from Joshua in our Chronological Bible (we are in March and we started last year) and Mike and I were so tired of hearing what clan got what land and on and on and on and...the kids listened so carefully. It was shocking. When I shut the Bible I said, "Why is this in here? What can we learn about God from all this?" We came up with the fact that God assigns land. There was always land enough for the people and even pastureland. So we talked about how this house, on this street...this is God's provision for us. Isn't that something that some long passages in Joshua about the allotment of land can speak to the dark secret places. Those places that wander around looking at what everyone else has.

Meanwhile, my children are cramming their pockets full of Heaven. Let me come to Him as one of them.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where theives cannot break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

So, today, Father, help me to empty my pockets so that I can cram them jam-packed full of Heaven. Amen

Need Anything?

2010-06-25T17:50:00.000-07:00

Some friends of ours are currently in the process of adopting from China. There is a yardsale tomorrow and the proceeds will go towards the cost of the adoption. If you are in Augusta and want to support them...head on over there tomorrow morning!

HUGE Multi-family
Yard Sale and Bake Sale
at Queensborough National Bank in Evans by the Ford Dealership (on the SHADY side :)
7am - 1pm this Saturday 6/26

TONS of Baby and Toddler gear and clothes, train table, strollers, nursing pump, toys,
bikes, furniture, matching twin beds, desk, dresser, decor, pet accessories, tons of DVDs (good ones!), lots of books, and much more!
And last but not least....chocolate, fresh baked bread and other goodies! Lots of yummy baked goods!!!
All proceeds go to our adoption - getting our baby girl here from China!
(All those who want to pay by check can receive a tax deduction receipt through our partnership with Lifesong for Orphans).

So, as you tuck your little ones in, say a little prayer for this family, and so many others that are waiting on all of their children to be home!

I think I'm "flea" years old

2010-06-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

"And den what are we gonna do? Are we gonna ride in our car or in Mrs. Kelli's car? Are you staying here? Then are we gonna take a baf? I'm hungry. Can I have a snack? Can I have some gum? Can I have it after my nap?"

This is Ella. Ella is beautiful and funny and a blessing. Ella is also "flea" years old. I suppose at some point I have diappointed her or let her down or something because she does not trust me. She follows me around asking what will come next and what will be after that. I don't know how many times I have looked into her sweet little face with her curls crazy on her head and said, "Ella, I am a good Mom. Would you PLEASE TRUST ME???" It makes me crazy. I have good things planned for her. I only think of what will be best for her, and yet she doesn't believe me. I have never left her, in fact, I don't even threaten that to my kids. I have never made her go without something that she needed. I have taken her to the ER when she needed a cast (maybe the fact that I was 2 days late bothered her). I can't figure out why we are having this problem. It's probably just immaturity. Hmmmm

"Lord, if we actually move forward with this decision what will we do next? What will happen if PE teachers are cut? What will we do after next year? If we spend our money like that will you provide more? What if I let the kids go and they aren't ready? What if I'm not good enough and everyone finds out? What if I do what you tell me to do and I look stupid and no one understands? Lord, what is next? Can I please just take a nap???"

"Ali, I am a good Father. Actually, let's visit my track record...I am a PERFECT Father. Every good and perfect gift has come from me. I did not spare my own Son, but gave Him up for you. Why would I not, along with Him graciously give you all things? Why wouldn't I give you wisdom to parent? Why wouldn't I give you grace for the journey? If I withhold a job, do you not think it is for your own good? If I withhold anything isn't it because I know more than you? Your needs will always be met because they have been met in Christ. There is nothing you need anymore. I have given you fullness in Christ. I have sent my Spirit. You are not alone. I will never leave you or forsake you. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I own the cattle on a thousand hills. Let the county go bankrupt...the state...the whole country...I am not bankrupt. You cannot and will not exhaust me. I never sleep nor slumber. I will not let the sun harm you by day or the moon at night. I rejoice over you with singing. You are my treasured possession. I could go on. Do you understand me, Ali? I love you. I have called you by name. You are mine. Rest in me. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. I will never ask you to do anything that I haven't done myself. So, yes, take a nap. I'll be up...singing...over you."

Amen? Amen.

Noah?

2010-06-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

"This is such a buzz-kill."
"Seriously, how long does it take to tell people to bend over and kiss their *hiney* good-bye."

Lord, I think that's how I feel. The reality of this conversation sobered me a bit. I wasn't having this conversation, but the people sitting behind me at a mandatory safety meeting were.

Mike and I will celebrate our 10th (can you believe it) anniversary this July. This past weekend we went on a 3 day cruise with my folks who were celebrating my mother's (final) retirement. So, for those of you who have never cruised, you aren't required to do ANYTHING on a cruise other than what you want. EXCEPT for the mandatory meeting to go over what would happen should the ship begin to, well, go under.

These folks seemed nice enough. They were ready for a good time and not super pumped about this mandatory meeting. Their drinks were fresh and their party was getting started! To listen to them I thought, "You must not have children." I do want to see Jesus, I do, but the thought of dying and knowing I was leaving my children behind grieves me. I was totally paying attention. I wanted to know where my life jacket was, where the little light was on it so that someone could rescue me. Where I needed to meet to get on the lifeboat...I wanted the facts. I've seen Titanic...things happen!!! As these people mocked the demonstration my heart sort of sank for them, and those who have mocked other demonstrations before.

I thought of those who find Christ to be somewhat of a buzz-kill. He just comes in, demands their time and ruins all the fun. Such a party-pooper that Redeemer. I thought about the people who have given their lives that others would know, and how they were received...as foolish and unrealistic. To these folks sitting behind us the boat would NOT sink. They are NOT going to die. They are going to live and have fun and it's gonna be awesome. I know the Truth. I know that we do need to pay attention. We do need a Redeemer. I do need a life jacket because I'm on a sinking ship.

I thought about Noah and how he was declaring the coming wrath and warning the people for what, 150 years, that they should get a plan together. What kept him hammering one nail after the other? He believed. He knew God. He knew that whatever the rain looked and felt like when it fell, it wasn't going to be good.

So, I didn't share the gospel with these people. I did watch them at other times, though, to just see if they were still having a good time. It was good enough, I suppose. Perhaps a bit empty when the buzz did wear off...I don't know, I'm not them. I have been. I've had some super awesome times. Really, really fun. There was always a let down, though. Always a nagging feeling in my heart. Always a voice whispering that my ship was leaking, slowly, steadily.

I don't want to find Christ as a buzz kill. Sometimes I think maybe I do. When I'm convicted about music or movies or even TV shows that others aren't bothered by. I'm like, "Seriously, Lord, a little fun wouldn't kill me." Perhaps it would. That's such a painful realization. To believe that whatever I could find "fun" would be more fulfilling than anything that the Lord would have for me. Really? That's silly.

So, I'm not quite sure how to end this, only that for me, I want to be really living...robust and full...to let the watching world know that Christ is not a buzz kill. His boundaries bring life to my bones. He satisfies me in the morning with His unfailing love and because His love is better than life, my lips will praise Him. I want to want to forget what is behind and press on toward the goal, the prize that Christ has called me to. Oh, Father, grant me grace that I might do just that. Help me to listen to you with open ears and a quiet heart and rejoicing in the only One who can truly save me from my sinking ship. Amen

Writing on the tablet of their hearts.

2010-05-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

Monday through Wednesday of this week I had the privilege of attending a Parent Practicum for Classical Conversations in Irmo, SC. I don't think I could begin to record what I walked away with, other than knowing that what we are doing is absolutely best for our family. I was taking notes and when I had filled up one page (it didn't take long)and turned to the next I saw Julia's sweet handwriting. She LOVES to write. I haven't taught her to write much, however. She can correctly spell Mommy, Daddy, Anson, Julia, Ella, May, and Wessner. She had written in my notebook and while she was just down the stairs and around some corners, it felt like she was right there. She's so sweet. Isn't that we are supposed to do? Write on the tablet of their hearts? Isn't that what God asked us to do? Have His word inscribed on our hearts?

Just today a dear friend who is on this journey with me, shared a story of how some KINDERGARTENERS wrote on their bathroom wall. Leaving their mark, I suppose. It's what we all long to do. Leave our mark. I think of the tradition of signing yearbooks, t-shirts, and if we're lucky our favorite artists will sign a CD for us. We are enamored with the written word. Why? How about John 1? In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. I believe that because God gave us His Word, both in text and in flesh, we are drawn to it out of a supernatural desire to know our Maker. You may think something else, that's just me. Back to Julia.

Seeing her sweet little words brought joy to my heart. What if they hadn't been sweet little words that she wrote on my paper? Would that have brought joy to my heart? I thought, "What words am I writing on her tablet?" When she is away from me, what words does she have? Are they my words or are they The Words?

What I know about the stage that my children are in, the grammar stage for those Classical Schoolers out there, is that they remember more than I can imagine! Am I writing anything worthwhile? Am I giving them anything wonderful to engrave on their hearts? I have to say that where I do, I don't ever want to feel comfortable or feel like they have "enough." I want them so full, so satiated, that one day they'll choose those words to write on those pages that are still blank. I pray that one day, when they go to Glory, The Father, The Word would see that on every page of the tablet of their heart, His Word is written. Not one single space for anything else. That excites me. May it be so.

The Little Big Things

2010-05-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

I don't really feel as though I am sacrificing a ton by not having a job. Everything in my life is a bit "smaller" our house, budget, I can't think of much else. You see, God has continually impressed me with His willingness to grant those things to my family that I would have never asked for. There are things that we just don't "do." Although even as I type this I'm trying to think of HUGE examples of how we don't spend our money. Honestly, we do everything that we want to do. Several years ago we used Dave Ramsey's plan to crawl out of debt, and when we stopped eating crumbs off the floor, we sat up to the table and eat what satisfying foods that only Christ can offer. We don't go without. We choose to not do certain things, but we do not go without. Ever. Why do I say all this?

A few weeks ago my friend called with the exciting news that they had won tickets to see Mary Poppins at the Fox. This was exciting for both of us, although the show that we really want to see is the Little House Musical. We were, however, excited by the Lord's favor and I was excited for her. I love friendships where you are genuinely excited when the other receives wonderful gifts. So, she was set to go on Friday of that week. A few days later on a Thursday they discover that the tickets have "mistakenly" been made for Thursday, a night that was logistically impossible for their family. So, she was kind to the woman working with her, and finally asked if she could simply give the tickets away so that they would not be wasted. My friend did not kick and scream and complain about the inability for this woman to produce the correct tickets, and she called me. She said, "Hey, we've got these tickets and there is simply no way we can go. Do you guys want them? They are for tonight." YOU BET!!! I didn't even think about how we would pull it off. All I knew is that I LOVE the theatre and would make it happen. I called Mike and told him to come straight home from work because we had plans! It's was about 3:00. The show started at 8:00 and we live about 2-2 1/2 hours away.

I was babysitting and it worked out that the Mom could get the baby before we needed to leave, so after showers and bows and a whirlwind of excitement, off we went! The kids and I have never been to the Fox, so we had no idea of what to expect. I grew up (very fortunate) enjoying Broadway in New York City, I knew it would be awesome, but wasn't sure what the kids would think. I ended up watching two shows! I was watching the show and I was watching my kids watch the show. It was incredible! I couldn't even describe it to Kelli the next day. All I could say was that I'd need to see it several more times to really see all of the incredible things that were packed into the performance. It was a gift for the greatest Gift-Giver. Here is the best part...

The person that Kelli was working with was so sorry for the mix-up that she managed to get Kelli tickets for Friday night!!! They got to enjoy it as well!!! What a wonderful treat to know that they would enjoy the fabulous show as well. It was such fun for both of us.

So, all that to say that God is concerned about those little BIG things. Those things that aren't "spiritual" (but isn't it all?) that we simply enjoy. Those things that bring us delight. He is a good Father and enjoys watching us enjoy the show. That is exactly what we did, we enjoyed the show.

Alright...now I'm annoyed...I can't upload any pics right now...so I'll have to wait until Mike wakes from his Sunday slumber...sorry about that...but if I don't post this now....I might never!!!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T18:33:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I do love Mother's Day. I love how intentional everyone is to tell me what a great job I am doing. I love the handmade cards and sweet surprises that Mike comes up with (although with a cruise just around the corner, there may be just sweet...no surprise). I love feeling like I can sit back and have Mike do everything because it is, after all, Mother's Day. Then I don't feel lazy or guilty like I do on the other days (or like right now because he is folding the clothes that I just didn't...all week!). It feels good to be honored, doesn't it?
I wish I felt like half the mother they think I am. Amen?

I have been listening to the conversations that go on around me. I am in some of them, so I'm not really eaves-dropping, but I have found a theme. We are in a competition with an imaginary woman. I have noticed that when one person says that they saved doing whatever, another woman will share how she saved even more. Or, one person says that they did something organic and another woman did something even MORE organic. I do it too! When others see the sugary cereal on our shelves we say things like, "I don't normally buy that but..." I say, "I don't normally buy that, but I use it for a story snack." You know what else I use it for? EATING!!! It's got preservatives, additives, sugar, fake stuff that I cannot pronounce...but IT WAS ON SALE AND I HAD A COUPON...SO THERE! What else? Someone walks in and your house vomited while you were out and you say, "I am so sorry my house is a mess I ...." I usually say something like, "Please don't judge me, I just can't pull it together." That you might get if you are a close friend. I may come up with another better excuse if we are new friends. We have begun creating work for ourselves all in the name of saving or providing better options for our family. I think that we have good intentions. But may I be honest? Sometimes I just want to be better. Sometimes I make work for myself so that someone somewhere might think I'm a good Mom. I'm hoping that as the lady rings up all of my fruits and veggies she'll think I'm a good Mom, even if they aren't organic. I'm hoping that when my children sing The Ten Commandments in Marshall's, someone will hear and be amazed at what "I must be doing at home." I'm just being honest. It's foul, I know, but it's what happens when I am trying to earn the approval of man, rather than the approval of God.

God does not tell me in so many words that I should do x,y, and z and I'll be a good Mom. He gives me Biblical answers on how to train them to know and fear Him. He gives me wisdom to know how to direct their hearts and discipline them so that they may live long in the land that the Lord thy God giveth thee. (That's part of our song. :) ) He gives me principles that I can apply on how to keep my home and make it a place of Grace. The Grace being His end of the deal. The comparison robs me. Comparison makes me believe that doing what He has called me to do is not good enough. OR it causes me to cast judgement on those who aren't doing it my way, believing they must, somehow be wrong, even misled. Heaven help me!

The comparison monster is something I pray that God will deal with. It makes me make crazy decisions or paralyzes me with fear that I might not be good enough, or worse yet, they (meaning my children) won't either. We need to support one another. We need to pray for one another. This Motherhood thing is no joke. We need to be on the same team. Am I the only one who notices this? Let's do a little "lab session." I'll ask a few questions and you tell me how you feel about them. These are a few of the "biggies."

Do your children eat organic fruits and vegetables?
Do you bake your own bread?
Do you make your own laundry soap?
Is your child reading on grade level?
Is your game closet organized?
Is your laundry caught up?
Do you make every meal from scratch?
Do you save for college?
Is there a ring in your toilet?
Are your floors mopped?
Do you iron?
Do you use coupons?
Please do not misunderstand, these are GREAT things. However, they are NOT the main thing. Do you see how when you answer positively you feel awesome, but then if you answer negatively you feel condemned? Pretty sneaky trick of Satan, isn't it? Then we don't want to hang out with the Mom's that are "better" than us because they make us feel inadequate. We are looking at the wrong list. How about this.

Do you tell your children that you love them?
Do you ask for forgiveness when you sin against them?
Do you read the Bible with and to them?
Do you marvel with them when the sky turns pink like cotton candy?
Do you buy them their favorite things because you know that even though they have plenty, they will LOVE "just one more."
Do you lose sleep when they are sick?
Do you lose sleep when they are well?
Do you think they are the best thing going?
Do you thank Jesus for them?

We shouldn't compare at all, but if we are, let's align our lists and study the one that is eternal. Actually, let's study the One that is eternal. Let's do the good things, those that matter the most to us, but I've got to tell you, I'm not that organic, I rarely use coupons, I spend a good bit of money on store-bought bread and my laundry is more clean that it is folded. I cannot keep up. I give up. I'm crying uncle. I'm out. I cannot compare myself anymore. I just can't. There will always be someone that is better, neater, smarter, thinner, more clever, more crafty, more thrifty, more compassionate, more intentional...just plain MORE! Than I can ever be. So, here's what I am asking God to do for me. When those 3 blessings blast into my bedroom tomorrow morning with more joy on their faces than I will know what to do with, and when they look me dead in the face and tell me that I am the best in the world, I'm going to believe them. I'm going to overlook this house, the extra weight, all the falling short and believe that to them, and for them, because of Christ, I am the best Mom in the world...to Anson, Julia and Ella. You know what else I'm going to believe? I'm going to believe the same about you.

Happy Mother's Day.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith."

Fragile. Handle with care.

2010-04-25T13:56:00.001-07:00

Having a baby? No...I'm not. I am, however, getting one. A dear friend of mine has entrusted me with her baby for a few days every month. When I considered serving her in this way it felt like a no brainer. She's my friend, I enjoy having children in my home (especially babies) and she needed help. As soon as I told her that I would help I hung up the phone and was almost stricken with fear. What if something happens? What if he gets hurt, or sick or sad or...whatever crazy thing may happen while under my care? My friend didn't think she could have children, this little guy is a pretty big deal. I was scared to death! Then I heard this voice, "Ali, the other ones you keep aren't yours either." I may have blogged about this before, but it's on my mind now that I have his things here and we're ready for the morning.

How do I treat someone else's children? Am I more patient? More fun? More kind? Am I quick to listen to their very long stories out of kindness rather than duty? I forget very quickly that the children that I care for daily are not my "belongings." They have also been entrusted into my care for a short time. God has not given these children to me because I deserve them or because I asked for them. He gave them to me that I might rear them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. That maybe, just maybe they will live for Him. It's a huge task. Why don't I tremble with fear? Why don't I consider that their Father would expect me to parent them according to His rules. I'm not going to take this little guy and just do what I want or what I think is best. I'm going to do as his mother asks. She is the parent. Just as God is the parent of my children. His word goes...the buck stops with Him...Glory and Honor and Praise belong to Him.

I hope that as I struggle with all of His energy that works powerfully in me that I would not be a "good" parent, but rather a vessel that is poured out on a daily basis to love and serve the most amazing children I've ever known...remembering that not one of them belongs to me.

Hmmm

2010-04-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Lately the Lord has been revealing where the stench is coming from. You know how you wander around and every now and then you get a whiff of something? If you have little children you pick them up first and give them a sniff. When you don't smell anything there you give their pants a peek to see if you are missing something. Nope, not them. If you have bigger kids you check under beds and in the trash cans. Did they leave food in here (Yeah, I know they aren't supposed to be eating in their rooms)or old socks. Did they forget to throw their dirty clothes in the hamper? Did I wash the dirty clothes? You start sniffing your clothes, your hands. Where is that smell??? You tell your husband to take the trash out (Sorry, ladies, that ain't my job!!!) and still...what is that STANK??? I've been smelling it for a while and couldn't put my finger on it until finally I found it. I was reading the Word one day and all of a sudden I discovered where the stank was coming from...me.

I know that in Christ I am justified and forgiven and free. I know that I am being sanctified on a daily basis and that I will not be perfect until Jesus calls me home or comes and gets us all. However, I do go through seasons where the discipline is a bit more intense, a bit more necessary. The discovery...I am the Older Brother.

Now, that may not make any sense to you because I am not a boy and I am not entirely older than all of my siblings (most of them, though). The infamous Prodigal Son had a brother. He was older and he was good. He made the right decisions and he stayed and slaved for his father while his brother blew his inheritance doing all of the wrong things. When the "lost" brother came home the older brother was MAD! It was not fair that his brother would not be demoted to servant after the stunt he had pulled. I agree that it wasn't fair. I struggle with that...because I am the one who stayed. My friend loaned me a book by Timothy Keller (for those of you who know me it's TIM KELLER!!!). The title of the book is The Prodigal God. For those of you thinking that God is not lost or wayward, let me tell you what the word prodigal means. I was shocked: prodigal: 1.recklessly extravagant 2. having spent everything. This was a great book and this coupled with the excellent teaching that I receive on Sunday mornings I see what a wretch the older brother is. He was/is just as lost...only worse because he doesn't see his need for a Savior. He doesn't need one. Oh but I DO!!! I am in the very beginning stages of moving through this, but that's what I've been seeing and learning. It's pretty nasty...pretty stanky...pretty great that God would show this to me in order that I can repent and move forward. So that I can join Him at the feast. It's an excellent and quick read that I would highly recommend.

What else have I been doing? Flip-flopping. Do you ever do something that seems so radical but makes so much sense? I rarely do. I'm not radical and do not have a track record for doing things that make a great deal of sense. However, this I love. A couple of weeks ago Ella was whining (as usual) about being hungry and it was not even 2 hours after breakfast. I was so exhausted by her whining and moaning that I said, "I guess I'm going to have to make a big breakfast because I cannot do this another week!" Mike's response was, "Why don't you just make dinner." I thought, " I just might."

As soon as we got home I Googled it and found that someone has written a book about it and that it isn't that bad of an idea. In fact, it's a pretty good one. So, that Monday we started. We had spaghetti carbonara that first day. Ella's whining was substantially less and no one said they were hungry until the should have been, 12:15. It was great. I also loved know that dinner was already cooked, consumed, and cleaned up. So, we are still doing it. This is our third week and I LOVE it! I know that this won't work for most people, but let me tell you a few things that I love that you may help you out.
1.When the kids are the hungriest they are eating what is typically the best meal of the day.
2. Everyone wakes up and is eating at the same time. We get up at 7:00, Mike leaves for work at 7:30.
3. The whining is WAY down.
4. The dishes are finished by 9:00
5. By the end of the day the last thing I want to do is make a meal, so now I don't look forward to the evening with dread, but with delight because I am not in the kitchen.
6. Eating the meals backwards is supposed to help lose/maintain a healthy weight.
7. I don't feel like snacking because I am sufficiently full for the day.
8. I dont' feel like I need dessert when I've eaten breakfast for dinner. I eat yogurt with granola and raspberries, maybe some toast, grapefruit on some nights and that satisfies my sweet tooth.
9. I have to be prepared for my day, rising before the kids which has been something I've been wanting to do for a LONG TIME!
10. We don't go out to dinner (read waste money)because I have no problem fixing a light dinner. The excuse of "I just don't feel like it" is out the window.
11. In the evenings I am outside (or wherever my family is) because I don't have to make dinner.
12. I feel like I am ahead of my day by 8:00 and that is super helpful!!!

Those are just a few reasons for why this is working for us. It's not really as weird as you would think to eat "dinner" foods at breakfast. This morning we had lasagne, bread, and salad. We eat normal lunches and cereal, toast, yogurt, and fruit for dinner. So, it's been a neat experiment. The kids have not been fired up about it (mostly Anson) but we told him that he should build a bridge (and get on over it) because this was much better for our family for reasons that he may not understand.

So, now I have to review Anson's memory work before he tests for Memory Master tomorrow. Hooray!!! That's just a little of what has been going on here. Hope all is well wherever you are!!!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a nutrition expert. Please do not take this as advice for nutritional purposes. I'm just a Mom that needed to do something about a whiney 3 year old and this was the most logical solution.

That's Why!!!

2010-03-24T20:04:00.001-07:00

This has been lingering in my brain for some time, and now that the house has fallen silent, I will attempt to get it out...a little something...

Ella is nuts. I struggle with how to relate to her, how to discipline her, how to talk to her. I love her crazy personality. She's hard. I feel like she is constantly getting hurt. Usually it's because she has either been impatient or she just plain doesn't trust me (or she just plain disobeys and gets hurt.) Lately I feel like it's ALL the time. I found myself saying the same thing over and over again, "Ella, that's why we don't __________." A few minutes later, "Why are you crying? Oh, Ella, that's why we don't _____________." Or "Stop, that's enough. If you would have listened to me you wouldn't have ___________." I finally realized what bitter words those were to my little 3 year old. Obviously she gets it at this point. When they bleed, they get it, right? I got it. I got how thankful I was that when I get hurt because I haven't trusted, or I've been impatient, or I have just plain disobeyed, the Lord doesn't say, "See, Ali, that's what happens when we don't wait until we're married." Or "Why are you crying? That's why we don't borrow money we can't pay back." Or "Stop, that's enough, I've answered you and I will not talk about this again."

I have surely received discipline from God. Discipline that I have needed, but it was so much more kind and gentle. It led me to repentance. It didn't embarrass me or shame me. It convicted me and changed me. So, I'm reconsidering my strategy for getting through to Ella. The, "See I told ya so!" Is just not cutting it. I suppose I'll have to pray for a little less me and a lot more Him!

Done...

2010-03-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

Wow. There has been a lot going on in my little house. It looks like someone shook my house, turned it upside down, rolled it around, set it back up and shook it again. It's been NUTS. I told a friend today that I better get off the phone or we'd have to spend the night in a hotel! We've been spring cleaning, and that has made a mess. It's like you stir the pot and dirt and random pieces just surface. I don't mind the big things, it's once you get those put away all of the little "things." There is no word for them. They are just pieces and parts that are vital to something, but it just isn't together. Mercy. It's getting better, and I am pleased with the results, but it's been something. So, that's what has been going on. I just set the stage for this little message that my computer gave me that I said, "Yes and Amen" to. Here it is. This is probably a blogella...

I was searching for something today online. Now I can't even remember what it was. I found what I needed and at the bottom of the screen where it usually says, "Done" as in, "the page is fully loaded." It read, "Done, but with errors on page." That tickled me. I thought, "Yup, story of my life." I did it, but it didn't turn out the way I had anticipated. This whole cleaning thing. "Done, but with errors on the page." Everything. Everything. Everything. "Done, but a little screwy." I am one difficult person. I struggle with most everything. I'm a capable person, but sometimes I just think, "Why can't I get that right? It looked so pretty in my head." We bought our girls some new (Craigslist kind of new) furniture. I thought Julia would just love it and she did, until she had to put her clothes away. Then she said that she wanted the other stuff back. My heart sank. "Done, but your daughter doesn't love it." I was so sad. I don't want her to try to please me all the time, but I was disappointed by her disappointment. The laundry is washed and dried, but I would rather peruse the Internet and look at homeschool rooms than fold it, "Done, but only mostly." You know what, you wanna hear what keeps me whistling? Or at least keeps me from cussing? "My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." You know what Jesus said? He said, "It is finished." That's music to my ears. "Done." Done to perfection. Done to God's standard's. Done to set me free from the errors on my page.

Y'all sleep tight and when you start checking your list for all that has been finished I hope those words make you smile. Done. What's next? Live for Him. Done. (but with errors...Heaven help me!!!)

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Big Fat Ring

2010-03-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

Many of you know I have girls. My girls laugh hard and cry hard! They love pretty things and all that glitters. I adore it. Yesterday we were driving around looking for some new furniture for the kids (can I say SPRING CLEANING!!!) and Julia asked me if I would like to wear her "beautiful" pink ring. I said sure and let her slip it on my finger as we headed into the store. I didn't really pay much attention to it until we were driving to the next store. As my hand turned the steering wheel it's lovely silver designs caught my eye and the pink was the perfect color against the silver. It really is a pretty ring! The SIZE of this thing is ridiculous! It's something you'd see on some Hollywood movie star. I had the funniest thought, "Wow, that makes my ring look pretty puny." WHAT!!! That's really not funny! Here is why:
My husband bought my ring for me as a complete surprise. He and his entire family picked it out and he would let no one else try it on until it was on my hand. I let my sister-in-law try it on when he wasn't looking! It's the perfect size for me. He is a P.E. teacher and did not have time (or money) to save. It was purchased out of God honoring love and a desire to have me on his arm (and nerves) for the rest of his natural life. It's real. It's mine. It's a symbol of the commitment of two folks to one another and God himself. It's NOT puny. Let's talk about ring #2...

It was purchased by my sister for Julia. It was $2.00. It is not real. It is too big. It was purchased for fun. It will be lost and found 400 times until the girls no longer care for it. It is disposable.

Hmmmm. Which is better? Mine of course! I did share this with my husband as soon as it hit me. I told him how ridiculous it was to even compare the two. One was fake and the other real. WHY WOULD I EVEN COMPARE??? Silly, I know, but I did it. I do it all the time. I did it last week when I was blog-surfing and found several ladies with a fancy blog with buttons and links and all sorts of fancy stuff. I have to call Kelli whenever I want to do anything "new and exciting" like add a picture! I'm not fancy. I'm just Ali. I just want to write, I don't want to design or maintain. Is that bad? Nope. It's not. It's silly is what it is. But, what about the deeper issues of comparison. When you see the outside of a marriage or a family and wish yours was like theirs. Careful, careful! What about yours? What about the real thing you are looking at? Everyone has a pretty face. We air our dirty laundry, sure, but if you think you know all my secrets you've got another thing coming! We all need Jesus. We all have fallen short of the glory of God. We ALL like sheep have wandered away. None of us are righteous. No. Not. One.

I continue to learn that as I compare I condemn. I condemn those who don't measure up to me and then I condemn myself for not measuring up to others. I don't want the pink ring. I want what I have. I want real, honest, and sincere. I think we all do. So, where it might be fun to wear the ring. I'll never take mine off for fear I'll lose it, or myself. God help me to keep my eyes on you. My standard is Christ and His death and resurrection is the only thing that keeps me from absolute destruction. I praise you for reminding me in "Ali ways" that comparison belittles that which is real and priceless.

A Visitor for Bear

2010-02-27T16:48:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite times of the day is when we are piled up on our chair or couch with a stack of books around us. Most recently we were reading a book called, "A Visitor for Bear" written by Bonny Becker. The illustrations are beautifully done and the story is really sweet. My heart was convicted as I read it. I suppose sometimes I don't slow down enough for the Lord to show me my heart and it's tendencies, but this book stopped me.

There is a grumpy bear that doesn't care for visitors. He is so very against visitors that he has even nailed a sign to his door. There is, however, a little mouse. The mouse is small and gray and bright-eyed. The bear is furious that this mouse continues to completely ignore his disdain for visitors. The mouse keeps appearing and each time the bear chases him out, he goes one step further in keeping the mouse out. He firmly locks the door, boards the windows shut, stopped up the chimney and even plugged the drain in the tub. He did not want company! Eventually the mouse wears the bear down and he allows the mouse to stay for a bit of cheese and a cup of tea. Fair enough. As they share this small time the bear begins to open up, he begins sharing jokes and tricks. He begins to soften and enjoy the company. In fact, when it is time for the mouse to leave, he begs him to stay. What happened to the bear?

He was pursued. The mouse didn't care. The mouse didn't stop at a locked door or a boarded window. Even the stopped up tub didn't phase him. I loved it. I won't tell you anymore, because it really is a precious read, I will say that the change in bear challenged me. I wondered, "Lord, is there anyone that has locked their doors, sealed their chimney, or even stoppered their tub that needs a friend?" Is there someone, somewhere that has a joke to tell by a warm fire and no one to share it with? Is there someone who can do a headstand and no one is there to watch it? Who are they Lord? Who are they and where are they? Please let me see them. Please don't let me be afraid of their barred windows and locked doors.

You see, all of us lock the doors at some point. All of us stopper the tub hoping to keep someone, or something out. As Jesus pursued me...and continues to pursue me I have to pull those nails out of the boards one at a time. Each time a bit more sunlight shines through the window. A bit more daylight warms the cold areas of my heart where I would not allow someone. As He pursues me, I pray that I would be bold enough to pursue others. To ask how people are doing, and wait for a response. I pray that I would sit and listen to stories that I may have heard before. I pray that I wouldn't mock the lonely spirit that wanders into a conversation to which they were not included. I pray that my eyes would be open and aware...looking for the souls that are locked up tight. Perhaps there is a sign on their heart, "No Visitors Allowed." I pray that I would look past that sign, ignore it all together and let them know that I am not a visitor. Visitors come and leave quickly. No, I don't want to visit. I don't want someone to put their best face on and clean up because they know they are having a "visitor." I hope that God would make me into a person that is more than a visitor, something more like a friend.

How about you? Are you the bear? Shut up nice and tight in the safety of your own world, but lonely and longing for a friend to share your life with? Or are you the mouse? Small and gray and bright-eyed that just wants to share a bit of cheese and a cup of tea? I think we are all a little bit of both, perhaps we would all make wonderful friends.

"A friend loves at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Winter Wonderland

2010-02-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Snow? Here? YES!!!

2010-02-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

The Weather folks predicted it...we all laugh when we hear it. "We're expecting about ____ inches of snowfall." We still make a trip to the store and get a few things that we'll be needing. For us it was milk, ice-cream and frozen pizza. I know...real essentials. We had a blast. I will say a southern snow is the best of both worlds. You get the beauty of a white world, the canceling of everything so you can enjoy your family, and then it goes away! It started yesterday and fell steady into the evening. The kids ran around to every window to watch it fall and then pulled the curtains apart to stare at it while they drifted off to sleep. This morning they were begging to go outside, we held them off for a while and finally wrapped hands and feet in plastic, grabbed the most "snow-friendly" gear we could find, and we headed out. When we wandered into the woods the kids said that it was just like Narnia before the White Witch was dethroned! The girls and I came in first and started on some "snow-cream." My friend Jo posted it on her blog and I thought, "How fun. I'll never have the chance." How happy to have had the chance. It was pretty good. It had the consistancy of Chick-fil-A's ice cream. Our neighbor came over and the boys built a fort while the girls snuggled in my bed for some Saturday shows. Then, the laundry piled up (honestly it's been lingering...I'm struggling with it lately!) and the snow melted. Perfect. Our family up north is pretty much locked in their homes due to the snow...I know they don't love the heat...or the bugs...but I gotta say that a southern snow beats a northern snow hands down!!! Spring anyone? Enjoy the pictures!

Blog Surfing...and other rambles

2010-02-12T17:41:00.001-08:00

I was just surfing around and noticed I was getting into dangerous territory. There are people out there that take amazing vacations with their amazing money with their amazing figures. I have to be careful...I've got some pretty amazing things around here to. So, I figured while my amazing husband was snuggling with our amazing 3 year old I'd write some of these amazing people that read this blog.

Ella (the amazing 3 year old) has a cough. It's not so bad during the day, but at night...it's making us NUTS! Twice this week I slept in her bed to help her calm down when it woke her up, and one night Mike slept with her. I think I was becoming a bit, shall we say, dramatic. The second night that I had given up my snuggly spot in my bed to snuggle with a coughing and REALLY dramatic 3 year old my feelings got incredibly hurt. I had gotten Ella water, I'd been shooting up to help her calm down all through the night. I was exhausted. Do you know what that little curly headed crazy woman had the nerve to do? She called for her FATHER!!! I was so mad. Speaking to her as though she were an adult I said, "Are you kidding me? I'm right here!" I was so offended I thought, "Yeah, go get Daddy. He'll be groggy and confused and won't be near as helpful as me. While you're up, Sugar-Pie, ask him to show you his stretch marks. What? He doesn't have any? Well, ask him to show you where we keep the toilet cleaner or the candy that you eat after lunch. What? You say he doesn't know what you're talking about? That's because I'm the one making the biggest sacrifices here! I'm the one! Look at me...call out to ME!!!" That was a lot of talking to myself in the middle of the night, huh? Gotta talk to someone when you are the only one awake besides the wacko that won't speak to you because you aren't Daddy. Hurt. Really hurt. I almost left, then I remembered that I was the adult. Durn.

The other night I was doing the dishes, for a change actually, Mike's been doing them a lot lately...I think it's all me tonight though...there they sit and there he sleeps...anyway...dishes, I was washing the dishes and the Lord brought that to my mind. I was hoping that He was going to agree with me that I was the way better sacrificer and martyr and should be nominated for Mother of the Year...or something. Instead He said, "You do the same thing." Hmmmm. Me? "Yup. You." I ponder how that is possible. Then I saw it. When days are long and patience are short, I call for other things. I call for other people, other objects. There's Jesus, my precious Savior right next to me...again...and I am wildly out of control calling for someone or something else. I see, Jesus. "Yes, I know. You see because I have shown it to you." Sorry. "I know. I love you. I'm here. Stay calm. Cry out...and when you do, cry out to me."

Check. Who am I crying out to? Do I pick up the phone or demand that Mike stop everything to hear what I'm working through. Who do I speak to when I feel sad or left out or out of control? Lord, please help me.

The flip side of that is I'm training my children to call out to their Father. Not Mike, they will find out one day that he does fall short. I want them to consult me, but when it comes down to it, cry out their Heavenly Father, knowing that in their time of need He is the One that is Mighty to Save. Lord, help us if we ever believe that we can love our children better than you. Draw them near, hold them tight, and help us to point to You.

An unrelated comment that stopped me in my tracks. The other night Mike was going out to check on something and they wanted to know where he was going. It had been really loud in the house and he said, with a huge smile on his face, "I'm leaving...don't follow me." Writing that sounds so harsh, it was said in jest be assured. Do you know what Anson's response was, "Julia, he's totally kidding. Dads never say that." Oh, Anson...YOURS WILL NEVER SAY THAT! Daddy's do. Lord, help Daddy's stay. Help Daddy's work things out with Mommy's. Rescue marriages in America. Remind me, Lord, that what we have here is by Your grace and for Your glory.

I better get to the dishes. It just wouldn't do for my man do have dishpan hands, now would it? Maybe???

Play!

2010-01-28T19:28:00.001-08:00

This is hard to keep up with! I do love to write...unfortunately many things stay in my head. Crowding stuff! Here's a little blogella.

I never learned how to read or play music. I took a little bit of guitar and sang in chorus, but never learned how to read music. In fact, thinking back, I suppose I faked it a bit in chorus because we did those "sight reading" things and I just pretended. Interesting. So, like any Mom trying to redeem her own childhood, my children are learning to read music. As many of you know we've played the tin whistle a bit, and we are now taking recorder classes. Feel free to hum Hot Cross Buns right about...now. Isn't that the only thing most of us learned? It makes me giggle. So, I did buy myself a recorder, just like I bought myself a tin whistle. I'm going to learn, too!

The nights that I remember for all of us to practice is fun for me. The kids want to hear themselves play, but I want to play, too! One evening I noticed that Julia was blowing with her cheeks, which meant that she wasn't using her tongue to stop the notes, but her breath. I gently corrected her and we moved on. She is really good at recognizing the notes and playing them properly. She sits up straight, left hand on top...she's good.

A few days later at practice I looked up at her and got a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't playing. I crawled over to her chair to listen and guess what, "I was right!" She wasn't blowing. She was sitting straight up, hands properly positioned on the recorder, looking straight at her Coach, and...nothing. I leaned in and said, "Play, Jules. Play." She shook her head and began to blow.

Hmmmm. There are many places I could go with this. First I am thinking I want to be sure that I don't freak my kids out to the point of not playing. Julia is a perfectionist and I can imagine that she didn't want to make a mistake and be "found out." I need to be sure that she knows screwing up is part of the rules! That's why there is Jesus. So, there's the mental note of parenting, then there is this...

I know the right things to do. I know the right things to say. However, sometimes my heart isn't fully engaged. I'm just not playing. Sometimes when people make comments about me that are very kind, I just think, "You have no idea. That I wasn't even playing that day you saw me." I don't want to be like that. You know what folks like that are called? Jesus called them Pharisees. We call them hypocrites. Our minds are engaged but our hearts are out to lunch, maybe even reviewing our scripture memory for all the world to see.

So, here's the thing. It happens. We just flip into auto pilot and we stay there. We look the part. We show up, we sing, we know the verbage, but our hearts are far. So, do we quit? Do we stop taking recorder? You may have a different answer, but I simply repented. I asked the Lord to change my heart and help me to be engaged. Help me to play. Help me to play even if I am holding a whole note while everyone else is playing a quarter note. Help me play even if I'm playing G when everyone else is playing B. God, just let me play.

It's an absolute privilege to be used by God in any capacity. I don't want to fake it. I want to play. I don't have to be first chair. I just want to make some noise for His glory and in His name. I think He's OK with that. I'm thankful, because nothing brings me more joy than playing for Him.

How about you? Is your head in the game? Or your heart?

My Broken Runs Deep

2010-01-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

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***I wrote this several days ago and have been unsure of whether I should post it. More than anything I never want anyone to misunderstand my struggle. I never want anyone to think I'm not grateful or thankful for this life, my life, that I've been given. However, this is something I deal with, a wound that runs deep that effects me in many ways. So, I hope this Cup helps you get to know me, and maybe help you. Blessings,
Ali

It was glorious! Cold on the outside, but all bundled up we were warm beneath our layers. Warm enough to stay in the snow for several hours laughing and playing with our family. This was our year to head up north for Christmas. My husband's entire family is about 2 hours from my Dad and Pam, so we take 10 days (sometimes more, sometimes less) and visit our family. This year we followed the blizzard, so where we weren't stuck in the snow, we were stuck on the road. Mike stuck it out 16 hours and we finally talked our van up Dad's newly shoveled driveway. We were thrilled!

My sister and her family made their way to Dad's the next day and she came bearing all of the gear necessary to endure the cold. Georgia cold is different from Pennsylvania cold, and so are the necessities. We needed gear that could get wet. She didn't let us down! Everyone looked adorable! The first day I remember saying, "This is the day we'll remember." It was one of those days that just treats you. The attitudes were grateful, the company... family...functioning...everyone was involved, laughing. I love thinking about it. Yet, in the bottom of my heart I felt a twinge of sadness. Not everyone was there. Strange. Count them up...yes, we are here indeed. Hm.

The next day we headed out again. The track for the sled was a bit icy, so the ride was faster...better. It was sweet. Ella, the shortest of the small ones, needed to go inside...too late. Durn. I better get her changed. I wasn't sure what to do so I stripped her down and set her inside the door so I could remove my shoes. I heard his voice, alarmed and booming...my mind became rattled and I was very young again. He was scared because he didn't see me, and only a naked Ella. A naked Ella and a VERY large puppy scared him. He didn't mean to scare me. He only reacted. So did I. Ella was worked up I pulled her from my sister and headed upstairs, hot and upset, to get her cleaned up and dressed. She wouldn't stop crying. Then I couldn't stop. "Why are you crying? Stop!" She begged me. It was too late, the scab had been pulled and my wounded heart was bleeding. She began using her sleeves to dry my eyes, I couldn't pull it together and I wasn't sure why. I couldn't stop the tears. The tears ran from my eyes and I couldn't help but think my heart was bleeding harder. My broken, 5 year old heart. What happened?

I knew if I stayed upstairs it wouldn't get better. I pulled it together as best I could and headed downstairs. He immediately came to me. "What's the matter?" He always gets nervous around tears. "Nothing. It's just dumb." "No, tell me...what is the matter?" I looked at him, he's always been so strong to me. So big. Now that his hair is gray I realize that he was only human afterall. His eyes are blue like my brother and sister...mine green like my mother. I cry now, thinking of that moment. "It's just that, it's just that sometimes I'm really happy with the way things turned out and sometimes, sometimes I'm just really sad. Today, I'm really sad." I tried to explain through my stifled cry, tears burning through my swollen eyes that I wanted her to enjoy this day. She is far from the snow. Far from this life. Always, everything was always so far. He was far from the heat. From the daily grind...from the birthdays, the proms...I didn't know he was human. I didn't know he knew he was far. "What do you mean?" He tried not to roar, he knows I'm the sensitive one. "She's always welcome here, call her." "I don't want her." I tried to explain. I just didn't want the distance anymore. "I'll be fine." I felt like I needed a bandage. Like any minute someone would notice that my clothes were bloodstained from years of being fine. I'm not fine. I'm broken. This is broken.

There was a cordial quietness for the remainder of the day. Words had been spoken. Not foolish or cruel, but honest and real. Those are the hardest to move. They will not fit inside a drawer or file folder. They cannot be cleaned off or out of the ears that they fell on. They remain, lingering, begging to be handled carefully. Darkness fell early, as it does this time of year and I was walking through the kitchen. I couldn't help but grabbing him, pulling him near and apologizing for "freaking out." "It's O.K honey", he whispered. "No one likes it, but it's something we have to get over." I laughed. Really? Get over it? He noticed the unspoken words and revised, "Get through it." I think he was bleeding too.

All this time. I didn't know it. All this time I thought we were the only humans. I was wrong.

I hesitate always in sharing how difficult divorce is on me. I hesitate because from the bitter fruit there was a sweetness. The sweetness has a name...new family. My step-parents, my sisters...God, in His goodness didn't leave us stranded and alone. I never want those people who would have never been included in my life had things not happened the way they did to feel as though I don't love them or cherish their love in my life. It's a double edged sword. Longing for what never was, yet never in a million years being willing to trade what is. How do you deal with that emotion? It's a secret (or it was...thanks internet) that as children we stuff down. We tell ourselves that it is what it is...suck it up. Then we have children.

This has been an incredible year. We have enjoyed many wonderful trips as a family. This November I said to Mike, "You four do not realize how good you have it." He was a bit confused until I explained further..."you enjoy this like everyone has this. Everyone has family vacations full of books and laughter. Not so." My heart is sad for what the 5 people missed. Our lives are full, again, I hesitate...but it is, well, broken. Deep. Only a Savior can stop the bleeding. Good thing that I know such a Savior. Even better that my Savior knows me.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

“He’s here! He’s here! Look, guys, he’s finally here!”

This has been a year for babies! Some of my closest friends have had their first baby this year, and several have had subsequent babies that we’ve been waiting on. I find it so exciting to wait on a baby. I never waited on mine (I think we’d still be waiting) so I enjoy the wait. I check my e-mail, and ask around, “Have you heard anything?” I almost always cry. To finally look at that face and decide who the child resembles (sometimes it looks like a grumpy old man, though!). One birth, in particular impacted me. I won’t go into the details, but I had the privilege of attending the birth of my best friend’s fourth baby. My friend waits on her babies. There is no talk of induction. She waits. Everyday it was a question, “Will today be the day?” For several days it wasn’t. Finally, when we least expected it…he was here! The siblings were jerked from a very sound sleep so they wouldn’t miss this long expected and much anticipated arrival. What pure joy! Everyone counted toes and smelled his soft baby hair and rejoiced that at last he was here. All my friend kept repeating was, “Look, guys, he’s here! He’s finally here!”
It makes me think of another baby that was rejoiced over. For hundreds of years the people of God waited on their Deliverer. They waited on the King that would rescue them from their bondage to the law and their slavery to sin. The people waited and waited and attempted to induce God with plans of their own. Still, he waited until the time was just right. He waited until everything was exactly as it should be and then… My mind pictures a sky lit up by the stars that were expecting the birth. I imagine it was still, other than the normal sounds of animals in the evening. I picture Mary’s eyes opening for the first time after a long and focused labor as she grips The Promise and gazes up at Joseph and these words fall from her parched lips, “Look, He’s finally here.” We see how the heavens rejoiced as they announced to the Shepherds that they should get moving because He was here. Ah, yes. He is here, indeed. Emanuel, God with us.
Now, we didn’t have any babies this year, and our babies aren’t babies anymore, but they get better and better every year. Here’s a little picture:
Anson is 7 and in the 1st grade. This is our first year of Classical Conversations, which is our co-op and he is thriving…we all are, actually! His favorite things are Legos, books and more Legos! He is an amazing brother and an excellent student…not to mention son. It’s been a sweet year.
Julia turned 5 this year and it’s a little hard to believe. She is growing up beautifully and although she’s considered Pre-K (the problem with home schooling is we’re never sure what grade they are really in  ) she’s reading some books on her own and I cannot believe that I have 2 readers in the house. She’s a hard worker and refuses to give up, or let Anson be better than she is. She is fast on her feet and she just might be the athlete. She is extremely attentive to details and always notices my jewelry. She’s a girl through and through and I LOVE IT!
Ella, Ella, Ella. Now, Ella, is “flea” years old. She is absolutely adorable with her curly blond hair and very subtle speech imperfections. “Plobably we should read this mazagine clickly.” You can figure out that she’s saying, “Probably we should read this magazine quickly.” It’s just so cute and subtle. When asked what she should say to my Uncle after leaving his office she looked at her feet and said, “Sorry.” The correct response was, “Thank You!” Pretty revealing as to what she’s learning!!! Her ability to memorize and retell information is unmatched and when people ask what I do with her while the others are “schooling” I say, “Let her be in the room!” She’s precious to us and I don’t know what we would be without her.
Mike and I are growing as parents and as husband and wife. Sometimes we look at each other and wonder what we did with ourselves for that short time when we didn’t have children. He continues to serve as a P.E. teacher and learn how to honor God with everything that he does. I continue to fold clothes and plan meals. That’s what I call “Livin’ la vida loca!” I’m learning what the word “enough” means and loving that God promises that He will always be and provide enough. I’m also thoroughly enjoying the fact that God is redeeming my education. I am learning so much! So far my favorite is the Tin Whistle. If you’re lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) you’ll get a little concert. We feel the breath of God breathing life into our everyday, normal stuff…all because, “He’s here!”
May His very precious promises and His presence carry you through another year.

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10. Even the angels said it, “Look guys, HE’S HERE!”

What does a UGA grad look like?

2009-12-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

You'll find out soon enough...you'll find out when my husband gets home with the camera. Today was a BIG day for my family. My little baby brother (the only truth in that statement is that he's my brother!) graduated today after a 7 1/2 year battle with UGA! We are so very proud. We weren't sure it was really happening. Not because he can't do it, but because he's been really close before. He took some "breaks" made some "choices" but in the end...the boy DID IT! I got up early (yuck) to ride with my parents...alone (unyuck!) to Athens to participate in the big day. We arrived to a sleepy boy...SURPRISE...luckily (or because he lost his mind) his door was left unlocked, so Gary was able to enter and give him a morning shake so that he could get to the Coliseum on time. Yeah for the carelessness of not locking your door!!! (I did say he was a UGA grad...HA) So, he came out in his graduation gown and we just squealed like kiddies! What a sight. Our little Andy in a graduation gown! He grabbed his tassel and hat and we headed to get the party started!

When we got to the coliseum he took off to get to the right place and we headed inside for seats. We just kept saying, "We can't believe this is really happening. Are we really here?" Andy's 20's were hard on our family. He is our greatest joy, and sometimes what will stop our heart. Precious I tell you. So, he walks out...SO CUTE! Gary spotted him first and we just screamed (Mom and I). We called him, since it was so quiet and he could hear us...whatever...so then we just literally called him on the phone. That is always so funny to me when you watch someone that is on the phone looking for someone and they're like, "I see you, do you see me. Look left...no right...alright, look at the man standing next to the lady in the ugly sweater! OH!" Well, he never really found us, but he knew which direction to look, so anytime anything happened he looked our way and I took tons of pictures. He just wanted to share that with us and we wanted to share it with him. It was good to know we were there, he knew we were there, but we all wanted to see each other. To make eye contact, to use those words that aren't words at all. Growing up with someone you learn how to speak without words, don't you? We wanted to say, "We see you big Mister! You did it! You look great...quit texting and listen!!!" He wasn't looking for someone else's parents, or siblings...no one else mattered. Just us. When everyone stood, it was our faces that he wanted to see. He didn't care who was standing...as long as it was us.

Who do you care about? Who are you looking for? When you celebrate those huge moments, or the mundane, whose face do you want to see? Yeah, for me...it's not always the right answer. It's the approval of everyone else. Like, "Look, everyone...I made it aren't you proud?" No matter that my Heavenly Father never leaves His throne and is always waving frantically..."Look UP! Do you see me waving? Do you see me swell up with pride that I am your Creator?" Andy looked our direction in faith. He knew where about we were standing and knew that since we could see him it was alright. The fist pumps, the joy, the satisfaction with finishing something well...we saw it. In fact, once we found him, we never took our eyes off of him. No one else in that place mattered to us. No one else had a story that could touch our hearts like his does. We only came to see him.

God does indeed care about more than us, but His attention is so very personal! This season is busy for everyone, but look UP! You may not see Him, but look in His direction and I'll bet you any money that you'll find Him. In fact He says that you will find Him when you seek Him with all of your heart. The shepherds found Him, the wise men found Him...He found me.

Gaps...

2009-12-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

"So, what's Santa going to bring you kids? Are you on the nice list? I bet that one is." The gentleman in Chick-fil-A waited until we finished our prayer to ask. The kids looked at me with huge grins and Anson mouthed, "You say it, Mom." I shook my head a few times and we continued to "entertain" this man's question. What did Anson want me to say? Well, let me say that we don't "do" Santa. It's not a huge deal, we have just decided that's not how we want to spend our energy or our conversations. There are so many other wonderful conversations to have this time of year, we just don't "do" it. This is the first year we outright told our children. In the past we've sort of raised our eyebrows and grinned, we weren't sure what we thought. We are sure now. We don't want to do it. So, I made up a little song of what they, in theory, could say when all of the well meaning people of this world stoop to their level and say, bright eyed, "What's Santa gonna bring ya." This is what we sing...IN OUR HOME..."I'm a dirty rotten sinner on the naughty list, but I'm gettin' a Savior for...Christmas!" So, today that's what Anson wanted me to respond. I couldn't. I was caught off guard, or was I? Perhaps I chickened out. I could have said, "Actually, sir, no. They are getting nothing from Santa. Their father works hard and we will give them good gifts just like our Father gave us One." That's good...why didn't I think of that? Now I have my line. So, I left convicted. I didn't have to share the "Four Spiritual Laws" I could have just been honest. I don't like it that we have to pretend for the sake of others. I think that even while I type this, I'm not going to. So, I feel like I chickened out in front of my kids. Rats. (Thank heaven that right now Andrew Peterson is singing Hosanna! Praise God!...I love Pandora)

Then we went to the grocery store because I had not sufficiently run my children to the end of themselves. We got all of our ingredients for the yummy things of the season and while we were checking out they asked if I would like to donate a dollar for the hungry. I'm not even sure what hungry that they were going to feed, but I said, with a scrunchy face, "No, thank you." Am I wretched or what? I hardly ever give to that sort of stuff. In my head I always think, "I'm a consistent tither. I support a little girl in Uganda and have for several years...just let me have my stinkin' stuff and not make me feel like a stanky person for saying, "No." I know it's just a dollar, but I have to come back here...then another dollar...when does it end? So, we were walking out and Anson said, "Why didn't we give a dollar to help the hungry?" "Uh, cause we help in other ways." I think he saw my gaps. In fact, I think he saw my gaps twice. I can't hide them. I'm with them all day long, I can't fake it forever! I think I need to follow-up that conversation soon with why I do or do not give to grocery store things. It's a good thing, I'm sure...I just always feel like crap if I don't give. Do you all give? What's your take on it? I'm in need of a Savior whether I give or not...and if my kids see my gaps, then they'll know that I need a Savior too. Then when it's time to worship, we'll worship together because we'll all know Him, because we all know each other and how much we need Him, it will be sweet.

So, I guess I'm glad that they see my gaps...if you are around me enough you'll see them too. You may feel better or worse, but if you'd like to meet me at the Cross, we can simply worship together.

Sin is pleasant...for a time.

2009-12-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

I swore them off. They make me shaky and I can't focus, and I feel fat. I didn't need them. I didn't like the way they made me feel. They are expensive. They are yummy. I had one, today. I felt shaky, I couldn't focus...I feel fat. A Cappucino Blast from Baskin Robbins. Dang it! I knew I would feel crummy. I had Bible Study with my sisters and I felt like I was in warp speed.

After Ella was born I would stop by the Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins and "reward" myself with a little yummy treat (usually after a trip to Wal-Mart...bless my heart). I would usually buy the kids a munchkin to assuage my guilt and a few months later I was heavier than I had ever been (or want to be again) all because of these little treasures. A few months ago I realized that they make me feel really bad. It's probably because I don't take in a lot of caffeine on a regular basis, so the "blast" part does it's job...well.

Today we had Tin Whistle practice. (I LOVE TIN WHISTLE) Ella doesn't play yet (BUT SHE WILL BECAUSE I LOVE TIN WHISTLE) and I wanted her to know how thankful I am for her and her obedience (I do not always reward her for her obedience) but feel like every now and then I should throw my amazing children a bone (or a donut.) So, I got a blast. Yum. I love the first sip. When the guy asks if I want whipped cream and cinnamon I think, "IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY? LOAD IT UP!!!" I love sipping them on the way home. Everyone is buckled up, so I cannot be assaulted whilst enjoying my little treat. I thought about only drinking half of it and throwing the rest of it away when I got home, but WHY? It's so yummy! Then I remembered. My shoulder tensed up, I start chewing on my lip, I feel hungry and full at the same time. NOOOOO! It turned against me. I showed it such love, and it just hurt me.

Sin. Those little baby things that we love, but we know are so bad for us. It isn't always big. In fact, in us "good Christian folk" it's little things that seem O.K. Which is how they take such control and wreck us from the inside out. I indulge in them. Just a little here, a little there. It might only be "House Hunters International" completely safe, right? Right. Until my heart screams, "I want more! I want a Mediterranean vacation home!" It's fine until one thirty minute show moves into another, maybe another. So, I finally turn the T.V. kiss my already snoozing husband and get a late start on my sleep, which usually effects my next day. Am I being dramatic? No. You may be able to handle these things, but I can't. I should avoid them. Just like the blast. Whether I go for a few months without it, the result is the same. I feel yucky. Sin just is never kind or tasty for long. It steals, kills and destroys. Even if it is dressed up and pretty.

I just want to be aware of it. I don't want to see it knocking and be like, "Oh, hey habit...gossip...sloth...I've missed you so much. Please, will you come in and chip away at my marriage, my family, my very walk with God. Can I get you something? Some water maybe...a Blast???"

So, I'm finished with them. I hope. At least I know that in Heaven there are no drive-thrus. I'll be able to worship without the bondage of this world...that is going to be so nice. So much better than the first sip of that silly blast.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful man so you do not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Ramblings...

2009-11-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

Times they've changed! I'm not sure why it's more difficult for me to sit down and write a fun little something, but it is. I'm sure it's a season (that is likely to last for about, hmmm...16 or 17 more years) I have so many things that I want to blog about, but, alas, when it's time to write...I just can't. Here's what I'm thinking right now...

First of all, I just had a sweet conversation with my boy, about sin and the things that we struggle with. He's having a hard time with some stuff and we were able to talk about the Word and how it liberates us and protects us. I am just so thankful for the Bible and how it gives us the words to say. I don't ever want to be accused of saying, "It's not a big deal...suck it up." These things aren't life or death, but they are to them. Mike and I are reading Paul Tripp's book, Age of Opportunity, and it's really great and I feel like talking with our kids now will give us the groundwork for later. I highly recommend the read, whether you have teenagers or not. We do not, but we like to stay a few steps ahead.

We spent some time in Gatlinburg, TN last week. On Sunday we went to Ripley's Aquarium. It almost brought me to a point of worship. They have some neat displays of different fish and how they eat and disguise themselves. God made them well. I was in awe at how these fish looked and acted. Have you ever looked at a Jellyfish? They are so beautiful just floating in the water. They have no bones, brain or heart, yet He took time on them. They are able to eat and survive. The angler fish with it's little worm thing poking out of it's head to catch it's dinner. No one had to tell it what to use it for, it just knows...and the wormy thing glows in the dark to attract a little snack. I have bones, a brain, and a heart. Did God not spend a great amount of time on me? I walked out of there believing that I was an incredible work of my Creator. So what it my kids left me with front butt? (Yes, I said it! I'm adjusting to it. My c-section scar has left me scarred in a rather unattractive manner!) I am not my scar. I am not my experiences. I am declared righteous by a Holy God based on the sanctifying work of Christ on the Cross. It was eye opening. Praise Him!

So, it's Christmas time. I have a small home that I struggle to keep tidy. When I say I struggle...think STRUGGLE! I could blame it on a hundred things, it's just not something I...probably just not something I care about. Until the Holidays. I love decorations, eventhough I'm not Martha Stewart (or even her 4th or 5th cousin by marriage!)I like it to look inviting and sweet. So, I pulled down our Christmas decorations. I say "I" because in an effort to "stick it to" my husband, I crawled into the attic to prove that I don't need his help. The funny thing is, I really wasn't sure how I was going to do it without him. I was going to find a way...he came to help. I made it abundantly clear that I DID NOT need his help, but I did. Nothing like pulling Christmas down angry at the world, is there! So, the decorations are just sort of, well, I feel like they are crammed in here. Like we are just making room. I thought about how that's about exactly what we must do. If it had to wait until my house was spotless it would NEVER happen. If I had to wait until I was good and ready to receive my Savior, it would NEVER happen. Jesus must invade my life. He must show up as the Rescuer that He is and make a spot for Himself. I don't care if it's a mess. It's just a little reminder that I am a mess and without Jesus I'm in BIG trouble. So, I'm not freaking out. When the lights are out and only my little white lights and the tree are lit, it's soothing. How about you? What are you waiting for? Let Him invade. Let Him walk into your mess...your chaotic and out of control mess and bring the Peace that only He can bring. Go ahead, stop freaking out...you know you want to.

Until next time...

100th Post!

2009-11-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th post! Wow! I don't have anything special planned for it...which for those of you who know me, that's no surprise. I'm not much of a planner (except there are some things...but not this) so...picture this; You click on my blog and balloons fall from YOUR ceiling and the blog sings and your heart rejoices (although I'm not sure why) all in celebration of 100 posts. That sure was special...I'm glad I planned it.

For real...
I have a godmother. No one else has one. I am one of 5 children and I'm the only one. I had "godparents" but several years ago "Uncle George" died and so now I have "Aunt Janet." Her husband was my father's boss on the railroad and my folks were not near family. When I was baptized they were invited to support Mom and Dad. Like family. Well, they supported me. I never even heard their voice (never Uncle George's) until I was married and lived in Valdosta. I just wanted to hear what she sounded like. She had always sent a card and money for my birthday and when I headed over to Africa she was one of my supporters. I had heard a bit about her, but never met her. Until last January.

My father put in about 78 years on the railroad (not really...I'm not sure how many) and so last year he finally retired. Aunt Janet called and asked if I was going to Dad's testimony. I wasn't sure what she was talking about...it was his retirement party...cute. So, I talked with Mike and got the details and learned that there was a party in New Jersey and we should go...I wanted to go. Aunt Janet said that she wasn't going unless I went. I was so excited to finally meet her!

She wanted to surprise Dad, but I didn't know where to pick her up, so I spilled the beans and Dad helped me get Aunt Janet off the train. She hit me for ruining the surprise and I knew I'd love getting to know her! Dad left us alone to visit and Mike, Aunt Janet and I found a little corner in the hotel bar (of all places) to get to know each other. Going into it I felt there would be so many things that she would want to know about me (me...me...me...YUCK) as soon as she started talking, I wanted to hear more about her. First you must know that she's been living in Connecticut for, well...ever I think. So, she's got a very distinct accent. She began to tell me stories of she and Uncle George and how they met and how they courted and all about her letters. See, Uncle George served in WWII and they only corresponded over mail for 4 years while he was overseas. FOUR YEARS!!! I think he may have called her twice. I was so taken by this story that I wanted time to stand still so that I could hear all of the details. What did she do? How and why did she wait for him? What was their life like? It was like she took me back to another time and place. Then she mentioned the letters again. "What letters?" I finally asked. "Oh, I've got boxes of them." He wrote her every day sometimes twice a day all that time. She said that she had more than 1500 of them. I have to write that out so that I can write it in all caps FIFTEEN HUNDRED LETTERS FROM WAR! She said that she used to read books all the time, but now all she could do was read those letters. No book can hold her attention. Only the letters from her love. He's been gone for at least 10 years and still they capture her heart. They connect her to him. She said that she'd send me some. WHAT!!! Mike knew that I almost wet my pants. I love the written word and he knew that these would be such treasures to me.

True to her word, she did send me some letters. (I did have to send them back) You have never seen (maybe you have)such beautiful language. It took me a while to figure out what some of the words were, but once I learned how Uncle George wrote his letters, I could read them effortlessly. I couldn't put them down. They were dripping with poetry that only love could stir. No wonder she couldn't put them down. They were hers, from her love.

Do you know what the Bible is? Is it a list of rules that keep us "good Christians" in line? Is it a good book of history that we can learn from? Is it something that if we teach to our children will guarantee that they don't end up pregnant and shacked up with some "undesirable?" I think some people believe that to be true, but not me. I believe that it is God's letters to his people that is dripping with poetry that only love can stir. I believe that it should captivate us the way Uncle George's letters captivate Aunt Janet. However, the only reason why she clings to those letters is because of the way she clung to him. As we love God (through his grace) and get to know Him, I believe that His word will do the same for us. I believe that we will long for Him. Now, we are going to read other books, I'm sure, but they should never satisfy us the way His letters do.

I've been doing a Bible Study that I did YEARS ago as a new believer and it's like a memory book of scripture. Remembering how God used those verses to change me, to challenge me...to show me who He is and how He loves me. It has ignited my heart a bit. Motivated me to read it daily to see what will be next. So, I don't know how you feel about the Bible, but I want to remind you that God wrote it...for us...to know Him. That's it. So, put that other stuff down, you love has left a paper trail and you will be delighted to read all of the wonderful things that He has done for you.

One more thing. One of my Dad's favorite songs is by Frank Sinatra, My Way (a great song...for the rebel in all of us) and I'm not quite sure whether someone mentioned it or what, but Aunt Janet leaned over and said, "You know, Frank Sinatra sang at my PROM!" The people that are older than us have a RIDICULOUS amount to offer us. Go find one today! :)

Sharing...

2009-11-04T16:46:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this blog some time ago, and I always weep when reading it. This particular post is beautiful...eating the living word...hungry?

http://www.aholyexperience.com/

I hope you find it as wonderfully refreshing as I do.

Ali

Miss Me?

2009-10-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

Whew! That sums it up only a little! We had Mike's birthday on September 11, then Julia on the 27, Anson on October 15th and Ella on the 18. Party-time! I've also been learning that if I am homeschooling my children...I'd better do it! I'm finding that I do a bit more when the computer is off...I have longed to blog and have sat down several times, but with no success. So, today...maybe a little something...about Zumba...

I've been shakin' it pretty regularly lately and as always I enjoy it. However, two weeks ago I was a little humbled. This is my second year of Zumba, so I've learned a few songs and do not STRUGGLE with the moves like I did when I started. Well, about 2 weeks ago, it was time for my favorite song again. The "Chico Snap." It's a fun little song, but I think what I enjoy most about it is that this was the first dance that I learned and could do without my brain shorting out on me. So, we start the song and I'm feeling pretty confident and guess what...I had FORGOTTEN some of the moves! My feet didn't go the direction that I thought they knew they would and so I laughed a little bit and had to wait until I could get back on the beat and jump in. That happened a few times throughout the song. Hmmmm I thought I knew it so well. Was I, perhaps, a little too confident? I think so.

Lately I've seen myself tripping a little spiritually. I learned the Christian dance. I was discipled well and even went on a few trips for the purpose of teaching others. I was sharp. I was passionate...I got confident in my flesh and I stopped being as intentional with my time alone with the Lord or as intense in my study. I've been caught off guard and where no one else may have noticed, I have. I have taken for granted that I knew how to do something and thought it would simply return when I needed it. Not so. Just like Zumba, my walk with God must be maintained on a consistent basis for it to have any real effect on my life or the life of anyone around me. I can't be jumping in every now and then with the hopes that I'll get enough to last me. I must study the moves, practice them, until they become second nature (or first nature!) again!

So, I'm meeting with my little sisters in a Bible Study. I'm so very excited about this because I've wanted to be in a Bible study with them ever since I became a Christian almost 13 years ago. It's fun to be challenged to meet with God...maybe you don't need accountability...but I know I wouldn't Zumba on my own!!! I'm brushing up on some of those things that captivated my heart so long ago and I know that in time my moves will be sweet! Not only that...but my relationship with Christ will be the prize. Knowing Him. Meeting with Him daily. Laying my life down at His feet every morning. To be confident in Him alone. I'm so thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

I'll be back soon...I've got some things in my head...but there are some folks around here that I have really been enjoying...I hope the same for all of you!

Blessings

Torn.

2009-09-11T11:48:00.001-07:00

I was beginning Phonics when the teacher across the hall stepped in, "The World Trade Center has been hit." Wow, that's some horrible accident. What could that mean? A few minutes later, "They are suspecting that we are under a terrorist attack." I saw a bit of the footage and immediately headed over to the computer to find out how close my Dad was to the Towers. Everyone was scattering. Looking. Searching. Making sure that those close to them were no where near the attack. Unfortunately not all were far enough and unfortunately the attack was on their family directly, not only our Nation.

Dad was fine in the train station, although he was stuck there for a few days because they closed the tunnels. Whew. I was so very thankful.

9/11. We don't even call it September. We all know what 9/11 we're referring to, don't we. It's the 9/11 the day that our soil was invaded. It's also Mike's birthday. Every year I hardly know what to do. That year was tough because we wanted to go to dinner, but we felt torn. Dare we celebrate when the lives of thousands have been buried under debris. Dare we celebrate when men risked their lives to hijack the plane back in order to spare the lives of those fortunate enough to be on the ground? Do we dare hold our loved ones close when there is an empty side on so many beds? I never know what to do.

I do celebrate Mike. He is here and he is mine. This morning, however, my emotions caught me off guard. I don't know if it was hearing George Bush, (on the radio) or the cries for help and mercy or what, but it hit me that we are at war and have been for 8 years. I sleep sound every night. I homeschool my children and kiss my husband when he comes home from work. I buy ice-cream for no reason and waste food. I act like we're free cause we wanna be. You know what is bizarre? My Step-Father missed Julia's birth because he was in Iraq. His body will never be the same and I'm sure there are secrets that are tucked away that torment him. My brother-in-law is a Purple Hearted, Combat Wounded Veteran at the ripe old age of 24. I know there is a war and while they were there I knew it. I prayed for it. But, our table is full again. God let me remember that some folks have empty seats. Some babies will only ever see a picture of the one they would call Daddy. Heaven help me!

I think about the phone calls that the media reported. People calling from airplanes and buildings engulfed in flames. I don't remember one person saying, "Hey honey, tell me...how much money do we have in savings? Do you think my boss thinks I'm good?" Not one. They were desperate attempts to tell the people that they loved the most that they loved them and that they were loved in return. In the end, that's all there is. We got mad because the people we love were hurt, or worse, killed. We got mad because this is supposed to be a safe place.

You know what I try to do? To honor those who lost their lives? I wish I were a better Patriot, but I keep short accounts. Try to anyway. I snuggle with my husband and read with my children. I love the people around me because I am reminded that each day we have together really is a gift. It really might not happen again.

Paul said it best when he said that these three remain, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is...love.

Father in heaven, would you please comfort those who mourn the anniversary of that last phone call. Be the Father to those whose Dad is only a picture and a story. Please be the provider for those who lost so much so quickly. Please, Father, won't you please draw us back to You that Your name would be exalted in this country. I pray for the men and women, our soldiers, sleeping outside in filthy conditions. I pray that you would whisper to them of your love and faithfulness. Please do not send them without your presence. God, help us. In Jesus name.

P.S.
I am nervous posting this because I feel it is such a sensitive subject. My prayer is that it will just cause us to pray for those families who have lost families and who have family members gone right this very minute. I also want to remind us all that life is short...love well.

Daddy Wong from Hong Kong!!!

2009-09-09T05:49:00.000-07:00

We are a homeschooling family. That means that we usually try to make everything about learning something. It's probably annoying sometimes to the kids when they just want to tell us or show us something, but that's how we are. So, that being said, several weeks ago we had spider egg sacks hanging on our front porch. (Please don't wretch or judge me!) So, in good ole' homeschool fashion I said, "Guys, look at how amazing that web is! Look at that little egg sack. How many eggs do you think are in there? Probably at least hundreds! Isn't that amazing how God has designed spiders? We aren't going to knock it down because spiders eat the other bugs that we don't want around." So, that was that. The spiders were allowed to live (rent free) on our porch. We left for 2 weeks.

Time passes. Apparently the spider lings "birthday" occurred whilst we were away!

We open the door and start the normal dropping and unloading and begin to notice daddy long leg spiders here and there, wait, no they are EVERYWHERE! It was horrific! I felt dirty and negligent. The nerve of those spiders! I had given them a wonderful place to eat bugs and live and now they moved in! How dare they!!! Ella kept saying, "Dere's anudder daddy wong weg!"

This morning I was putting some things away and another stinkin' daddy wong caught my eye. I was so irritated. I wish to heaven I would have DESTROYED the egg sack and then just called Borden to deal with the other bugs that the spiders were no longer able to handle because of their sudden death! Unfortunately I didn't do that. I just let them stay. They seemed innocent enough. You know that daddy long legs are poisonous, but cannot bite, so they are harmless. Why not let them take over. Why? Why you ask? Because this is my house and I do not want them here.

Now, how about my thoughts? I let little spiders build webs all over my brain. I just let them hang out (again, rent free) allowing them to build nests and make their evil plans to take over my brain. What are these "spiders?" Let's see, they can be any number of harmless sins. Worry. Concern for what others think of me. Fear for my children. Irritation with my husband because he isn't more like Jason Bourne (WHAT??? If you know me, you know where that came from) Laziness in thought. I could go on and on. I have found that these harmless spiders produce at a rapid rate and before I know it I am overcome with worry, fear, basic sin in general. One worry is bad enough...but it gives birth to many more and I am unable to trust God because I am so overcome.

So, what to do. Well, I blasted the webs. They ARE amazing! I had the hose on them full force and still had to use a paper towel to get them down. We catch them and flush them or throw them out the door. We do not allow them to stay. We are over them! We've learned our lesson and the lesson is this, "LEAVE NO SURVIVORS!" We must put them to death.

I must do the same. God has been dealing with me in the area of my thoughts. What I take in totally effects what comes out. He has nixed some shows (I saw it coming, but it's still hard) and has been stirring me while it is still dark in order to be with me. Renewing my mind by the washing of His Word. Don't get me wrong, there are still spiders. Just like the one that I found today. They are still making there way in here, but I don't have to tolerate them, or give them food to make them stay. God, who is rich in mercy, has given a way we can be free from spiders in our brain. Those things that seek to steal, kill and destroy us. I am so very thankful for His grace.

No spiders allowed! In my house...or my head!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

I was looking for another verse, but found this one and though it was just too good not to share...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." 1 Peter 1:3

Note: This summer there was a contestant on Wipeout and her name was DeeDee Wong from Hong Kong...that's just too good not to use! That's where the daddy wong from Hong Kong is from!

Not So Cool

2009-08-31T18:16:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel uncool? Like everyone in the world is cooler than you? More popular
than you? Being used by God in ways that you would NEVER be used? I need to get in the Word. I'll tell you what. How long, Oh, Lord, will I be in the 6th grade? How long will I long for You to mold me into something that I am not? How long will I look on with envy that you have gifted others in ways that You have not gifted me. How long will I be sad that I don't sew, or monogram things...or want to? How long? How long will I want to spend time with people that I don't have anything in common with? How long will I scoff at the life and talents and mercies you have so freely poured out on me? How long? Until I spend time with You, You say. Until I value Your Word more than I value 20 minutes of extra sleep? Until I seek Your will alone, rather than my own. Then, You say, and ONLY then will I be satisfied. Then, and only then, will I look at where the boundary lines have fallen and declare them to be so good...so pleasing...so perfect. Oh, Father, won't you captivate my heart again. Won't You please satisfy me in the morning with Your unfailing love. I'm not all that...but to Christ...ahh...but because of Christ...

A bunch of nobodies...

2009-08-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

So,
After reading Darlene Deibler Rose's book, Evidence Not Seen, I've started another challenging book. Many of you have probably already been challenged by it, Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. Many of you have probably heard his words, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I read something today that I loved even more than that.
I tend to glorify the call that missionaries have on their lives. (I know we are all missionaries, I mean the ones that raise support and hit the trail...) He said, after some time in Mexico, which he loved, "Missionaries are very human folks, just doing what they are asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody." I was thankful for those words. I'm pretty much a nobody and pretty human at that! Apparently I still make the cut for those that are capable of exalting Somebody...The Somebody...Praise Him that He would choose to use us even in fallen condition.
My little sister said that she didn't read biographies because they would make her feel like she's not good enough. I'm sure she's not alone in that. In reading biographies of those who have gone before me, endured opposition and even surrendered their very life for the cause of Christ, it fires me up. It refines my vision for what God is doing in my life and the life of those around me. It makes me long for Him the way these "human folks doing what they are asked" longed for Him. I was almost jealous of the intimacy Darlene Rose had with the Father and Jim Elliot's conviction and determination to know God and preach Him to those who have NEVER heard has revealed how little I...um...care about the lost.
So, that's where I am right now. Realizing I'm a mess...and Jesus knew it when He laid down His life. Wow.

A Cup of Reality.

2009-08-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

So, sometimes when you don't hear from me, it's because I am not an anonymous blogger. Sometimes I would love to blog about something...but it would not always be the best thing. That's all I'll say about that.

Also, we've been checked out. We went on what I called the Team Wessner Summer Tour where we saw lots of our favorite faces and hugged lots of necks. It was a ton of fun, but after our two weeks were up, we came home for a few days and then headed to Tennessee for a few days with family for a suprise party. It felt I had a "layover" at home. I'm thankful for the time away and thankful to be home. I've already started the laundry so tomorrow all we have to do is fold it. So, there have been several "blog-worthy" moments, but I must share about the book I just finished. It was a cup of cold water and a cup of reality.

Several years ago during a Christmas Conference I heard a woman by the name of Darlene Rose share her story. (Do any of my college gals remember this??? I don't think any of us could forget it.) Darlene was a young missionary to New Guinea just before WWII broke out. Her husband was taken by the Japanese soldiers and she never saw him again. What I remember most is that she was a much older lady when she spoke with us and she still wept over her loss as though she had just received the news. She was a POW for 4 years plus a few months and she wrote her story in a book called, "Evidence Not Seen." Like any good young Christian I bought the book with every intention of reading it. This was probably at LEAST 10 years ago. I wanted to buy some new books, but decided on reading some of the books that are on my shelf first and started with this one. I'm so thankful I did.

I haven't read several biographies of heroes of our faith, but I have read a few. Do you? Reading the stories, especially this one, causes me to desire Christ more. It challenges me to fix my eyes on Christ. Is He really worthy of my life? Could I really suffer for Him? Why? While reading this book I was almost jealous of the intimacy that this young woman had with our Lord. Her ears were so attentive to His voice and her heart was so tender to His commands. She told Him she would go anywhere and she did. When she thought she couldn't take any more confinement or suffer through the devastation of one more loss, she laid herself at the feet of her Lord and submitted with GREAT JOY to His leadership and love. Unbelieveable. I want to know her Savior...who is also my Savior. Her husband's life was used in a mighty way as was hers. She labored selflessly even in her POW camp believing that God was with her and HAD ORDAINED it. Challenging to say the least.

So, there are things in my head that I would like to write about, but I would like to encourage those of you who are up for a little challenge to pull a book off of your shelf. Snuggle up with Jesus and meet some of the people who have laid their lives down for His Glory and Kingdom. I'll tell you what, not a whole lot seems all that important afterwards. So, if you've read a great book that has impacted your faith, will you tell me so that I may be mutally encouraged by the lives of the saints? Thank you...

Souvenirs of brokenness

2009-07-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Kids break. If you haven't had one break on you yet, just give them time. Ella was our first break. Roughly 4 weeks ago she got a little baby cast on her teeny little arm. She fell. I'm not sure if she was falling getting back into her bed, or getting out of it...she was supposed to be in it, however it happened, it broke. Actually it didn't break, it buckled, and she needed a cast. Today the cast was removed and an interesting conversation occurred that struck me. I'll try to make it fast, I should be cleaning a bathroom...

"Hey, now we can play broken arm." That was the response when the nurse told Ella she could keep her cast. They cut it in two places, so she simply wrapped a bit of tape around it, so you could put it back on. The kids thought that was so much fun and told Ella that she could put it back on if she wanted. I laughed with them and said, "Now, why would she need that? Her arm isn't broken anymore?"

Neither are we. Jesus Christ paid the price. There is healing in His blood. How many of us walk around with our cast "just in case." We remember we were broken. We remember how it felt. We remember that it hurt and then we got a cast and we couldn't feel the pain anymore. I am not broken. Yet I keep my souvenirs around. I can show them to others or even pull them out privately and relive the brokenness. Foolish. It's foolish. Would you think I was funny if I kept that cast on Ella even though her arm is healed? No. Would you think maybe I was smart because I was being proactive? No. You would (hopefully) tell me I was a crazy woman.

I think of several instances where Jesus healed someone and said, "Go, your faith has made you well." He told the man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5) "Pick up your mat and walk." If you do a word search on "healed" their are a number of verses that will come up. Jesus is about healing. Not remaining broken.

Read Isaiah's words, "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

He was broken. We were healed. You don't need the cast if you are in Christ. You aren't broken. You are at peace with God through Jesus Christ. You are friends. There is healing in Him. Sometimes it's good to remember the brokenness. It serves as a gentle reminder of His grace. I would, however, like to focus a bit more on the healing.

1 Peter 2:24, "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed."

Get rid of the cast. You have been made well.

Two funny stories of the cast.
1. When my sister was here Ella fell and my little nephew said, "Ella, you are lucky you have that cast on when you fell or you could have broken your arm." HA!

2. The other day Anson said, "Ella, one good thing about having a cast on your arm is when bugs are around you can just wham em' with your cast!" Nothing like bug guts on an already dirty cast!

I Know Him, but I Can't Trust Him

2009-07-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

Ella has been responding in a rather irritating manner these days to loud noises. She covers her ears and repeats, "It's woud." We're trying to be patient, but it can be inconvenient.

Tonight we were coming home from church in a thunderstorm. It wasn't bad, but there was lightening and a little bit of thunder. She walked inside covering her ears and was still noticeably nervous once inside. I knelt down in front of her and looked into her sweet little face and said, "Ella, who makes the thunder?" To which she responded in a confident whisper, "Jesus." So I replied, "So, can we trust it?" She immediately said, "NO."

Isn't that the truth. Eventhough we know the author and perfector of our faith, we don't believe that we can trust anything He does.

God help me to trust You, and You alone.

Hmmm...

2009-07-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

It drives me crazy when people don't update their blog. I mean, it really frustrates me! I love to know what my "url" friends are up to. What they are learning, teaching, growing...whatever. I suppose I understand why blogs aren't updated on the hour. Life happens first.

I have decided that Father's Day is one of my least favorite holidays. Please read the rest of this before you unsubscribe or write me off...Mike is a fabulous Dad. He really is. I love watching him learn and grow and try and fail and try again. He always knocks it out of the park on Mother's Day. This year I had a yummy breakfast in bed. (He went to two drive thrus because where he got my biscuit doesn't serve Coke and he knows I can't/won't eat a biscuit without a Coke) he got me a super coupon for a pedicure and Vera Bradley pants. I didn't even know they made Vera Bradley pants! I felt like a special woman. Then came Father's Day. First of all I love Mike's help. So, to give him a special day off annoys me because more and more we are becoming quite the team. I need him. Then there is the whole gift hangup. I love to give. I love to pick up fun little things and give them to my friends as little surprises. When it comes to Mike I just fizzle out like a really disappointing firework. No pop, no flare, just a little squeak and then smoke. He loves golf, fishing, gardening, and lots of other things and I just struggle choosing anything. The truth is that I don't know enough about his hobbies to know what would be a special gift. I'm having a hard time remembering what we got him...Oh, two new games. Scrabble Apple and Bing-OH. Lame-Oh. I know-Oh.

Because of my poor planning and my lame gifts I was angry all day long that I didn't do enough to really express how valuable he is to this house. When he isn't with us there is an enormous hole. If he isn't eating dinner...we eat cereal! So, all day I just wanted it to be over because I was so embarassed that I was so bad at expressing how vital he is to me.

Jesus. Mike's love reminds me of Jesus' love and I get frustrated that I stink at showing Jesus my gratitude as well. I think of all of these great things that I could do for Him and then puff, sqeak, smoke...I'm sleeping in and missing opportunities to love Him.

The best thing I could do for Mike is to be with him. To enjoy his company and to build him up in front of my family for the great guy that he is. In the same way that's what I can do to express my love for my Savior. I can enjoy Him. I can build Him up with my praise in front of the watching world so they will all know Him for the great Savior that He is.

So, I still don't love Father's Day, but I sure do love Jesus for giving me my Mike.

A quick Blogella:
Mike is becoming quite the gardener. He visits his garden in the morning and in the evening. He loves those plants. He waters them, he prunes them, he cuts vine borers out of them. I am seeing how neat he is while he gets to know his plants. I've been watching and I've been learning. Here are just a few things:
1. Pests are killing his vegetables. He does everything right but he cannot keep the bugs from doing their thing. He is vigilant in checking the vines, shaking the leaves, reading up on how to rid the garden of the pests. In my life it's the pests. It's the little seemingly insignificant things that wreck my crop. It's 30 minutes here, a little gossip there, before you know it I'm under attack. We must be aggressive with dealing with the pests. God help me!

2. You reap what you sow. We planted cantelope and there is a little baby cantelope on the vine. We planted tomatoes and we've been enjoying tomatoes. We've enjoyed the squash and tonight we had one of our sweet peppers. No surprises. What we planted is what came up. In the lives of my children what am I planting? Heck, in my own life what am I planting? Is it righteousness? Am I planting seeds of forgivness and grace or impatience and hatred? There are no surprises. You reap what you sow.

3. It is good to enjoy the crop. It is so pleasing to serve someone a tomato and cucumber salad and say, "Yup, those are from our garden." To be quick...my children are from my garden. God has given us what we need to nurture them and cultivate the soil of their hearts. We cannot make them believers, but we can be sure to check them for pests (literally we check for ticks 'round these parts)and be sure that nothing is working it's way into their hearts that could steal and kill and destroy. I believe I can enjoy my children. I do now and I plan on it later. We'll do whatever we can as the earthly gardener and we'll trust God for the rain to make them grow.

I think that's all for now...Oh wait...one more...Margie told me this would be a good story for my blog...
Last week was VBS. My sister was also in town so it was a busy week. When my boy gets tired he gets weepy. One particular day a child took something that belonged to Anson and he felt rightfully wronged. Or wronged with good reason...anyway...he was mad. I had another copy of what was taken from him, but he wouldn't have it. He was fired up that someone had taken something that belonged to him. I couldn't calm him down, but he finally pulled it together long enough to tell his friend Daniel about the incident. I watched him across the room explain what had happened and then watched as he listened intently to Daniel's response. Later that day I remembered to ask what Daniel had said and this was his response, "He just told me that I need to be the opposite of what I was." I thought that was precious. Daniel didn't respond with hatred or anger, he looked at Anson's condition...at his heart. When I shared that with Margie she said, "That's what I say to Jesus! Just make me the opposite of what I am right now." Praise Him that is EXACTLY what He does. I am so thankful that I am not the same as when He made me the opposite.

Last thing. Last night was the Graham/Wessner swap. Kelli and I swap one child and we each still have 3 kids. I got her daughter and she got my son. It is such fun getting time with them. This morning the girls were playing and I went in to check on them and sweet little Haviland said, "I was just telling Ella about Jesus in case she didn't know." Does that challenge you like it does me? Who have I mentioned Jesus to "just in case." God help me.

That's about all. I just wanted to update my blog...thank you for reading and hopefully enjoying what is here.

Refiner's Fire.

2009-05-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

I had a mouth. I have a mouth. Before coming to faith my mouth could spew some serious venom. Some of you may find that shocking, others, my cussing friends...just giggle. Coming to faith didn't change my mouth so much as it changed the venom. It didn't seem as vile as four letter words, but I still cannot get my forked tongue under control. A verse that I have had stored in my heart since 1997 is found in Psalm 141:3 "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." I feel like I need an armored soldier standing outside of my lips arresting any detestable thing that flows forth. I could blame my words...but Jesus says that the real problem is not my mouth, but my heart. In addressing the Pharisees in Matthew 12:34 Jesus says, "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." I need the armored soldier...but I also need a clean heart.

This year has been really stinkin' hard. Since I started keeping another child my days were more like managing than mothering. I missed my children. I missed my house. I missed my life. My children have been with me, but when you babysit everyday (at least this is true for me) you become more like a babysitter than a Mama. I'm a pretty good babysitter, but I'm a much better Mama. I have seen alot of my human frailties and to be honest...I'm a little surprised. I really didn't think I was that bad. I joke about my sin, (which is despicable since sin is what nailed my Jesus to the cross)but have really seen that it's no joke. I'm just going to be honest. I thought I was a pretty good Mom. I am...to my children. I don't know everything about parenting...someone else's child. I know mine. God has given me divine insight, understanding, and wisdom to parent my children. I'm not the mother of the year...I'm their mother...this year...and every year, so I guess I am a Mother of the Year! I have seen how judgemental I really am. Thinking that I got where I am because of my own awesomeness. I mean...what else could it be? Hmmm how 'bout some GRACE? FAVOR? MERCY? God has shown me kindness because of Jesus. That's humbling. Do you (I say you because when I write this it's like I'm talking to a friend on my sweet front porch rocking chairs)think that you must be responsible for at least some of the great stuff in your life? I'll take credit for the screwed up parts, but can't I take some credit for the good stuff too? Nope. He is the Breath of Heaven. The Bread of Life. The Father of Heavenly Lights. Giver of every good thing. My Creator, Redeemer and Friend. He enables me to obey, repent, and love. I have made some great choices, but it is because He was leading me. They weren't my ideas.

So, I've just been sort of introspective. I'm finding some insecurities. I'm worried that I'm going to say something ridiculous and offend thousands. I find I want to withdraw a bit to protect myself and others. I'm finding that without the Cross...I've got nothing. It's been so precious to see my need because it makes me love Jesus more and want to honor Him in the things that I do. Then I make a dumb comment or mistake and feel like I'll never get it. I suppose that's where the whole "sanctification" comes in. A verse that I go to sleep thinking about is that His mercies are new every morning. I LOVE that Truth. I love knowing that in the morning I start over. I want to be that kind of person. I want to start new every morning with everyone and everything. I want to live in awe of His ability to deal with me.

So, I say all that to say I'm really excited about June. I'm excited about tearing down some alters and worshipping God instead of the other foolish idols that I've been looking to for salvation. I'm looking forward to having my kids back. I did't realize how much I enjoy them until I was managing them. I'm excited that the Lord has refined me this year. Burning away all the yuck that isn't of Him. I know that I'm not finished, but I can only withstand the flames for so long. He takes me out, looks me over, and in I go again. Thankfully. Thankfully there will be more refining. The thought of being the same for the rest of my life turns my stomach. I invite it, Lord. Please, burn away all that isn't of You. As long as You are the One doing the work I know it can be trusted and I know it will be worth it.

P.S.
I'm very proud that I figured out how to put music on this. I don't love it because I can't read and listen at the same time. However, I felt like these songs were appropriate and maybe it will give you a taste of what I enjoy listening to. Jo...whenever I listen to Jennifer Knapp I think of you...playing your guitar in our little dorm room...

Happy Mother's Day...Wreckage.

2009-05-10T11:33:00.001-07:00

So, there I am in all of my pregnant glory. The pictures are in order of the children. The first was taken a few weeks before my due date with Anson, the second was the day before my c-section with Julia, and the third was the morning I went in for Ella. I'm so sorry to sound so cliche', but, it seems as though it was only yesterday. The kids are now 6, 4, and 2 and I'm shocked at their abilities. I suppose that is where it all started. That is where the wrecking began.

They wrecked my body. I used to have some body. I look back at pictures and think, "Man, I thought I was fat? I was beautiful!" Just last night I happened upon a high school photo and noticed my shirt was tucked in, I had on a belt, and there was NO MUFFIN TOP! I was a cute little thang if I do say so myself. Some parts of my body have sadly yielded to the powerful force of gravity and only my feet are faithful when it comes to choosing a size. My feet never (only during pregnancy) feel tight in the size that they are supposed to be. My feet are good to me!

They wrecked my mind. I never forgot to brush my teeth until I had children. I used to speak in complete sentences and not use "potty talk." I found it inappropriate to talk about various parts of the body, nausea, or breast infections in mixed company...those days are long gone. I remember being so embarassed by my inability to communicate over the phone to some insurance lady that I actually told her that I was a college graduate, but couldn't think straight because I was pregnant! It was pretty bad. I never put cereal in the refrigerator until I had children. I've never heard an incessant beep telling me that something was ready and been unable to remember what I was timing. I wasn't top of the class (like Mike was) but I wasn't the bottom of the barrel, either. Now I have been known to scour the trash cans for missing pictures or utensils that have been inadvertantly thrown away by an overly zealous toddler.

They wrecked my sleep habits. I used to sleep through the night and wake refreshed and ready for the day. Now it is not unusual to wake up only to find my hands scrubbing "pee-pee" off the floor and trying (quietly) to find clean panties and comfort a screaming child while begging the God of the Universe to let the other children stay asleep. Then I crawl back into bed only to wake my husband so that he knows that I was up...and he wasn't...at least until I woke him up! Saturday mornings Mike and I would sleep in, wake up to eat breakfast and maybe go back to bed. Not anymore. We wake up with 3 other people making their needs known to us and we, well, we comply...we just want peace on earth!

They wrecked my marriage. We used to talk quietly about our day over dinner and then watch some Wheel of Fortune before piddling around the house and then heading to bed. We used to go to movies without 3 weeks notice to find a sitter...we'd actually just go to the theatre and see what was playing and decide right there what we would watch. Then, we'd go to dinner.

They wrecked me. I used to meet friends for lunch, or dinner, spend hours with the Lord, finish books and write more letters. Now my lunch and dinner dates include them, I am teaching them how to meet with the Lord and how to read and write themselves. Lots of wrecking, but you know what...I needed it.

Before my children I don't think I really relied on God for the fruits of the Spirit. I was pretty capable of getting through my day on a wing and a prayer...although there was all that Bible study I was able to pull off! I was self-centered and selfish believing that serving others could take place on short-term mission trips and "special occasions."

Mike and I are a team now. We have a common goal...to honor the Lord in our marriage while we train our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. We cling to each other and dinner involves reviewing our scripture memory and discussing the adventures of the day. We snuggle up and watch movies on the couch. Saturday's are full of life and abundance. Our cups overflow. We were wrecked, we are wrecked, thankfully God has a Savior for wreckage. They wrecked me, for sure and if you know me well you know that I don't sugar-coat the joys and pains of motherhood. I am so thankful that I am not the same woman that I was even 4 years ago. They have changed me, refined me, they are certainly instruments in God's hands as He molds me more and more into the image of His precious Son. They are gifts, I know that, I hug them a little bit tighter everyday.

So, to all of you out there that are enjoying this day...the breakfast in bed, the pampering and hugs...let's not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest...maybe our children will even rise and call us blessed. Who knows...until then...I hope that you enjoy the wreckage and trust God that He will pick up all of the pieces.

Blogellas

2009-05-04T11:45:00.001-07:00

I just like to say that...Blogella...there have been a few things rolling around in my head lately...but the computer is off alot more than it is on (for SEVERAL really good reasons!) so I'm just gonna post em' all right here...right now...

What's the Weather?
We have the great privilege of knowing the BEST weatherman and his family very well. I would say that we LOVE spending time with them probably as much as this guy loves him some Storm-Tracker! So, a few weeks ago, they were over for their monthly dinner and I had a blogha (that's an AHA for the blog). I had the kids pick their clothes out for church before our company got here so that once they left we wouldn't have to do all of that "get ready for the next day" stuff. Well, Anson picked out a long sleeved shirt, which I replaced with a short-sleeved shirt. When he finally realized this he came out and this was the conversation:

"Mom, what happened to the shirt that I picked out?"

"I put it away. It's going to be warm and you'll get too hot in the shirt you chose. I put a short sleeved shirt on the hanger for you."

"But, Mom, I wanted to wear the other one."

"I understand that, but you need to trust me...it's going to be hot."

I was just about to head over to the computer to prove that it was going to be hot when Christine (the weatherman's wife...or Chief Meteorologist) said, "You've got the weatherman at your table...ask him." At which point Jeff leaned across the table and said, "It's gonna be hot."

DUH!!! Fireworks in my heart. Why would I check the computer when the person responsible for telling the CSRA what the weather will be like is sitting at my table? He wasn't above giving us the forecast. He was totally accessible to us and it would have been foolish for us to struggle to find the weather with him sitting right there.

Did I really get fireworks in my heart because the weatherman was at my table? No. I got fireworks because the Maker of the Heavens made His home with man and when He left He left the Counselor with us. We have the God of the UNIVERSE at our disposal and we just act like He isn't even sitting at our table. We just struggle and try our hardest to make things work and to find our own answers when He says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 or Jesus says in Matthew, "Come to ME all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Not only do I need to call to Him and come to Him...I need to be sure that my children know they can talk to Him as well. Jeff didn't look at me so that I could interpret for Anson, he looked directly at him...and Anson responded. Got questions? Ask the One with answers.

Miss Mable
A few weeks ago Mike and I were at Lowe's trying to figure out what we wanted to plant in our garden. A familiar face walked by me, but I couldn't place the name, thankfully Mike did. It was Miss Mable. Mike teaches her granddaughter and we had dinner with her a few months ago at our Missions Conference. I love old women. I don't mean "older" I mean, like late 70's and 80's. I could listen to them for hours. Learning what their life was like, what they did and how I can learn from them. I just think there is a treasure trove of information in the elderly that we aren't tapping into, so whenever I get a chance...I LOVE it.

So, Miss Mable was telling us about her garden and what she has planted and where she put it and where it came from. I was mesmerized, really. I finally said, "How do you know where to put it all? Do you read in books or magazines?" She sort of chuckled and put her elbows on her cart and said, "Honey, I'll be 80 years old next January. I just know where it goes by now cause' I've been doin' it for so long." Wisdom. She just knows. That doesn't only apply to her garden. As we grow in the Lord we just know some things. We can skip the trial and error really hard lessons because we've already endured them, lived through them...and can now enjoy just putting the plants where they go and enjoying them. I invite my birthdays.

Another thing she said was that she shared a few of her plants with her neighbor and now his backyard is like a Botanical Garden. My thoughts started racing...she just shared a few flowers. Just a cup of cold water. Sometimes as we share our life we have no idea what people will do with it, or how it will change them. God will multiply whatever it is that we have to offer...'member the bread and the fish? Whatever we have could inspire others to grow a garden of faith that would knock our socks off. What can I share? She looked at me as we parted and said, "Be careful, it's catchy." She was referring to the gardening...working the earth...enjoying the fruit. I would have to agree. Already we check our garden daily and rejoice with the fruit we see. I'm also working in another garden. I'm laying seeds in the lives and hearts of my children, neighbors and family. It's not much, to be honest...but my prayer is that it's just enough to turn their lives into a Botanical Garden that King Solomon himself would approve of. What flowers can you share?

Lots of Jesus
Last week my brother came over because he needed some help on some schoolwork. He's attempting to finish up a degree at UGA...that's another story altogether! When he left I said, "Ans, isn't it nice that Uncle Andy can just stop in from time to time and see us. I sure hope that he sees a little bit of Jesus while he's here." Anson's response was, "Well, I hope he sees a lot of Jesus." My heart stopped. Me too. I want people to see alot of Jesus...all Jesus...none of me...that means I've got to become less so that He can become greater.

Here's a random snapshot into a day in the life.
The kids went exploring in the woods with a little boy from down the street while his mom and I chatted. When we called them to come home they seemed really far away. I got a little nervous even though I could hear them and decided to walk into the woods to see where they were. I kept calling and they kept answering, but I just couldn't see them. When they finally came into view, they were sopping wet and Anson was barefoot with his boots in his hands.
"Anson Arthur...put your shoes on! You cannot walk through the woods barefoot!"

"But Mom, we put something in them."

Then my sweet little Julia pipes up, "Yeah, we caught a fish!"

Sure as the world they had caught a fish with their bare hands and then put it in Anson's boot to bring it home. I never saw it because I made him dump it out to put his boots on, but he says if we would have eaten it we would have been finished in about 10 seconds, because it was just little. It still makes me smile.

Since the computer has been off I've been playing a few more games that I wouldn't normally play. I was playing with Ella last week and we were playing Mommy and Baby. I was the baby and she was putting me to bed (Praise the LORD!). I was giving her a taste of her own medicine. "I want my lovey. I want water. Kiss me. Hug me. Pray for me." Eventually do you know what she did? She said, "I'm leaving." and she walked out the door! She still gets out of bed at night...maybe we'll have to play again soon until she figures out how rough bedtime can be!

I think there's one more that I'm forgetting, but for now that will have to do. I sure love sharing the stuff that goes on in my head and pray that it reaches you all as the cold water that I pray it is. I've got dishes in the sink, laundry in the washer and dryer...and I promised to make some popcorn for story time...promises, promises...enjoy this day...

Blessings,
Ali

I remembered the other one. This came to me on the way to Kroger this morning. It's titled,
"There's a hole in my umbrella, but we sure do need the rain." Sometimes life is just plain inconvenient...but it's necessary. We do need the rain and the fact that my umbrella has a hole in it shouldn't prevent the earth from getting the water that it so desperately needs. We've been in a drought for some years now, so any rain we get is welcomed...even though there is a hole in my umbrella. Do you have holes? Do you have days where things just have to happen, but it just makes you wet? Rejoice! WE need the rain! It keeps things alive...it cleans the pollen...it refreshes everything. Instead of trying to be safe from it under a leaky umbrella...dance in it and feel the difference!

Danger Zone

2009-04-25T11:40:00.000-07:00

How many of you blog surf? I do. I'm not on facebook because I'm sure I would surf/stalk there as well. Here's what happens and what I need to be aware of.

I start out innocently checking on a few blogs that I read regularly. Then, I start clicking on comments, bouncing around from blog to blog. Sometimes I run into people that I know (that's weird!) sometimes I just lurk. You know what happened today? Something that is rather dangerous. I started to feel inadequate. I HATE when I feel like that. I ended up in Virginia on some woman's front porch that she had just made over (it was very nice) and suddenly became very sad about the front porch that I have. I have one of the sweetest little houses ever, little sweet front porch. However, you know what else I have? Three little people. Three little people that love boxes. Three little people (4 Monday-Friday)that like boxes and playdough. Three little people that like boxes, playdough and walking THROUGH the screen door...like, through the screen. I live in a very blooming place and so it's white with a yellow tint. Guys, it's a mess. All of a sudden all that I do wasn't good enough because my porch, well, it sucks. I know that sweet lady has no intentions of her blog making me feel bad. I'm sure I'll find my way back there someday when I'm all grown up. What happens is we start poking our noses around everyone else's space (it's way fun...I know) and then we aren't good enough cooks, photographers, parents, wives, shoppers, cleaners...you name it. I love, love, love the internet. I love that there are people I don't even know that have taught me so much. What I don't love is how the enemy often uses it against me so that I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Several verses come to mind (I'm doing this off the cuff...they may be off a little) Micah 6:8, "He has shown thee, Oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee, but to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God." It's KJV cause it's a song! Another one says that we shouldn't compare ourselves by ourselves because when we do that, we aren't wise.

So, I'm supposed to be cleaning up while the three kids I have are sleeping because we are having one of our favorite Teams over for dinner and here I sit, thinking that I should, instead, set the porch on fire and start from scratch. I am so very thankful that there are people that can do makeovers for the rest of us to learn from. Right now, however, the only thing that's getting a makeover is me. God continues to refine me and make me more like His precious Son. So, if you come over, you may see my front porch and feel better or worse about yourself. Either way, I hope that when you enter my home you find yourself in a place of grace and that you'll come back.

P.S.
I feel like I must be clear (being misunderstood is an idol of mine...I'm a dirty sinner, I know) I love seeing how people have changed and made their things beautiful. I want to learn from them. Sometimes, I just have to stop surfing and start thanking because what I have is pretty great too.

New Post

2009-04-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested, I just posted on my other blog, Harvest Classical Academy...after a really long time. I can't figure out why the comments don't work...but, thought I'd mention it. Have a great day! I'll be back with some cold water as soon as time allows...well, maybe sooner than that!!!

Treats.

2009-04-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

"Dad, I'm not quite sure why, but I just don't think it's wise for us to make the trip. I wish we could come, but I just don't think it's best."
This was a conversation I had a couple of months ago regarding flying down to visit my Dad and Pam in Naples. We went as a family last year and we had one of the best vacations ever! So, it was sad when I had to decline an invitation for this year. I told Mike, I just don't know why, but I just don't think it's best. I would have had to fly down with the kids while Mike stayed behind to work. All I knew is that the Lord had said, "Nah." I knew I wouldn't get in "trouble" if we went anyway, but I've been walking with the Lord long enough to know that when I get that "feeling" I should respond appropriately. So, the answer was, "Not this year." Until...

"Ali, Gene and I would really like to have you over for dinner sometime. Just to get to know you a little better."

"We would LOVE that. What nights work best for you?"

"Saturday nights are best, but not this Saturday, we're flying to Naples for the day."

"Oh, my Dad has a place there, it's beautiful...you guys will have such a nice time."

"You should come with us, have lunch with your Dad, we'll be back that night."

It never registered with me that my friend was serious, but I declined because "something in my spirit" just told me it wasn't wise, and that we should wait until next year. As we got into the van to go home (we were in our church library having this conversation) I said, "I wonder how they are going for the day?" Mike said, "Babe, he's a pilot and has his own plane, she probably meant what she said." AHHHH!!!! You mean that God would make a way for me to visit my Dad??? Yes, that is exactly what happened.

To make a long story short, my friend was serious about me flying down with them, having lunch with my Dad and Pam, and then coming home that evening. I was shocked! God has provided for me in great ways ever since I've known Him (and even before then!), but this has probably been my favorite way. You see, I stopped visiting my Dad during my summers in college due to mission trips. As soon as I graduated from college, I became Mrs. Wessner and from then on I haven't visited by myself. I've missed Dad.

As I was trying to figure out why God had nudged me to decline a trip with the kids, it never dawned on me that He was orchestrating a trip that would be so much sweeter. The trip down was full of precious fellowship with new friends that have been walking with God longer and more passionately that I have. Lunch with Dad and Pam was overlooking the bay with a sweet smelling breeze tickling my nose. The food was delicious, but it was wonderful to be with Dad and Pam, by myself, for the first time in a long time. We did a bit of shopping and I got to be an only child for a day! Dad said that was what the day was about, letting me see what it is like to be an only child! We laughed...but I liked it! I love being a part of a big family, but I really enjoyed the time alone.

We are members of a large body. However, I don't know that any of us spend enough time with our Father. That day was a reminder of how good it feels to be a child, in the presence of my Dad.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' " Romans 8:15

Worms.

2009-03-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

"Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you," declares the LORD, "and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 41:14

"But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people." Psalm 22:6

"Rachel, are you sure these aren't going to crawl out and get into my van?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Worms don't like the light, they crawl down into the dirt to get away from it. See, you can't even see them anymore. You'll be fine."

So, today, I read two chapters of Farmer Boy, one chapter of David Livingstone, did a spelling lesson, a language lesson, made lunch and picked up some worms. Yup, worms. The Wessner's are goin' green! Mike and I have two gardens and we wanted to compost. To be honest, I'm more excited about composting than the gardens because I really have come to despise throwing away food. (I don't know how many times my children have heard me say, "Eat up. Daddy and I have seen the starving children of Africa!) In fact, I was taking our food out to the "dump tree" just because I felt like maybe the deer could eat it and it wouldn't be wasted. So, we (I mean Mike) researched composters and the pros and cons of all of the models and we settled on worms. I actually like the idea because I think the kids will learn alot and I understand that worm "castings" make the best soil. So, worms it is! The composter came yesterday and so I went and picked up the worms today.

My dear friend dug them for me. She's way more like Caroline Ingalls than I am. (Oh how I long to be Caroline!) I do not like my hands to be dirty. I don't even like to handle frozen blueberries for long because it makes my nails look bad. Vain. I know. I don't like slugs, snails, worms, snakes, centipedes...I could go on. My point is this...I'm stretching.

Please remember that I have 4 children on a daily basis. They were all in the van while I was getting the worms. Some of them had escaped their seats and were moving freely about the cabin, while one stuck one was screaming, "I want out!" So, I got everyone buckled in and the words that kept repeating in my head, besides, "Ali, you are doing so good. DO NOT STOP FOR A CAPPUCINO BLAST AND MUNCHKINS. No temptation has seized you...no temptation has seized you..." were Rachel's words, "Worms don't like the light. They crawl away from it." I vaguely remembered David's words in the Psalms when he compares himself to a worm. While looking for that verse I found the verse in Isaiah where God uses the word to describe the men of Israel. He uses this word, according to my study note, as a reference to their feeble and despised condition in exile.

Romans 3:10:11 states, "As it is written, 'There is no one righteous, not even one, there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.'" It goes on with more good news about our wretched condition, but I'd like to use 1 John 1:5 to remind us what God is, "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all."

When I put these two verses together I can only rejoice that because I don't seek Him, because I am prone to crawl away from Light...He brought the Light to me.

"When Jesus spoke to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12

So, that's what I'd like to do. Take the Light to those who are prone, as I am, to crawl away from it. Doing this with the sincere hope that they will also, as I have, have the "Light of life."

Nasty.

2009-03-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a regular puke-fest around here lately. So far my boy has been immune, but my girls have been up and down. It's been so frustrating! Thankfully we aren't due to go anywhere or have any company until the first weekend of April, so I guess I should be thankful. My 2 year old knows when she is going to be sick, and more importantly WHERE to get sick. My 4 year old just sort of, well, bursts...wherever she is. So, what I've been doing is spot mopping the floors. You know what that revealed to me...my floors are NASTY! Yesterday I was cleaning up after Julia and my friend was over...my super dear friend that isn't afraid of vomit...and I looked at her and said, "Do you know how very disgusting your carpet is?" I know, words of encouragement...a gift of the Spirit to be sure! Seriously, when I see what gets ground into my wood floors I can only imagine what our past homes with all carpet were like. YUCK!

Tonight I got couched by Ella and Mike took the older kids to dinner at the home of some friends. Ella went to bed early and I decided that I would do a little bit of cleaning. The problem...

Once you start to clean, without people distracting you from the filth, you see the filth. My kitchen floor was/is raunchy. I was on my hands and knees trying to get it clean. My little rag just kept showing my handprint in dirt. Then, if that isn't enough, when you are up close and personal with your floor like that, you get up close and personal with your baseboards, your cabinets, under the fridge, before you know it you are ready to call those English ladies to tell you how third-world your house has become! How did it get so out of control???

As I swept my floor I could feel the difference between where the rug was and was not. I just said, out loud, "It's O.K. You can clean it." You know what other word came to mind? Repent.

Have you ever gotten a really good look at your heart? I should use the actual word. Have you ever gotten a good look at your depravity? Thankfully because God is merciful, He doesn't show us everything at once, but lately I have felt a little more up close and personal with what is really going on in my heart. I start looking at a few things and as I'm exposing myself to God and His Word, I see more and more. I could become really depressed. I think we all could. Even as I was cleaning my floors I was thinking, "Is this even cleaning the floor? Or is it simply leaving a soapy residue that is going to make it worse?"

I can get like that when dealing with God. I'm like, "O.K. what can I do? What is going to fix this? What will clean me up and make me better? Perhaps I should call a friend and see what they use." The answer...Jesus.

Our most righteous acts are like filthy rags. I am not capable of cleaning up my heart. Just like I didn't remove the heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. Just like my floor will never be spotless...unless they are brand new.

I am, in Christ, brand new. I can see my heart and not become overwhelmed because I plead Christ. Looking at my heart only makes me love Him more. It only makes me more aware of my need. It makes me so thankful that I have a Savior that does not change. Yesterday, today and forever...He is the same.

So, are your floors nasty? Well, scrub them. Is your heart nasty? Well, repent...then walk in the freedom that Christ affords...and think of your mansion that Jesus is preparing for you. We will be able to walk on our floors for eternity without feeling crumbs. We can handle it for a little while, I think. Let it remind us of our need for Jesus, and His unending love for us.

Gifts.

2009-03-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying, I think if I were Jacob I would have cried "Uncle!" when wrestling with God. I feel like as life gets harder I just get weaker. I suppose that could be exactly how it's meant to be. Last week one of my journal entries read, in all caps, "LORD, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME???" The response, "Yes, yes I am." There is still way too much of my own agenda on the line and I do have some more dying to do in order to be more like Christ. He is good, and I'm sure He's going easy on me, but I have been struggling. To the post...

Roughly a year ago (maybe a year and a half) I was invited to a clothing party. Let me preface this by saying I am alot of fun at a party...or so I've been told. I usually break the ice, and keep things moving. I enjoy a party. I will not, however, be the big spender. I usually go with one thing in mind and I leave with that one thing. For instance, I went to a cookware party a few months ago. I needed a bar pan (remember I broke mine to pieces) and a mixing bowl (I threw my other one on the floor in a fit of rage...seriously...and I LIKED IT! it was plastic) I left with those two things and a safety knife for kids. I'm just not the one you REALLY want at your party. So, at this party we were trying on clothes. It was fun, I had lost a little bit of weight and this one skirt felt phenomenal! I could spin in it, and it was a size smaller than I usually wear. I loved it. I did not go to the party with this skirt in mind. In fact, I knew I wasn't going to buy anything. I just couldn't. I did, however, LOVE the skirt.

Time passed. I stayed home from church one Wednesday night with a sick child and when Mike came home he dropped a plastic garment bag in my lap. "What's this?" I asked with a smile. I thought maybe I had loaned someone something and they returned it in this particular bag. "Tandy gave it to me, she said it was yours." I had no idea what he was talking about. "What? What is it?" I pulled the plastic up and would you believe it was that skirt!!! "WHERE DID THIS COME FROM??? DID YOU BUY THIS FOR ME???" No, ladies, he did not...I know, that would have been sweet...I think it's even better. I called Tandy and she said that another woman purchased the skirt for me. WHAT??? I immediately called the other woman to thank her...not to try to give it back!

Do you know what her response was, "Well, I had saved my money, and there wasn't anything that I felt as good in as you did in that skirt. Watching you spin around and look so nice, I just wanted you to have it." Yes, that's the truth. She just saw how much I enjoyed it and wanted me to have it. It wasn't cheap. She had saved her money to buy something for herself, and instead purchased something for me. So, I hung it in my closet and never wear it, for fear that I will ruin it.

Wouldn't that be a waste? Her money would be so wasted if I never pulled that skirt off the hanger. The reason she bought it was because I enjoyed being in it! I didn't hang it up and gaze at it and talk about it at the party. I tried it on. I spun around. I talked about how perfect it would be with a pretty sweater and some nice brown boots. "It's so versatile! You can wear it with everything!" She bought it because she knew I would love it, I would wear it...I'm sure she would be happy to see it worn out in my closet. That would be money well spent. A gift that was used, enjoyed, worn out and loved.

What have you got hanging in your closet? What gifts have you been given that you don't really want to get messed up? Maybe you are afraid you'll get a hole in them, or you can't find anything to wear with them. Maybe the gift that is hanging in your closet is your salvation. Maybe you have invited Christ to be Lord of your life, and you have the gift of salvation...of Life EVERLASTING and there it hangs. Pretty as a picture. Maybe you go in and look at it, you stroke it, try it on every now and then...and put it back, afraid to enjoy it because you don't want to get it dirty, you don't want Christ to look bad.

It would devastate my sweet friend if I never wore that skirt. She didn't want a thank you note, I'm not indebted to her forever because she spent her hard earned money on me. Her only request was that I ENJOY the skirt.

Christ left heaven. He put on flesh. He walked with us. He laughed with us. He cried with us and for us...then He died for us. His life for ours, not an even trade. He was the only one that could restore us with God. "The wages of sin is death, but the GIFT of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 We didn't ask for it, we didn't save for it, we didn't die for it. The least we can do is enjoy it.

What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Let's not work our fingers to the bone trying to repay. As we enjoy God, everything, and I do mean everything will fall into place.

Honestly, I have struggled to enjoy Him. I've struggled to enjoy anything these days. I know that I will only enjoy Him if I am spending time with Him. I think I'll go do that now. Spin around, ladies...enjoy that gift...we thank Him, by enjoying Him.

On Being a Wessner

2009-02-25T12:42:00.000-08:00

I want to be careful with this post so as to not offend any other Wessner's out there, but I think most will agree that what I am saying is the truth. What am I saying?

The other day, maybe a week ago, Anson was being a little slow in the obedience department. When he finally arrived in the room I had called him to I asked, "Pal, what were you doing that took so long?" He responded, "Just noticing my ears." He's 6, he knows he has ears, I went on, "Really, what were you noticing about them?" He said, very matter-of-factly, "They're kinda big, don't you think?"

I'm not sure what I said at the moment, probably something to the effect that God made him well and blah-blah-blah. A few days later, however, it dawned on me. He has inherited from my side and Mike's side. He actually has what we call, well, "Wessner ears." I happen to love his ears and his Dad's ears. I wanted him to know that his ears were a sign that he was part of a bigger family. He had those ears because he was a Wessner...a pretty great thing to be! So, a few days later I said to him...

"You know bud, I've been thinking about your ears. Do you know why you have those ears? It's because you are a Wessner. That's something neat about some of the Wessner's. You have them because you are part of the family, it's something to remind you of who you belong to. I think it's kind of neat to have something like some other people in the same family. It's like you have it in common, and you can be proud of it, because we are proud to be Wessner's."

As I was talking to him something else came to mind. As we develop as believers there are things that set us apart as children of God. We are marked by God's Spirit. Christ in us sets us apart. What are some of those things? How about love? Joy? Peace? Patience? Kindness? Goodness? Gentleness? Faithfulness? Self-Control? These are not natural in our being, they are fruits of the Spirit that is alive within us. Sometimes we end up with convictions that don't look like our neighbor's or we make choices that seem crazy to a watching world.

I did talk to Anson about this as well. I asked him what things set us apart as followers of God? "When people look at you they know you are a Wessner because they see Daddy and know where you have inherited your ears. (and HIS BRAIN!!! Wessner's are awfully bright!!!) Is there anything that would show people that you belong to Jesus?"

I ask myself that same question. If people just caught a little teeny glimpse at my life, or caught me talking to my children when I didn't know the windows were open, what would I sound like? Would they know I was a member of the family of God?

As I walk in His strength and rely on His Spirit I pray that my life will be a fragrant offering to the Lord.

Disney Theology???

2009-02-18T11:49:00.000-08:00

Today was a fun day because we got to be with some of our most precious friends. I was feeling a bit generous, so I gave the kids a break from my John Denver Wildlife Concert CD's and Bebo, so they could listen to one of their Disney Classic CD's. I know, I know, mother of the year material!

On the way home, Hakuna Matata came on. There is something that I love about old Disney songs. Maybe it's that those are the songs that I know, and Disney just doesn't write songs like they used to! So, I was singing along and Anson calls from the back of the van, "Mom, it's right!" I turned it down a bit and asked what was right. "This song. Hakuna Matata. That it means no worries and if we have God on our side, we don't have any worries."

I'd have to say that Disney was right about this one. I thought immediately of Matthew Chapter 6:25-34 and how clear the author is about God's provision for His people. Not only His provision for His people, but how He provides for His creation! The lillies of the field, the birds of the air...why wouldn't He provide for His very own children!

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat? or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kindgom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-34

Definitely worth thinking about!

If you give a Mom a minute.

2009-02-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

Whew! I am in a very busy stage of life and this little diddy has been coming to mind alot lately. I wrote it about 1-2 years ago and never shared it because I didn't know if since it was inspired by some other books I would get in trouble. It just seems to appropriate and I guess I should thank Laura Numeroff for the idea. Ella loves the "If you give a moose a muffin" and we have collected several of her other books. How many of you ever feel like this? It is written with very little periods, because periods represent a break...and we just don't get many of those. If you are out of breath at the end of it...that's the idea. Let's not wait too long to sit down and study our Bibles...even if all we have is a minute. Also I need to thank Lisa-Anne at The Maine Berry Patch for an award that she gave me several weeks ago.(so I just linked to where the award is on her blog...you'll love visiting her...and I am really bad at putting anything but words on this blog!) I was so surprised and humbled by it, I didn't know what to do. I don't know exactly how to move it to my blog...but I wanted to say thank you so much for your sweet words and kind award. It truly blessed my heart! Alright...to the blog...

If you give a mom a minute, she'll probably go to the kitchen to get a glass of water because she is trying to lose weight and stopped drinking sodas and is now forcing herself to drink water. While she's getting the ice out of the freezer she'll pull the meat out for dinner and then check the refrigerator to make sure that the fruit for the fruit salad hasn't gone bad yet. While she's checking the fruit she'll discover the bowl of leftover spaghetti in the back of the refrigerator that went bad and she'll decide she needs to clean out the bowl. Before she can wash the bowl she has to clean the dishes out of the sink that her family forgot to put in the dishwasher. When she opens the dishwasher she remembers that she was too tired to empty it last night and has to empty it before she can load it before she can wash the dishes. As she is putting the last knife in the knife drawer she remembers her friend was missing a knife and asked her to check if she left it at her house. So, she decides since the drawer is open she should clean it out to look for the knife. Then, she hears a loud noise that reminds her that the sheets in the dryer are clean so she pulls the sheets out of the dryer and figures she might as well put them on the bed so that they'll be ready for bedtime because Survivor is coming on and the kids have to be in bed by 8:00 so she won't miss the twist that's never been done before that is wreaking havoc on the island. While she's putting the sheets on the bed she stubs her toe on the metal frame and when she bends down to make sure that her toenail polish didn't chip, and to rub her throbbing toe, she finds the shoe that she couldn't find on Sunday morning. She says, "Praise God." Thinking of God reminds her that she hasn't read her Bible yet and it's already 2:30. She walks out to read her Bible, but as she walks by the kitchen she sees the dishes and remembers that she never finished cleaning out the moldy spaghetti. While she's cleaning out the bowl she thinks she might as well clean out the refrigerator since it needs to be done anyway. When the refrigerator is all cleaned out she realizes now that the moldy spaghetti, soggy salad, and chunky milk are gone, there is no food. So, she'll have to make her grocery list. When she sits down with her pen and paper to make her list, she'll remember when she used to sit down with pen and paper to study her Bible. That will remind her that she still hasn't met with Jesus. Since her Bible is still on the table from Sunday she opens it up and reads, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of living water welling up to eternal life." She'll probably thank Jesus for being the living water and that will remind her of her glass of water she left on the counter. Chances are that if she gets that cup of water, she'll want a minute to go with it.

The Bucket List

2009-02-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

A few Friday's ago, Mike and I snuggled up to watch "The Bucket List." I really enjoyed it. Basically it's the story of two men, both dying, and doing all of the things that they've always wanted to do before the "kick the bucket." I loved the idea of it.

I think all of us have plans, dreams, hopes...things that we want to see come to fruition before we do, indeed, kick the bucket and so Mike and I started talking about our own lists. Of course there were large travel plans like, take the kids on an African Safari...in Africa! Perhaps one day we could cruise to the Mediterranean. We'd love to eat a fancy meal at a cafe somewhere. We want to see our children graduate and become people who love God and love others...well. There were other things not as lofty, but still desires, like, well, mop the kitchen floor!

I sort of store things in my head and then when I read something there is a party in my head when two things connect. Well, my brain had a party while I was reading Luke 2:25-32, it's a good read...

Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel."

This man's bucket list looked like this...

Things to do before I die...
1. See the Christ.

Pretty sweet, I thought.

Who is actually more useful?

2009-01-30T11:55:00.000-08:00

"Well, Julia, I'm more useful than you." This was Anson's rather shocking statement that was uttered the other night while they were supposed to be sleeping. They have all decided to sleep in the same room, so bedtime lasts a bit longer, but I do like them having such sweet friendships. Mike and I were standing at the door listening and couldn't believe that Anson would say such a thing! The even more shocking part was Julia's response, "Yeah, you can climb higher, snap louder..." She was agreeing that he was definitely more useful, more valuable than she was. I stood at the door and giggled at their conversation, but was saddened by their misunderstanding of what makes us valuable and Who deems us useful.

Am I more useful than you? We play that game don't we? We size each other up, check out how we do with keeping the corners of our house clean, kids in the gifted program, memorize scripture...I could go on and on. This is a fun game if we are the ones that everyone agrees can "climb higher." It's fun when your snap is heard around the world and everyone finds you to be useful and valuable. However, what happens when we aren't the best? What happens when our gifts can't be used and our friendship isn't as important? What do we do then? Well, we rebuke The Liar!

Several years ago I studied a verse that has stuck with me whenever I start playing this game. Want to know what it is? OK...2 Corinthians 10:12-13 "We do not dare to classify ourselves or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you." It's not wise to measure ourselves with another fallen human being. We'll either feel so good about ourselves that we will not need a Savior or we will feel so painfully worthless that we won't believe that He died for us.

Christ is what gives us our value. We measure ourselves by Him. We fail in comparison to His glory, and yet Romans teaches us that we are co-heirs because of our salvation! That is AMAZING! Another verse that I thought of while I was typing is found in 1 Corinthians 4:7 "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?"

The truth is all of us can do something better or worse than someone else. I think all of us are familiar with the "parts of the body" passage. Let us not rob each other of our value by comparing ourselves, or let The Accuser tell us things that are not true. God teaches us that we are precious in His sight and honored and loved. Let's meditate on that. If you can climb higher, than you can help me reach what I cannot. If I can snap louder I can call for help when you get stuck!!!

Let's walk in the freedom that Christ has provided, that freedom to live in fellowship with Him and to be exactly who He has called us to be. SNAP!

A I currently playing one of Bebo Norman's songs over and over again, Disappear...here are my favorite lyrics:

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me¦ (I always sing this really loud!!!)

Heart Trouble.

2009-01-28T12:05:00.000-08:00

So, I mentioned that God was going to turn my world upside down, right? Well, it's not totally upside down, but my heart has been revealed and it ain't pretty. So, what happened? Well, I have committed to keeping another child in my home for the next couple of months. This is NOT something that I do very often (like NEVER), but the Lord has made it clear, and I want to obey. I'm seeing that the "Love Chapter" is easier to memorize that to actually do.

I want to see people the way Christ sees people and love the way He loves. Guess what? I'm WAY off the mark! My kids are also having a tough time with this. I'm very thankful that their heart conditions have also been brought to the light. It is our desire that our children think of others before themselves and include many people in our family. Julia is having the hardest time. I'm not quite sure why, but we are praying and discussing how Jesus can change our hearts and bring love for many. So, here is the scene:
We were outside last week playing with play-doh, just sort of hanging out and Julia said something kind to the child. Wanting to seize the opportunity to praise her for that I said, "Julia, I love to hear you speak such kind words." She then replies, with her sweet little girl voice, "Yeah, eventhough I don't want him here, I can still say nice words." AAAHHHH!!!! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

See, I'm pretty big on the heart. I don't want well behaved children. In fact, I'd rather my children throw a big huge tantrum so that I know what is in their heart, than to pretend like all is well and be squeaky clean white-washed tombs. The problem here...that was my heart as well. I love having more children...it's more work, more time in the potty...way more money at Chick-fil-A...but I do love the challenge. I just realized that I want everything on my terms. I want to serve the Lord, but I want to list all of the particulars. I want it to be a perfect scenario. Well, perfect scenarios do not typically exsist and they sure don't conform us to the image of God!

This verse came to mind as I've been sort of sifting through all of my sin/emotions, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight. O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14 It's not only what comes out of our mouths. We can't just fake it and think that it's OK. We can't have one thing in our heart and provide lip service to the world...we definitely cannot fool God.

I don't know about you, but my heart needed a change. I needed to be stretched in my capacity to love others out of an overflow of my love for Christ. As I study the Word and relive and remember where He found me, how can I not open not only my home, but my heart as well, to anyone that He puts in my path? I'm certainly not finished, but I still have a few months and I sure hope that I don't look like this when it's all said and done!

The first official Entry...

2009-01-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are curious, my other blog, Harvest Classical Academy has a rather lengthy post with more to come. Thank you to those who have already shown interest...the blog itself isn't finished, but neither am I! Thanks...I've got some cold water coming...inspired by Julia, my crazy girl!!!

I'm Alive.

2009-01-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

What a sweet day for me. It's just fun to remember that this was the day that I made a decision to follow Christ. The other post, that I deleted, lacked scripture. I would like to take you through my story with scripture. I hope that it blesses you.

"There is a way that seeems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief." Proverbs 14:12-13
This would be high school. I had a great time! My social life was fun, I had a job with great hours, but the only problem came when the lights were out and the day was done. My heart did, indeed, ache for more. I knew there had to be more to life, but couldn't put my finger on it. I worked with a guy who exemplified Christ in a truly biblical manner. Watching his life, listening to his convictions, it only made the void feel bigger.

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11Graduation came and went and I didn't have a "college plan." Most of my friends went away to school. There were a few of us who stayed in town and on the weekends we'd visit those who went away and I wanted my own dorm room, too! I didn't know where to go, so I consulted the pile of college brochures that I had collected and decided that I liked the campus of Georgia College the best. I had heard that it had an excellent School of Education (it does) and had heard that there were also a few ministries on campus. I wanted to get a little taste of "religion." So, winter quarter I moved in with DeAnna and Ursula. DeAnna would soon become one of my dearest friends and a woman with whom I would run the race with.

"My people have committed two sins; They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jeremiah 2:13
This is what I found out the first few weeks of school. I was so desperately lonely I could barely stand it. I hadn't needed to make new friends in years and now here I was pretty much starting over. I did have one friend from high school who was on my hall (hey Jaime!)but she was not there for the first few days. I was pretty anxious to get on campus and needed to be there for all of the orientation stuff. When I did finally begin meeting people, they all said the same thing. I began discovering why I had a void. I was created to be in a perfect union with God, but because of the fall of man I was separated from God...and my heart longed for Him. We were all created with a longing for Him, and yet we try to fill it with things of this world that we think will satisfy. It's like filling up a jug of water with holes in the bottom...it just will not last. I had calloused hands from all my digging, and I was getting thirsty for some living water.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23
The problem. I was working hard to get to God. I was a pretty decent girl, but I was just plain not able. Through conversations with many believers on campus I came to the understanding that without Christ I was not only doomed, but I would remain, forever, unsatisfied. I recognized that Christ was a gift to me. It was God's plan to reconcile Himself to me (I'm being selfish, it was a gift of reconciliation to all of us). Because of my fallen state (Romans 3:23) I could not live in harmony with God. We were enemies. There was a cost to my salvation. God's word tells us that without the shedding of blood that can be no forgiveness of sins. Hebrews 9:22 Christ bore my sins, in His body on the tree, so that I might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds I was healed! 1 Peter 2:24 This was incredible news for me. My wounded heart, my anxious mind, my desire to know God...Christ made that possible on the cross. That was explained to me over and over again and pretty soon my heart could barely stand the separation any longer.

"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5
It was a cold Thursday and I was a bit out of commission. I was snuggled up in my room when some girls down the hall stopped by. Thankfully the conversation ended on Him, which I was thankful because I LOVED hearing how He had transformed lives. I had counted the cost. I had pondered whether it was worth it, whether it was real. I came to the conclusion that it had to be true. I remember spending that entire week contemplating. I was pretty sure that some things would change in my life. I was pretty sure that my decision would effect everyone and everything... and it did.

That day a line was sort of drawn in the sand. One of the women very gently asked me what could be keeping me from choosing Christ. I only had one answer..."nothing." I prayed right there in room 603 of Bell Hall and that one prayer has probably been one of the least spiritual, and most productive prayers I have ever prayed! Admitting my fallen state, asking for forgiveness and surrenduring all that was dear to me...my very life...all made possible by Christ's work on the cross. I was ecstatic!

I remember laying in bed that night, in my bottom bunk and saying to Dee, "I am just so excited, I want the whole world to know!"

I haven't made it to the entire world, yet, but I did make it to Africa where I met my husband and married him one year later.

"Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation;the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17
This was the first verse I ever committed to memory and I have had to cling to it by my fingernails somedays when I believe that I'm just the same old gal. There is nothing like the transforming power of God Himself to change a life and turn it upside down. There were definitely some changes. Some were easier to make then others, but they were made. I took advantage of every opportunity to grow in my relationship with Him. I also learned that it wasn't religion that I wanted at all, but rather a relationship.

So, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it...or rather, it's stickin' to me.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Changed My Mind

2009-01-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

Some of you may or may not have read the post that I just deleted. 12 years ago today, I gave my life to Christ. I wrote my story, but left out anything that could help someone else make a decision. I'm going to redo it, because I want to share it...I'm so glad for those of you who have read it (and commented...thank you!)and I'm looking forward to sharing again...

Coming Soon...

2009-01-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm putting it off because I'm a little nervous, but it's time for me to give a little. I have learned so much from so many women in regards to homeschooling, and as soon as we have our name and our mission statements in cement (naming our school has been almost as difficult as naming our children!) I'm going to have a separate blog for that. It is my desire to share and spur on all of those women who have done that for me. I'm going to share our curriculum, our read-alouds, our philosophy...just let you in my house, be a fly on the wall. Then you'll know where all the other posts come from! Don't worry, I know not everyone who reads this homeschools, I'll still be around with a cup of cold water.

So, I'm posting this to hold myself accountable...I'm really rather excited about it!

Check back soon...

Set the Table

2009-01-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

My children are old enough to help. Anson actually earns a little bit of cash-ola and Julia is learning how to do her jobs in an excellent manner and will earn money when she's older. I love it when they come to me with their willing little spirits and ask, with a twinkle in their eye, "Mom, what can I do to help you?" Now, usually when they ask this I am in the kitchen, so my response is, "Well, for starters you can GET OUT OF HERE I'M TRIPPING ON YOU!" Not really, but it goes something like, "Yes, please clear off the table so we can have dinner." or maybe, "Yes, please put the silverware on the table." You know what they almost always say to me, "No, can I help you." What they mean is, "I want to be near you. I want to watch what you are doing and be helpful." I cannot get them to understand that if they will obey me, they will be helping.

Most "good Christians" ask God, "What can I do to help you?" We want to be useful to Him. We want to have a job to do and know that it is from Him. However, all too often our response to His "job" is, "Well, I don't really want that job. How about..." You know those, "anytime, anywhere, anyone" prayers turn into, "5:00, Monday afternoon, my favorite friend." When God asks you to set the table, do you tell Him you had something else in mind?

I do. I did. You know what He did? He called me on it. I told Him that it was my desire to be used in any way to impact another family for His name. However that may effect my family and my life. I wanted to be sold out. Totally surrendered. I want my life to be nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

For those of you with multiple children, what tends to happen when another child comes and does do the job that you gave to the first job-seeker? The first child flips out and yells, "Mom told me to do that! Stop it! Get out of here!" All of a sudden that job is desirable. The other child recognizes that if they wanted to help, that was their chance.

I don't want to watch someone else set the table when God asked me to do it. The "what" is not the point, it's the "who." I am not serving the what of the job, I am serving the Who of the task. If God asks me to do something, I want to count it pure joy to do whatever seemingly menial task He gives me. Recognizing that it is a privilege to be used by Him, for the purpose of advancing His kingdom.

Are you following me? Serve with joy. Serve with gladness. Don't be afraid of the job. He'll ask someone do it, or better yet, do it Himself. I want to be a part of whatever He's doing. Whatever it costs me.

What has He asked you to do?

He's going to turn my life upside down...starting Monday.

"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked."
Psalm 84:10

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." 1 Samuel 15:22

Goin' On a Bear Hunt: a blogella

2009-01-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

My Ella is really cute. She's two. She's really demanding. She's two. She's cute. Her favorite book is "Going on a Bear Hunt" it was purchased as a birthday present for Anson's 2nd birthday and we have not tired of it, yet! (Thanks Smiths!!!) In fact, I bought two for Christmas to give as gifts because we enjoy it so much.

Yesterday I had a little "Blog-ha!" while we were reading it for the,I don't know, hundredth time. For those of you not familiar with this story it's about a family that is going on a bear hunt. They get to obstacles and the "chorus" is, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, OH NO! We've got to go through it!" Ella's face is adorable while she's singing this with me. Yesterday, this hit me...

"We can't go over it! We can't go under it! Oh NO! We've got to go through it!" God is good, but life can be hard. There are certainly situations that we come to and think, "This is awful. I just want to go back to bed and pretend that nothing happened." Some of us can recall that "thick oozy mud" that we had to struggle through, while others are standing it the "deep,dark forest" right now. Those things that God has prepared for us, ordained for us, cannot be avoided, and should not be avoided. When we walk through the "long wavy grass, and the whirling, swirling snowstorm" we have a promise to cling to. Do you want it? There are several, but this one in particular comes to mind.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3

Here we are at the beginning of a new year, a new adventure, let's look it in the face and say together, "We can't go over it! We can't go under it! Praise God...we get to go through it!"

It is in those experiences that we come to know God deeper, more intimately, we don't want to miss out on that, do we?

Cleanin' Up Christmas

2009-01-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

So, today was the day. We started removing the ornaments (the ones that survived!) taking down the garland, switching out the candles...just putting Christmas away. I decided that I needed to clean out the Christmas boxes because there were decorations we don't use and trash that we don't need, and we pull them out of the attic EVERY year! So, while Mike painfully removed hundreds of twisty wire things to release the broken lights from our pre-lit tree, I cleaned up, cleaned out and got things ready for the New Year.

Christmas seems dirty after the 25th. I'm not sure if it's just the weather around here, rainy and muggy, or if it's just the end of such an exciting time. The Santa's are deflated, the lights are dangling, the music has returned to the kind I don't love...it's over. You know what though, I get excited. I get so ready to pack Christmas up and get moving into the new year.

It bothers me, though, that I "put Christmas away." We "get it down" and then we "put it up" then we "enjoy it" then, at last, we "clean it up and put it away." Why? Because we have other decorations to enjoy, of course! No! I was thinking about this while I was sweeping and I thought, "I am so full of hope because of Christmas that I want to move forward. I want to take advantage of my new start, my clean slate. My heart is refreshed, my mind is focused, my desire is to move forward compelled by His love."

I want to celebrate Christ, yes, but I want to get out there and be joyfully contagious because of the Savior that I just celebrated. I want people to come to my home and not find it dripping with decorations that prove I celebrated, I want them to come to my home and find it dripping with grace and mercy. Sometimes you better call first! HA!

Christmas is the reminder that everything is dirty. Creation is not what it was before the fall, and we are in desperate need of a Savior. Not only do we need a Savior, we need the Counselor that Christ left us so that we wouldn't be alone down here.

Around October and November I start longing for Him. I am exhausted by the events of the year and I'm ready to celebrate the coming of the King. I'm ready to slow down, reflect, and enjoy the warm fuzzies of it all.

Not now. I want to enjoy the discipline that comes from knowing Him, the freedom that comes from being saved by Him and the life-change that happens as I follow Him. Yeah, I'm excited. He is definitely something to be excited about. Happy New Year.

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thnaks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:56-58

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Those verses just caught my eye as I was flipping through the Bible. They may not "go" but God's word is all living and active. Sometimes my favorite thing to do is just flip through the Bible with a good friend and say, "Oooh, that's good." So, I invite you to flip with me...what's your favorite verse?

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-19T11:02:00.001-08:00

Each Christmas I send out a letter and a picture to our friends and family. It's actually pretty high on my priority list because one of my favorite parts about this season is hearing from friends and family through their cards. It's a joy to do. It's a little bit of a project, but I think it's worth it. So, I decided to wait a few days after I sent the cards out before I posted it here, but it's Friday now, and Mike will be off for the next two weeks...I wanted to make sure I did it! So, to those of you who have left me comments and feel like friends, this is for you and for those of you who found me while blog-surfin' and liked me enough to keep coming back...it's for you too. I pray you all have a very Merry Christmas.

Love,
Ali

Merry Christmas to our Dear Friends and Family!

One shattered glass ball, four ornaments in need of superglue, one string of lights out, and I was so edgy by bedtime I could barely pray. Ah, the wonderful preparations of Christmas. We needed to go ahead and decorate. Great attitude, huh? “Mike, just get the tree down and we’ll go from there.” It’s an absolute mess. I wanted the house to be perfect before we made another mess. I wanted the floors to be clean and all the little random “things” that find their way into our living room to just disappear. Then Christmas could be just perfect. Not so.

As I was looking at the magnet that had joined the dust bunnies in the corner and the drawer of hair accessories on the bathroom floor I just sort of threw up my hands like, “It’s just not perfect. I’m just not perfect.” Then I thought of Mary and Joseph. A super long donkey ride and then natural childbirth in a barn are not necessarily the perfect conditions for the first Christmas EVER. There is really not a comparison to my little mess of Rubbermaid bins and ornaments.

I love it that Jesus invaded an imperfect world. I love it that His start here was so humble, making Him approachable and real. I’m so thankful that the only thing perfect about that first Christmas was Him. You know why I’m thankful for that? Because the only thing perfect about this Christmas is Him. The pressure is off, the perspective is ON. It’s not about anything but Him. That, my friends, is great news.

Here’s some more great news:
Our kids are super! Anson is 6, Julia is 4 and Ella is 2. I will not go on and on about how smart, good-looking, kind, compassionate, funny, well-mannered, and AWESOME they are. You’ve heard it all before. I will say that we are thoroughly enjoying the challenges and the blessings of homeschool and we are all thriving. It’s our first and very informal year, but I anticipate great things as we trust God with every aspect of this journey.

Mike and I are doing well. We’ve grown a lot this year and the best thing is that we’ve grown together! We went to our first homeschool conference with some of our best friends and we were so encouraged by the information we received from the conference and the fellowship we enjoyed.

It was a rough year for the family. We spent some time in the ICU with my sister, Alex, and now watch in awe at how she has been rebuilt from the inside out. (She was diagnosed with Lupus) We welcomed a nephew and a niece and have battled in prayer for our loved ones as they have endured some darkness. In every circumstance we have lifted our eyes up, up to the heavens, where our help comes from. It’s been very imperfect, just like us.

So, are you struggling with not being perfect? Worried someone might find out? Don’t worry, the secret is out. Christ has made a way for us and as we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world we can also celebrate that we are not it. From one mess to another…I wish you all the messiest, merriest, happiest, most jubilant celebration ever and a very imperfect, but blessed New Year!

Blogellas

2008-12-17T11:50:00.000-08:00

I have had several ideas for posts lately, and simply cannot spend my time on the computer. Not posting super long anyway. So, the other day I got the idea of just posting some "blogellas" you know, like little blogs. I guess it would properly be called a postella since it's a post on my blog, not a blog on my blog, but I loved the way blogella sounded. It also made me giggle because I thought of a contestant on a certain popular show where people sing and become idols, and this girl said that she wrote "novellas" and was currently writing one about one of the judges. It was creepy funny. Speaking of Novellas, (am I spelling that correctly? I just spell checked it...seems to be fine...anyway)if you are looking for some good ones, you should check out Francine Rivers and her novellas that she wrote about the women in Jesus' blood line. They are very well done. Okay, to my first blogella

Blogella #1
I love a fountain coke. There is something about drinking a coke from a restaurant fountain machine that tastes so much better than a can I crack open after a long day. It's just fresher. I'm not sure if it's the ice, the cup, the straw, the fact that someone else fixed it for me, whatever the reason, I LOVE it!

I've been trying to shed just a few pounds and one of the ways I can usually do that is to avoid Coke. Now, I don't drink it all the time, simply exchanging it for water while I'm out is all I need to do. I don't buy it and only have it in the house if there is company. So, on Monday I was driving to my sister's house and thought, "I would so LOVE a Coke right now." Well, lucky for me (unlucky for my waist) there is "Golden Arches" on the way. I couldn't wait. I was thinking about that first sip, YUM (I almost want one right now!). Then it hit me...my first blogella. I wish I longed for Jesus the way I long for a Coke. I don't mean to trivialize it, I'm serious. I will go out of my way for a Coke, if I really want one. I was thinking about it, planning on it, anticipating with great joy sipping my Coke on the way to Ashley's house.

To say I've avoided the Lord lately would be an understatement. I've enjoyed just layin' in bed for a few extra minutes (like 30!). I would rather check a blog, or Survivor behind the scenes or fold clothes, than be with Jesus. That just happens to me. It's because I had sin in my heart, I won't go into all that, but that is the reason.

I want to be like the Psalmist that says, "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1 That is what a want, sadly, that is not where I am. I believe the only way to get there, is to be with Him so much that my soul longs for Him. It craves Him. It not only needs Him, it wants Him. Oh that He would do that in me.

Blogella #2
The other day the kids were just hangin' out in my room with their new Highlights magazines and all of a sudden Anson goes, "Mom, can I have a piece of candy?" I asked, "For what?" His very honest answer, "Just because I want it." So what do you say to that? "Sure." So, he scaled my closet to reach the Halloween candy that is at the top and of course pulled several things down on his head until he had the precious bag in his possession. Well, Julia isn't going to go without, and neither am I, so we were all looking for our candy. Mike and I have our stash of the good stuff that we choose from. I chose a Milky Way and had eaten it and Anson was still in the closet searching. "Bud, what are you doing? Just get a piece of candy and put it away." Without really thinking he responded, "I'm just looking for something that will last." Immediately my heart replied, "Aren't we all?"

How long will we search? What was so sweet about Anson is that he was being so careful in his search. He was considering it. He didn't just want a quick fix, he wanted his candy to last a little bit. He wanted to enjoy it.

I've been walking with God for almost 12 years and I know there is nothing that will last the way He does. There is not one thing that will satisfy the way He does. Nothing.

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." Psalm 63:3

Blogella #3
Sometimes I feel like everyone else got a more important mission from God. Now, I do believe that what I'm doing matters (or I wouldn't do it) but sometimes I believe the lies that God is using everyone else and is making me sit the bench. Well, I started reading Galatians (it's about freedom in Christ and freedom from the law...hooray!) and I came upon this passage. It's in Galatians 2:7-8 "On the contrary, they saw that I had been entrusted with the task of preaching the gospel to the Gentiles, just as Peter had been to the Jews. For God, who was at work in the ministry of Peter as an apostle to the Jews, was also at work in my ministry as an apostle to the Gentiles." As you probably know, I am a homeschooling mother. We are not taking it one year at a time, we believe without a shadow of a doubt that God has put us in this for the long haul. My time is different, my priorities are different. This verse set me free. I do believe that God is at work in this ministry. I just want to stop looking at the ministries of others and believing that theirs is more or less important. We are all members of the same body...all with a very important job to do, which leads me to our science experiment.

We love Highlights, the other day Anson said, "Mom, can we do this?" It was an experiment that involved soaking one penny in liquid soap and another in vinegar and then guessing which would clean the penny. It only made sense that the liquid soap would do the job. Soap cleans, right? Wrong, not pennies. The vinegar is what was necessary to get the job done. Having already read Galatians I asked the kids if this proved that the soap was worthless. They of course said that it didn't prove that at all. We went on to discuss how certain things have certain jobs that they are used for, just like people. Some of us have gifts and talents that can be used for somethings, but not for others. Just because one person isn't used by God in one circumstance doesn't mean they are less useful or loved, it just means there is another job for them. Perfectly designed for them. Vinegar isn't always used, but we all have it on the shelf, don't we? Let's be available to be used by God and thankful that He would include us in His work.

Blogella #4
If you had to guess how old the "Proverbs 31" woman was, what would you guess? You know what I would guess? Early to mid-forties. You know why I say that? She is WISE! She has probably made some mistakes. She probably forgot to mend the clothes one year and made a mental note to be prepared next time! I thought about this while considering the stamps I would be purchasing for my Christmas letters (I'll post it soon). I thought, you know, it's a good idea to just buy a book of stamps a month, and by the end of the year, TADOW...I'm prepared! Instead of dropping a significant amount of money on stamps, in December, an already sort of "tight" month. So, as we compare ourselves to the Bible's picture of perfection, I feel like we should all just remember that we are in process. We are becoming those things. I am on a slower track than most, but I'm encouraged by the little bit of progress that I have made over the last 12 years. I'm especially excited about having stamps next year!

Blogella #5
My house is a mess and my in-laws are coming the day after Christmas. It's not like, a super mess, but it's not in "entertaining" order. The other day as I was looking at my table, I thought it was the perfect picture of my heart. We have been reading a super book called Jotham's Journey, as we have celebrated Advent, and our wreath is on the kitchen table. Well, everything lands on the kitchen table and it has been a bit off center and sort of cluttered. Sort of like Christmas. We try so hard to keep Christ as the center, but stuff just crowds Him out. The Christmas letters, snack bowls from today at 10:00, junk mail, an empty purse, the book I bought today and some random train tin. My heart has been cluttered, too. I know He's the Lord, but sometimes I just allow life to creep in and it makes a mess.

So, check your focus. Is it cluttered? Jesus entered a dirty world, He won't be surprised if there are crumbs on the floor. He won't care either. Praise Him.

Alright, that's all I've got for today. I hope you enjoyed my little blogellas. Please forgive any typos, I've been typing quickly and have had a few interruptions.

I'm a Fan.

2008-12-02T16:59:00.001-08:00

So, I didn't come from a family of athletes. I had a reputation for stinking at sports that even my charming personality couldn't counter. I swore I wouldn't marry an athlete. I graduated from Georgia College & State Universtity and we didn't even have a football team. I guess what I'm saying is that I never had the opportunity to be a fan, I didn't even know I wanted to be a fan. Then I married Mike.

The first time I saw Mike coach a soccer game I thought I was marrying a man with split personalities. His passion on the field shocked me. He paced up and down the field yelling and screaming. Seriously, I was shocked. I was also shocked when football season rolled around and my husband watched alot of T.V. We just didn't do that growing up. I guess I didn't notice until later that he was also wearing the same shirts each time "his team" played. Weird.

As the years went by our lives changed dramatically. Babies stir everything up, yet there was a constant. Football, college football, specifically Georgia Tech football. Every Saturday I wore myself out cleaning up and taking care of the kids and there he would sit, king of the house in MY chair in front of the TV. Now, it would be one thing if we had a man-cave where he could disappear and I wouldn't have to look at his reclined tail while I slaved away being the dutiful wife that I am. (that would also be a whitewashed tomb!) If the T.V. is on it's on in the entire house. There is no escaping the noise. However...

About two years ago I was getting ready for my workday and the Lord just spoke right into my selfish little heart. These are not necessarily God's words (like from the Bible) but this is what went through my head, "If you can't beat em'" I flipped up (I was drying my hair upside down) looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I'm going to watch that game, and I'm gonna like it!" I didn't just watch it. We all watched it. I went out and bought snacky food and put on one of Mike's t-shirts. I joined him in his passion. Not because I went to Georgia Tech (the thought of me being smart enough to attend that school just made me laugh out loud...seriously...there's no way!) but because it mattered to my husband, and he matters to me.

You see, as I have come to love Mike more and more, those things that interest him have started to interest me as well. They are not little inconveniences or things that I tolerate, I really want to enjoy them with him. He's my love, my best friend, it only makes sense, right? This post was sparked a couple of weeks ago when I wanted my own t-shirt. I still carry a little bit of the kids with me wherever I go, but I'm not a "Large" anymore. I don't want to wear oversized T-shirts unless I'm going to bed. So, Tech was playing and we were heading to my Mom's house and I asked if we could stop on the way and pick up my very own "game day" shirt. Of course he was thrilled. I love my t-shirt. It matches Mike's of course. Yes, we are those people. I love it. I loved showing my team spirit. I love being supportive, I love being a fan...of Mike's.

It got me to thinking. Since coming to faith almost 12 years ago, my desires have changed in crazy ways. The more I fell in love with Jesus, the more I wanted to enjoy what He enjoys. I wanted to love the things that He loves and hate what He hates. (the way I'm never supposed to cheer for UGA) I want to be close enough to Jesus that when His heart beats, I can hear it and mine beats faster if His beats faster. I want to be about what He's about. If He's going someplace, well, I want to be there too! I want to identify with those things that He is passionate about.

Over Thanksgiving we visited our family in Pennsylvania. My Dad and Pam, my sisters and Mike's entire family. On Thursday we were with the Wessner's. It was really overwhelming for me to be in a room full of people that have my same name...that are really family. I really love those folks and I only know them because they are Mike's family. They love him too, and in turn, I love them. As I continue to walk with God I am constantly meeting new family members. Like it or not...they are my family. Those of us who have called on Christ to rescue us from the mud and mire...we're family. We may be the weird uncle, crazy aunt or deaf Grandma...but we're kinfolk as far as Christ goes. We must love one another because of that. Let us not forget that they will know we are Christians by our love. John 13:35

Another thing that I love is to hear stories about Mike. It just gives me a little more insight into who he is and where he has come from. We went to a video store while we were in PA and he took awhile to make his way out, said he'd met one of "his crew." I just giggled. He's so cute. We were having dinner with his sister and her husband and we were teasing that "his crew" would have been giving the tutoring while I would be, with a few of my crew members, receiving it. We were nothing alike. Marrying him changed me...in every good way.

Coming to Christ has done the same thing. Outside of Jesus Christ I am one wicked soul in desperate need of a Savior. I think only of myself and look out for number one. As I am s-l-o-w-l-y being refined and holding on to less of me and more of Him, I'm changing...and I like it.

Just like I like the way I look in my new game day t-shirt. Now, sure it's not the team of your choice, heck, most of Georgia isn't a Tech fan (I can think of 4 that I know of...Sheryl, Heather(also by marriage) and a lady that Mike works with I could be missing someone) That isn't the point. The point is that when you love someone, I mean really love someone, their desires and their passions become your desires and your passions. You don't mind taking a backseat for their sake, in fact, you love it.

So, where are you? Are His desires your desires? Are the things that bless God's heart the things you are pursuing? Go ahead, buy the shirt, be a fan...rumor has it that in the end...we are The Winners.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3-4

I studied this verse in college and realized that I only receive the desires of my heart because His desires become my desires. Pretty awesome, huh?

P.S.
As a new fan, I think it's important to mention that we did beat UGA. I'll just mention that...as a new fan.

Still Not a Post

2008-11-29T19:24:00.001-08:00

Whew...Friday came a went didn't it? We were going out of town, but I'm paranoid to write that sort of thing because I don't want someone to break into my house and steal all my wonderful possessions. I just couldn't pull off a blog. Now, it's 10:30and I got sucked into blog world, and just wanted to touch base with those of you who may have checked in and found nothing. I am excited to get back to bloggin'...I just feel like I should unpack something before 11:00. We'll see. I almost hate to post this because it still isn't a real post like you were expecting...but I just want to say that I'm home, and I look forward to writing...soon.

This Just In...

2008-11-18T18:30:00.000-08:00

Did you know that you can get a box of "Just Bunches" of Honey Bunches of Oats? My husband came home today with a box of it that he paid $.11 for and I must say that it is delicious. It's sweet and crunchy and just so yummy. We even went out with a second coupon in hand to get two more boxes! This time they were out of Honey Roasted so we got two Caramels instead. Guess what? They are just as tasty! So, if you are a fan of Honey Bunches of Oats, you will love Just Bunches. It's a delicious snack for any time of day!

P.S.
I did not get paid for that

P.S.S.
I will be blogging about what my husband, a Georgia Tech T-shirt, and Jesus all have in common. I have to post it by Friday so check back...in the meantime put that cereal on your list...you'll be so glad you did!

A Public Service Announcement (a rant)

2008-11-11T19:33:00.001-08:00

I have seen a commercial two times and each time it makes me want to scream! I just want to say, to someone other than my husband, that a toy that reads books to your children will not instill a love for reading in your child. Our culture is so battery operated that even reading to our children can be passed on to something else...not even someone else...something else.

To be honest, it just makes me sad. We have a chair. We have met a number of people that we have grown to love, and we have gone to some of the sweetest and faraway locations via our chair and quality literature. I understand that people are busy, I understand that not everyone has a chair...but I'm up to my ears with advertising that is preaching to parents that a battery operated, noisy TOY can do more for children than the very people that God has entrusted the child with.

Julia wants her hair in braids like Betsy (from our favorite series Betsy-Tacy) and Anson's first friends when he learned how to read were none other than Frog and Toad. Ella chooses the Bible and I just want something that we can enjoy together.

Maybe you would love to read to your children, but you don't know where to start. There is a book called Honey for a Child's Heart, it's a book list. It's a wonderful collection of quality literature that will ignite a love for reading. We've met Stuart Little, Charlotte, Wilbur, and Louis the Swan, all E.B. White's genius. My kids love them and still talk about them.

So, I do not wish to be condemning or arrogant. I just want to say that holiday advertising is selling us a lot of worthless crap that doesn't do near what a library card and a cozy spot will do. And it's free. Avoid the batteries, buy a book...you'll be so glad you did.

*Just for fun...please share some of the books that you have enjoyed with your children that you would recommend.

Cheap Imitations

2008-11-10T04:35:00.000-08:00

I'm currently going on week 2 of using my broken hair dryer. Several weeks ago my very old hairdryer served me one last time, and needed to be replaced. I didn't want to spend too much, so I went ahead and bought the store brand (guess what store I was in!) and was happy with my $10.00 "Simply Basic" hairdryer. Happy, that is, until two weeks ago. I was mid dry and my hairdryer just quit. I plugged it it, checked the red button, changed outlets, flipped it on and off and came to the sad reality that my hairdryer had just, as my brother-in-law would put it, "crapped out." I was beyond irritated as my hair doesn't look fabulous when it air dries, and I'm growing it out (that's another story) and so I like it to be thoroughly dry. What I have discovered is that it just gets tired. It will work each day, but it won't really do a great job because it only lasts so long. Cheap stuff breaks.

As you all should know by now, my husband is a teacher and I am a stay-at-home mom who is also educating our children. We have gotten out of debt, and God has helped us to adjust to our income, and I feel like we do well. However, I will buy the generic brand. Growing up we couldn't stand the yellow "Cost Cutter" boxes of cereal, but my kids also eat "Toasty O's" instead of the brand. It just saves money. There are several items I don't mind going generic on. I'll name a few for fun...cheese, cereal, milk, juice, some crackers, peanut butter and jelly. There are a few items that are NOT the same as the brand! Potato chips for one. I buy a brand bread, and I NEVER buy generic Oreos. I have found that the generic cookies simply do not take to my glass of milk in the same manner as Oreos. Another thing I don't buy (anymore) hairdryers. It just stinks.

I've been thinking about generics for a while and you know what else just isn't the same as the real thing? A Savior. Acts 4:12 tells us that, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." There is no cheap alternative for a way out. There is nothing we can do or buy or be that will dig us out of the pit that Adam has put us in. I've seen cheap imitations that have done exactly what they set out to do; steal, kill and destroy. I've seen cheap imitations wreck families and claim souls. There is nothing, do you hear me, NOTHING but Christ alone that will satisfy our hungry souls. Psalm 103 says this of the Lord, take this in with me, "Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits---who fogives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Who else can promise those things and actually fulfill them? We are living in a world that is promising champagne and caviar and only delivers toilet water on ice with moldy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There is only ONE NAME that will rescue us from our mud and mire. There is only One True God that will satisfy us in the morning with His unfailing love. (Psalm 90:14)

My husband makes a lousy Savior. There are times when I put Messiah-like expectations on a mere man. My children and their pursuits will not save me, or satisfy me. There is nothing, nothing, nothing but the blood of Jesus.

So, this Monday morning some of you will head off to work. Some of you will stay in your jammies and struggle through a day with toddlers, some of you will have a successful day of home school. Some of us will grieve losses, celebrate victories, and anticipate great things for our future. In all of this, let us remember that we have but One Savior. There is no option, there is no other. Praise Him that He will not allow us to be satisfied by cheap imitations.

Side Note: The longer I use my broken hairdryer the more irritated I become with it. It will never do the job properly. Yesterday I was frustrated beyond measure getting ready for church. Our cheap "saviors" will only frustrate and disappoint us, pretty much on a daily basis...until we get rid of them.

Alexander and the...

2008-11-07T04:41:00.000-08:00

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Elementary Education. We read lots of books while in the program and I loved all of them. One of my personal favorites, since childhood, is Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. The story is silly, this little guy is making much about nothing, but in his world the sky really is falling in and he thinks it would be better if he just moved to Australia. The reader can see how benign his trials are, here are a few: he sits in the middle in carpool which makes him carsick, he can't get the shoes that he wants, lima beans are for dinner, they kiss on TV, he hates his pajamas...I used it one time to teach adjectives. This morning I felt like I was heading that direction.

Here was the conversation (how my story started) Ella woke me up in the middle of the night and now she's waking me up again before the alarm! My shower isn't hot enough and I have to shave my legs. I nicked my ankle and the water is lukewarm. My hairdryer crapped out...again and I can't find my sneakers. This is going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Julia wouldn't let me do her hair and she isn't ready for breakfast. I hate it when they eat in shifts. My bed isn't made and Mike's late for work so I have to make it myself. Ella got mad and spit on the table and then she flipped over her bowl. She's cranky and is going to ruin everything, this really is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I caught it. I could see where this was going. I had even gone so far to ask Mike if I could get a hotel room one night so that I could finally sleep through the night. Then I changed my mind and said that I would sleep at Mom's instead. I do not wish to have that kind of day and God's word tells me that "this is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it!" I also remembered little Dorcas, our Compassion child, who probably has never had a hot shower in her life. (and never will) I thought of how nice it was to have a new razor, my favorite kind, that my mother-in-law sent me because she knows how much I love them. They are expensive, and she buys them for me and that is a great thing. I also thought of how sweet it was to have girls with hair to do and I do enjoy their spunk. I'm also glad that my children spend their days with me, and eating in shifts will not effect carpool or tardiness. Julia and I will just eat together.

I remembered that the kids and I are trying to "Choose Joy." That is absolutely impossible without Jesus. I told Him that in the shower. "I can't choose joy, Jesus. Please just do it for me." Now I'm the Little Engine that Could, "I think I can, I think I can."

There are some days that really are terrible. My family has had a few of them this year. We've had more than any of us really care to remember. However, even when the matters were life threatening. Even when we felt like the sky was falling in, God remained good. He is worth celebrating every day. I will indeed set out to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth because He is worthy of the best I have.

A funny little side note is that last night I smacked a bug on my computer screen and left it there (I know... why didn't I wipe it off?...I just wanted to go to bed!) When I opened the doors to the computer to write this there it was...now THAT is a terrible day. Getting smacked on a computer screen and being left for dead!!! HA!

So, I'll let Alexander move to Australia...I'm livin' right in the middle of God's best for me.

Today, right now, I'm choosing joy and I hope you are too!

Note: I've linked you to Compassion International's site. We adopted Dorcas about 3 or 4 years ago, and I have never questioned that decision. The amount we send for Christmas is humbling. It's so little, and it does so much. Our monthly sponsorship is really changing her life and the life of her family. If you feel so inclined, check it out. Thank you.

Lessons From Zumba Part...I don't know...

2008-11-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

So, I'm still shakin' it! You must know how absolutely not sexy I am when it comes to this. I do it because it is a super great work-out. I must be honest, I do not love working-out for an hour. I enjoy it, yes. However, there are other things I could do for an hour that would bring me far greater joy. You know what I love about that hour? I sweat. I work my abs. I move my entire body. I am alone. There is always cool down. Sometimes I can feel a blog coming on. Seriously. If I am having a hard time liking something, or something is funny or strange...there is a blog lurking in there somewhere. Throughout my shaking (BTW everything shakes at Zumba!)I was thinking what it was. I kept looking at my watch, I looked at the clock. I was looking forward to the cool down. I kept working as hard as I could, but I knew that before long the lights would turn out, the music would change and I'd be inhaling and exhaling. What is the blog? Let me make just one more point.

I am not a physical trainer. I am not even physically fit, for that matter! However, the people I know, that are, would agree when I say that the stretching before and the cool down after are just as important as the hard core sweat. The cool down matters. If I were to just leave after working out and skip that, I would be receiving an incomplete work-out.

Over the last year I have been struggling with what a "Sabbath" is. Does that mean that I can't go out to eat? Does that mean that everyone has to take a nap and if they don't we are all in sin? (No, but it feels like sin sometimes when we don't!) I've read and studied it a bit and feel like I am in process, but my recent study with Anson helped me tremendously. (I will, again, urge you to study Kay Arthur's kids studies with your children). We are studying the first two chapters of Genesis and we learned about the Sabbath a couple of weeks ago. Do you know what the word "rested" means? This is as in Genesis 2:2, "By the seventh day God completed His work which he had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all of His work which He had done." Rested: shabat or shabath or shavath (shaw-bath') means to cease, desist, rest, leave off, to bring to an end. (That came straight out of the book) When I read that for the first time it totally changed the way I thought of God and the Sabbath. I had been thinking that God was just pooped. Of course He rested, He had been quite busy! We learned that those were real 24 hour days, and He got alot accomplished. He did way more than wash, dry, fold, and put all of the laundry away! (Although, let's all give ourselves a pat on the back if that gets done in a 24 hour day!) God was NOT tired. God was finished. He had provided for everyone and everything. The needs of creation had been met. We see that God blessed and sanctified that day while He also rested. God set that day apart.

So, I learned that God was not really tired, He was finished. The other part that changed the way I view that day is that all of the needs had been met. There was no reason to continue. God provided for everything. My needs have been met. Do you realize the order in which Creation was created? Even the stars had a place before they were made. Man was created last because God was getting everything prepared for him. From the very beginning He has been my provider (I think I have a post about that...Jehovah Jireh maybe). I can rest, because He did.

So, what is my principle? God worked all week long. The work was complete. I must work hard (Colossians 3:17) during the week with the prize in mind...the cool down. I can struggle throughout the week. I can wash, dry, fold, scrub, prepare, teach, train, discipline, plan, shop...work...work...work...all because God has designed a day for me to be finished. He has planned, in His infinite wisdom a day for me to observe Him as my Maker, my Redeemer, my Provider. By stopping on that day, I am recognizing that He is my God and I am His child. My needs are met, in Him and Him alone. There is a day for me to sit with Him. To be with Him. To adore Him for being everything that I cannot be.

That's another thing about the cool-down. I'm not nearly as haphazard when it comes to that. I have to focus. We are slower and we have to make sure that we are stretching certain parts of our body. We have to keep our back flat, our head above our heart. I'm not just bouncing around trying to work up a sweat. I'm focused. I'm cooling down.

So, how about you? When was the last time you cooled down? I know you need one because 1. God ordained it. 2. I've heard us all say, "I just need a break." Take advantage of God on the day that He has blessed and sanctified. Then be prepared to work as though working for the Lord the rest of the week knowing the cool down is coming, and a cool down always feels better after a hard work-out.

Note: I have not arrived, but I feel like I am getting closer to understanding. Right now our Sabbath is a day of worship. We have Sunday School, Morning Worship, and Evening Worship. We do not "go" all day long and then just head back to church. We do not do any of the normal work. I do not pick up the house, or prepare for the week. I prepare my heart. I use Monday to get things in order for the week, not Sunday. A few weeks ago, our lead Pastor was sharing about the Sabbath and he said, "Sunday is not a day for us to remind God that He is God. It is a day for us to be reminded that He is God and we are His children." I sure need a cool-down. I look forward to it, and I hope you do as well.

Dad's Voice

2008-10-25T13:17:00.001-07:00

This is "The Boy." Because Anson is our first (only) boy, we thought that was a suitable name. It should come as no surprise when our next child was born, she was cleverly called, "The Girl." When we had our third baby, and second girl, we called her "The Smell." So, this is Anson. He shares my passion for a good book, a cozy chair, and people. I almost cried the other day because I realized that anything good that I have or am, he inherited. (I say that humbly...I just couldn't believe it!) (I'm not deceived, he also inherited Adam's sin...)

So, we decided that we would allow Anson to play T-ball again this Fall. He loved it last year, and two of his favorite friends were playing, and we wanted to nurture those friendships. So, GO REDS! Now, I mentioned the things that Anson inherited from me. Mike is an athlete. A good one. Anson is still young and a bit awkward, I'm not sure how much of Mike he got in that way. Mike and I sort of giggle about it because we don't care what he does. We know that he will be used in great ways by God. In any event, he's got heart. If you want a good sport, someone who will make it to every game and not complain when he's the only one in short sleeves (oops), you should pick him first. He doesn't fight over the ball (Mike wouldn't mind if he did every once and a while), isn't a ball hog, and will still love the game win or lose. He's got heart. If you want to win, well, it's not always about winning is it?

The other night we were watching him run on out to first base and Mike yelled "Cover the bag!" Anson never turned around, he just gave Mike a thumbs up from the field. My heart beat a bit faster. The coaches were closer than Mike was. The other boys were running and carrying on. In all the chaos on the field, Anson heard his Dad's voice. He acknowledged it and kept moving forward. Mike has been talking to Anson ever since the Baby Center told us he had ears. He would read the Bible, sing songs, and just talk. When Anson was born, and we had cell phones, Mike would call on his way home and Anson would smile when he heard Mike's voice. It was precious. As soon as Mike got inside he would say, "Hi Boy!" and Anson would light up like a Christmas tree.

He still does light up. Anson adores Mike, he listens and he respects Mike. The reason he does is that Mike has been a constant. Mike is trustworthy. Up to this point, Anson doesn't have any reason to distrust his father. Mike has been kind, and loving. He has been just and merciful. He governs the kids with mercy and wisdom. In short, he's a good father.

So is God. I have mentioned several times (or at least once)John 10 in which Jesus shares with the Pharisees concerning the Good Shepherd. He makes it clear that the Good Shepherd knows the sheep by name and the sheep know His voice. I am just as guilty as the next struggling beggar of looking for "open doors" in order to know "God's will." or be certain that God really said what I think He said. When we don't see an open door, maybe it's just cracked, or perhaps we start praying that God will open a window that we can climb through and open the door. Surely that would be O.K. Right? Do you know what Jeremiah 33:3 says? We used to have it hanging up in our dorm room, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." I'm thinking that's an answer. Now, every time someone mentions this, we think, "Is it audible? Am I missing it? Do I need my hearing checked?" Now, I'm no theologian, but I believe that God uses His word and His Spirit.

Several weeks ago in a Sunday night service at church the Pastor read from Psalm 68, "God sets the lonely in families." I knew exactly what He was saying to me. My Spirit had been prepared by worship and the hearing of His word, and I knew of a friend that I needed to include more deeply in my life.

I knew that I knew that I knew it was the Lord. Maybe you are new to the faith, maybe you are skeptical of "hearing from God." Anson only knows Mike's voice, and is attuned to it because of the massive amount of time he has spent with him. He knows that sometimes he sounds like someone from Pennsylvania, sometimes he gets anxiously loud, and that his laugh is hysterical! Spend time in God's word. Make it a point to study, to memorize. Make Bible Study with others a non-negotiable part of your week. Honor the Sabbath and keep it Holy. I guarantee that you will begin to "hear" from God. You will not need to trust in "signs and wonders" as much because your Spirit will be sensitive to the answers that God gives you. Just listen, be aware, and before you know it, His will be the only voice that you hear even when the rest of the world is loud and chaotic.