Her eyes lit up when she heard his voice. "Da-ddy." Then she mumbled a little something special and then I stole the phone back. "Oh my word! Did you hear that?" "Yes," was the smitten response on the other end. Little Caroline is about the cutest thing going these days. She doesn't eat much that grows on trees or from the ground, but we do what we can. She wanders around pointing and smiling and most everyone complies. I have told them that they must stop or she'll be ruined!!! But the point of this post...she didn't see his face...she merely knows his voice.
(I wish the dog would stop barking.) When I saw her face light up like that my own heart was reminded of what it's like to know someone's voice. I know my Dad's voice, and Gary's voice (my step-dad). They don't typically need to tell me they are the ones speaking to me. You know what else? I love to hear them say my name. Dad calls me Mih-Al or Mih Weh-ner. (I bet you have no idea what the mih or weh sound should say...it's the best I can do) I know their voice and they know mine. It's only natural. What about my other Father? The One that I haven't yet stood face to face with. Do I know His voice? I'd like to think so, but there are times when I question if it's me or Him. Perhaps the reason Caroline knows Mike's voice is because he has been talking to her since before he saw her face. He set himself apart by how he pursues her. He initiates. He calls her by the name that he gave her. She can't help but to know his voice. The same really is true about our own Father. He has been pursuing us. He initiates to us. He calls us by the name He gave us: Redeemed. We know Him because He knew us first. It's just that simple.
Isaiah 43:1 - But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
So, now, enjoy the relationship that He has forged. Join me as I struggle to sit still long enough to hear Him say my name, and hopefully respond with a, "Yes, Daddy."
Monday, February 18, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Who isn't?
So, sometimes you'll hear me say something like, "I saw on Kelly and Michael" or "They had a blurb on Good Morning America" and it sounds like I watch TV. Sometimes I turn the TV on while I'm making my bed or brushing my teeth, just to see what's going on. Then within 7 minutes it's off and I move on. So, with that in mind, "I saw on Kelly and Michael" last week maybe that they are giving away trips to moms that go, how did they say it? The extra mile? Above and beyond? I don't remember their words but I remember thinking, "Seriously, what Mom doesn't?" The mothers mentioned didn't sound like slouches, don't get me wrong. They were doing a great job, but aren't most of us at least trying? I mean, how many of us have VOLUNTARILY caught vomit with our own hands or clothing in order to spare our surroundings? How many of us sometimes forget whether we have brushed our own teeth or not but really try hard to be sure that our children are brushing theirs...most of the time. How many of us shower? I mean, can that please count for above and beyond? I mean, when there is so much going on and you are able to squeeze that in...how bout' ya! What about planning meals? Grocery shopping? POTTY TRAINING??? This gig is no joke.
I just started thinking that when we look for the "above and beyond" we end up on Pinterest and we end up the worst Moms EVER because we are comparing ourselves to everyone else. God's word teaches us that isn't wise. So, I still have to pack lunches for our co-op tomorrow and finish the dishes and it's 8:51. Everyone else is sleeping. Even Mike is catching the elusive nap on the couch while I type this. I just wanted to give a shout out to all those normal, every day, wear your jeans 3 or 4 times before washing them, laundry washing, baby bathing, vomit catching, mildly insane, a teeny bit tired, but struggling with all of His energy that works so mightily in you...I wanted to give a shout out to you and tell you to press on!!! Choose joy because you can. Work mightily as though working for the Lord because YOU ARE! Laugh at dumb jokes and dance when everyone IS watching. We were chosen by God to parent the people in our home. He knit them together in our wombs. He went above and beyond. Tell them His stories about how He went above and beyond sending a Rescuer. Someone to pull us out of our filth and put a new song in our mouths. Know that you are enough. Because of Him you are enough. Press on.
I just started thinking that when we look for the "above and beyond" we end up on Pinterest and we end up the worst Moms EVER because we are comparing ourselves to everyone else. God's word teaches us that isn't wise. So, I still have to pack lunches for our co-op tomorrow and finish the dishes and it's 8:51. Everyone else is sleeping. Even Mike is catching the elusive nap on the couch while I type this. I just wanted to give a shout out to all those normal, every day, wear your jeans 3 or 4 times before washing them, laundry washing, baby bathing, vomit catching, mildly insane, a teeny bit tired, but struggling with all of His energy that works so mightily in you...I wanted to give a shout out to you and tell you to press on!!! Choose joy because you can. Work mightily as though working for the Lord because YOU ARE! Laugh at dumb jokes and dance when everyone IS watching. We were chosen by God to parent the people in our home. He knit them together in our wombs. He went above and beyond. Tell them His stories about how He went above and beyond sending a Rescuer. Someone to pull us out of our filth and put a new song in our mouths. Know that you are enough. Because of Him you are enough. Press on.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
"Daddy's Home!"
Well Happy New Year to you all!!! I think of things to blog about all the time. Then a small, soft hand takes mine and points me toward the Cheerios or the blocks, or a big boy (who wasn't always so big) wants to chat about grappling hooks or new books, then there are the 2 ladies dressed like Laura and Mary wandering about. Now, here I sit, in the quiet...with a thought or two to share. First, a peek into the kids.
Anson: We were working on his IEW (that is Institute for Excellence in Writing) and I said something about a comma and without a single prompt he said, "Oh, I do love commas. They are so much fun. They totally change a sentence." I laugh thinking about it.
Julia: I noticed her outfit, "Hey Jules, that's cute." Her reply, "Thanks Mom, it's one of my own recipes." Have you ever considered putting your outfits together as creating new recipes?
Ella: Oh mercy...so, she says "fart." She says it TOO much. She's too pretty to use that word, so we gave her some other, shall we say, options. So we were in the van and she said it again and I turned around (lucky for her I wasn't driving...lucky for all of us I suppose) "Eleanor, we have given you other options. Please use another word." So, with her twinkly eyes she said, "Oh, sorry, I blew gas." That wasn't one of the options, but I suppose it will do!
Caroline: "Unintelligible garble" Sure, baby, whatever you want!
So, those are the people I am giving my life to. What a pleasure! Alright...to a post....
Yesterday was hard there at the end. Mike works late on Wednesdays and I still miss him when he isn't here by 4:30. Caroline didn't want me to put her down and we'd been gone most of the day so there was a bit of work to do in the house, not to mention it was dinner and blah blah blah. So I just kept looking at the clock. The girls were on the porch waiting for Daddy and Mommy was in the kitchen waiting for him. I got the glasses out, fixed our water, plates, pulled dinner out of the oven believing that he'd be home in time to eat it warm. I set the napkins, the silverware, and then I'd check the clock again. "Oh, Caroline, where is Daddy?" I just wanted him home. Not even to rescue me, but to do this with me. Then I started hearing the clamor of little voices. "Daddy's home! Yay! Daddy's home!" It really is quite the celebration. We had friends over a few weeks ago and Mike was a little late coming home and when he walked in the door and the party erupted they said, "Wow, I want to cheer too!" It's catching and I catch my breath. Then I hear him coming up the front steps, I hear the screen door open and then, sure as the world, Daddy's home!
As he made the short walk from the front door to the kitchen (also the back door...hee hee hee) I thought, "Will it be like that?" When Jesus finally comes back will we sound like that? More importantly, are we looking for Him? Do we believe that He's coming? I set the table. I set a place for him. I believed that he would be here. He's come home in the past, he'll come home again. More and more I mutter, "Come, Lord Jesus." He came once, won't He come again? And when He does come, when we hear that trumpet sound, can you imagine the celebration? Can you imagine our brothers and sisters that are watching for Him in places that are illegal to watch? Can you imagine their rejoicing? To lay eyes on the Hope that you laid your life down for? To see the Peace that you have longed for, begged for, descending from the clouds. Daddy's Home! He's come for us! He's here! We knew He'd come and there He is! I just can't imagine. Watching Mike walk through the door thrills my heart...but Jesus. Oh, Amen, Come Lord Jesus.
Y'all keep your eyes peeled, He will come.
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on the acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.
Hosea 6:3
Anson: We were working on his IEW (that is Institute for Excellence in Writing) and I said something about a comma and without a single prompt he said, "Oh, I do love commas. They are so much fun. They totally change a sentence." I laugh thinking about it.
Julia: I noticed her outfit, "Hey Jules, that's cute." Her reply, "Thanks Mom, it's one of my own recipes." Have you ever considered putting your outfits together as creating new recipes?
Ella: Oh mercy...so, she says "fart." She says it TOO much. She's too pretty to use that word, so we gave her some other, shall we say, options. So we were in the van and she said it again and I turned around (lucky for her I wasn't driving...lucky for all of us I suppose) "Eleanor, we have given you other options. Please use another word." So, with her twinkly eyes she said, "Oh, sorry, I blew gas." That wasn't one of the options, but I suppose it will do!
Caroline: "Unintelligible garble" Sure, baby, whatever you want!
So, those are the people I am giving my life to. What a pleasure! Alright...to a post....
Yesterday was hard there at the end. Mike works late on Wednesdays and I still miss him when he isn't here by 4:30. Caroline didn't want me to put her down and we'd been gone most of the day so there was a bit of work to do in the house, not to mention it was dinner and blah blah blah. So I just kept looking at the clock. The girls were on the porch waiting for Daddy and Mommy was in the kitchen waiting for him. I got the glasses out, fixed our water, plates, pulled dinner out of the oven believing that he'd be home in time to eat it warm. I set the napkins, the silverware, and then I'd check the clock again. "Oh, Caroline, where is Daddy?" I just wanted him home. Not even to rescue me, but to do this with me. Then I started hearing the clamor of little voices. "Daddy's home! Yay! Daddy's home!" It really is quite the celebration. We had friends over a few weeks ago and Mike was a little late coming home and when he walked in the door and the party erupted they said, "Wow, I want to cheer too!" It's catching and I catch my breath. Then I hear him coming up the front steps, I hear the screen door open and then, sure as the world, Daddy's home!
As he made the short walk from the front door to the kitchen (also the back door...hee hee hee) I thought, "Will it be like that?" When Jesus finally comes back will we sound like that? More importantly, are we looking for Him? Do we believe that He's coming? I set the table. I set a place for him. I believed that he would be here. He's come home in the past, he'll come home again. More and more I mutter, "Come, Lord Jesus." He came once, won't He come again? And when He does come, when we hear that trumpet sound, can you imagine the celebration? Can you imagine our brothers and sisters that are watching for Him in places that are illegal to watch? Can you imagine their rejoicing? To lay eyes on the Hope that you laid your life down for? To see the Peace that you have longed for, begged for, descending from the clouds. Daddy's Home! He's come for us! He's here! We knew He'd come and there He is! I just can't imagine. Watching Mike walk through the door thrills my heart...but Jesus. Oh, Amen, Come Lord Jesus.
Y'all keep your eyes peeled, He will come.
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on the acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.
Hosea 6:3
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Merry Christmas 2012
"Show me, baby. What is it that you are asking for?" This is the new game we are playing in our house and we are playing it all.the.time. Little Caroline has needs and she is not afraid to use her little finger to get whatever she is in need of. Her language has not yet caught up with her desires, so she makes some unintelligible noises and then points. So, we stop what we are doing, ask her to, "Show me" and then we follow her little self wherever she leads. Usually to the kitchen!
Today while I was putting Sweet Caroline (feel free to sing the chorus) to bed she kept pointing over my shoulder and when I said, "Show me," I thought of how God shows us all the time. I thought of Moses asking God to show him his glory. How bold was that? From Exodus 33:17-18, "And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and know you by name." Then Moses said, "Now, show me your glory." Read that again. "Now, show me your glory." Do you know what the Lord did? He directed Moses to a rock and when His glory passed by He put him in the cleft of the rock and covered him with His hand until He passed by. Not only did He show Moses His glory, He made sure that it didn't kill him! Are we allowed to say that to the Lord? "Show me?" I think we are. I think we can because of Jesus. When we ask if God cares about us or if He knows our needs or if He is really available and we say, "Show me" or "Prove it" He points to Jesus. Want to know if He cares that you were sin-sick and in bondage? Enter Jesus, the spotless, guiltless lamb born to die in your place. If He knows our needs? Jesus. "He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?" He offered His very finest, why would He stop there? Want to know if He is available? Jesus. He walked our filthy sod and when He left He promised to leave someone with us, the Holy Spirit. I challenge you to play the "show me" game with the Lord, I promise you will not be disappointed. We have thoroughly enjoyed this Advent Season. With our hearts focused on His, we have looked for Him and we have found Him. Just like the wise men so many years ago. Here are some of the great things he has shown me through these people I get to share my life with....
First there's my 10 year old boy, Anson. God has shown me that even when you spend every day with your children they grow up. Even when you teach them the right thing to do they will burp at the table and giggle about it. They will grow out of baby breath and look and smell like boys. They will out-read you if you don't stop to catch up and playing games will make their day. God has shown me that I am one fortunate Mom to call that boy my son. A peak into Anson. Just tonight as I was typing this he was reading in bed. As usual I forgot about him, so he wandered out at 9:30 and says, "Hey Mom, I think you'll like this book, "Homeschooling with less clutter and more joy." HAHAhaH I don't know if that's a peak into Anson or me!
Next is Julia. She's my 8 year old Martha Stewart. God has shown me that I don't have to have the gifts to nurture them in my children. If I am willing to help with a book club or a room reorganization, He'll do the rest. He has shown me He is the One working mightily in our children...not me. He has shown me that she is a beautiful girl that brings out a smile in all of us around here and that there would be a huge piece of me missing if she weren't here. Here's a peak into Julia. Getting ready for her American Girl club I said, "Julia, if there is one thing I hope you can learn from me I hope it's that you cannot wait for your house to be perfect before you entertain. Now, go put the dirty clothes in the bathtub and pull the curtain." "Mom, are you serious?" "Absolutely...go..." She came back, "You were right, it does look better now!" She is an incredible sister, daughter and friend.
Next is Ella. Ella is 6 now and she's a real 6. God has shown me that they are all different. My other kids were different than she is and I think it's a good thing that she's 6. I have to remember that she's only a kindergartener. She still likes to have bows in her hair. This is a great example of Ella. We were packing to go north for Thanksgiving and she had a pink dress with polka dots and I told her she needed tights. She knew just the ones and ran to get them. She came back with pink tights with polka dots. I looked at her and smiled. She looked back and asked, very seriously, "Do you think it's too dotty?" I replied, "No Ma'am. I think it'll look great." And it did. God continues to show me that I should stop and read with her and listen to her squeaky little voice and kiss her face and love her well. God has shown me that He breaks molds when He makes people.
Then Caroline. She is 18 months old now and she is everyone's favorite. Through Caroline He is showing me that babies don't make things too hard, babies make things messier and longer and more complicated...and better than before. She toddles around here chatting and pointing and she'll even sing if she has a sheet of music. God has shown me that I don't say, "Thank you" enough.
Mike. God has shown me that promises are for protection and marriage is a gift. Especially mine. Mike is working at River Ridge Elementary fighting in the war against childhood obesity. When he walks in the door we all yell, "Daddy's home!" We are not the team we can be while our coach is away. We are always glad to have him home. He got to spend a week in Honduras with Christian Medical and Dental Association and even though he got a late start due to arriving in Atlanta with the wrong passport...his time was profitable. We missed him, but glad to have a husband that can and will GO! After he came home he spent his summer in our backyard building bookshelves for our living room and they are beautiful! Apparently engineers are pretty good with numbers...who knew? We filled our bookshelves up and now our best friends are right where they belong...in our living room. We LOVE it. He is still gardening a bit and loves to reuse things around the house to make new things. He is rather resourceful and I have told him that it is true anything I can do he can do better. I think that's how it should be. God has shown me that He is a great match-maker.
Me? God has shown me that I can sit back and relax because I am not in control. I don't sit back and relax easily. Homeschool moms are pretty much self-confessed control freaks. We aren't all type A, but we like it our way! :) My kids are not mine and they are not for my glory. I am more than a wife and mother. I am a woman and a child of God. I got 2 haircuts this year and finished some books, although I'm not sure how many. I keep plugging along, though! I love how I spend my days. God has shown me that through Jesus, all things are possible!
That's pretty much it. I didn't want to do a "doing" update this year, but rather a "being" update. I have human beings living in my home. We are not human doings, although sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I hope for anyone who reads this, you will ask God to show you His glory. That's what Christmas is all about after all, isn't it? God showing us His glory. It was small and underestimated...but it was all there wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. So, I am asking boldly for Him to show us His glory and then our task is to proclaim it to the nations!
Merry Christmas and Happy 2013
Today while I was putting Sweet Caroline (feel free to sing the chorus) to bed she kept pointing over my shoulder and when I said, "Show me," I thought of how God shows us all the time. I thought of Moses asking God to show him his glory. How bold was that? From Exodus 33:17-18, "And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and know you by name." Then Moses said, "Now, show me your glory." Read that again. "Now, show me your glory." Do you know what the Lord did? He directed Moses to a rock and when His glory passed by He put him in the cleft of the rock and covered him with His hand until He passed by. Not only did He show Moses His glory, He made sure that it didn't kill him! Are we allowed to say that to the Lord? "Show me?" I think we are. I think we can because of Jesus. When we ask if God cares about us or if He knows our needs or if He is really available and we say, "Show me" or "Prove it" He points to Jesus. Want to know if He cares that you were sin-sick and in bondage? Enter Jesus, the spotless, guiltless lamb born to die in your place. If He knows our needs? Jesus. "He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also, along with him graciously give us all things?" He offered His very finest, why would He stop there? Want to know if He is available? Jesus. He walked our filthy sod and when He left He promised to leave someone with us, the Holy Spirit. I challenge you to play the "show me" game with the Lord, I promise you will not be disappointed. We have thoroughly enjoyed this Advent Season. With our hearts focused on His, we have looked for Him and we have found Him. Just like the wise men so many years ago. Here are some of the great things he has shown me through these people I get to share my life with....
First there's my 10 year old boy, Anson. God has shown me that even when you spend every day with your children they grow up. Even when you teach them the right thing to do they will burp at the table and giggle about it. They will grow out of baby breath and look and smell like boys. They will out-read you if you don't stop to catch up and playing games will make their day. God has shown me that I am one fortunate Mom to call that boy my son. A peak into Anson. Just tonight as I was typing this he was reading in bed. As usual I forgot about him, so he wandered out at 9:30 and says, "Hey Mom, I think you'll like this book, "Homeschooling with less clutter and more joy." HAHAhaH I don't know if that's a peak into Anson or me!
Next is Julia. She's my 8 year old Martha Stewart. God has shown me that I don't have to have the gifts to nurture them in my children. If I am willing to help with a book club or a room reorganization, He'll do the rest. He has shown me He is the One working mightily in our children...not me. He has shown me that she is a beautiful girl that brings out a smile in all of us around here and that there would be a huge piece of me missing if she weren't here. Here's a peak into Julia. Getting ready for her American Girl club I said, "Julia, if there is one thing I hope you can learn from me I hope it's that you cannot wait for your house to be perfect before you entertain. Now, go put the dirty clothes in the bathtub and pull the curtain." "Mom, are you serious?" "Absolutely...go..." She came back, "You were right, it does look better now!" She is an incredible sister, daughter and friend.
Next is Ella. Ella is 6 now and she's a real 6. God has shown me that they are all different. My other kids were different than she is and I think it's a good thing that she's 6. I have to remember that she's only a kindergartener. She still likes to have bows in her hair. This is a great example of Ella. We were packing to go north for Thanksgiving and she had a pink dress with polka dots and I told her she needed tights. She knew just the ones and ran to get them. She came back with pink tights with polka dots. I looked at her and smiled. She looked back and asked, very seriously, "Do you think it's too dotty?" I replied, "No Ma'am. I think it'll look great." And it did. God continues to show me that I should stop and read with her and listen to her squeaky little voice and kiss her face and love her well. God has shown me that He breaks molds when He makes people.
Then Caroline. She is 18 months old now and she is everyone's favorite. Through Caroline He is showing me that babies don't make things too hard, babies make things messier and longer and more complicated...and better than before. She toddles around here chatting and pointing and she'll even sing if she has a sheet of music. God has shown me that I don't say, "Thank you" enough.
Mike. God has shown me that promises are for protection and marriage is a gift. Especially mine. Mike is working at River Ridge Elementary fighting in the war against childhood obesity. When he walks in the door we all yell, "Daddy's home!" We are not the team we can be while our coach is away. We are always glad to have him home. He got to spend a week in Honduras with Christian Medical and Dental Association and even though he got a late start due to arriving in Atlanta with the wrong passport...his time was profitable. We missed him, but glad to have a husband that can and will GO! After he came home he spent his summer in our backyard building bookshelves for our living room and they are beautiful! Apparently engineers are pretty good with numbers...who knew? We filled our bookshelves up and now our best friends are right where they belong...in our living room. We LOVE it. He is still gardening a bit and loves to reuse things around the house to make new things. He is rather resourceful and I have told him that it is true anything I can do he can do better. I think that's how it should be. God has shown me that He is a great match-maker.
Me? God has shown me that I can sit back and relax because I am not in control. I don't sit back and relax easily. Homeschool moms are pretty much self-confessed control freaks. We aren't all type A, but we like it our way! :) My kids are not mine and they are not for my glory. I am more than a wife and mother. I am a woman and a child of God. I got 2 haircuts this year and finished some books, although I'm not sure how many. I keep plugging along, though! I love how I spend my days. God has shown me that through Jesus, all things are possible!
That's pretty much it. I didn't want to do a "doing" update this year, but rather a "being" update. I have human beings living in my home. We are not human doings, although sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I hope for anyone who reads this, you will ask God to show you His glory. That's what Christmas is all about after all, isn't it? God showing us His glory. It was small and underestimated...but it was all there wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. So, I am asking boldly for Him to show us His glory and then our task is to proclaim it to the nations!
Merry Christmas and Happy 2013
So, I just spent about an hour going through and choosing pictures to add to this and ended up with 114! Even for those who really know and love us...that's too many. So...here are a few...enjoy.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
What to do?
We have these friends that started to adopt one little girl. That one little girl turned into 2 and those 2 turned into 3 sisters. They have an INSANE deadline coming up that only Jesus can make. So, if you aren't sure what to buy for those hard to buy for folks...maybe you should consider their Give 3 Save 3 Campaign. Head on over and read their story...maybe you can't give right now, but maybe you know someone who can...perhaps pray that God would keep their heart steady and their eyes stayed on Him.
http://www.madetoorganize.com
Blessings...
Ali
http://www.madetoorganize.com
Blessings...
Ali
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Rain Boots?
"You seriously didn't buy them? I thought this might be the time that you would surprise me. Just another disappointment." I live in Georgia. I don't remember a time when we weren't talking about a rain deficit. We get rain, but never enough. The lake is nasty these days because there just isn't enough water and yet I want rain boots. I thought they were adorable, some people make them look so cute. They even had yellow-jackets on them. I thought he'd go for it. He didn't. He went for dog food and dog food is what he got. I continued, "I mean I know the finances too, I just thought that maybe this once you'd throw it to the wind and buy me something when it wasn't my birthday. Or Mother's Day. Or Christmas. A real surprise." He stood before me, confounded. "Babe, I had no idea that you wanted them. I'll go get them." Say it with me ladies, "That's not the point!"
This is the battle my husband has been fighting ever since he told this insecure sinner, "I will" nearly 12 1/2 years ago. I just want him to prove his love. I want him to gush over me every time I put dinner on the table. I want him to notice when the toilet is scrubbed and set up a cheering section when I mop. I just want to be bathed in love and affection. My way. I want him to love me the way I tell him to. I almost refuse to receive love on any other terms. I could blame it on a million things, but the truth is that I expect him to be my Savior. I remember several years ago saying, "I'm just holding my breath. Waiting on you to leave." This does have something to do with my childhood. I stared him straight in the face and said, "I just need you to promise me you'll never leave me." He stared straight back into my fear and pronounced, "I already did." I remember the absolute relief that rained down on me when that truth finally settled in.
Yet I still demand proof. He has NEVER insinuated that I spend too much, or don't clean enough, or I'm too emotional or irrational, he has NEVER told me that my family (we are HIGH maintenance) is too much and we need to skip a dinner or a function. He packs the car. He loads the pack-n-play, he fills my cup. He keeps his promise every.single.day. I forgot. I kept examining what he wasn't doing. He wasn't buying me rain boots. UGH. Why do I tell you all this? Probably because the internet is such a safe place to give personal information. HA...because I have been STRUGGLING with the Lord lately. Because he didn't buy me rain boots either.
Our house was on the market for 10 months and finally we realized that we were home. We settled in and I was sincerely glad about it. Until my best friend's house got a contract. It was ugly in my heart. When she announced (I've told her this by the way) to our community that she had a "God story" I checked out. I was so angry. "Why didn't I get a God Story?" I felt the Lord gently pick up my face and say, "Rejoice with those who rejoice." He was right. I didn't want to miss out, but what about my story? After a few days I realized that I am the story. Everyday I get to read the story and wait to see how it all plays out in my life. It's how He loves me. It's hardly ever on my terms, but it's always precisely how my spirit needs to be loved. Whether it's a stern rebuke or a kind and gentle answer...a soft place to land...He made a promise too.
I seem to think that only the big stories are His. The ones that we all say, "Who but God?" Pay no mind to the starts that remain in the same place or the leaves that change. The breeze that blows. The sinner that was rescued and lives to tell the story. The soldier spared even when he was willing to trade his life for another...who said "I do" to my baby sister...willing to care for her in sickness (and there is plenty of it) and in health. The children made up of a million intricacies that were knit together in my very body that now live and breathe and laugh and make messes. The broken that is slowly being healed. They are all His stories. We are the story. Do we get that? You are a "God story." You are a witness to the saving power. The grace and mercy.
I'm noticing the little things that Mike does for me. I am focusing on those and I am humbled by his love. I was at Tako Sushi. He was doing dishes and eating leftovers. He was putting children to bed and I was walking the shops of Aiken. He was folding clothes and I was visiting with my mom and sisters. I walked in and he greeted me, glad that I was home. Still no rain boots...but I don't want them now anyway. I want him to love me how he wants to love me.
Slowly I am accepting the Lord's love as well. Trying to receive His love for me as He sees fit. Trying not to boss around the Creator of the universe. I'm also noticing the little miracles...and finding that there are no small miracles. The brand new tennis shoes the perfect size, on discount day...$5.00! My brother making it to lunch, and happy about it. Caroline napping, the buralp for the windows. Every single thing...really EVERY SINGLE inch of my life is consumed by His holiness. His providence. His promise kept. He did stoop to my level. Made His home among us. Filled His holy lungs with our polluted air and when we demand of Him to promise never to leave us...to prove to us how much He loves us, He stares right into our fear and pronounces, "I already did. And lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
This is the battle my husband has been fighting ever since he told this insecure sinner, "I will" nearly 12 1/2 years ago. I just want him to prove his love. I want him to gush over me every time I put dinner on the table. I want him to notice when the toilet is scrubbed and set up a cheering section when I mop. I just want to be bathed in love and affection. My way. I want him to love me the way I tell him to. I almost refuse to receive love on any other terms. I could blame it on a million things, but the truth is that I expect him to be my Savior. I remember several years ago saying, "I'm just holding my breath. Waiting on you to leave." This does have something to do with my childhood. I stared him straight in the face and said, "I just need you to promise me you'll never leave me." He stared straight back into my fear and pronounced, "I already did." I remember the absolute relief that rained down on me when that truth finally settled in.
Yet I still demand proof. He has NEVER insinuated that I spend too much, or don't clean enough, or I'm too emotional or irrational, he has NEVER told me that my family (we are HIGH maintenance) is too much and we need to skip a dinner or a function. He packs the car. He loads the pack-n-play, he fills my cup. He keeps his promise every.single.day. I forgot. I kept examining what he wasn't doing. He wasn't buying me rain boots. UGH. Why do I tell you all this? Probably because the internet is such a safe place to give personal information. HA...because I have been STRUGGLING with the Lord lately. Because he didn't buy me rain boots either.
Our house was on the market for 10 months and finally we realized that we were home. We settled in and I was sincerely glad about it. Until my best friend's house got a contract. It was ugly in my heart. When she announced (I've told her this by the way) to our community that she had a "God story" I checked out. I was so angry. "Why didn't I get a God Story?" I felt the Lord gently pick up my face and say, "Rejoice with those who rejoice." He was right. I didn't want to miss out, but what about my story? After a few days I realized that I am the story. Everyday I get to read the story and wait to see how it all plays out in my life. It's how He loves me. It's hardly ever on my terms, but it's always precisely how my spirit needs to be loved. Whether it's a stern rebuke or a kind and gentle answer...a soft place to land...He made a promise too.
I seem to think that only the big stories are His. The ones that we all say, "Who but God?" Pay no mind to the starts that remain in the same place or the leaves that change. The breeze that blows. The sinner that was rescued and lives to tell the story. The soldier spared even when he was willing to trade his life for another...who said "I do" to my baby sister...willing to care for her in sickness (and there is plenty of it) and in health. The children made up of a million intricacies that were knit together in my very body that now live and breathe and laugh and make messes. The broken that is slowly being healed. They are all His stories. We are the story. Do we get that? You are a "God story." You are a witness to the saving power. The grace and mercy.
I'm noticing the little things that Mike does for me. I am focusing on those and I am humbled by his love. I was at Tako Sushi. He was doing dishes and eating leftovers. He was putting children to bed and I was walking the shops of Aiken. He was folding clothes and I was visiting with my mom and sisters. I walked in and he greeted me, glad that I was home. Still no rain boots...but I don't want them now anyway. I want him to love me how he wants to love me.
Slowly I am accepting the Lord's love as well. Trying to receive His love for me as He sees fit. Trying not to boss around the Creator of the universe. I'm also noticing the little miracles...and finding that there are no small miracles. The brand new tennis shoes the perfect size, on discount day...$5.00! My brother making it to lunch, and happy about it. Caroline napping, the buralp for the windows. Every single thing...really EVERY SINGLE inch of my life is consumed by His holiness. His providence. His promise kept. He did stoop to my level. Made His home among us. Filled His holy lungs with our polluted air and when we demand of Him to promise never to leave us...to prove to us how much He loves us, He stares right into our fear and pronounces, "I already did. And lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Saturday, September 29, 2012
I just want them to fly.
He was among the men that we are losing now at frightening rates per day, many of them not telling their story. Brave and courageous men that our country should thank...but hardly knows. Hard working. Hard loving. This was Mike's Pop-Pop. I knew him only briefly. He was a strong man. He said, "sit" and you said, "where?"
He found out that we didn't have the History Channel and wrote a check for us to get cable. He thought we were missing out on some real quality programming. He'd be sad to know that the TV is now unplugged most days! He was a pilot. A good one. He flew during the war, and then flew commercially for years. His sweet wife was bringing up 4 kids and wringing chicken necks while he was gone! She's another post entirely!
He told his story to a tape, so we could know and remember him. It is a treasure. I don't remember if he told this story on the tape, or to us personally, but it stuck with me and is my reason for why I homeschool.
As I said Pop-Pop was a commercial pilot. He was old school. He learned how to fly using math and physics and all those things people wonder "when will I use this?" He learned how to fly when GPS was your own plan and mistakes were not really an option. He told a story about a time when the navigation system failed in the plane he was flying. It was during the Cold War and he was flying dangerously close to enemy territory. He said his navigator went nuts. Wasn't sure what to do. Had no idea how to get them where they needed to go.
Pop-Pop was unshaken. He did his thing, worked the math and got his plane and all it's passengers safely to their destination. He knew how to fly. He didn't just know how to steer. He understood how things worked. He knew what needed to happen. He understood how all things worked together. He knew...and it mattered. When he finished telling that story I thought to myself, "I want my kids to know how to fly."
Folks don't ask me anymore why I homeschool. I suppose they figure that with 4 kids, never in school and the oldest almost 10, they can't convert me...and they can't. I never needed anyone else to know why I was homeschooling, I needed to know. I needed to know beyond, "The Lord has called our family to this." I needed to know beyond, "It's just a great ratio, '1 to1...now 1-4'" I needed to know because sometimes I get a little tired.
I am constantly working through heart issues. Tears that come because Latin declensions weren't ringing a bell. Tears because I was too impatient. Tears because my heart overflows and it's not always clean. When I heard Pop-Pop in his big strong manly voice tell that story, something resonated in me. It screamed, actually, "That's it!"
I want the people that leave my house to know how to think. To understand how to navigate if all they have is the head on their shoulders...is it enough? I want them to have rigorous academics because God asks us to love Him with all of our mind. I want them to be stretched because they will be. I want them to be confident in their skills...that God has given them...because we are at war and the enemy's territory feels like it's expanding. They need to know how to fly.
My Dad has issued a challenge. He sent a picture of a river in Florence, Italy with the questions, "What bridge is this? What river is this? What bridge am I standing on. You might need a map of Florence." Anson went crazy! He was pulling all of the books that we own off the shelves trying to figure it out. Then as he looked at the picture he attempted to determine what time of day it was by the shadow being cast in the water. They opened the picture in iphoto in order to catch the time recorded on the picture. We still have to make it to the library to check on bridges, but we've got the river...and some zeal!
Watching him I thought, "He's flying." He's not afraid of looking, he knows how to use resources and he doesn't want to "google it." He wants to find the information. It was a joy to watch. Mike and I did google it and figured it out pretty quickly, but it wasn't nearly as much fun! Ans is enjoying the trip, the journey...the struggle to find the information. The exhileration of locating information on his own. I have seen that transfer to other things as well.
As we learn the geography of ancient people and places the kids are LOVING the book of Acts. They know that the Temple of Artemis is one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world and they know that Paul was ministering and preaching the Gospel to people who were making small statues of Artemis. They know where he is. They are paying attention. They are flying.
They aren't transcontinental just yet. Anson is struggling to learn the game of golf, and it's good for him. He has the tools to learn. He knows he has to learn the grammar of the game. He knows what he needs to do. Even if he isn't the best golfer, he'll know and understand and appreciate the game!
So, now it's time to get Anson to golf, me to the store, beds made (like physically Mike needs to build some) and enjoy these little pilots. You may not care why I homeschool, but maybe you need to ask yourself that question. Perhaps it will help you fly with a little more determination and joy.
***Just for fun...these are a few pictures of our little house. This is my "china cabinet"
This is my china cabinet with my white board for school...isn't it so not "schoolie"
This is the window pane where we keep our fresh flowers, our bell collection is on top
This is Caroline and our new countertops...aren't they both lovely?
So, there are some pictures for ya. I always enjoy those blogs that are heavy on pictures, even though mine is usually only heavy on words. I may try to add more pictures from time to time. I really can't wait to show you the beautiful bookshelves that Mike built for us...but I can't show you everything at once!!! Now...off to make some soup! Thanks for reading.
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