Saturday, May 31, 2008
An answer...a change.
Well,the doctors have decided that what Alex experienced was a full Lupus flare. That is an autoimmune disease that is brutal on your organs. She has been extremely uncomfortable, a little confused, but she is alive and is going to stay that way!!! You know how after the storm passes people start saying things and you hear more of what was going on? Here are two things that struck me. 1. On Tuesday morning the nurses said, "If you don't get that breathing tube in, we're going to code her." That meant that they were going to pronounce her dead. WOW! The other thing was on Thursday the kidney specialist looked at her kidneys and said to my mother, "Today she is stable, yesterday she was dying." We just believed that this wouldn't end in death. In fact, we believe that it will result in life...new lives all over. There was a young man that she used to date that didn't leave the hospital that has decided he wants to be a better man and has decided to attend a local church. Alex says, "that's good." She knew before she was this sick that she wanted to live differently...no time like the present wouldn't you say? My brother was awesome this week, I believe he might want to turn around as well. It was a long, hard week. We cried, we laughed, we prayed, we believed. It could have gone another direction, it almost did. I believe that our faith was challenged and it felt good. When she was in ICU we decided that nothing would change the goodness of God...nothing. My sister, Ashley found a fabulous verse in Hosea 2, so I read to her (she was a captive audience)one night, we had steady traffic back to her room for people to pray for her. Now that she has come around she has been amazed at the people who care about her. I'm a little sad about that...so many people have loved her for so long, I'm sorry that it took this to show her. She has to have a biopsy done on one of her kidneys as a precautionary measure to be sure that they are in good working order before she goes home. The biopsy is Monday or Tuesday...so hopefully she'll be home next week. Over the next month she is going to be on a ridiculous amount of steroids that will make her hungry, thirsty and moody. If that's not enough she will have a tough time sleeping. Obviously she'll gain a ton of weight because of that...so pray that she'll be patient with this process. Also, pray that we will be compassionate as we care for her. Thank you for checking in, for praying, for loving us so beautifully. I'll let you know when she comes home, but you can expect some regular programming here at a Cup of Cold Water soon. Thank you for being my tall refreshing glass of ice cold water...I was so thirsty.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The clouds are moving
We are breathing a little bit easier today. Alex has just been taken back for surgery to remove one of her swollen lymph nodes, to confirm Lupus, or cross it off the list. Her doctor believes that if all goes well she should be off the floor today and in a normal room. Speaking of normal...she's back to it...as much as she can be. She woke this morning hungry, tired, thirsty and wanted to go home. Yesterday she asked the nurse where she was and how long she had been there. She has wanted to go home...of course. She drank two bottles of water last night...we are encouraged. Again, thank you for all of your kind words and prayers that really did hold our arms up when we were tired and weary from the beating rain of the storm. I do have a regular blog that I'm cooking up regarding a broken pizza stone...I'll be glad to report great news and get back to normal...whatever that is! Again, thank you so much. The love is unreal, what would we do without Him? Blessings to you all!
Ali
Ali
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A little bit better, but sort of the same.
Wow. That is all I can say as my family has received such an intense amount of love and support during this bizarre time. Church friends and family, people that aren't here. God's love being extended through His people is sometimes more than I can bear. Last night my sister, Ashley (2 years older than Alex) was baptized and what a celebration for her. The church prayed for Alex and we headed to the hospital. Her condition...
She remains in ICU and they keep calling her critical. The doctors are quite baffled by all of this and are unable to put their finger on the source of the distress in her body. They thought they would need to do dialysis because the sedative was weakening her kidneys and her urination output was poor, but I suppose she got wind of that and decided against it, because it wasn't necessary. They were going to give her another blood transfusion, but to my knowledge that wasn't necessary either. She is on a ridiculous amount of sedative and is still answering our questions by blinking or squeezing hands. She's totally aware and we are glad, but not all at the same time. We want her to get some rest. She is on the sedative because she still has a breathing tube. She can breathe on her own, but they were concerned that they would, for some unexpected reason, need to put it in again and because of the swelling and irritation that it can cause would not be able to. So, they've been holding back on removal. However, there is talk that she could come off it today, I'm a little nervous, I've been talking smack while she's been quiet and she might come after me! I welcome some sass from her! When I spoke to my sister earlier she had not yet heard from the doctors, but nothing has changed for the worse. Continue to hold our arms up, my step-dad's arms are really tired. As you can imagine, so are Mom's.
Please pray for healing both physically and spiritually. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We love you all and will stand in the gap for you whenever we can.
She remains in ICU and they keep calling her critical. The doctors are quite baffled by all of this and are unable to put their finger on the source of the distress in her body. They thought they would need to do dialysis because the sedative was weakening her kidneys and her urination output was poor, but I suppose she got wind of that and decided against it, because it wasn't necessary. They were going to give her another blood transfusion, but to my knowledge that wasn't necessary either. She is on a ridiculous amount of sedative and is still answering our questions by blinking or squeezing hands. She's totally aware and we are glad, but not all at the same time. We want her to get some rest. She is on the sedative because she still has a breathing tube. She can breathe on her own, but they were concerned that they would, for some unexpected reason, need to put it in again and because of the swelling and irritation that it can cause would not be able to. So, they've been holding back on removal. However, there is talk that she could come off it today, I'm a little nervous, I've been talking smack while she's been quiet and she might come after me! I welcome some sass from her! When I spoke to my sister earlier she had not yet heard from the doctors, but nothing has changed for the worse. Continue to hold our arms up, my step-dad's arms are really tired. As you can imagine, so are Mom's.
Please pray for healing both physically and spiritually. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We love you all and will stand in the gap for you whenever we can.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A groggy update
Wow...what a precious thing to witness the body of Christ in action. From the prayers from strangers, to the hugs and tears of sweet, sweet friends. As of 2:30 this morning, Alex was still in ICU, but there were a few things that we were clinging to. Yesterday she had blood in her lungs and fluid around her heart. She was barely able to breathe even with 100% oxygen. When I saw her for the first time she had a breathing tube and was heavily sedated. Then she had a breathing tube, and a feeding tube, next the breathing, feeding, and a new IV coming from her neck. So, what were we clinging to (besides the hope that only comes from knowing God remains the same) is that the blood in her lungs was gone, I suppose when they treated the pulmonary hemorrage they were on to something, a symptom of something else, but they were treating something. The fluid around her heart isn't pressing on her heart and her breathing has improved. She isn't requiring as much of the ventilater. I think someone said she's only using 40% of it...whatever that means. So, I'm learning a lot about prayer.
You know how I felt yesterday? I had a lot of feelings, but one of them was victorious. I was thinking about the battle that was fought and won, only because Moses had some good friends who were willing to hold his arms up. When his arms were raised, the Israelites were victorious, when they dropped they got clobbered. So, when Moses could no longer hold up his arms, his pals held them up. I felt like, through my prayers, and those who were praying alongside my family, we were holding her arms up. She's so weak, but she's got a fight in her. They had to paralyze her temporarily to do a bronchoscopy (please do NOT check my spelling on that!!!) because she was biting the instrument. We were glad to hear that she was fighting...she's a bit ornery by nature, so we felt like she's in there.
I'm not sure what today will entail, but I continue to draw from the only well that will not leave me thirsty. We're all tired, as you can imagine, but my older sister flew in last night to be with the family, and that feels good. I am believing that this will not end in death, that can only happen two ways. 1. Alex has the opportunity to offer what she's got left to the One who can make her whole, and she goes to be with Him in paradise...that's THE life, or 2. He spares her life on earth, finally draws Him near and uses her in fantastic ways for the remainder of her life. I'm hoping to see her life impact many here on earth, and I'm hopeful that is going to be the result...but I know that His ways are higher and better. We are hopeful. I'll say that.
I'll tell you what, the next time someone asks me to pray...it will be a different prayer. It is an absolute privilege to labor for people through prayer. A privilege to come up behind that weary soul and gently raise their arms and watch for a victory. So, thank you for holding our arms up, Alex's and mine. I'll keep you posted.
I'll tell you what, I love watching God's people rally...I know that changes the watching world as well. To see people put their lives down, to stop what they are doing to wander around a parking garage, find the floor in a HUGE medical complex, and walk into a crisis, just so we know that they are there. Thanks.
With much love...
Ali
You know how I felt yesterday? I had a lot of feelings, but one of them was victorious. I was thinking about the battle that was fought and won, only because Moses had some good friends who were willing to hold his arms up. When his arms were raised, the Israelites were victorious, when they dropped they got clobbered. So, when Moses could no longer hold up his arms, his pals held them up. I felt like, through my prayers, and those who were praying alongside my family, we were holding her arms up. She's so weak, but she's got a fight in her. They had to paralyze her temporarily to do a bronchoscopy (please do NOT check my spelling on that!!!) because she was biting the instrument. We were glad to hear that she was fighting...she's a bit ornery by nature, so we felt like she's in there.
I'm not sure what today will entail, but I continue to draw from the only well that will not leave me thirsty. We're all tired, as you can imagine, but my older sister flew in last night to be with the family, and that feels good. I am believing that this will not end in death, that can only happen two ways. 1. Alex has the opportunity to offer what she's got left to the One who can make her whole, and she goes to be with Him in paradise...that's THE life, or 2. He spares her life on earth, finally draws Him near and uses her in fantastic ways for the remainder of her life. I'm hoping to see her life impact many here on earth, and I'm hopeful that is going to be the result...but I know that His ways are higher and better. We are hopeful. I'll say that.
I'll tell you what, the next time someone asks me to pray...it will be a different prayer. It is an absolute privilege to labor for people through prayer. A privilege to come up behind that weary soul and gently raise their arms and watch for a victory. So, thank you for holding our arms up, Alex's and mine. I'll keep you posted.
I'll tell you what, I love watching God's people rally...I know that changes the watching world as well. To see people put their lives down, to stop what they are doing to wander around a parking garage, find the floor in a HUGE medical complex, and walk into a crisis, just so we know that they are there. Thanks.
With much love...
Ali
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Going Horizontal
I'm interrupting my usually uplifting blog to bring you my real life. Up close and personal. My baby sister, 21 years old, has just been moved to ICU at MCG here in Augusta. Her body is not serving her...at all. Of course we are scared, and I want some assurance of salvation. A dear friend of mine has taught me that the MOST I can do in any situation is to pray. Please pray for my family, the doctors, my sister. I want to believe the things that I say I believe, I suppose now is a great time to start. Thank you for your prayers. I just figured people I don't know read this (thank you and I'd love to meet you) so I'd ask you to join me in prayer. I'm off to the hospital, with peace knowing God doesn't leave His throne for breaks.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
A comment from me on Tetris
I just want to share that this particular entry (Tetris) convicted me greatly. The last paragraph challenged me the very second I wrote it. It felt harsh, but good all at the same time. Like real discipline from my Abba Father. My husband came home and I said, "I was really convicted about my faith tonight." I went straight to God's word and read through Psalm 97 again, and Psalm 104 and 105...great stuff. I don't know how many people read this, but I feel as though I have started a journey with some of you, and picked up with others. I get to hear your comments, and I wanted to share one of mine. This is a struggle...to trust and not try...one that I'm sure I will not have mastered until Heaven. I want to be a woman of great faith, but sometimes I'm just a woman! Thank you for checking in and for enjoying this. It is my prayer that this would only be an appetizer for the real truth and life sustaining words that come from God's Word alone. Thank you for joining me... or sticking with me...it's a privilege to share some of your time. Enjoy.
Tetris...gotta love it!
I just scored 20,973 on the ninth level of Tetris completing a total number of 85 lines! It was so much fun!!! I'll tell you what, I'm not an athlete, but I married one. I do realize that Tetris does not require athletic skill, but it has sparked a competition in my home!
My husband LOVES sports and is a fan of good, solid competition. I mean that someone wins and someone loses...there is only ONE trophy, ring, or Stanley Cup. He loves it. I make him crazy, actually my entire family makes him crazy. We share chips when we play poker, we do not read the rules, and my brother ALWAYS wins money when he plays the lottery. Mike just shakes his head at the lot of us. He has the high score set in BOTH of our hand held Yahtzee's. (That would be one for each bathroom, if you want to know why we have two...it's so funny to hear a 5 year old yell from the bathroom...YAHTZEE!) He is a PE teacher, so he has found a way to make a living doing what he loves.
Our new favorite game is Tetris. I do not wish for my laptop to be "repoed," so I won't say that sometimes we're passing the computer back and forth before we go to bed...but let's just say we enjoy playing it! The other night he was watching over my shoulder and screaming, "Flip it, horizontal, right there, left, left...LEFT!" I was so nervous playing with him watching over my shoulder. Plus, he uses smart words like, horizontal and vertical...why not use UP and DOWN or ACROSS??? It's so much fun to watch him play. He's so smart, I really married out of my league. He even makes up different ways to play Tetris, like piling the blocks up in a particular way to wait on a long red one to fall...it's fun. Even the other day, Anson came running into the kitchen totally amazed that his very own dad had just gotten 56 rows. His words were, and I quote, "56 rows, can you imagine?" We stand in awe of him, I'm sort of crying right now. How am I going to make this spiritual? I may not, but here is what I'm thinking...
When we take things out of God's hands it is like playing Tetris with our lives. You start out on level one with the blocks coming down slow and you are able to manage them. Then, around the 4th level they begin falling a bit faster and you make one mistake and they are piling up and you flip it the wrong way, someone yells, "HORIZONTAL!" You freeze, and BAM you know what you see next, "GAME OVER!" You know how when you start juggling things yourself? Time with family, job, volunteer work, shopping, cooking, exercising, your blocks start piling up and you just keep stacking them. You are a confident gamer, you are doing well. Then the block that you are waiting on doesn't fall (perhaps it's a check to cover a bill, or a friend can't show up, or there are 2 games on different fields) things just aren't fitting together anymore. God is trying to tell you, "VERTICAL" and you go, "Does that mean up or down? Speak clearly...I'm so nervous" No red one falls, the stack is getting higher and now...GAME OVER! When this happens to me, when I hit my max, I start going through piles like, "Why isn't this put away? Who left this here? We have to leave in 5 minutes! We will Worship and YOU WILL LIKE IT!!!" It's a matter of control and it should never have been my game to play in the first place.
If we are meeting with Jesus on a regular basis, we will have no other option but to allow Him to be in complete control of our lives. After you have met with God, I mean really met with Him through prayer and the study of His word...why wouldn't you surrender all to Him? This passage came to mind, you're going to love this,
"The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne. Fire goes before Him and consumes His foes on every side. His lightening lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness and all the peoples see His glory." Psalm 97:1-6. I am not kidding, that makes my heart beat faster. To read a description of my God like that, and believe that I can run things a bit better than Him...WHY??? It happens, and that's because we lose touch, we stop remaining in Him, we start running on yesterday's quiet time, or today's little devotion. Nothing will keep us in check like His word. To read through and be reminded of the AMAZING things He has done. I'll list just a few, parting the Red Sea so that hundreds of thousands of people can pass through on dry ground, parting the Jordan River for the Israelites to then enter the Promise Land, He brought dead people back to life, brought sight to the blind, told the lame to walk, not to mention peaking outside and viewing His creation! That's like a little teenie list. Not to mention the list that we can come up with of what He has done in OUR life. He can and does orchestrate all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) Maybe you are waiting on the perfect "block" so that your game will continue. Are you waiting on a spouse, a child, a healing? Is He being slow? That doesn't make Him any less good or any less capable. He is much better at organizing our lives, Psalm 139 teaches us that all our days were ordained before one of them came to be. Now, if that doesn't take a load off, I don't know what will!
I have been resting a little bit easier as I ponder the things that will and will not last. I am confident that if I will prioritize my time with God, putting my life (my Tetris game if you will) in His hands, I can just sort of watch. In the same way that I stand in awe of my amazing husband, I can stand in awe of my amazing God. As my blocks stack up, as my heart races as I trust, I'm just going to wait to see what He has for Me. I know that it is good. It may not look good all the time to me (see my Cup of Crap for that)but He is good. I will praise Him because of WHO He is, not WHAT He is or is not doing. You see, it's about recognizing Him as the King of Kings. It's curling up next to Him to watch Him do all things as only He can do them...well. It's exhilarating, isn't it? To turn your life over to the only One who can actually manage it. Whew, am I ever thankful for His ability.
So, the next time you start flipping out over a block that isn't falling, you know, your plan isn't working out...how about you go horizontal...that would be flat, not upright or vertical, like your knees (or face) to the floor, and stop trying and start trusting. Please remind me to do the same.
P.S...unspiritual side note...if this spurs you on to a game of tetris...let me know your high score!!!
My husband LOVES sports and is a fan of good, solid competition. I mean that someone wins and someone loses...there is only ONE trophy, ring, or Stanley Cup. He loves it. I make him crazy, actually my entire family makes him crazy. We share chips when we play poker, we do not read the rules, and my brother ALWAYS wins money when he plays the lottery. Mike just shakes his head at the lot of us. He has the high score set in BOTH of our hand held Yahtzee's. (That would be one for each bathroom, if you want to know why we have two...it's so funny to hear a 5 year old yell from the bathroom...YAHTZEE!) He is a PE teacher, so he has found a way to make a living doing what he loves.
Our new favorite game is Tetris. I do not wish for my laptop to be "repoed," so I won't say that sometimes we're passing the computer back and forth before we go to bed...but let's just say we enjoy playing it! The other night he was watching over my shoulder and screaming, "Flip it, horizontal, right there, left, left...LEFT!" I was so nervous playing with him watching over my shoulder. Plus, he uses smart words like, horizontal and vertical...why not use UP and DOWN or ACROSS??? It's so much fun to watch him play. He's so smart, I really married out of my league. He even makes up different ways to play Tetris, like piling the blocks up in a particular way to wait on a long red one to fall...it's fun. Even the other day, Anson came running into the kitchen totally amazed that his very own dad had just gotten 56 rows. His words were, and I quote, "56 rows, can you imagine?" We stand in awe of him, I'm sort of crying right now. How am I going to make this spiritual? I may not, but here is what I'm thinking...
When we take things out of God's hands it is like playing Tetris with our lives. You start out on level one with the blocks coming down slow and you are able to manage them. Then, around the 4th level they begin falling a bit faster and you make one mistake and they are piling up and you flip it the wrong way, someone yells, "HORIZONTAL!" You freeze, and BAM you know what you see next, "GAME OVER!" You know how when you start juggling things yourself? Time with family, job, volunteer work, shopping, cooking, exercising, your blocks start piling up and you just keep stacking them. You are a confident gamer, you are doing well. Then the block that you are waiting on doesn't fall (perhaps it's a check to cover a bill, or a friend can't show up, or there are 2 games on different fields) things just aren't fitting together anymore. God is trying to tell you, "VERTICAL" and you go, "Does that mean up or down? Speak clearly...I'm so nervous" No red one falls, the stack is getting higher and now...GAME OVER! When this happens to me, when I hit my max, I start going through piles like, "Why isn't this put away? Who left this here? We have to leave in 5 minutes! We will Worship and YOU WILL LIKE IT!!!" It's a matter of control and it should never have been my game to play in the first place.
If we are meeting with Jesus on a regular basis, we will have no other option but to allow Him to be in complete control of our lives. After you have met with God, I mean really met with Him through prayer and the study of His word...why wouldn't you surrender all to Him? This passage came to mind, you're going to love this,
"The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne. Fire goes before Him and consumes His foes on every side. His lightening lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness and all the peoples see His glory." Psalm 97:1-6. I am not kidding, that makes my heart beat faster. To read a description of my God like that, and believe that I can run things a bit better than Him...WHY??? It happens, and that's because we lose touch, we stop remaining in Him, we start running on yesterday's quiet time, or today's little devotion. Nothing will keep us in check like His word. To read through and be reminded of the AMAZING things He has done. I'll list just a few, parting the Red Sea so that hundreds of thousands of people can pass through on dry ground, parting the Jordan River for the Israelites to then enter the Promise Land, He brought dead people back to life, brought sight to the blind, told the lame to walk, not to mention peaking outside and viewing His creation! That's like a little teenie list. Not to mention the list that we can come up with of what He has done in OUR life. He can and does orchestrate all things for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) Maybe you are waiting on the perfect "block" so that your game will continue. Are you waiting on a spouse, a child, a healing? Is He being slow? That doesn't make Him any less good or any less capable. He is much better at organizing our lives, Psalm 139 teaches us that all our days were ordained before one of them came to be. Now, if that doesn't take a load off, I don't know what will!
I have been resting a little bit easier as I ponder the things that will and will not last. I am confident that if I will prioritize my time with God, putting my life (my Tetris game if you will) in His hands, I can just sort of watch. In the same way that I stand in awe of my amazing husband, I can stand in awe of my amazing God. As my blocks stack up, as my heart races as I trust, I'm just going to wait to see what He has for Me. I know that it is good. It may not look good all the time to me (see my Cup of Crap for that)but He is good. I will praise Him because of WHO He is, not WHAT He is or is not doing. You see, it's about recognizing Him as the King of Kings. It's curling up next to Him to watch Him do all things as only He can do them...well. It's exhilarating, isn't it? To turn your life over to the only One who can actually manage it. Whew, am I ever thankful for His ability.
So, the next time you start flipping out over a block that isn't falling, you know, your plan isn't working out...how about you go horizontal...that would be flat, not upright or vertical, like your knees (or face) to the floor, and stop trying and start trusting. Please remind me to do the same.
P.S...unspiritual side note...if this spurs you on to a game of tetris...let me know your high score!!!
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