Do you ever feel uncool? Like everyone in the world is cooler than you? More popular
than you? Being used by God in ways that you would NEVER be used? I need to get in the Word. I'll tell you what. How long, Oh, Lord, will I be in the 6th grade? How long will I long for You to mold me into something that I am not? How long will I look on with envy that you have gifted others in ways that You have not gifted me. How long will I be sad that I don't sew, or monogram things...or want to? How long? How long will I want to spend time with people that I don't have anything in common with? How long will I scoff at the life and talents and mercies you have so freely poured out on me? How long? Until I spend time with You, You say. Until I value Your Word more than I value 20 minutes of extra sleep? Until I seek Your will alone, rather than my own. Then, You say, and ONLY then will I be satisfied. Then, and only then, will I look at where the boundary lines have fallen and declare them to be so good...so pleasing...so perfect. Oh, Father, won't you captivate my heart again. Won't You please satisfy me in the morning with Your unfailing love. I'm not all that...but to Christ...ahh...but because of Christ...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
A bunch of nobodies...
So,
After reading Darlene Deibler Rose's book, Evidence Not Seen, I've started another challenging book. Many of you have probably already been challenged by it, Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. Many of you have probably heard his words, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I read something today that I loved even more than that.
I tend to glorify the call that missionaries have on their lives. (I know we are all missionaries, I mean the ones that raise support and hit the trail...) He said, after some time in Mexico, which he loved, "Missionaries are very human folks, just doing what they are asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody." I was thankful for those words. I'm pretty much a nobody and pretty human at that! Apparently I still make the cut for those that are capable of exalting Somebody...The Somebody...Praise Him that He would choose to use us even in fallen condition.
My little sister said that she didn't read biographies because they would make her feel like she's not good enough. I'm sure she's not alone in that. In reading biographies of those who have gone before me, endured opposition and even surrendered their very life for the cause of Christ, it fires me up. It refines my vision for what God is doing in my life and the life of those around me. It makes me long for Him the way these "human folks doing what they are asked" longed for Him. I was almost jealous of the intimacy Darlene Rose had with the Father and Jim Elliot's conviction and determination to know God and preach Him to those who have NEVER heard has revealed how little I...um...care about the lost.
So, that's where I am right now. Realizing I'm a mess...and Jesus knew it when He laid down His life. Wow.
After reading Darlene Deibler Rose's book, Evidence Not Seen, I've started another challenging book. Many of you have probably already been challenged by it, Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. Many of you have probably heard his words, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I read something today that I loved even more than that.
I tend to glorify the call that missionaries have on their lives. (I know we are all missionaries, I mean the ones that raise support and hit the trail...) He said, after some time in Mexico, which he loved, "Missionaries are very human folks, just doing what they are asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody." I was thankful for those words. I'm pretty much a nobody and pretty human at that! Apparently I still make the cut for those that are capable of exalting Somebody...The Somebody...Praise Him that He would choose to use us even in fallen condition.
My little sister said that she didn't read biographies because they would make her feel like she's not good enough. I'm sure she's not alone in that. In reading biographies of those who have gone before me, endured opposition and even surrendered their very life for the cause of Christ, it fires me up. It refines my vision for what God is doing in my life and the life of those around me. It makes me long for Him the way these "human folks doing what they are asked" longed for Him. I was almost jealous of the intimacy Darlene Rose had with the Father and Jim Elliot's conviction and determination to know God and preach Him to those who have NEVER heard has revealed how little I...um...care about the lost.
So, that's where I am right now. Realizing I'm a mess...and Jesus knew it when He laid down His life. Wow.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
A Cup of Reality.
So, sometimes when you don't hear from me, it's because I am not an anonymous blogger. Sometimes I would love to blog about something...but it would not always be the best thing. That's all I'll say about that.
Also, we've been checked out. We went on what I called the Team Wessner Summer Tour where we saw lots of our favorite faces and hugged lots of necks. It was a ton of fun, but after our two weeks were up, we came home for a few days and then headed to Tennessee for a few days with family for a suprise party. It felt I had a "layover" at home. I'm thankful for the time away and thankful to be home. I've already started the laundry so tomorrow all we have to do is fold it. So, there have been several "blog-worthy" moments, but I must share about the book I just finished. It was a cup of cold water and a cup of reality.
Several years ago during a Christmas Conference I heard a woman by the name of Darlene Rose share her story. (Do any of my college gals remember this??? I don't think any of us could forget it.) Darlene was a young missionary to New Guinea just before WWII broke out. Her husband was taken by the Japanese soldiers and she never saw him again. What I remember most is that she was a much older lady when she spoke with us and she still wept over her loss as though she had just received the news. She was a POW for 4 years plus a few months and she wrote her story in a book called, "Evidence Not Seen." Like any good young Christian I bought the book with every intention of reading it. This was probably at LEAST 10 years ago. I wanted to buy some new books, but decided on reading some of the books that are on my shelf first and started with this one. I'm so thankful I did.
I haven't read several biographies of heroes of our faith, but I have read a few. Do you? Reading the stories, especially this one, causes me to desire Christ more. It challenges me to fix my eyes on Christ. Is He really worthy of my life? Could I really suffer for Him? Why? While reading this book I was almost jealous of the intimacy that this young woman had with our Lord. Her ears were so attentive to His voice and her heart was so tender to His commands. She told Him she would go anywhere and she did. When she thought she couldn't take any more confinement or suffer through the devastation of one more loss, she laid herself at the feet of her Lord and submitted with GREAT JOY to His leadership and love. Unbelieveable. I want to know her Savior...who is also my Savior. Her husband's life was used in a mighty way as was hers. She labored selflessly even in her POW camp believing that God was with her and HAD ORDAINED it. Challenging to say the least.
So, there are things in my head that I would like to write about, but I would like to encourage those of you who are up for a little challenge to pull a book off of your shelf. Snuggle up with Jesus and meet some of the people who have laid their lives down for His Glory and Kingdom. I'll tell you what, not a whole lot seems all that important afterwards. So, if you've read a great book that has impacted your faith, will you tell me so that I may be mutally encouraged by the lives of the saints? Thank you...
Also, we've been checked out. We went on what I called the Team Wessner Summer Tour where we saw lots of our favorite faces and hugged lots of necks. It was a ton of fun, but after our two weeks were up, we came home for a few days and then headed to Tennessee for a few days with family for a suprise party. It felt I had a "layover" at home. I'm thankful for the time away and thankful to be home. I've already started the laundry so tomorrow all we have to do is fold it. So, there have been several "blog-worthy" moments, but I must share about the book I just finished. It was a cup of cold water and a cup of reality.
Several years ago during a Christmas Conference I heard a woman by the name of Darlene Rose share her story. (Do any of my college gals remember this??? I don't think any of us could forget it.) Darlene was a young missionary to New Guinea just before WWII broke out. Her husband was taken by the Japanese soldiers and she never saw him again. What I remember most is that she was a much older lady when she spoke with us and she still wept over her loss as though she had just received the news. She was a POW for 4 years plus a few months and she wrote her story in a book called, "Evidence Not Seen." Like any good young Christian I bought the book with every intention of reading it. This was probably at LEAST 10 years ago. I wanted to buy some new books, but decided on reading some of the books that are on my shelf first and started with this one. I'm so thankful I did.
I haven't read several biographies of heroes of our faith, but I have read a few. Do you? Reading the stories, especially this one, causes me to desire Christ more. It challenges me to fix my eyes on Christ. Is He really worthy of my life? Could I really suffer for Him? Why? While reading this book I was almost jealous of the intimacy that this young woman had with our Lord. Her ears were so attentive to His voice and her heart was so tender to His commands. She told Him she would go anywhere and she did. When she thought she couldn't take any more confinement or suffer through the devastation of one more loss, she laid herself at the feet of her Lord and submitted with GREAT JOY to His leadership and love. Unbelieveable. I want to know her Savior...who is also my Savior. Her husband's life was used in a mighty way as was hers. She labored selflessly even in her POW camp believing that God was with her and HAD ORDAINED it. Challenging to say the least.
So, there are things in my head that I would like to write about, but I would like to encourage those of you who are up for a little challenge to pull a book off of your shelf. Snuggle up with Jesus and meet some of the people who have laid their lives down for His Glory and Kingdom. I'll tell you what, not a whole lot seems all that important afterwards. So, if you've read a great book that has impacted your faith, will you tell me so that I may be mutally encouraged by the lives of the saints? Thank you...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Souvenirs of brokenness
Kids break. If you haven't had one break on you yet, just give them time. Ella was our first break. Roughly 4 weeks ago she got a little baby cast on her teeny little arm. She fell. I'm not sure if she was falling getting back into her bed, or getting out of it...she was supposed to be in it, however it happened, it broke. Actually it didn't break, it buckled, and she needed a cast. Today the cast was removed and an interesting conversation occurred that struck me. I'll try to make it fast, I should be cleaning a bathroom...
"Hey, now we can play broken arm." That was the response when the nurse told Ella she could keep her cast. They cut it in two places, so she simply wrapped a bit of tape around it, so you could put it back on. The kids thought that was so much fun and told Ella that she could put it back on if she wanted. I laughed with them and said, "Now, why would she need that? Her arm isn't broken anymore?"
Neither are we. Jesus Christ paid the price. There is healing in His blood. How many of us walk around with our cast "just in case." We remember we were broken. We remember how it felt. We remember that it hurt and then we got a cast and we couldn't feel the pain anymore. I am not broken. Yet I keep my souvenirs around. I can show them to others or even pull them out privately and relive the brokenness. Foolish. It's foolish. Would you think I was funny if I kept that cast on Ella even though her arm is healed? No. Would you think maybe I was smart because I was being proactive? No. You would (hopefully) tell me I was a crazy woman.
I think of several instances where Jesus healed someone and said, "Go, your faith has made you well." He told the man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5) "Pick up your mat and walk." If you do a word search on "healed" their are a number of verses that will come up. Jesus is about healing. Not remaining broken.
Read Isaiah's words, "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
He was broken. We were healed. You don't need the cast if you are in Christ. You aren't broken. You are at peace with God through Jesus Christ. You are friends. There is healing in Him. Sometimes it's good to remember the brokenness. It serves as a gentle reminder of His grace. I would, however, like to focus a bit more on the healing.
1 Peter 2:24, "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed."
Get rid of the cast. You have been made well.
Two funny stories of the cast.
1. When my sister was here Ella fell and my little nephew said, "Ella, you are lucky you have that cast on when you fell or you could have broken your arm." HA!
2. The other day Anson said, "Ella, one good thing about having a cast on your arm is when bugs are around you can just wham em' with your cast!" Nothing like bug guts on an already dirty cast!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I Know Him, but I Can't Trust Him
Ella has been responding in a rather irritating manner these days to loud noises. She covers her ears and repeats, "It's woud." We're trying to be patient, but it can be inconvenient.
Tonight we were coming home from church in a thunderstorm. It wasn't bad, but there was lightening and a little bit of thunder. She walked inside covering her ears and was still noticeably nervous once inside. I knelt down in front of her and looked into her sweet little face and said, "Ella, who makes the thunder?" To which she responded in a confident whisper, "Jesus." So I replied, "So, can we trust it?" She immediately said, "NO."
Isn't that the truth. Eventhough we know the author and perfector of our faith, we don't believe that we can trust anything He does.
God help me to trust You, and You alone.
Tonight we were coming home from church in a thunderstorm. It wasn't bad, but there was lightening and a little bit of thunder. She walked inside covering her ears and was still noticeably nervous once inside. I knelt down in front of her and looked into her sweet little face and said, "Ella, who makes the thunder?" To which she responded in a confident whisper, "Jesus." So I replied, "So, can we trust it?" She immediately said, "NO."
Isn't that the truth. Eventhough we know the author and perfector of our faith, we don't believe that we can trust anything He does.
God help me to trust You, and You alone.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Hmmm...
It drives me crazy when people don't update their blog. I mean, it really frustrates me! I love to know what my "url" friends are up to. What they are learning, teaching, growing...whatever. I suppose I understand why blogs aren't updated on the hour. Life happens first.
I have decided that Father's Day is one of my least favorite holidays. Please read the rest of this before you unsubscribe or write me off...Mike is a fabulous Dad. He really is. I love watching him learn and grow and try and fail and try again. He always knocks it out of the park on Mother's Day. This year I had a yummy breakfast in bed. (He went to two drive thrus because where he got my biscuit doesn't serve Coke and he knows I can't/won't eat a biscuit without a Coke) he got me a super coupon for a pedicure and Vera Bradley pants. I didn't even know they made Vera Bradley pants! I felt like a special woman. Then came Father's Day. First of all I love Mike's help. So, to give him a special day off annoys me because more and more we are becoming quite the team. I need him. Then there is the whole gift hangup. I love to give. I love to pick up fun little things and give them to my friends as little surprises. When it comes to Mike I just fizzle out like a really disappointing firework. No pop, no flare, just a little squeak and then smoke. He loves golf, fishing, gardening, and lots of other things and I just struggle choosing anything. The truth is that I don't know enough about his hobbies to know what would be a special gift. I'm having a hard time remembering what we got him...Oh, two new games. Scrabble Apple and Bing-OH. Lame-Oh. I know-Oh.
Because of my poor planning and my lame gifts I was angry all day long that I didn't do enough to really express how valuable he is to this house. When he isn't with us there is an enormous hole. If he isn't eating dinner...we eat cereal! So, all day I just wanted it to be over because I was so embarassed that I was so bad at expressing how vital he is to me.
Jesus. Mike's love reminds me of Jesus' love and I get frustrated that I stink at showing Jesus my gratitude as well. I think of all of these great things that I could do for Him and then puff, sqeak, smoke...I'm sleeping in and missing opportunities to love Him.
The best thing I could do for Mike is to be with him. To enjoy his company and to build him up in front of my family for the great guy that he is. In the same way that's what I can do to express my love for my Savior. I can enjoy Him. I can build Him up with my praise in front of the watching world so they will all know Him for the great Savior that He is.
So, I still don't love Father's Day, but I sure do love Jesus for giving me my Mike.
A quick Blogella:
Mike is becoming quite the gardener. He visits his garden in the morning and in the evening. He loves those plants. He waters them, he prunes them, he cuts vine borers out of them. I am seeing how neat he is while he gets to know his plants. I've been watching and I've been learning. Here are just a few things:
1. Pests are killing his vegetables. He does everything right but he cannot keep the bugs from doing their thing. He is vigilant in checking the vines, shaking the leaves, reading up on how to rid the garden of the pests. In my life it's the pests. It's the little seemingly insignificant things that wreck my crop. It's 30 minutes here, a little gossip there, before you know it I'm under attack. We must be aggressive with dealing with the pests. God help me!
2. You reap what you sow. We planted cantelope and there is a little baby cantelope on the vine. We planted tomatoes and we've been enjoying tomatoes. We've enjoyed the squash and tonight we had one of our sweet peppers. No surprises. What we planted is what came up. In the lives of my children what am I planting? Heck, in my own life what am I planting? Is it righteousness? Am I planting seeds of forgivness and grace or impatience and hatred? There are no surprises. You reap what you sow.
3. It is good to enjoy the crop. It is so pleasing to serve someone a tomato and cucumber salad and say, "Yup, those are from our garden." To be quick...my children are from my garden. God has given us what we need to nurture them and cultivate the soil of their hearts. We cannot make them believers, but we can be sure to check them for pests (literally we check for ticks 'round these parts)and be sure that nothing is working it's way into their hearts that could steal and kill and destroy. I believe I can enjoy my children. I do now and I plan on it later. We'll do whatever we can as the earthly gardener and we'll trust God for the rain to make them grow.
I think that's all for now...Oh wait...one more...Margie told me this would be a good story for my blog...
Last week was VBS. My sister was also in town so it was a busy week. When my boy gets tired he gets weepy. One particular day a child took something that belonged to Anson and he felt rightfully wronged. Or wronged with good reason...anyway...he was mad. I had another copy of what was taken from him, but he wouldn't have it. He was fired up that someone had taken something that belonged to him. I couldn't calm him down, but he finally pulled it together long enough to tell his friend Daniel about the incident. I watched him across the room explain what had happened and then watched as he listened intently to Daniel's response. Later that day I remembered to ask what Daniel had said and this was his response, "He just told me that I need to be the opposite of what I was." I thought that was precious. Daniel didn't respond with hatred or anger, he looked at Anson's condition...at his heart. When I shared that with Margie she said, "That's what I say to Jesus! Just make me the opposite of what I am right now." Praise Him that is EXACTLY what He does. I am so thankful that I am not the same as when He made me the opposite.
Last thing. Last night was the Graham/Wessner swap. Kelli and I swap one child and we each still have 3 kids. I got her daughter and she got my son. It is such fun getting time with them. This morning the girls were playing and I went in to check on them and sweet little Haviland said, "I was just telling Ella about Jesus in case she didn't know." Does that challenge you like it does me? Who have I mentioned Jesus to "just in case." God help me.
That's about all. I just wanted to update my blog...thank you for reading and hopefully enjoying what is here.
I have decided that Father's Day is one of my least favorite holidays. Please read the rest of this before you unsubscribe or write me off...Mike is a fabulous Dad. He really is. I love watching him learn and grow and try and fail and try again. He always knocks it out of the park on Mother's Day. This year I had a yummy breakfast in bed. (He went to two drive thrus because where he got my biscuit doesn't serve Coke and he knows I can't/won't eat a biscuit without a Coke) he got me a super coupon for a pedicure and Vera Bradley pants. I didn't even know they made Vera Bradley pants! I felt like a special woman. Then came Father's Day. First of all I love Mike's help. So, to give him a special day off annoys me because more and more we are becoming quite the team. I need him. Then there is the whole gift hangup. I love to give. I love to pick up fun little things and give them to my friends as little surprises. When it comes to Mike I just fizzle out like a really disappointing firework. No pop, no flare, just a little squeak and then smoke. He loves golf, fishing, gardening, and lots of other things and I just struggle choosing anything. The truth is that I don't know enough about his hobbies to know what would be a special gift. I'm having a hard time remembering what we got him...Oh, two new games. Scrabble Apple and Bing-OH. Lame-Oh. I know-Oh.
Because of my poor planning and my lame gifts I was angry all day long that I didn't do enough to really express how valuable he is to this house. When he isn't with us there is an enormous hole. If he isn't eating dinner...we eat cereal! So, all day I just wanted it to be over because I was so embarassed that I was so bad at expressing how vital he is to me.
Jesus. Mike's love reminds me of Jesus' love and I get frustrated that I stink at showing Jesus my gratitude as well. I think of all of these great things that I could do for Him and then puff, sqeak, smoke...I'm sleeping in and missing opportunities to love Him.
The best thing I could do for Mike is to be with him. To enjoy his company and to build him up in front of my family for the great guy that he is. In the same way that's what I can do to express my love for my Savior. I can enjoy Him. I can build Him up with my praise in front of the watching world so they will all know Him for the great Savior that He is.
So, I still don't love Father's Day, but I sure do love Jesus for giving me my Mike.
A quick Blogella:
Mike is becoming quite the gardener. He visits his garden in the morning and in the evening. He loves those plants. He waters them, he prunes them, he cuts vine borers out of them. I am seeing how neat he is while he gets to know his plants. I've been watching and I've been learning. Here are just a few things:
1. Pests are killing his vegetables. He does everything right but he cannot keep the bugs from doing their thing. He is vigilant in checking the vines, shaking the leaves, reading up on how to rid the garden of the pests. In my life it's the pests. It's the little seemingly insignificant things that wreck my crop. It's 30 minutes here, a little gossip there, before you know it I'm under attack. We must be aggressive with dealing with the pests. God help me!
2. You reap what you sow. We planted cantelope and there is a little baby cantelope on the vine. We planted tomatoes and we've been enjoying tomatoes. We've enjoyed the squash and tonight we had one of our sweet peppers. No surprises. What we planted is what came up. In the lives of my children what am I planting? Heck, in my own life what am I planting? Is it righteousness? Am I planting seeds of forgivness and grace or impatience and hatred? There are no surprises. You reap what you sow.
3. It is good to enjoy the crop. It is so pleasing to serve someone a tomato and cucumber salad and say, "Yup, those are from our garden." To be quick...my children are from my garden. God has given us what we need to nurture them and cultivate the soil of their hearts. We cannot make them believers, but we can be sure to check them for pests (literally we check for ticks 'round these parts)and be sure that nothing is working it's way into their hearts that could steal and kill and destroy. I believe I can enjoy my children. I do now and I plan on it later. We'll do whatever we can as the earthly gardener and we'll trust God for the rain to make them grow.
I think that's all for now...Oh wait...one more...Margie told me this would be a good story for my blog...
Last week was VBS. My sister was also in town so it was a busy week. When my boy gets tired he gets weepy. One particular day a child took something that belonged to Anson and he felt rightfully wronged. Or wronged with good reason...anyway...he was mad. I had another copy of what was taken from him, but he wouldn't have it. He was fired up that someone had taken something that belonged to him. I couldn't calm him down, but he finally pulled it together long enough to tell his friend Daniel about the incident. I watched him across the room explain what had happened and then watched as he listened intently to Daniel's response. Later that day I remembered to ask what Daniel had said and this was his response, "He just told me that I need to be the opposite of what I was." I thought that was precious. Daniel didn't respond with hatred or anger, he looked at Anson's condition...at his heart. When I shared that with Margie she said, "That's what I say to Jesus! Just make me the opposite of what I am right now." Praise Him that is EXACTLY what He does. I am so thankful that I am not the same as when He made me the opposite.
Last thing. Last night was the Graham/Wessner swap. Kelli and I swap one child and we each still have 3 kids. I got her daughter and she got my son. It is such fun getting time with them. This morning the girls were playing and I went in to check on them and sweet little Haviland said, "I was just telling Ella about Jesus in case she didn't know." Does that challenge you like it does me? Who have I mentioned Jesus to "just in case." God help me.
That's about all. I just wanted to update my blog...thank you for reading and hopefully enjoying what is here.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Refiner's Fire.
I had a mouth. I have a mouth. Before coming to faith my mouth could spew some serious venom. Some of you may find that shocking, others, my cussing friends...just giggle. Coming to faith didn't change my mouth so much as it changed the venom. It didn't seem as vile as four letter words, but I still cannot get my forked tongue under control. A verse that I have had stored in my heart since 1997 is found in Psalm 141:3 "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." I feel like I need an armored soldier standing outside of my lips arresting any detestable thing that flows forth. I could blame my words...but Jesus says that the real problem is not my mouth, but my heart. In addressing the Pharisees in Matthew 12:34 Jesus says, "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." I need the armored soldier...but I also need a clean heart.
This year has been really stinkin' hard. Since I started keeping another child my days were more like managing than mothering. I missed my children. I missed my house. I missed my life. My children have been with me, but when you babysit everyday (at least this is true for me) you become more like a babysitter than a Mama. I'm a pretty good babysitter, but I'm a much better Mama. I have seen alot of my human frailties and to be honest...I'm a little surprised. I really didn't think I was that bad. I joke about my sin, (which is despicable since sin is what nailed my Jesus to the cross)but have really seen that it's no joke. I'm just going to be honest. I thought I was a pretty good Mom. I am...to my children. I don't know everything about parenting...someone else's child. I know mine. God has given me divine insight, understanding, and wisdom to parent my children. I'm not the mother of the year...I'm their mother...this year...and every year, so I guess I am a Mother of the Year! I have seen how judgemental I really am. Thinking that I got where I am because of my own awesomeness. I mean...what else could it be? Hmmm how 'bout some GRACE? FAVOR? MERCY? God has shown me kindness because of Jesus. That's humbling. Do you (I say you because when I write this it's like I'm talking to a friend on my sweet front porch rocking chairs)think that you must be responsible for at least some of the great stuff in your life? I'll take credit for the screwed up parts, but can't I take some credit for the good stuff too? Nope. He is the Breath of Heaven. The Bread of Life. The Father of Heavenly Lights. Giver of every good thing. My Creator, Redeemer and Friend. He enables me to obey, repent, and love. I have made some great choices, but it is because He was leading me. They weren't my ideas.
So, I've just been sort of introspective. I'm finding some insecurities. I'm worried that I'm going to say something ridiculous and offend thousands. I find I want to withdraw a bit to protect myself and others. I'm finding that without the Cross...I've got nothing. It's been so precious to see my need because it makes me love Jesus more and want to honor Him in the things that I do. Then I make a dumb comment or mistake and feel like I'll never get it. I suppose that's where the whole "sanctification" comes in. A verse that I go to sleep thinking about is that His mercies are new every morning. I LOVE that Truth. I love knowing that in the morning I start over. I want to be that kind of person. I want to start new every morning with everyone and everything. I want to live in awe of His ability to deal with me.
So, I say all that to say I'm really excited about June. I'm excited about tearing down some alters and worshipping God instead of the other foolish idols that I've been looking to for salvation. I'm looking forward to having my kids back. I did't realize how much I enjoy them until I was managing them. I'm excited that the Lord has refined me this year. Burning away all the yuck that isn't of Him. I know that I'm not finished, but I can only withstand the flames for so long. He takes me out, looks me over, and in I go again. Thankfully. Thankfully there will be more refining. The thought of being the same for the rest of my life turns my stomach. I invite it, Lord. Please, burn away all that isn't of You. As long as You are the One doing the work I know it can be trusted and I know it will be worth it.
P.S.
I'm very proud that I figured out how to put music on this. I don't love it because I can't read and listen at the same time. However, I felt like these songs were appropriate and maybe it will give you a taste of what I enjoy listening to. Jo...whenever I listen to Jennifer Knapp I think of you...playing your guitar in our little dorm room...
This year has been really stinkin' hard. Since I started keeping another child my days were more like managing than mothering. I missed my children. I missed my house. I missed my life. My children have been with me, but when you babysit everyday (at least this is true for me) you become more like a babysitter than a Mama. I'm a pretty good babysitter, but I'm a much better Mama. I have seen alot of my human frailties and to be honest...I'm a little surprised. I really didn't think I was that bad. I joke about my sin, (which is despicable since sin is what nailed my Jesus to the cross)but have really seen that it's no joke. I'm just going to be honest. I thought I was a pretty good Mom. I am...to my children. I don't know everything about parenting...someone else's child. I know mine. God has given me divine insight, understanding, and wisdom to parent my children. I'm not the mother of the year...I'm their mother...this year...and every year, so I guess I am a Mother of the Year! I have seen how judgemental I really am. Thinking that I got where I am because of my own awesomeness. I mean...what else could it be? Hmmm how 'bout some GRACE? FAVOR? MERCY? God has shown me kindness because of Jesus. That's humbling. Do you (I say you because when I write this it's like I'm talking to a friend on my sweet front porch rocking chairs)think that you must be responsible for at least some of the great stuff in your life? I'll take credit for the screwed up parts, but can't I take some credit for the good stuff too? Nope. He is the Breath of Heaven. The Bread of Life. The Father of Heavenly Lights. Giver of every good thing. My Creator, Redeemer and Friend. He enables me to obey, repent, and love. I have made some great choices, but it is because He was leading me. They weren't my ideas.
So, I've just been sort of introspective. I'm finding some insecurities. I'm worried that I'm going to say something ridiculous and offend thousands. I find I want to withdraw a bit to protect myself and others. I'm finding that without the Cross...I've got nothing. It's been so precious to see my need because it makes me love Jesus more and want to honor Him in the things that I do. Then I make a dumb comment or mistake and feel like I'll never get it. I suppose that's where the whole "sanctification" comes in. A verse that I go to sleep thinking about is that His mercies are new every morning. I LOVE that Truth. I love knowing that in the morning I start over. I want to be that kind of person. I want to start new every morning with everyone and everything. I want to live in awe of His ability to deal with me.
So, I say all that to say I'm really excited about June. I'm excited about tearing down some alters and worshipping God instead of the other foolish idols that I've been looking to for salvation. I'm looking forward to having my kids back. I did't realize how much I enjoy them until I was managing them. I'm excited that the Lord has refined me this year. Burning away all the yuck that isn't of Him. I know that I'm not finished, but I can only withstand the flames for so long. He takes me out, looks me over, and in I go again. Thankfully. Thankfully there will be more refining. The thought of being the same for the rest of my life turns my stomach. I invite it, Lord. Please, burn away all that isn't of You. As long as You are the One doing the work I know it can be trusted and I know it will be worth it.
P.S.
I'm very proud that I figured out how to put music on this. I don't love it because I can't read and listen at the same time. However, I felt like these songs were appropriate and maybe it will give you a taste of what I enjoy listening to. Jo...whenever I listen to Jennifer Knapp I think of you...playing your guitar in our little dorm room...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)