A Cup of Ramble

So, yesterday I was just sort of unsettled and wanted to look around at what everyone else's school rooms looked like. That's a super bad idea for me because I do not have a school room. I do not have a dining room, bonus room, laundry room...blah.blah.blah. I will say, that I love where we are. We are about central to everything and our little house has taught us a great deal. However, sometimes I just get the wants. I saw one picture where the family had a basement as their school room (I'd say most basements are bigger than our home!) and they had massive bookshelves and tables and chairs and supplies OH MY! I was frustrated, and then I saw these cute "nature shelves." They were simply CD towers that must have been wood and were painted green (a nice soothing green)and the children were able to store their treasures there. You know what treasures I'm talking about don't you? Sticks, rocks, shells, bits of string...stuff that belongs outside! There is one stick currently on a table by my door, and another piece of interesting wood on the porch, after I asked someone to get it out of my room. My kids would love that. So, I glanced around my house wondering where this could go and thought, "Yeah, right. One more thing." Then I considered the porch. AHA! We could build some little tables and the children can sort and do whatever they want with their treasures. I felt like a winner, and was reminded that God has always and will always have a spare corner for what we need. All that to say, when I was telling my Mom about it I said, "You know how my kids always have their pockets crammed with heaven." Wow. What else would I want them to cram their pockets with? If you aren't cramming your pockets full of heaven, do you know what you are cramming them full of? Hmmm. This world. This perishable, fallen world.

I consider my own pockets. The nooks and crannies of my home and my heart. What am I cramming them full of? I read an article recently that stated American homes are getting bigger, but our families are getting smaller. We are, essentially, replacing people with stuff. I wish I could remember the article because the author said that parents are essentially parenting stuff. That was hard to hear. Hard to consider. Am I cramming my house full of heaven or earth?

On those same lines we were reading from Joshua in our Chronological Bible (we are in March and we started last year) and Mike and I were so tired of hearing what clan got what land and on and on and on and...the kids listened so carefully. It was shocking. When I shut the Bible I said, "Why is this in here? What can we learn about God from all this?" We came up with the fact that God assigns land. There was always land enough for the people and even pastureland. So we talked about how this house, on this street...this is God's provision for us. Isn't that something that some long passages in Joshua about the allotment of land can speak to the dark secret places. Those places that wander around looking at what everyone else has.

Meanwhile, my children are cramming their pockets full of Heaven. Let me come to Him as one of them.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where theives cannot break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

So, today, Father, help me to empty my pockets so that I can cram them jam-packed full of Heaven. Amen

Need Anything?

Some friends of ours are currently in the process of adopting from China. There is a yardsale tomorrow and the proceeds will go towards the cost of the adoption. If you are in Augusta and want to support them...head on over there tomorrow morning!

HUGE Multi-family
Yard Sale and Bake Sale
at Queensborough National Bank in Evans by the Ford Dealership (on the SHADY side :)
7am - 1pm this Saturday 6/26


TONS of Baby and Toddler gear and clothes, train table, strollers, nursing pump, toys,
bikes, furniture, matching twin beds, desk, dresser, decor, pet accessories, tons of DVDs (good ones!), lots of books, and much more!
And last but not least....chocolate, fresh baked bread and other goodies! Lots of yummy baked goods!!!
All proceeds go to our adoption - getting our baby girl here from China!
(All those who want to pay by check can receive a tax deduction receipt through our partnership with Lifesong for Orphans).

So, as you tuck your little ones in, say a little prayer for this family, and so many others that are waiting on all of their children to be home!

I think I'm "flea" years old

"And den what are we gonna do? Are we gonna ride in our car or in Mrs. Kelli's car? Are you staying here? Then are we gonna take a baf? I'm hungry. Can I have a snack? Can I have some gum? Can I have it after my nap?"

This is Ella. Ella is beautiful and funny and a blessing. Ella is also "flea" years old. I suppose at some point I have diappointed her or let her down or something because she does not trust me. She follows me around asking what will come next and what will be after that. I don't know how many times I have looked into her sweet little face with her curls crazy on her head and said, "Ella, I am a good Mom. Would you PLEASE TRUST ME???" It makes me crazy. I have good things planned for her. I only think of what will be best for her, and yet she doesn't believe me. I have never left her, in fact, I don't even threaten that to my kids. I have never made her go without something that she needed. I have taken her to the ER when she needed a cast (maybe the fact that I was 2 days late bothered her). I can't figure out why we are having this problem. It's probably just immaturity. Hmmmm

"Lord, if we actually move forward with this decision what will we do next? What will happen if PE teachers are cut? What will we do after next year? If we spend our money like that will you provide more? What if I let the kids go and they aren't ready? What if I'm not good enough and everyone finds out? What if I do what you tell me to do and I look stupid and no one understands? Lord, what is next? Can I please just take a nap???"

"Ali, I am a good Father. Actually, let's visit my track record...I am a PERFECT Father. Every good and perfect gift has come from me. I did not spare my own Son, but gave Him up for you. Why would I not, along with Him graciously give you all things? Why wouldn't I give you wisdom to parent? Why wouldn't I give you grace for the journey? If I withhold a job, do you not think it is for your own good? If I withhold anything isn't it because I know more than you? Your needs will always be met because they have been met in Christ. There is nothing you need anymore. I have given you fullness in Christ. I have sent my Spirit. You are not alone. I will never leave you or forsake you. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I own the cattle on a thousand hills. Let the county go bankrupt...the state...the whole country...I am not bankrupt. You cannot and will not exhaust me. I never sleep nor slumber. I will not let the sun harm you by day or the moon at night. I rejoice over you with singing. You are my treasured possession. I could go on. Do you understand me, Ali? I love you. I have called you by name. You are mine. Rest in me. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. I will never ask you to do anything that I haven't done myself. So, yes, take a nap. I'll be up...singing...over you."

Amen? Amen.

Noah?

"This is such a buzz-kill."
"Seriously, how long does it take to tell people to bend over and kiss their *hiney* good-bye."

Lord, I think that's how I feel. The reality of this conversation sobered me a bit. I wasn't having this conversation, but the people sitting behind me at a mandatory safety meeting were.

Mike and I will celebrate our 10th (can you believe it) anniversary this July. This past weekend we went on a 3 day cruise with my folks who were celebrating my mother's (final) retirement. So, for those of you who have never cruised, you aren't required to do ANYTHING on a cruise other than what you want. EXCEPT for the mandatory meeting to go over what would happen should the ship begin to, well, go under.

These folks seemed nice enough. They were ready for a good time and not super pumped about this mandatory meeting. Their drinks were fresh and their party was getting started! To listen to them I thought, "You must not have children." I do want to see Jesus, I do, but the thought of dying and knowing I was leaving my children behind grieves me. I was totally paying attention. I wanted to know where my life jacket was, where the little light was on it so that someone could rescue me. Where I needed to meet to get on the lifeboat...I wanted the facts. I've seen Titanic...things happen!!! As these people mocked the demonstration my heart sort of sank for them, and those who have mocked other demonstrations before.

I thought of those who find Christ to be somewhat of a buzz-kill. He just comes in, demands their time and ruins all the fun. Such a party-pooper that Redeemer. I thought about the people who have given their lives that others would know, and how they were received...as foolish and unrealistic. To these folks sitting behind us the boat would NOT sink. They are NOT going to die. They are going to live and have fun and it's gonna be awesome. I know the Truth. I know that we do need to pay attention. We do need a Redeemer. I do need a life jacket because I'm on a sinking ship.

I thought about Noah and how he was declaring the coming wrath and warning the people for what, 150 years, that they should get a plan together. What kept him hammering one nail after the other? He believed. He knew God. He knew that whatever the rain looked and felt like when it fell, it wasn't going to be good.

So, I didn't share the gospel with these people. I did watch them at other times, though, to just see if they were still having a good time. It was good enough, I suppose. Perhaps a bit empty when the buzz did wear off...I don't know, I'm not them. I have been. I've had some super awesome times. Really, really fun. There was always a let down, though. Always a nagging feeling in my heart. Always a voice whispering that my ship was leaking, slowly, steadily.

I don't want to find Christ as a buzz kill. Sometimes I think maybe I do. When I'm convicted about music or movies or even TV shows that others aren't bothered by. I'm like, "Seriously, Lord, a little fun wouldn't kill me." Perhaps it would. That's such a painful realization. To believe that whatever I could find "fun" would be more fulfilling than anything that the Lord would have for me. Really? That's silly.

So, I'm not quite sure how to end this, only that for me, I want to be really living...robust and full...to let the watching world know that Christ is not a buzz kill. His boundaries bring life to my bones. He satisfies me in the morning with His unfailing love and because His love is better than life, my lips will praise Him. I want to want to forget what is behind and press on toward the goal, the prize that Christ has called me to. Oh, Father, grant me grace that I might do just that. Help me to listen to you with open ears and a quiet heart and rejoicing in the only One who can truly save me from my sinking ship. Amen

Writing on the tablet of their hearts.

Monday through Wednesday of this week I had the privilege of attending a Parent Practicum for Classical Conversations in Irmo, SC. I don't think I could begin to record what I walked away with, other than knowing that what we are doing is absolutely best for our family. I was taking notes and when I had filled up one page (it didn't take long)and turned to the next I saw Julia's sweet handwriting. She LOVES to write. I haven't taught her to write much, however. She can correctly spell Mommy, Daddy, Anson, Julia, Ella, May, and Wessner. She had written in my notebook and while she was just down the stairs and around some corners, it felt like she was right there. She's so sweet. Isn't that we are supposed to do? Write on the tablet of their hearts? Isn't that what God asked us to do? Have His word inscribed on our hearts?

Just today a dear friend who is on this journey with me, shared a story of how some KINDERGARTENERS wrote on their bathroom wall. Leaving their mark, I suppose. It's what we all long to do. Leave our mark. I think of the tradition of signing yearbooks, t-shirts, and if we're lucky our favorite artists will sign a CD for us. We are enamored with the written word. Why? How about John 1? In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. I believe that because God gave us His Word, both in text and in flesh, we are drawn to it out of a supernatural desire to know our Maker. You may think something else, that's just me. Back to Julia.

Seeing her sweet little words brought joy to my heart. What if they hadn't been sweet little words that she wrote on my paper? Would that have brought joy to my heart? I thought, "What words am I writing on her tablet?" When she is away from me, what words does she have? Are they my words or are they The Words?

What I know about the stage that my children are in, the grammar stage for those Classical Schoolers out there, is that they remember more than I can imagine! Am I writing anything worthwhile? Am I giving them anything wonderful to engrave on their hearts? I have to say that where I do, I don't ever want to feel comfortable or feel like they have "enough." I want them so full, so satiated, that one day they'll choose those words to write on those pages that are still blank. I pray that one day, when they go to Glory, The Father, The Word would see that on every page of the tablet of their heart, His Word is written. Not one single space for anything else. That excites me. May it be so.

The Little Big Things

I don't really feel as though I am sacrificing a ton by not having a job. Everything in my life is a bit "smaller" our house, budget, I can't think of much else. You see, God has continually impressed me with His willingness to grant those things to my family that I would have never asked for. There are things that we just don't "do." Although even as I type this I'm trying to think of HUGE examples of how we don't spend our money. Honestly, we do everything that we want to do. Several years ago we used Dave Ramsey's plan to crawl out of debt, and when we stopped eating crumbs off the floor, we sat up to the table and eat what satisfying foods that only Christ can offer. We don't go without. We choose to not do certain things, but we do not go without. Ever. Why do I say all this?

A few weeks ago my friend called with the exciting news that they had won tickets to see Mary Poppins at the Fox. This was exciting for both of us, although the show that we really want to see is the Little House Musical. We were, however, excited by the Lord's favor and I was excited for her. I love friendships where you are genuinely excited when the other receives wonderful gifts. So, she was set to go on Friday of that week. A few days later on a Thursday they discover that the tickets have "mistakenly" been made for Thursday, a night that was logistically impossible for their family. So, she was kind to the woman working with her, and finally asked if she could simply give the tickets away so that they would not be wasted. My friend did not kick and scream and complain about the inability for this woman to produce the correct tickets, and she called me. She said, "Hey, we've got these tickets and there is simply no way we can go. Do you guys want them? They are for tonight." YOU BET!!! I didn't even think about how we would pull it off. All I knew is that I LOVE the theatre and would make it happen. I called Mike and told him to come straight home from work because we had plans! It's was about 3:00. The show started at 8:00 and we live about 2-2 1/2 hours away.

I was babysitting and it worked out that the Mom could get the baby before we needed to leave, so after showers and bows and a whirlwind of excitement, off we went! The kids and I have never been to the Fox, so we had no idea of what to expect. I grew up (very fortunate) enjoying Broadway in New York City, I knew it would be awesome, but wasn't sure what the kids would think. I ended up watching two shows! I was watching the show and I was watching my kids watch the show. It was incredible! I couldn't even describe it to Kelli the next day. All I could say was that I'd need to see it several more times to really see all of the incredible things that were packed into the performance. It was a gift for the greatest Gift-Giver. Here is the best part...

The person that Kelli was working with was so sorry for the mix-up that she managed to get Kelli tickets for Friday night!!! They got to enjoy it as well!!! What a wonderful treat to know that they would enjoy the fabulous show as well. It was such fun for both of us.

So, all that to say that God is concerned about those little BIG things. Those things that aren't "spiritual" (but isn't it all?) that we simply enjoy. Those things that bring us delight. He is a good Father and enjoys watching us enjoy the show. That is exactly what we did, we enjoyed the show.

Alright...now I'm annoyed...I can't upload any pics right now...so I'll have to wait until Mike wakes from his Sunday slumber...sorry about that...but if I don't post this now....I might never!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I do love Mother's Day. I love how intentional everyone is to tell me what a great job I am doing. I love the handmade cards and sweet surprises that Mike comes up with (although with a cruise just around the corner, there may be just sweet...no surprise). I love feeling like I can sit back and have Mike do everything because it is, after all, Mother's Day. Then I don't feel lazy or guilty like I do on the other days (or like right now because he is folding the clothes that I just didn't...all week!). It feels good to be honored, doesn't it?
I wish I felt like half the mother they think I am. Amen?

I have been listening to the conversations that go on around me. I am in some of them, so I'm not really eaves-dropping, but I have found a theme. We are in a competition with an imaginary woman. I have noticed that when one person says that they saved doing whatever, another woman will share how she saved even more. Or, one person says that they did something organic and another woman did something even MORE organic. I do it too! When others see the sugary cereal on our shelves we say things like, "I don't normally buy that but..." I say, "I don't normally buy that, but I use it for a story snack." You know what else I use it for? EATING!!! It's got preservatives, additives, sugar, fake stuff that I cannot pronounce...but IT WAS ON SALE AND I HAD A COUPON...SO THERE! What else? Someone walks in and your house vomited while you were out and you say, "I am so sorry my house is a mess I ...." I usually say something like, "Please don't judge me, I just can't pull it together." That you might get if you are a close friend. I may come up with another better excuse if we are new friends. We have begun creating work for ourselves all in the name of saving or providing better options for our family. I think that we have good intentions. But may I be honest? Sometimes I just want to be better. Sometimes I make work for myself so that someone somewhere might think I'm a good Mom. I'm hoping that as the lady rings up all of my fruits and veggies she'll think I'm a good Mom, even if they aren't organic. I'm hoping that when my children sing The Ten Commandments in Marshall's, someone will hear and be amazed at what "I must be doing at home." I'm just being honest. It's foul, I know, but it's what happens when I am trying to earn the approval of man, rather than the approval of God.

God does not tell me in so many words that I should do x,y, and z and I'll be a good Mom. He gives me Biblical answers on how to train them to know and fear Him. He gives me wisdom to know how to direct their hearts and discipline them so that they may live long in the land that the Lord thy God giveth thee. (That's part of our song. :) ) He gives me principles that I can apply on how to keep my home and make it a place of Grace. The Grace being His end of the deal. The comparison robs me. Comparison makes me believe that doing what He has called me to do is not good enough. OR it causes me to cast judgement on those who aren't doing it my way, believing they must, somehow be wrong, even misled. Heaven help me!

The comparison monster is something I pray that God will deal with. It makes me make crazy decisions or paralyzes me with fear that I might not be good enough, or worse yet, they (meaning my children) won't either. We need to support one another. We need to pray for one another. This Motherhood thing is no joke. We need to be on the same team. Am I the only one who notices this? Let's do a little "lab session." I'll ask a few questions and you tell me how you feel about them. These are a few of the "biggies."

Do your children eat organic fruits and vegetables?
Do you bake your own bread?
Do you make your own laundry soap?
Is your child reading on grade level?
Is your game closet organized?
Is your laundry caught up?
Do you make every meal from scratch?
Do you save for college?
Is there a ring in your toilet?
Are your floors mopped?
Do you iron?
Do you use coupons?
Please do not misunderstand, these are GREAT things. However, they are NOT the main thing. Do you see how when you answer positively you feel awesome, but then if you answer negatively you feel condemned? Pretty sneaky trick of Satan, isn't it? Then we don't want to hang out with the Mom's that are "better" than us because they make us feel inadequate. We are looking at the wrong list. How about this.

Do you tell your children that you love them?
Do you ask for forgiveness when you sin against them?
Do you read the Bible with and to them?
Do you marvel with them when the sky turns pink like cotton candy?
Do you buy them their favorite things because you know that even though they have plenty, they will LOVE "just one more."
Do you lose sleep when they are sick?
Do you lose sleep when they are well?
Do you think they are the best thing going?
Do you thank Jesus for them?

We shouldn't compare at all, but if we are, let's align our lists and study the one that is eternal. Actually, let's study the One that is eternal. Let's do the good things, those that matter the most to us, but I've got to tell you, I'm not that organic, I rarely use coupons, I spend a good bit of money on store-bought bread and my laundry is more clean that it is folded. I cannot keep up. I give up. I'm crying uncle. I'm out. I cannot compare myself anymore. I just can't. There will always be someone that is better, neater, smarter, thinner, more clever, more crafty, more thrifty, more compassionate, more intentional...just plain MORE! Than I can ever be. So, here's what I am asking God to do for me. When those 3 blessings blast into my bedroom tomorrow morning with more joy on their faces than I will know what to do with, and when they look me dead in the face and tell me that I am the best in the world, I'm going to believe them. I'm going to overlook this house, the extra weight, all the falling short and believe that to them, and for them, because of Christ, I am the best Mom in the world...to Anson, Julia and Ella. You know what else I'm going to believe? I'm going to believe the same about you.

Happy Mother's Day.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith."