Thursday, December 23, 2010

Crooked Wreath

Too many blogs spoil my fun. We all have opinions and most of them are so good, and some of them are great, and some of them rub me the wrong way. Some of them make me feel better and some make me feel worse. However, nothing makes me feel worse, or better, than my crooked Advent Wreath.

Like so many other parents, I want our holidays to be meaningful and spent with purpose on the who and what of Christmas. We have an Advent wreath, a super book, a Jesse Tree and good intentions. There is something different, however, about this season. I am coming out of my first trimester. I have no sweet tooth (baking doesn't sound yummy), I'm pretty tired (I was napping like an infant for a few days...10 and 2!) I've also read too much of the opinions of others and not enough of the opinion of my Father. These turn into some joy stealing combinations. So, to my advent wreath. It's in the middle of the table. That's really hard for me because our table really is the hub of our home. It's breakfast, lunch, dinner (OK, we have eaten out a good bit, but normally it's all three meals) coloring, games, school, it's everything. Having something on it makes me nuts! However, there is really no better place for our wreath. So, it gets pushed around and sometimes demoted to a chair and then placed back into the center of the table where it belongs...reminding us all of what we are anticipating.

That's how I feel like I've been this Season. Jesus is the center, but He gets pushed around a bit. He's in the mix, but not quite center all the time, sometimes He is completely demoted, sometimes He's shining brightly. It's condemning a little bit. How can I say I love Him and would lay down everything, when spending time in His word is such a discipline? My heart is a liar. Then I am reminded by my crooked Advent wreath, that is exactly the point. I so need Jesus. More than ever it feels like. I'm so crooked and so broken without Him. I know pride is a disgusting as it is, if I can pull it together then I feel good about the fact that I'm on God's He's lucky to have me. It's times like these when my cracks and corners are exposed that I can barely look at His face without wanting to run the opposite direction out of complete embarrassment. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Does anyone else stink at being good?

Tonight I asked Mike if the kids have enjoyed our time off. He said that it's been good, but in my heart I know that I got robbed. I took my eyes off the prize. I lost the point...the house was too messy...I didn't stop. They may have enjoyed things, but I have struggled. So, I have a list...and it can wait. This is the first Christmas in a LONG time that my ENTIRE family (that's my siblings and my parents) will be together...I want my wreath straight.

So, to those homemakers out there that keep stinkin' it up like I do...there's a Savior for that. Those Moms who have a hard time accepting their kids' best effort when there is still crap in the corners of their room...there is a Savior for that. For those of us Crooked Advent Folks, that just want to know Jesus and struggle with our flesh...there is a Savior for that. O, Love that will not let me go! Are you so thankful that it is He holds us and not the opposite? Bind my wandering heart to thee!

I hope that as you look around at all the crooked in your house, in your life, in this will look with me into the face of the Savior who came to set it all straight. Not because we were good enough...but because He loved us so.

Merry Christmas to all...and to all...a straight wreath in a crooked world!