Friday, May 11, 2012

Mostly Dead

"It seems that your friend here is only mostly dead."  I love the Princess Bride.  Miracle Max makes this assessment of Westley after he has spent some time in the Pit of Despair.  I think for most of my Christian life I have been only "mostly dead."

That's weird isn't it?  Christians should be fully alive.  Hap-hap-happy all the time, right?  Well, yes, but there is one problem, we have to die first.  Even weirder, the Bible says that we were dead in our sins and that Christ brought us to life.  Hmmm  Certainly great blog material for someone way more skilled that myself.  Here's what I'm thinking.

Galatians 2:20 states
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Last night I was hanging out with Sweet Caroline while the rest of my family was enjoying an end of the year musical at my husband's school.  I have spent time in many lobbies while the rest of my family sat in their seats, enjoying the performance, but I haven't always been glad about it.  I realized the other night that I didn't mind.  Not only that, but I was thankful for the opportunity.  I thought, "I think I'm finally dead."  That's a funny thought probably to some of you.  But not to me.  Most of you know I became a Christian in college at the age of 19 and a very familiar phrase was, "Die to the vision."  We all had grandiose ideas of what we thought God could and should do in our lives, and more often than not we had to "die to the vision."  Mostly because our vision was poor. 

As I became a Mom I thought that I had to die to a lot of stuff.  Bikinis for sure!  Quick trips to the store for those last minute dinner items...or a dinner out without planning!  Movies...sleeping in....the list goes on and on!  I found myself getting frustrated regularly when things just didn't go my way.  A nap was missed, or someone woke the sleeping person.  Company stayed too long, or didn't come at all.  You name it. I couldn't take it.  I wasn't dead.  I still had my own agenda. I had my own ideas about my days.  I love Jesus.  He has kept me by His side since He called me to Himself, but I am a slow learner and have been dying a slow death.  My dreams for my house, for my children, for my spare time...they aren't mine. If I have been crucified with Christ...and He lives in me...I must surrender, "die to the vision."  Something amazing is happening though.  The more dead I become, the more alive I feel.  I'm not so quick to freak out when I hear someone stir early.  Or when someone doesn't eat, or eats too much or needs a bath...or a book...whatever it is.  God is orchestrating all of my days.  All of the days of my children as well.  I can sit down and stop conducting. I can rest...I can die.

So, I'm still working it out in my head and in my life.  But I think being "mostly dead" is where most of us live.  We put in our two cents, sigh, roll our eyes, and struggle to rest...forgetting that the LIFE is found in The Death.  Wow.  Where else does death mean life, but in Christ? 

So, this Mother's Day when I'm still "working" I'm going to dwell on dying.  I'm going to rejoice at the opportunity to lay down my life for someone else and take joy in celebrating the Life that God has given me.  How about you?  Have you spent any time in the "pit of despair?"  Are you, like Westley, only "mostly dead."  Or are you completely dead with the only Life coming from The Only Life?