Wednesday, March 24, 2010

That's Why!!!

This has been lingering in my brain for some time, and now that the house has fallen silent, I will attempt to get it out...a little something...

Ella is nuts. I struggle with how to relate to her, how to discipline her, how to talk to her. I love her crazy personality. She's hard. I feel like she is constantly getting hurt. Usually it's because she has either been impatient or she just plain doesn't trust me (or she just plain disobeys and gets hurt.) Lately I feel like it's ALL the time. I found myself saying the same thing over and over again, "Ella, that's why we don't __________." A few minutes later, "Why are you crying? Oh, Ella, that's why we don't _____________." Or "Stop, that's enough. If you would have listened to me you wouldn't have ___________." I finally realized what bitter words those were to my little 3 year old. Obviously she gets it at this point. When they bleed, they get it, right? I got it. I got how thankful I was that when I get hurt because I haven't trusted, or I've been impatient, or I have just plain disobeyed, the Lord doesn't say, "See, Ali, that's what happens when we don't wait until we're married." Or "Why are you crying? That's why we don't borrow money we can't pay back." Or "Stop, that's enough, I've answered you and I will not talk about this again."

I have surely received discipline from God. Discipline that I have needed, but it was so much more kind and gentle. It led me to repentance. It didn't embarrass me or shame me. It convicted me and changed me. So, I'm reconsidering my strategy for getting through to Ella. The, "See I told ya so!" Is just not cutting it. I suppose I'll have to pray for a little less me and a lot more Him!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Wow. There has been a lot going on in my little house. It looks like someone shook my house, turned it upside down, rolled it around, set it back up and shook it again. It's been NUTS. I told a friend today that I better get off the phone or we'd have to spend the night in a hotel! We've been spring cleaning, and that has made a mess. It's like you stir the pot and dirt and random pieces just surface. I don't mind the big things, it's once you get those put away all of the little "things." There is no word for them. They are just pieces and parts that are vital to something, but it just isn't together. Mercy. It's getting better, and I am pleased with the results, but it's been something. So, that's what has been going on. I just set the stage for this little message that my computer gave me that I said, "Yes and Amen" to. Here it is. This is probably a blogella...

I was searching for something today online. Now I can't even remember what it was. I found what I needed and at the bottom of the screen where it usually says, "Done" as in, "the page is fully loaded." It read, "Done, but with errors on page." That tickled me. I thought, "Yup, story of my life." I did it, but it didn't turn out the way I had anticipated. This whole cleaning thing. "Done, but with errors on the page." Everything. Everything. Everything. "Done, but a little screwy." I am one difficult person. I struggle with most everything. I'm a capable person, but sometimes I just think, "Why can't I get that right? It looked so pretty in my head." We bought our girls some new (Craigslist kind of new) furniture. I thought Julia would just love it and she did, until she had to put her clothes away. Then she said that she wanted the other stuff back. My heart sank. "Done, but your daughter doesn't love it." I was so sad. I don't want her to try to please me all the time, but I was disappointed by her disappointment. The laundry is washed and dried, but I would rather peruse the Internet and look at homeschool rooms than fold it, "Done, but only mostly." You know what, you wanna hear what keeps me whistling? Or at least keeps me from cussing? "My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." You know what Jesus said? He said, "It is finished." That's music to my ears. "Done." Done to perfection. Done to God's standard's. Done to set me free from the errors on my page.

Y'all sleep tight and when you start checking your list for all that has been finished I hope those words make you smile. Done. What's next? Live for Him. Done. (but with errors...Heaven help me!!!)

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Big Fat Ring

Many of you know I have girls. My girls laugh hard and cry hard! They love pretty things and all that glitters. I adore it. Yesterday we were driving around looking for some new furniture for the kids (can I say SPRING CLEANING!!!) and Julia asked me if I would like to wear her "beautiful" pink ring. I said sure and let her slip it on my finger as we headed into the store. I didn't really pay much attention to it until we were driving to the next store. As my hand turned the steering wheel it's lovely silver designs caught my eye and the pink was the perfect color against the silver. It really is a pretty ring! The SIZE of this thing is ridiculous! It's something you'd see on some Hollywood movie star. I had the funniest thought, "Wow, that makes my ring look pretty puny." WHAT!!! That's really not funny! Here is why:
My husband bought my ring for me as a complete surprise. He and his entire family picked it out and he would let no one else try it on until it was on my hand. I let my sister-in-law try it on when he wasn't looking! It's the perfect size for me. He is a P.E. teacher and did not have time (or money) to save. It was purchased out of God honoring love and a desire to have me on his arm (and nerves) for the rest of his natural life. It's real. It's mine. It's a symbol of the commitment of two folks to one another and God himself. It's NOT puny. Let's talk about ring #2...

It was purchased by my sister for Julia. It was $2.00. It is not real. It is too big. It was purchased for fun. It will be lost and found 400 times until the girls no longer care for it. It is disposable.

Hmmmm. Which is better? Mine of course! I did share this with my husband as soon as it hit me. I told him how ridiculous it was to even compare the two. One was fake and the other real. WHY WOULD I EVEN COMPARE??? Silly, I know, but I did it. I do it all the time. I did it last week when I was blog-surfing and found several ladies with a fancy blog with buttons and links and all sorts of fancy stuff. I have to call Kelli whenever I want to do anything "new and exciting" like add a picture! I'm not fancy. I'm just Ali. I just want to write, I don't want to design or maintain. Is that bad? Nope. It's not. It's silly is what it is. But, what about the deeper issues of comparison. When you see the outside of a marriage or a family and wish yours was like theirs. Careful, careful! What about yours? What about the real thing you are looking at? Everyone has a pretty face. We air our dirty laundry, sure, but if you think you know all my secrets you've got another thing coming! We all need Jesus. We all have fallen short of the glory of God. We ALL like sheep have wandered away. None of us are righteous. No. Not. One.

I continue to learn that as I compare I condemn. I condemn those who don't measure up to me and then I condemn myself for not measuring up to others. I don't want the pink ring. I want what I have. I want real, honest, and sincere. I think we all do. So, where it might be fun to wear the ring. I'll never take mine off for fear I'll lose it, or myself. God help me to keep my eyes on you. My standard is Christ and His death and resurrection is the only thing that keeps me from absolute destruction. I praise you for reminding me in "Ali ways" that comparison belittles that which is real and priceless.