Gaps...

"So, what's Santa going to bring you kids? Are you on the nice list? I bet that one is." The gentleman in Chick-fil-A waited until we finished our prayer to ask. The kids looked at me with huge grins and Anson mouthed, "You say it, Mom." I shook my head a few times and we continued to "entertain" this man's question. What did Anson want me to say? Well, let me say that we don't "do" Santa. It's not a huge deal, we have just decided that's not how we want to spend our energy or our conversations. There are so many other wonderful conversations to have this time of year, we just don't "do" it. This is the first year we outright told our children. In the past we've sort of raised our eyebrows and grinned, we weren't sure what we thought. We are sure now. We don't want to do it. So, I made up a little song of what they, in theory, could say when all of the well meaning people of this world stoop to their level and say, bright eyed, "What's Santa gonna bring ya." This is what we sing...IN OUR HOME..."I'm a dirty rotten sinner on the naughty list, but I'm gettin' a Savior for...Christmas!" So, today that's what Anson wanted me to respond. I couldn't. I was caught off guard, or was I? Perhaps I chickened out. I could have said, "Actually, sir, no. They are getting nothing from Santa. Their father works hard and we will give them good gifts just like our Father gave us One." That's good...why didn't I think of that? Now I have my line. So, I left convicted. I didn't have to share the "Four Spiritual Laws" I could have just been honest. I don't like it that we have to pretend for the sake of others. I think that even while I type this, I'm not going to. So, I feel like I chickened out in front of my kids. Rats. (Thank heaven that right now Andrew Peterson is singing Hosanna! Praise God!...I love Pandora)

Then we went to the grocery store because I had not sufficiently run my children to the end of themselves. We got all of our ingredients for the yummy things of the season and while we were checking out they asked if I would like to donate a dollar for the hungry. I'm not even sure what hungry that they were going to feed, but I said, with a scrunchy face, "No, thank you." Am I wretched or what? I hardly ever give to that sort of stuff. In my head I always think, "I'm a consistent tither. I support a little girl in Uganda and have for several years...just let me have my stinkin' stuff and not make me feel like a stanky person for saying, "No." I know it's just a dollar, but I have to come back here...then another dollar...when does it end? So, we were walking out and Anson said, "Why didn't we give a dollar to help the hungry?" "Uh, cause we help in other ways." I think he saw my gaps. In fact, I think he saw my gaps twice. I can't hide them. I'm with them all day long, I can't fake it forever! I think I need to follow-up that conversation soon with why I do or do not give to grocery store things. It's a good thing, I'm sure...I just always feel like crap if I don't give. Do you all give? What's your take on it? I'm in need of a Savior whether I give or not...and if my kids see my gaps, then they'll know that I need a Savior too. Then when it's time to worship, we'll worship together because we'll all know Him, because we all know each other and how much we need Him, it will be sweet.

So, I guess I'm glad that they see my gaps...if you are around me enough you'll see them too. You may feel better or worse, but if you'd like to meet me at the Cross, we can simply worship together.