Sunday, January 12, 2014

Faith: Lost and found

My poor husband really has his work cut out for him. I am virtually IMPOSSIBLE to surprise.  I love a surprise, I do, I don't seek to destroy his best efforts, but alas…every time!  Until this Christmas.  He pulled off a pretty sweet Christmas, but he had to have his mother purchase the gifts (so I wouldn't find out via the bank statement) and then had the items shipped to her house.  WHAT???  He knocked it out of the park.  No, not diamond studded earrings, but a Pampered Chef stoneware cupcake pan and the biggest surprise?  A "GOONIES Never Say Die" t-shirt.  I really could have burst into tears!  It was such a fun surprise.  Fourteen years earlier, only a few days prior to Christmas he gave me the GOONIES on VHS just a few minutes before slipping a diamond ring on my trembling 22 year old hand and asking if I'd journey with him.  So, it was really precious.  However, this post has to do with what he gave me for my birthday.

I am difficult to buy for (and like I said, impossible to surprise) so I usually have a running list of things that I would "like" that Mike can choose from.  At the top of my list this year was a mustard seed necklace.  I'm sure it was years ago when I first saw one, I may have even owned one, but I really love the imagery.  That really, faith only the size of a mustard seed and I can command mountains to jump into the lake?  So, when I accidentally checked our Amazon account and saw that it had shipped, I was heartbroken. I had done it again.  I ruined it.  So, should I pretend that I didn't know?  Should I act surprised and hope he doesn't catch on?  Well, I confessed and he grinned, knowing it was only a matter of time. I really don't try!  So, he let me have my gift early and I didn't take it off until one Sunday when I realized I had put another necklace on as well, and looked sort of A-Team Mr. T and neglected to put it back on.  Long story short, I went looking for it the other day.  I saw Julia's pretty locket dangling from her neck and remembered that I hadn't put my necklace back on.  Where did I put it?  I checked the pockets of my jewelry organizer thinking I had slipped it in one of the pockets.  Nothing.  I checked my window sill where things sometimes appear.  Nothing.  Dang it!  I made such a fuss over wanting it and then misplaced it so quickly.  And it is so small.  Where could it be?  What will I tell Mike?  UGH!  Why am I so irresponsible!!!

I suppose it's easy to misplace something so small.  As I was searching I thought of how quickly my faith really does disappear. I may be running strong and singing His praises and then my mind is wandering and I'm nearly crippled with fear that I may not be good enough for God or anyone else.  It doesn't take long before I am groping in the dark for something small, something small yet significant that can stop my knees from knocking and my heart from turning cold and unbelieving.  The mystery is something that almost frightens me.   He gives me the faith to believe, that alone is a gift, I can't muster the faith of a mustard seed, it's given to me.  Oh Wondrous Love is This O My Soul!

I did find my necklace.  I had very responsibly placed it in a jewelry box and upon finding it immediately fastened it around my neck, my reminder.  It's not huge, and it's not me.  Everything necessary for a life pleasing to the Lord is given to us from His very hand.  The courage to love strong and submit humbly.  The diligence to correct one more time, in love.  The faith to stare at those  mountains of fear and doubt and with a quivering teeny tiny faith command them  to take the plunge because they've got NOTHING on my Savior…THE Savior of the Universe.  It's just little, but it sure does accomplish big things.  Just like me when I am walking in the Truth,  very little, but in His power, able to accomplish big things.  What might those things be this week?  Lord, give me the eyes to see them, the courage to face them, and the faith to believe that I have victory over them.

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