Merry, Merry Christmas

So, we decided to do something a little different this year and send post cards with the link to the blog for our Christmas letter. We are having small problems getting out of town and the postcards don't have stamps yet, but here is the letter. So, you may get a postcard...who knows...but Merry Christmas from our house to yours!

Are all these yours?” She asked me with a strong accent in the parking lot of the grocery store. I looked around to find out where the question came from, smiled widely and replied, “Yes, they sure are!” “Ohh!” She squealed with delight, “You are so lucky!” I brimmed with joy and replied, “I sure am!”

Here in the Bible belt it’s sort of frowned upon to say that you are lucky. We all believe that every good thing that happens is a “blessing” from God. We aren’t in Vegas hoping for the best, we’re on earth, and receiving every good thing from an incredibly gracious God. May I, however, be honest here? I feel really stinkin’ lucky! I know that all that I have comes from God. I know that rain or shine He is giving me all things. I am aware of Him in my everyday and I am so very thankful, but the way I feel is simply, “Lucky.” You know the feeling when you put on those jeans from last year and you find a 10 dollar bill? Or that you buttoned those jeans from last year? You know that feeling? That’s how I feel.

When the angel appeared to Mary and gave her the biggest news ever, she waits a few months and then she visits her cousin Elizabeth and she bursts into song, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me-holy is His name.” Luke 1:46-49. She’s elated…thrilled…full…does she feel lucky? I won’t suppose to know, I just think the way she responded is powerful, challenging and I wish I could respond to everything with such astonishment.

I’ve not won the lottery, we haven’t struck black gold…Texas Tea, we’re barely coming out of this year ahead of when we started, but dang…I’m lucky…here are a few things, people rather, that make me feel lucky.

Mike. He’s teaching P.E. and walks through the door everyday glad to be here. I might be in my pj’s, dishes in the sink, but we’re happy and he’s glad to be back with the Team he loves. He loves to build things and chop things and grow things and I love watching how God made him to think and create. I’m one lucky woman!

Anson. That boy. He was 9 this year and his new favorite subject is Latin. He was wired to learn and I try as best I can to stoke his educational fires, and then when I can do no more…we’ll play a game…one that I can win!!! He’ll read practically anything, loves adventures in the woods and is a pretty good big brother.

Julia. Oh, Julia. She’s seven. Today she changed sweaters because the one she had on was too fancy. She has opinions about practically everything and without her two front teeth she’ll melt even the hardest heart. She is catching up on Anson academically and I can throw most any book at her and she’ll gladly read it. Recently she has really been enjoying the American Girl books. She and “Ell Bell” will disappear for hours playing with their dolls. She’s a treasure of a daughter.

Ella. Good grief is she ever nuts! She is 5 years old now! Our Sunday afternoon eatery is a little Mexican restaurant and we always eat outside. She loves to dance in the reflection of the doors completely unaware of the show she’s giving those dining inside! She’s a hoot! Her curls fall carelessly around her face giving her one of the most beautiful frames a face could have. She makes up her own words and I have just about given up on her ever speaking proper English. She “taked” a shower, “Maked” her bed and sometimes, she told my dad, “Sometimes her feet just be dirty!” I wish I could say someone else was teaching her…but it’s me!!! Oh mercy!!!

Our newest addition is Sweet Caroline. She made her way into our hearts way before she made her way into the world. She arrived on June 17th around 1:30. She was one of our bigger babies at 9 pounds 10 ounces and she has us all twitterpated and feeling rather lucky. She can barely see anything because there is almost always someone in her face. I hear, “May I pick her up? May I hold her? It was my turn!” Several times each day and for that I am grateful and usually only mildly annoyed. She laughs, drools and screams…you know, the normal baby stuff. She’s super!

Me? Well, it’s business as usual I suppose. I continue to learn more and more each year and I’m thankful for that. I won’t say that my days are easy as pie and that every day is dreamy. I choose joy a good bit, and when I don’t, I have 4 people reminding me that I should. We read a lot, sing a lot, eat lunch with Grandma, just sort of roll easy. I enjoy a good book, long walks on the beach and dinner served on fine china. I will, however, settle for the book, a quick trip to the beach and dinner on chinette!
I know some years are harder than others. I know that people are sick, and leave us for their heavenly home. I know money is short and months are long. I know that, and I get that, but I hope that there are some things that make you think, “Dang, I’m lucky.” Then, like Mary I pray that we will all burst into a song that glorifies the Lord.

One lucky duck,
Ali

One Big Disappointment?

"A baby? You sent a baby? We've been oppressed for hundreds of years and we are now under the rule of the cruelest yet and you send us a king with a diaper?" Can you imagine? They were waiting on someone to come and obliterate their enemies. Someone that would show up and show off. Put the Romans in their place and show them that the Jewish people were not to be messed with...they had a King. But, alas, a baby. He couldn't make decrees, order armies, or conquer the enemy. Just a big disappointment. Then you look closer.

"It's not just any baby. It's mine. It's my only Son. Not only that, it's Me. I left my throne, put on your filthy diseased flesh and laid myself in a dirty feed trough. Just to know you better. Just to know you and to rescue you from that filthy diseased flesh and pull you out of your dirty feed trough of a life."

Just not the plan of people was it? We have the wonderful gift of the entire picture. We have, in black and white, the Old and New Testament. The big picture bound in bonded leather sitting on our tables. What did they have? Enemies, big ones. Hopes of a King coming in with bulging biceps and wielding a powerful sword crushing everyone but His own. Instead...a baby.

I love the plan. John says that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word WAS God and that it, the Word, came a dwelt among Men...in the darkness. The light came into the darkness...pierced it like a sword. There He was in order to feel the wind, and the sting of the murderous threats, to throw tables and calm seas. To walk the dirt, experience hunger and fatigue and He even wept. Then it came time for Him to lay that bruised body down, spread those calloused hands wide and breathe this wretched air once more. Then, oh blessed rest of the story! He defeats the death that has been threatening since that devastating day in the garden when man chose himself. He beats it down, chases it to hell and leaves it in the dank and dark depths to never haunt His people again. He handled the enemy all right. Once and for all He took care of the enemy. Thank you Jesus!

A baby. I have a baby now and she has to eat and sleep and be changed and carried and one day she'll hear the wonderful story of the baby that now is our bread, our rest, the One who changes us and carries us. The One who sits at the right hand of our Father and pleads for us with those scarred hands. He knows our journey. He knows how it smells here. He knows how it feels. He knows joy and sorrow and He knows how tight this flesh can feel sometimes. All because He came as a baby. A King. The Promise. The Savior. Our Redeemer and Comforter. Our Emmanuel...God with us.

I love His plan.

For those of you interested...

So, a little bit of background on me...I am NOSEY!!! I love to read the blogs of folks I don't know and look at their pictures and enjoy their stories. I have even read the posts that give a random glimpse into a day in their life. So, I thought I would share a little snapshot for you.

When people find out we homeschool (I don't keep it a secret, just when it leaks out) they almost always say, "Oh, I could never do that!" Now, you might think after spending time with my children academically that all we do is school...however, get my kids in another setting and you'll hear the practical jokes, the songs, dances and desserts that we enjoy all day long. So, for those of you that don't have a minute, go read something inspirational...come back to this some other time, but for those of you waiting on the laundry to dry or something like that...this will kill a few minutes. So, welcome to a day in the life of Team Wessner.

I rouse around 6:00. Mike hits the snooze several times, so it's not until 6:53 that I actually get up. I usually have to sit up and then lay down again before I get started. Some of you may remember that we eat our big dinner meal in the morning so I had to get up to get our taco salad started. My Caroline slept through the night and I was grateful, but ready to feed her...know what I mean? So, I wander into the kitchen, discovering that my crap fairies have disappeared and everything that was out when I went to bed is still out. Oh, well...such is the life. So, start breakfast...greet Miss Ella, she's always the first one up. She snuggled up to read some books. Got everything out and on the table, Mike woke the other 2 kids up and then Miss Caroline popped her little head up...she must of heard I was about to sit down to eat my breakfast. So, I grabbed her up and fed her whilst the rest of my family ate. Fortunately for me, I am the little old lady that lives in a shoe with my many children and I could still be with them because our living room and dining room are really the same room. We listened to Proverbs on the Listener's Bible and then Mike headed off to work.

So, now it's just me. In my jambos (that's what we call pajamas...but it means hello in an African language. So, when folks see me in my jambos I'm like, "Hello!") I just wanted to point out that I wasn't up and dressed with makeup and shoes by 7:00. Sometimes I am, but my super powers wane. Caroline was happy now with a full belly, so I decided I should eat. It was delicious. I love waking up to a yummy meal. Although I know some of you think it would be super gross. It's super not! So she chilled in her saucer and played with Ella while I ate. Anson and Julia are, at this point, hoping I don't notice them curled up with some of their new library books. They are the luckiest kids! My belly was now full and I felt as though I could start the day. So, I remembered that my sweet little baby hadn't been bathed in an unmentionable amount of time, so I decided to give her a bath. The bathroom is messy...dang it! I scrubbed her up and got her in some clean britches and she was ready to go back to bed. Oh to be 4 months old!!!

Once Caroline was back in bed Ella thought it would be fun to take a bath. The only problem was that the hot water was tired of coming out, so it sent the cold water and Ella was so not digging it. I finally got her calmed down and explained she would simply have to wait. It's 8:30 and I had turned on GMA while I was getting Caroline dressed and Anson wandered into my room (where the TV and Caroline are stored) and wanted to see the Extreme Makeover thing. He got under my covers and looked so cozy that once I left the room I left him there with the bedside table light on and his book. The TV was off.

Now was the perfect time to snuggle up with my Ella to read some of our new library books. We went to the library yesterday and maxed out my card (you can have 50 books) and now we are gobbling up our new treasures! We read 3 books while Julia read her new Molly book (American Girl) and then Ella decided that the tub was probably ready.

So, she jumped in the tub and I thought that now would be a great time to work with my older kids on their Bible studies. We use the Kay Arthur and Janna Arndt Inductive Bible Studies for Kids. They require some work, but we've been studying the Bible with them for 4 years. Anson is studying Joseph, Isaac and someone else...it's Genesis and Julia just started with Esther. Anson works on his own and I am teaching Julia. Today when we were finished we googled some of the stones and marble that is mentioned in chapter 1 of Esther to find out how lavish King Ahasuerus' banquet really was. It WAS!!! So, we finished up with those (I set the timer for 25 minutes because sometimes they can take much longer...we don't try to get a full lesson finished, we just work until our time is up.) Let me interject something here...I have to fight my flesh to make this a priority. It is hard to say, "We are doing this first." I have to fight the desire to get the "real" stuff done and then do Bible. The Bible is the "real" stuff and if we don't have the mind of Christ, none of the other stuff will make sense. He holds all things together. So, the timer beeped...Ella is out of the tub and now Julia wants to get in.

I just realized that this might be my window for bathing and told Julia to go easy on the hot water because I was going to scub a dub dub right quick. I wrote Anson's list on the white board (the small board that is stored in between my computer armoire and small chest freezer...awesome, I know) It read, "Thank you notes:3, Copywork: History, Geography: trace new states and practice drawing the US freehand Math: 15's and there was one more thing...what was it? Oh, Math worksheets. We are working on mastering the basics. Anson is mastering multiplication and Julia is mastering addition. A simple thing that will reap huge rewards! So, I hopped in my luke warm shower thinking of my cousin in Cameroon and trying not to complain. Oh, Caroline was stirring, this had to be quick. So, Julia is in her tub, Anson is at the table and Ella is cleaning her room. I got dressed and it was time for Caroline to eat again. I would like to mention that my breakfast dishes were still on teh counter and the laundry was not yet sorted on the kitchen floor...I'm so efficient that my kitchen doubles as my laundry room. I know, right?

So, I let the baby yell at me while I was drying my hair and then brought her out to feed her. Anson was working steadily on his thank you notes and Julia was soaking. I reminded Julia she did have some work to do. Anson doesn't have to do Language when he's writing thank you notes. It's a rule I have for not making myself crazy. I want thank you notes done right, so I make time. While I was feeding Caroline I called out Anson's spelling words (Sequential Spelling and we usually do it out loud). I reminded Julia again that she should get out of the tub. It's about
10:45. Let me think. Finished feeding Caroline and went to check out Ella's room. Not quite sure what she did other than move some piles, but she wasn't asked to do it and she was thrilled...so I put on my happy face. What's next?

I think I started the laundry at this point and checked Anson's math. Still haven't touched the dishes. Got Julia going on her list and realized that she has a crummy attitude. She says that everything is taking too long...I remind her of her bath. She and I work on her First Language Lessons while Ella and Caroline played. Now it's approaching lunch time and Anson has Latin at 1:30, I better get a move on. Caroline is ready to go back to bed at 12:00 so I know we aren't going to leave early to meet friends at the park. I give Kelli a call to let her know I'll pick Jackson up and drop my older girls off with her at the new park. Julia is left to finish her language while I start lunch. We have assorted sandwiches, some pineapples with brown sugar and crackers. I am somewhat of a short order cook at lunch time. I think everyone should enjoy lunch especially because I don't enjoy making it. So, I make a special effort to make it delicious. I toast em' broil em' and put them on the waffle iron (it's like a panini). So, all of our school work is shoved to the center of the table while we eat. I eat standing up today (this is uncommon) because my sandwich was still being waffle makered and I was finally working on the breakfast dishes. I sat down for a minute while Julia was finishing her copy work and had to discuss her heart...again. She misjudged how much room she would need for her work and would need to do it over in order for it to be done correctly. Sorry. You need to repent of your attitude and choose joy.

Move the laundry over and load the dishwasher. Let the kids know we have to leave before too long. Anson walked the dog and I did the girls hair. The laundry is simply sitting in baskets in my "laundry room" and I look forward to folding it tonight while I watch Modern Family. We got everything put away, well, mostly, as I look around I still see a copywork book and some Latin not to mention wooden beads and our new Slugs and Bugs CD. So, we head out the door. We pick up our neighbor (how crazy that our neighbor goes to Latin too?) Today we didn't take the other Latin student, but his sister for her Math tutoring. She's super sweet.

Dropped by the park to pick up Jackson and unload my girls and then dropped the 3 off where they needed to be. Now, back to the park. It's a nice new park, so there are many friends there. It's still upper eighties here, so it was a nice day to be there. I got Caroline fed...again...and then got to catch up with an old friend that I haven't seen a while. It was a real treat. Kelli left to get the folks at Latin/Math and now they are back and playing. I really needed to get home...but it was NICE! We finally left around 3:30 and I stopped for a Coke (a guilty pleasure). So, got home, changed little Miss Caroline, laid her down and the other kids could read quietly since it was too late for them to actually sleep. Julia is so sweet she read many books to Ella and Anson finished two of his. I don't think either one of them was Where the Red Fern Grows which is what he is to be finishing. Oh, the laundry...I moved it and I'm sad that I didn't wash diapers today because it was a great day to hang the diapers. But, the whole hot water thing threw that idea. It will be sunny again...I'm certain of it.

So, I sat here and spent an hour typing my day. The kids are now outside playing in our awesome swing and whatever else they can come up with in our backyard. I did send Ella to her room for yelling at her sister while typing this...just told Julia not to hog the jumprope while going to the bathroom. Do you really need a jumprope in the bathroom or are you simply trying to keep it from your sister? No, Ella, no popsicles. I missed the times that I checked my e-mail, snacked on something yummy or sat watching the kids. We didn't look up the Dred Scott Decision, Compromise of 1850 or the Fugitive Slave Act to learn more about our history sentence. Julia didn't get to her geography or spelling and Ella didn't get her reading lesson. Not today. I can do it all...on different days! So, it's 5:00 and Mike should be home soon. He stopped by the PeachMac store for an IPad for work. Hmmm and should be home soon. Maybe we'll go ride bikes, or play outside and then we'll finish off the day with Daddy reading the next chapter in Little Britches and the kids coloring their giant Halloween coloring book. Once they are in bed I'll pack lunches for tomorrow for our field trip to see Cinderella put on by Storyland theatre. I might get the laundry folded, but probably not put away. Oh, and I did vacuum the bathroom floor, but it was wet, so I just used a towel and "mopped" it instead.

So, what do you think? It's totally possible for anyone to do what I do. You just have to know yourself, know your kids and be willing to enjoy your days rather than enjoy checking off a list of things to get done. Some folks do a lot more than me. Some do a lot less. I did stop asking, though, cause I'm just gonna do what I can do. I plan on home-educating until the kids leave, so I need to pace myself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Thanks for reading...now, go enjoy something!!!

Born Again.and again.and again.and again.

No, I only asked Jesus into my heart once, I know I don't need to be born many times! This is the last day of birthday season for us. Well, there is one more birthday in November, but as far as the kids go...today was the last day. Today Ella turned five. She got to get her ears pierced and was a little nervous that she might not be five tomorrow. She is too funny. This morning we didn't have to pack lunches for co-op, so we had some time. I found the DVD from her first birthday and also a disc Mike made of pictures of her birth. I looked at myself in those pictures and as unselfishly as possible I thought, "That day was about me, too." I was born again. With each child something new births in me. I am not the same. The minute they show me that little person I become someone new. I have to change to accomodate the new role. I have to bend to my new responsibilities. I become a little more who God made me to be. For example:

Anson: I became a scheduler. I LOVE to fly by the seat of my pants, but I became the nap nazi with my little man. I wanted to be sure that he slept and ate and "waked" when he was supposed to...and he did! My joy was intensified with every new day. He was happy and compliant and smart! Not to mention a good lookin' boy. I became a Mom with Anson. I began learning about small pieces and taking temperatures and getting up from a dead sleep to make sure that all was well. I watched Three's Company in the middle of the night and mourned when John Ritter died because he had become a friend to me during those late night feedings. I became convinced that I could not balance working outside of our home and became convinced that I was made to be a wife and a mother. I was in love.

Julia: I became a task master. I always had to be just a little bit ahead of those two. I needed to have lunch ready before they were and get them to nap before we all fell to pieces. I became more feminine than I realized. I figured out how to make bows and I made them...a lot of them! She got sick with a nasty bone infection and I became an advocate for my children. I realized that no one is going to speak up for them but me. I became a little crazy. My anger emerged and I realized I scream. I became the woman that I had judged for so long. Anson didn't prepare me for tantrums. I became normal.

Ella: I became rather busy. I learned how to cram many people into my lap to read books and realized that bed-time was for everyone. I realized that I need Jesus to control my temper and that little girls with curly hair are nuts!!! I became a Mom that had to start thinking for others and spreading my time a little bit. I had to start deciding what was the best way to spend my time because I didn't have very much of it anymore. I became submerged in my world of Mom. Parks and playdates and libraries oh my! I loved it...and struggled at the same time. I began wishing for the "easy" days that I was sure were before me. I longed to sleep until my body woke me up and struggled sharing myself. I learned that Jesus is the only way and that when my children see me ask for forgiveness they begin to understand that Jesus is for everyone. I became a discipler.

Caroline: I became thankful. I welcome the mess and the night feedings, the tantrums (we don't have those yet which is why I can say bring it on...my memory fails me a bit). I became aware of how fleeting this life really is and that I do have time to watch my baby smile and talk and even wash diapers. I have time right now. This is the only time I have and I want to wring it out and relish every dirty, stinking, wonderful minute of this 24/7 job. I think that I am becoming a mother. Slowly. One person at a time. God is shaping and molding me more and more into a Mom. Yup. I'm just plain thankful.

With each child I feel as though my emotions are intensified a bit more. My joy, my anger, my fear, my contentment. Good or bad I feel more intensely. I love them and hate sin which threatens them on a daily basis. It's bizarre how they have changed me. Or maybe they haven't changed me. Perhaps they have developed me. They have been used by God to mold me more and more into who I was really already. The person that I was molded to be. With His help and for His glory I pray that I fully become Alison Wessner. I hope these kids like what they have helped create!!! :)

Note: The pictures are NOT in order. From top to bottom they are Caroline, Ella, Julia and then Anson. I didn't have a picture of Anson with me in the hospital. They were on another site that dropped them in a dark hole somewhere in the cyber world. Hmmmm

Her Last Two Dollars.

"Mom, how do you spell 'dear'?" She was spread out on the floor in front of me with her pencil and paper in hand. I was feeding the baby and really didn't want to dictate and talk about which side the stick goes on or why the eraser doesn't work.
"Ella, honey, if you want to write a letter bring me a piece of paper and I'll write it and you can copy it." So, I wrote the letter one handedly. It was sweet. We had a surprise guest this last weekend and she had given him some of her special rocks and he accidentally forgot them. She wanted to send them to him.

The special guest was my dad, Pop. He flew down to celebrate Julia's birthday and we were thrilled to have his company. Especially Ella. She loves him. So she gave him some of her favorite rocks.

She was folding up her letter, retrieving the envelope, just getting her little letter all ready and then she asked where her wallet was. I never know where their things are and I didn't ask what she needed it for when suddenly she was back at my side with the letter in hand. "Write, you each get a dollar." Her curls are crazy lovely falling around her face and I swear her eyes know how to smile. She was enclosing 2 dollars. One for Pop, and one for GramPam. I really could have cried. She's saving for an American Girl Doll (I hope she still digs them when she's 18 because that's how long it will take her) but her last two dollars were lovingly slipped into an envelope with a bunch of rocks.

I saw it. Right then I saw it. I've understood the principle, but I don't think I've seen it as purely as I did just then. My father doesn't need her dollar. I mean, he's the guy that actually puts dollar bills into tip jars at restaurants that don't serve. Pam doesn't need the dollar either. They have what they need and Ella's dollar isn't going to enable them to do more or see more or have more. They are capable of meeting their own needs. They will, however, be humbled at her love offering. That's really what it was...a love offering. It was a, "Hey, I have this and it's the most important thing to me...so I'm giving it to you because I love you more."

The verse that flipped in my mind what, "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands." Acts 17:24. The Lord doesn't need my money. He doesn't need my stuff. Another verse that just came to mind while sitting here was from Isaiah, " I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, 10 for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. 11 I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine. 12 If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it." It's a love offering. It's me as a little girl looking around and saying, "What do I love? That's what I'll give."

I struggle to give over what we have set aside to give. I battle with committing to "pledges" and things of that nature. Ella didn't think twice. It never crossed her mind that she'd be set back a bit. Her face said it all. She was glad to give it, thrilled to give.

Whew, that girl continues to teach me a ton.

Lord, make me a beautiful giver. One who doesn't count the cost, but only the joy there is in giving.

Hard, but good?

It was almost a joke how we would respond to questions in college. There were many of us that made some pretty tough choices after coming to know the Lord. Tough. We responded that things were, "Hard, but good." Funny...how is that, really? I think it's still true. If you were to ask me how things are lately that may be how I answer you, "Hard, but good."

I've been walking with Jesus since January 16, 1997. I've never wandered too far from Him although there have been times when we're more like church friends than best friends. We just get cozy. We moved into this house over 6 years ago to get out of debt. We have remained debt free (except for our house) ever since. We have also grown as a family ever since. Our house is a great size...for another family. I finally admitted that we are too big for our home and have come to terms with that. I was finally able to put words to my battle. It was the battle of abundance. I couldn't reconcile my abundance when I knew that there were many who had so much less. I knew people were raising larger families in smaller spaces and some women on the other side of the world were walking away from their dying babies because there was no water...and we dump water out of our swimming pool every couple of days because it's "dirty." My response was to feel guilty for what we had. I have found that route only brings condemnation. I realized the real way to reconcile abundance is through gratitude. I must give thanks or it is all wasted. I must praise the Giver of my gifts or it is all for nought. So, we are selling our house. So, we are cleaning out our house...and schooling and having our regular life swirling around us. Soccer, playdates, lunch, naps, books...boxes, boxes, boxes. Hard, but good. Hard in that I have trusted in our smaller mortgage to keep us above water. I haven't trusted the One who walks on water. I have believed that our needs would be met because we were living within our means, not because God gave us our means to live within. I'm nervous. I'm thrilled. If this house sells it will be because He sold it. I'm looking for Him again and you know what...I'm finding Him. We sell our selves short when we settle in to our status quo. We provide for ourselves and suddenly He becomes a super friend that got us out of that eternal bind we were in. When we sit back and settle in we stop looking for the Divine encounters that He plans for us on a daily basis. How every plan that is changed and every day that is rearranged is done because He is sovereign. Hard...but good.

How is homeschooling? "Hard, but good." Do you know what an "antecedent" is? Do you even know if I spelled it correctly? I sure don't. I'm hoping we'll need this information. (Let me just interrupt here and say that I am babysitting my sister's bulldog and she is scaring the crap out of me because it's 1:30 in the morning and she is snoring like a grown man...CREEPY) Ella is sort of wandering around bored (yeah, I said it) and I'm still adjusting to having two real schoolers. Did I mention boxes? It's good because when I freak out because my super smart son doesn't know how to load the dishwasher, I can ask him for forgiveness and he smiles at me and grants it. It's hard because somedays I would rather just do what I want to do and that includes, but is not limited to...laying in bed and staring out my window, watching daytime T.V., wandering around Target and reading a book while eating a meal someplace. I don't like coffee, but Starbucks looks like one of the coolest places ever. Probably not with kids, though. I am having to lay down my life for these kids. Wait, no...I GET to lay down my life for these kids. They are messy and a little lazy...they leave panties on the floor and jelly on the counter. They don't move fast enough and they are starting to smell like they need a shower in the mornin' and the evenin'. Hard, but good.

How is my walk with Jesus? Hard, but good. I struggle to see clearly. I struggle to walk in the Spirit and not in my flesh. It is really hard for me to believe, on some days, that He is able. Good...I know that His promises are true and that He CANNOT leave me or forsake me. I know that even though Ruby is scaring the fool out of me, my Savior, the One who watches over Israel, will neither slumber nor sleep. He knows that I am scared about moving, and wildly excited about a bigger kitchen. He knows my needs and will NOT give me what is going to hurt me. I suppose the real answer should be that I am hard...I am difficult. I don't listen carefully and make suggestions to the God of the Universe. Yes, I am tough...but He, Oh man, He is good.

Yes, the pics don't go with the post...just showing off a bit of the good! She's 2 1/2 months old now!!!

It's all broken!!!

It started with hearing little feet pattering around prematurely. If the sun isn't up, why are they? I always get ready for dealing with a cranky person when that happens, well, 2 cranky people including myself! Then I tried to turn the stinkin' light on in the living room and the chain was over extended, and wouldn't turn the light on. The floor was littered with the stuff of life and folks weren't fired up about chili for breakfast. "Durn it Mike! Would you please fix that chain? I shouldn't have to pull a kitchen chair in here everytime I want to turn the light on! It's making me crazy." His response irritates me further, "Ali, it's not broken. It just doesn't work properly." Hmmm. Really? It just doesn't work properly? "Yeah, Mike, another word for that is...BROKEN!!!" He continues to argue (which is rather unlike him) that the light isn't broken, it simply malfunctions from time to time. "Call it what you want, Babe, it's broken to me and it's making me nuts."

It was then time to sit down to breakfast (y'all know we eat "dinner" food in the morning which is why it was chili) and read the Bible and pray for our kids and show them what it's like to put Jesus first and I just wanted to go back to bed. I bowed to pray, mostly because I wanted to get on with the torture of making people eat that which they do not, and said, "Lord, I say I'm frustrated, but what I really am is broken. Please help us, heal us...fix us I pray that we wouldn't make up excuses masking what is really wrong. Please. Amen."

We make excuses for practically everything. If my kids are cranky they are "tired" if they are snatchy they are "struggling with sharing" if they are lippy they are "trying to communicate" when really all of us are broken. Now, nothing is ever a perfect analogy...on our own we are a broken mess. I do have Christ's righteousness rather than my sin when it comes down to it, but in this world, in this life, before glory...I malfunction from time to time. I get angry and say things like, "What is wrong with your English that when I say, 'Get into the van' you 3 stand around chatting on the porch?" I say it loud and ugly and then look around to see if any of my neighbors heard me. I choose to check e-mail rather than read a book to the children begging for my attention. I get frustrated when lights malfunction and when children are "tired" and when my husband is late. We can call it whatever fancy word we can think of. We can make up excuses until we are blue in the face, but this world got a crack in it when the father of lies whispered seductively into the ears of our first parents, that "God didn't really say that."

He's working though. All of creation knows that it's coming. The reckoning. The day when it's all set right for good and forever and there are no more malfunctions. No more "Will you forgive me?" No more guilty consciences and shame. We have the hope now. We hope for that day. We have peace from God for sure. I know that I have been justified by grace through faith and that I will stand before a Holy God and not be consumed because of the work that Jesus did in His life and on that cross. I do, however, live in a world that is broken. I'm going to call it what it is and then look to my Savior to help me get from here to there with joy!

P.S.
The picture is somewhat unrelated, we wanted our family in PA to see Anson and Mike at the game. But, these are the best broken boys I've got!!!