Sunday, July 13, 2008
This is real, this is me
This may not be a spiritual post. So, if you need spiritual...check John! I'm teasing...this has been a super tough week for me, for many reasons. I have not really had the desire to do much around the house and my heart has just plain been heavy. Today we had one of our favorite "Teams" over (if she had a blog I would link her name to her blog since I know how to do that now) and then we just sort of laid around. So, once the children were in bed I settled down with the leftover dip (Thanks Christine...it was dinner!) and the remote control. I told you it wouldn't be spiritual...how can I be spiritual and watch my T.V.???
First I started with House Hunters. I love that show. However, it aggravates me a little bit. These people are currently living in about 550 square feet and are looking at homes that are at minimum 2,000 and they complain about the light fixtures. HELLO!!! You can all fit in the kitchen and you can't brush your teeth and pee at the same time! I'd be saying, "Where do I sign?" It just cracks me up. Tonight they were like, "Yeah, these counter tops will have to go. They aren't really our style. We'd replace them with granite." The kitchen had already been remodeled! I know, it's their own preference, it's just interesting to watch. I wonder what I would look like if someone filmed me walking around looking at homes? I wonder if you'd be able to tell where my priorities are? Do I want a huge tub to be alone in a tiled bathroom or do I want a cozy library with big huge chairs and walls LINED with books for us to eat up like chocolate truffles. Would I care what the light fixtures looked like? Probably not. I'm typically not a detail person. I would care about a guest room for our family that is out of town and a library. That's just me. Then I flipped to the Disney Channel because I was interested in "Camp Rock."
Alright...dirty little secret...I LOVE Disney Channel Original movies. I don't know why! I've tried to put my finger on it. I do not share them with my children, I do not watch them to keep up on "culture." Bottom line...I like them. I heard the Jonas Brothers the other morning on GMA and couldn't understand them and I do not like their jeans. I just don't like a guy in skinny jeans. This movie, like all teenage movies is about some kids with a dream, a girl who doesn't want anyone but herself to achieve it and the underdog who succeeds for the first time EVER! Maybe I like them because they are predictable. I know that in the end I'm going to feel good. I'm not going to think...I'm just going to giggle a bit.
I wouldn't redo much of my life. I don't mean that in a terrible way, I just mean that I feel like my life just gets better. There isn't any particular time that I would prefer. Watching these kids just makes me think about the time when I had a flat belly and perky...well, my body was different. I think about how awkward certain years were...certain phases. It's tough growing. It's even tougher when you just aren't too sure where you fit in. I struggled a little bit with that. I had super friends (still do...Hi guys!) and a typical (I think) high school experience. Well, not Disney typical. We didn't usually bust out into song at the basketball games or cafeteria. It was just plain pizza and the occasional fight.
In the movie the main guy is looking for this certain girl that he only heard at the beginning of the movie. She inspired him and made him want to sing...or had his notes...whatever. Well, the song that he heard her sing was, "This is real, this is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be..." She spent her entire summer lying about her mom (who worked in the cafeteria so that she could attend camp...so Disney) and was found out (also Disney) and then busted out at the end with her song. Of course the boy (a Jonas...whatever)heard her, they completed the song. I loved it. So there.
So, there I lay on my couch in my wee little house. My pajama bottoms that I've had since my second baby, my jiggly belly, a VBS t-shirt from SonTreasure Island and I should mention that both my shirt and pants have various paint colors on them from our many painting fiascoes. My hair is pulled back in Julia's silver glitter headband and I'm wearing my husbands socks. I love that song. This is REAL, this is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I'm a wife to a P.E. teacher who is my favorite person to be with. I'm a mother to 3 spectacular children. I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend. I'm a child of God. I am an absolute mess some days, and I'm capable of pulling you out of your mess on others. Oh well. What I take in some days from either the television or the jaded blips I get of someone else's life...that's not my real. This is real. This is me. This is my portion. These are my boundary lines that have been drawn for me. This isn't only where I'm supposed to be, this is where I want to be...I choose to be.
"Whom have I in heaven but you and earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6
I pray that wherever you are today, you will find the courage to admit and enjoy what is real and what is you.