Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Heart Trouble.

So, I mentioned that God was going to turn my world upside down, right? Well, it's not totally upside down, but my heart has been revealed and it ain't pretty. So, what happened? Well, I have committed to keeping another child in my home for the next couple of months. This is NOT something that I do very often (like NEVER), but the Lord has made it clear, and I want to obey. I'm seeing that the "Love Chapter" is easier to memorize that to actually do.

I want to see people the way Christ sees people and love the way He loves. Guess what? I'm WAY off the mark! My kids are also having a tough time with this. I'm very thankful that their heart conditions have also been brought to the light. It is our desire that our children think of others before themselves and include many people in our family. Julia is having the hardest time. I'm not quite sure why, but we are praying and discussing how Jesus can change our hearts and bring love for many. So, here is the scene:
We were outside last week playing with play-doh, just sort of hanging out and Julia said something kind to the child. Wanting to seize the opportunity to praise her for that I said, "Julia, I love to hear you speak such kind words." She then replies, with her sweet little girl voice, "Yeah, eventhough I don't want him here, I can still say nice words." AAAHHHH!!!! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

See, I'm pretty big on the heart. I don't want well behaved children. In fact, I'd rather my children throw a big huge tantrum so that I know what is in their heart, than to pretend like all is well and be squeaky clean white-washed tombs. The problem here...that was my heart as well. I love having more children...it's more work, more time in the potty...way more money at Chick-fil-A...but I do love the challenge. I just realized that I want everything on my terms. I want to serve the Lord, but I want to list all of the particulars. I want it to be a perfect scenario. Well, perfect scenarios do not typically exsist and they sure don't conform us to the image of God!

This verse came to mind as I've been sort of sifting through all of my sin/emotions, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight. O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14 It's not only what comes out of our mouths. We can't just fake it and think that it's OK. We can't have one thing in our heart and provide lip service to the world...we definitely cannot fool God.

I don't know about you, but my heart needed a change. I needed to be stretched in my capacity to love others out of an overflow of my love for Christ. As I study the Word and relive and remember where He found me, how can I not open not only my home, but my heart as well, to anyone that He puts in my path? I'm certainly not finished, but I still have a few months and I sure hope that I don't look like this when it's all said and done!

3 comments:

Berry Patch said...

Ali - again - enjoyed this post. It pointed out some things here too. I started watching two little girls this past fall - in addition to my own three. It's really made us stretch as a family. My "baby" had the hardest time. He became more clingy & needy. It's been a difficult route because I am SO not the type of mom who can deal well with that but it brought to light some definite things I need to work on. I really do enjoy reading your posts.

Linda said...

It's hard when God turns everything upside down. When you think you've got everything planned and under control. I felt that way with this house. I thought it was all God's plan to have us find the house and move quickly. Instead, He had other plans, and made me see that I need to curb my tongue and attitude with my children. Living with 3 other people in a room as "homeless" people, I saw the dirt in my soul.

Heather said...

O.K..your killing me.. details please!! Who is in your home? Did I totally miss something? Fostering, or just lending a hand, heart and home.... ??? O.K.. I kinda maybe get it but still who, how, why..