Today was just plain hard. My eye was irritated so I couldn't wear my contacts and for some reason wearing my glasses makes me tired and cranky. So, I could liken myself to Alexander and his terrible, horrible, no good very bad day....EXCEPT that the day was not ruined! HOORAY! The children had a little bit of Lego time (they tried to tell me it was Geometry....I told them I might have gone for Architecture, but not Geometry...well...maybe...) In any event! I heard that people really struggle on their third day because of the detox and what not, well, I think today was my third day. It's also getting difficult to drink every meal. I did a little bit better with my water in the morning which has helped with how bloated I have felt. I didn't do as well in the afternoon, thankfully there is tomorrow!
So, I did break the fast for a minute this evening. I have a really neat cousin who recently got back after spending 2 years in Cameroon. She went with the Peace Corps and tonight she had a presentation. She had some of the Cameroonian food, which she said she would, so I was prepared, but I have never tried plantains, and so I did. They were very tasty and I only felt "guilty" for a minute. Honestly, I think that's what I needed. Just a little normalcy. It's bizarre that I almost feel ostracized because I'm not eating my food. I make the meals for the children and clean them up and I have finally stopped trying to eat the food while I prepare it. I'll bet I eat 4 meals/day with all of the food I eat during prep time. Maybe a piece of chicken here, some chips there, that sweet spoon of peanut butter! All just for no good reason. So, that habit is just about kicked. Tomorrow I'll have 2 of my cousins over and my sister, and I'm planning on having a few snackie type foods out, but I'm not going to break this over snacks. A few plantains I'm not counting! It's learning how to gather without my mouth full of food.
I think that's really it. I don't want to carry on and on about how the day was, because it was just rather poor Ali. Which is ridiculous because I am eating the best food in the house! Poor me why? Because I can't indulge? I can't overeat or graze all day? Nah, that's for the birds....I had power plantains and I can do this!
One silly thing that Kelli reminded me of while I was lamenting is future Ali. Here is the back story...I have some super neat siblings. My one sister, Ashley, is really funny...I mean super funny. She was telling me a few months ago (after she had her 3rd high maintenance child only 18 months after her 2nd high maintenance child) that she would do things in the present in order to help herself in the future. As in "present Ashley" would set out the diapers and wipes for the late night feeding so that "future Ashley" would have an easier time and be able to get back to sleep. She then (in her post partpartum delirium) would thank "past Ashley." Is that insane...and brilliant. It's viewing being proactive as serving yourself, in a way. So, I've been wondering what future Ali thinks about present/past Ali during this fast. Here's what I think she might say...
Dear Past Ali,
YOU DID IT! You didn't think you could, but you did. You paused for a minute to chew some plantains, but you moved on! You made a decision and stayed the course and I can't tell you how much I thank you for that. Today, while getting dressed, I pulled the zipper right up on the skirt and it felt so nice. I walked past the mirror and was surprised to see a little less of me...or us...whatever the case may be. Whenever a meal is served we think about it. We consider if we'll enjoy it for a while or if it will leave us sort of empty and lethargic. There is a plan for snacks and treats and it's so enjoyable. It was worth the work to have some new cravings and new habits. Not to mention a new "normal" weight range. It will fluctuate, but it's much easier to move forward from here. Future Present Ali is certainly more confidant and I have you, Past Ali to thank for it. So, thank you for having self-control and for not being consumed by that which you should consume. Life is more than that and with these new healthy habits under your (smaller) belt...you'll have a nice long healthy one to enjoy! Much love!
Weird, right? Almost like I have crazy people living in my head....well, this is actually helpful to me as I consider how disappointed I would be if I stopped. 10 days is long, but people do a lot of things for longer...things that are harder...like live in Cameroon for 2 years. Day 7...here I come! Bottoms up!